[ inception ] [ fanfic / afanfic ] [ dis / trade / srs / projects / 3d / fanart / afanart / oek / tits / rpg / dumps / cosplay ] [ offtopic / vg / zombies / gay / resources / upl ]
Return Entire Thread Last 50 posts First 100 posts

No. 8676
This is my very first attempt at TF2 fic, and is a oneshot. Please be gentle.
___________

Poulette
***

I don’t remember all that much. I don’t remember my name, for example. Sometimes when I try the fragments fly around like leaves in a teacup.

I recall being relieved when the van stopped for me on the highway out of town, and the thin one looked out. He said I could hide with them as long as I needed to, and laughed when I hid my head under a blanket in the back. I don’t remember what I was running from, only that I did not want to remember.

The soft one is almost as small as I am, and always comes to me naked. I hear the door open and close, then rustlings of fabric and metal on the stone as he strips while walking. He smells like engine oil and soap, and says nothing until afterward. He likes to touch me everywhere, with both his warm and cold hands. He learned one day that if he used his fingers inside me when I came, my cries poured forth babbling, fluting chirps. Once, when he didn’t stop I fainted, and when I woke up he was gone.

This room has no windows, and the light that shines through the frosted glass in the door can come on at any hour. I wake instantly at this, and can even steal a minute or two to groom myself before the door opens. I don’t remember how I arrived. Or what happened between that day and when I woke up in this room, on a pile of blankets in that corner behind the boxes. They come to me here when they can’t sleep. Many nights can pass where they don’t come, but those are rare. I guess they don’t sleep well.

The big one is the nicest. He almost always asks first, and never goes on top since that first time. He always sneaks in honey for the grain paste that is all I am can really eat now, and always brushes my hair while I clean up. He tells me stories in his own language, which is wild and choppy like a ravine in flood. I can hear his smile when he teases me into breathy laughter. He likes me to bite him in little pecks all down his chest and promises one day to show me the moon.

The thin one has only seen me a handful of times. Since he discovered that I could speak with my lips, he has always whispered to me. He likes me to lick him everywhere, and cries when he comes. His accent is lilting and syncopated, but he lives and breathes guilt. He was angry when he found the cold one had removed the nails from my fingers, but it didn’t stop him making me use them inside him to make him fly.

I do remember the first changes. These things on my back, the scarring over my shoulders, the ropy flesh. The cold one cut me again and again to make them work. I’m small but still too big to fly with these wings. The ends drag on the ground if I’m not stretching them out and the tips of the feathers break. Some nights when I can’t sleep either I pace and make songs with the scraping ends on the floor.

The hard one smells like soap, never takes his helmet off and likes to call me ‘Lady’. He is slow but methodical and very, very warm. He talks at me, not to me, as if I were a statue, and pulls at my limbs to pose me like a doll. He strokes my wings and never tries to take my hood off. I’m not sure he even knows I hear him. He always thanks me and brings me a flower. The last time, it was some sort of lily. It died after two nights and the quiet one took it away.

Sometimes I hear noises from the room beyond the door. Voices mainly. When I hear laughter I shiver in my corner. I can usually tell when it’s night time; when it gets quiet and the screams and the explosions stop. They think I can’t hear it, but I can. Even through the thick walls. It is a recurring song every day, varying minimally like ripples on a stream.

The old one smells of cigarettes, cologne and dust. His hands are soft, and he always takes his gloves off. He likes playing with my nipples, tugging at them until they stand up stiff enough to pinch between his fingers when he cups my awkwardly soft breasts. He uses all my openings, favouring one or another from time to time. He likes to bite and suck hard at my skin to mark me. He likes to tell me scandalous things about the others, but I don’t know if any of them are true. Some of them frighten him.

The young one comes to me most often, but doesn’t say much after that first time. His breath always smells sweet and chemical, like some sort of candy. Sometimes he just curls up with me in the corner and holds me. Sometimes he is rough and wanting, and I can hear the tears in his breathing as he shouts his release. He always takes my hood off to see my face, even though the cold one tells him not to. His eyes are full of many things when he looks at me, besides just the anger in his voice.

The cold one frightens me. He insists on my wearing the hood whenever anyone comes to me. He smells of bleach and metal and never takes his gloves off. He always makes me stand for his inspection beforehand, impersonal fingers pinching and tweaking for closer observation while he mutters under his breath. Sometimes he pets me like a beloved cat, and sometimes he hurts me. He delights in my fragile bones and paper thin skin, and is endlessly inventive. He whispers tenderly in my ear when he sends me voiceless into the dark, and when I return I am always covered in drying fluids and new scars.

The singing one comes to me often, his voice seemingly harsh but so very threaded with melody. He smells of smoke and pepper and alcohol, and it makes me sneeze. He keeps his boots on when he mounts me, and laughs heartily while holding me spreadeagled by the jesses on my ankles. He calls me things I don’t understand, and always offers me drinks from his bottle. I learned quickly that that makes me very sick. He once took my hood off, stared at my face then turned away. He has always made me keep it on since. I’m not sure I like him.

I don’t know what else has been done to me. I know that when I am agitated the wings on my back flutter and thrash uncontrollably, and my heartbeat clatters like raindrops on a tin roof, much faster than the hoofbeats I was used to. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I remember being wrapped in blankets and locked in a box at least once.

The quiet one touches me like I am a strange new thing. They smell of smoke and rubber, and make me lie me down on the blankets while they pace around me restlessly. Their gloved hands stroke me like a sheet of paper, then slide curious fingers into every orifice. Sometimes they break off the pacing abruptly, spread my thighs, then lick and suck until I am delirious, fingers in my mouth to choke off my noises. Sometimes I lie there and listen as they lean against a wall, rhythmic wet noises and groans signalling their solitary pleasure.

I don’t remember much. But at least here I’m not the only one without a name.
112 posts omitted. Last 50 shown.
>> No. 9692
>>113

Oops, I forgot one.

The references to the tree hung with bones and the two ravens are allusions to Norse mythology. The ravens are Odin's companions, Huginn and Munin, or Thought and Memory.
>> No. 9697
Hey! Great to have you back, with an amazing addition once more!
>> No. 9713
This is a great way to send me off into the new semester. (We start late.) I know I should be thinking about what the Sniper's and Heavy's plan is, but what strikes me most about the new section is Spy's comment on de Gaulle. I love it more than you can imagine. Too many TF2 fics neglect the outside world. But I find it fitting that the isolated, personal tragedies of Carol and the TF2 team would happen within widespread politics. That's how it works in real life, no? It's scary how easily the Spy can switch to defending rape immediately after musing over the weekly news like you and I might. Plus, this chap. portrays him as the condescending, upper-class elite I've always suspected he was. If TF2 took place today, I can now imagine him casually dismissing Occupy Wall Street.

I do wish I saw more characterization of Sniper and Heavy in this chap, but both characters serve the plot fine and now we're all looking forward to the next installment.

>>110

I think "the male flocking behavior" (nice phrase) would've been alright on it's own, but so many bad Mary Sue fanfics have male flocking behavior that smart fanfic readers develop a knee-jerk reaction against it, even if it's used by a more trustworthy writer whom they logically know can handle the trope well. I think if you had a more cynical class point out that the team's fascination with Carol was temporary and based in circumstance, then there would've been fewer critiques because it would've made clear that you were subverting a common Mary Sue trope. The Medic's earlier chap. would've been good for that. ("Everyvone else seemed to love her, but I knew zat that zey vere only excited by the novelty of a voman in the base." Something like that, only with a less crappy grasp of accents.)

Thinking about it now, I guess I might've inferred the Medic's selective scarring without your stating it. But that's only a "might." I might also have been too distracted by the grotesque descriptions of globular pieces of flesh to focus on the word "unscarred" and figure out what it means. I suggest making it a bit more specific. Perhaps something like "The cold one marks me everywhere, but he never cuts me here. Why doesn't he ever cut me here?" You make a good point about Angel not being capable of expressing anger towards her captors, though. I suppose that was just me WISHING she could.
>> No. 9714
Also, I do not have a blog...yet. I've been keen on starting one for awhile, but I'm not sure where to start it. I wish Blogger had tumblr's post-sharing system, but tumblr seems very quick and visual, so I'm not sure if my longer, text-based posts will work for it. Maybe I'll have a blog on both and post snippets/links for my Blogger posts on tumblr?

Either way, I'll prolly start a tumblr next week since so many of my school friends and apparently all of the TF2chan big names have one.
>> No. 9720
>>117
Heh. Mimi, that's exactly why I started a Tumblr myself. A quicker way to catch sight of TF2 fanfic and art. Longer, text based posts are not a problem; there is a cut-to-read-more function that is easy to use.

Where are you on Blogger? Most of my non TF2 fandom friends are on Facebook, Twitter or Livejournal. Tumblr tends to be for pretty pictures.
>> No. 9766
>>118

Actually, I wouldn't mind your advice on whether Livejournal might be a better place to blog than Blogger, and what makes the two different. The community-blogging efforts there are starting to look interesting. I think I now won't be able to start blogging until next week, though. I just found out I needed to drop a satire course to fit a pre-med course, and I'm pissed I'll be looking at lines and circles all semester instead of studying John Swift and Jon Stewart. The last time I took organic chemistry I think it came close to sucking out my soul, so don't be surprised if I drop off the face of the internet for a week and miss your updates while my brain adjusts to the constant enervation.

But before that happens, I must say I'm a bit disappointed that Traumfrau doesn't have an orchestral backing. More violins and organs, and it'd be pure Medic.

It's also good that you linked to the God Box. Not only was the article interesting, it helped me understand a scene I saw in a London play. The play "13" had a Strawman Atheist college professor who said (paraphrased), "I'm holding a box that contains the face of God. If you open the box, you will burn up from his intensity. But if you don't, the curiosity will haunt you for the rest of your life." Then he opens the box and says, "Hah! It's empty! God doesn't exist and you're all idiots for believing me!" I had no clue where the playwright got the idea for such a badly written character, but now I do. It's apparently the writer's interpretation of the God Box argument: a very mangled, horrendous interpretation of the God Box argument.
>> No. 9768
>>119
Essentially, I'd steer clear of LJ. Since Six Apart bought it, there have been lots of problems due to their fiddling with the code. Everything from breaking the comments system, to issues with member privacy, to forcing sponsored outbound links. (That last one was retracted so quickly, you bet there was a sonic boom.) The overenthusiastic corporate action is why lots of people have abandoned LJ as a platform. Advantages of LJ include the ability to set viewing permissions on posts (via friendslists and filters), searchable archives/calendars and such. If you do like that kind of interface, I would recommend Dreamwidth instead, which is very similar in features but not corporate. DW also has a filtering system ('circles') that allows someone to subscribe to reading your posts without actually being privy to the private stuff. I crosspost to LJ from DW, which has an invite code system to join. Let me know if you would like a code.

I must say that while I do like the functionality and versatility of Blogger as a platform, I'm a little leery of joining another member of the Google empire. That's why I cleaned out my Google+ account (they insist on real names only). I maintain my LJ connection mainly due to several friends' presences there, and because it has traditionally been where fannish community blogging has been located. I don't know much about the community factor of Blogger, I'm afraid.

All that said, I haven't found much TF2 fandom on LJ or DW (yes, I've looked) except for roleplaying shared communities. It does look like Tumblr is where it's at. If you do start up a Tumblr, feel free to drop me a line! :)

Yes, I do agree that organic chem can eat neurons. I hated Biochem for the same reason. I accreted all the cycles together once before an exam, and had paper literally carpeting my bedroom floor.

I'm glad you liked Traumfrau! I'm guessing you speak German too, or you wouldn't have picked up on the subtleties. And One is frequently silly and whimsical, but are very good at being creepy on occasion.
>> No. 9797
>>120

Sweet. Should I send you my email for the DW code?

Errr...I actually do not speak German, though if you ever need help with Mandarin Chinese or very, very elementary French, I can do that. What I did was look up Traumfrau on the internet, and one of the first hits was a German-English translation. Any subtleties I got from the song was thanks to whomever got them conveyed in the translation.
>> No. 9802
>>121
No problem, Mimi. I've enabled anonymous messages in my Tumblr askbox (justamus.tumblr.com/ask) for the time being, feel free to leave me your email, and I'll get that done for you!
>> No. 9922
Wow. I am so uncomfortable with Carol's situation.
But I'm still reading.
The characters are interesting, and the entire thing is just...
Like a facinating nightmare. In a good way.
You really don't want the person to suffer, but if you look away, you kind of feel you're doing them an injustice.
That's a terrible simile, but it'll have to do.

... Also, I'll just come out and ask this, is (this) Sniper gay/prefers anal stimulation? see below.

he lives and breathes guilt...
well, that was more fully explained later,

it didn’t stop him making me use them inside him to make him fly.
... so yes. Question stands.
>> No. 10033
>>123

...I guess the answer's "yes"? On one hand he could just like licking her fingers like some people do...but on the other hand, this IS tf2chan.

>>122

Hey Mus, I think you should know that your tumblr's "Submit to me" and "Ask me" sections have consistently been giving me error messages so I can't submit anything. (At least, this site's back up, so I actually have a place to tell you that.)

Gotta say that the more I listen to Traumfrau the more I love it. I wrote a ten-page play involving a captor and captive last week and I just played the song over...and over...and over...to set the mood; it still gives me chills. Can't wait for your next update.
>> No. 10062
>>123
Hallo, Two-of-Hearts! Nice to have you onboard. I was striving for a compelling story, so it's nice to hear that I succeeded somewhat. Thank you for that.

Sniper likes all kinds of things. Enjoying sucking fingers or anal stimulation doesn't impact on one's sexual identity. Given that he was full of remorse and affection from the beginning towards Carol, he was probably trying to passively accept her attentions when the lust took over. The fact that in her recollection she felt that he had made her do it, I hoped would imply that deep inside she understood that it was still abuse and manipulation.

>>124
Hey Mimi, I have good news. I contacted the Dreamwidth people and was told that the invite system has been waived, and you can go set up a journal for free. So the problems with my Tumblr ask should be moot. When you do, please let me know and I'll friend you with my DW.

With regards to the next chapter, my muse is on hiaitus for the nonce. As she's been a rather hardworking bint, I'm happy to wait for her to return. Honestly, I'm dealing with a whole bunch of offline issues right now, so I'll get onto it as soon as I can. I really hope that's soon!
>> No. 10344
I can't wait for the next chapter! What does Heavy do?
>> No. 10701
Poulette – Strange Attractors
++++
We're getting there..

++++++
A chipped beaker splintered in the stained steel sink, as a tray full of soiled metal instruments was dumped on top of it with a crash, the tinkle of breaking glass going unheeded. The omnipresent cooing of doves had stopped, and the silence was oppressive like an indrawn breath. At times like these even the birds kept watch, to see which way to dodge.

Medic was angry. Angry and frustrated, to the point of embedding forceps in the wall, point-first. It had all started because those misbegotten dummkopfs had dared to question his abilities, his qualifications! And after all he had done for them, all the little gift projects he had slaved over! When the Engineer had come to him privately, asking for help in securing the labyrinthine sewers against incursion, where his sentries could not reach, he had provided. His lips thinned cruelly in a smirk of pleasurable nostalgia as he recalled the poetic use of the opposing Spy for raw materials; what better use for a thief than to catch another? Medicine for him was about fusing poetry with Science. The beauty of transmutation was ecstasy and agony and transcendence.

So when the Sniper and the Spy had confronted him in this, his sanctuary, the trespass was worsened by their accusations. Not only had they questioned his motives and hurled gross insults, but slyly implied that his skills were fit only for breaking, not making. To make matters worse, they had brought along the giant Russian, who did nothing but stand and grunt like paid muscle, cracking his knuckles in some parody of a physical threat. Let him see if he got within sniffing distance of an Ubercharge anytime soon. As if any of them could have done better, as if any other doctor would have the inspiration, the sheer genius to create fantasy out of whole cloth, to craft meat toys for the ungrateful passel of brats he had to call his teammates! Medic grunted with effort as he hurled a warped bonesaw, teeth clogged with dried blood and tissue, into the sink to follow the other implements, then stripped off his latex gloves.

The sudden spurt of rage died as quickly as it had come, leaving Medic exhausted with its passing. He sat down on one of the laboratory stools, scrubbing tiredly at his face, ignoring the stickiness of drying blood on his forearms. He looked up at the viewport on the incubation tank – hastily and grimly rejigged from the sensory deprivation chamber it had been, by the harried Engineer – watching the his little Turmfalke. She floated, curled foetally, the nerves and ligaments trailing ragged from the bone stumps where he had broken off her wings, pale hair hanging like horsetail cloud in the currents from the circulation pump. She had fought when he had come for her, like she had not fought in many, many months, and he had been forced to sedate her with the syringe gun. Her gaunt face lay slack under the breathing mask, deceptively serene. Her resected fingers and flayed palms waved in the currents in an uneasy mimicry of gesture, the overgrown blood vessels fanning out like tendrils from the raw tips.

It was not going well, Medic was forced to admit. His Turmefalke had been his most ambitious project yet, a twisted Galatea he had created to be pliant and joyous in her servitude. Every line of her had been meticulously moulded to design, and here he was destroying his artwork. He had teared up in the reconstruction of her legs, removing the graceful scaling, grounding her flatfooted to earth again with tendon implants. He had sobbed when he had removed her shining owl eyes and replaced them with her own prosaic, peasant-brown orbs. As if to add insult to the injury of engaging in this destruction of his glorious creation, the fact was that it was proving downright impossible. It had all seemed so easy, so smoothly in his recollection, when borne along on the wings of inspiration. But his hands now felt clumsy and awkward as he dismantled structures, planing back scar tissue in sheets and ropes.

At the beginning, he had taken the bit furiously in his teeth. The first regrafts had gone well, but the regeneration bath had done its work too well, her healing tissues overgrowing into puckered, wattled tumours. The Medigun’s vapours would only have exacerbated this, so he had painstakingly excised every growth with his own blunting scalpel, day after day. The chemotherapy and adjustments he had made to the tank had other effects too, sending her metabolism into free-fall. He had been battling infection in the bedraggled Turmfalke for the weeks he had been working to return her corpus to mere clay. It seemed as though every other day he was racking his brain to invent new cocktails of antibiotics and worse to preserve her collapsing immune system. Medic sighed and rose from his moment of rest, tossing the soiled gloves – more to keep his nails free of debris than anything else – into the incineration bin next to the sink. With easy familiarity and without turning, he opened the glass-fronted fridge and lifted out three vials from their accustomed spot, preparing a transfer syringe for administration to the shunt port installed under his Turmfalke’s thin collarbone, via a line through the tank’s port.

In this his inner sanctum, Medic in his ongoing exhaustion allowed himself to be less vigilant, more cavalier in his methods. This reliance on habit, on the way things always were, would most likely be the reason why he did not notice the carefully resealed vials in the boxes, not even a mere hair out of place. Why he did not notice the tiny smudges around the gauges of the regeneration tank, or the slight alteration in the tint of the liquid in the tank, that could not be attributed to the fluorescent lamps. Or perhaps, to give him due credit, he had simply become accustomed to the infinitesimal accumulation of tiny changes, of smeared fingerprints and hairline scratches where none had been before. It was a war zone, after all, and there was seldom time for regular audits or inspections. As Medic depressed the plunger to dispense the fluid in the syringe into the shunt, his free hand tossed the now empty vials into the bin, followed by the transfer needle. With weary motions, he loaded the metal instruments into the autoclave, setting the sterilisation cycle, before proceeding to wash his arms clean at the sink. His foot nudged the sterilisation bin as he scrubbed, the clinking of settling glass loud in the quiet laboratory. As he strode out of the room, one hand reaching for the light switch, to join the rest of his team mates in the night’s slumber, it never occurred to him that the bin had been, perhaps, a little fuller than it should have.
>> No. 10702
Ohh yes. Is she rebuilding herself on the sly, or is someone else helping? I eagerly await the answer.
>> No. 10703
Ya know, somehow I don't hate Medic. He's so obviously Not Right In The Head, and he doesn't seem to realize that what he has done to Carol isn't morally right. All he sees is a medical work of art. I even feel a little sorry for his crazy ass. He just doesn't get it.
>> No. 10705
>>125

(bit late replying) Looking back on the piece, I think I misread a couple of lines... (kind of biased on Snipers bi/homosexuality...) Also, many people, especially in their time period, feel shame over their kinks, so, I was just trying to interpret that, sorry if it seemed like I was judging or something.

>>127
Update. I've been waiting so long for this. Owl eyes? huh... Medic's a nutter alright... He doesn't see people as People, I guess, just, "raw materials."
>> No. 10963
(Late response ahoy!)

I love the hints that Medic's equipment is being tampered with. The descriptions are as nice as ever ("prosaic, peasant-brown orbs"). I do think, though, that this scene would've been more effective if you'd actually shown the group confronting Medic. He's been shown to be so obsessed with his Turmefalke and so successful in warding off previous complaints that it's difficult to believe he'd give into their demands now. Showing how Heavy and Sniper coerced Medic into changing Carol back would help us get over out doubt.

That being said, it's good to see an update of Poulette again. I've really missed it, Mus. Most fanfics aren't written as elegantly as yours, and most stories about captivity focus on crude torture without the depth required to write torture well. It's fairly rare that a story manages to capture the complete confiscation of a person's life. And in that, Poulette stands out.
>> No. 10964
I bet it was Scout. He's fallen for Carol the Angel.
>> No. 11031
In which 8 men abduct a university student and brainwash and surgically alter her to become a communal whore.

I honestly boggles my mind that even the "nice ones" that knew the truth STILL rape her...I don't even have a word for the disgust I feel.
I'm more disappointed with Heavy and Sniper than any of the others.

Well written, well polished and engaging enough to continue to the current end but jesus christ...I'm not sure if I want to complain about the unclean feeling or the stench of awkward rape culture that the fic emmits.

However, had the victim been the other team's scout or medic (minus the whole bird thing, I know for a fact that fics have been written like that time and time again on this chan), I don't think there would be hardly any hard or awkward feelings ...
So not sure if hypocritical or if having a female victim is simply hitting too close to home.

Regardless, I have to say good show.
I think I'll forever re-think non-con stuff from now until forever.
>> No. 11034
I wasn't sure whether I should comment or not, since technically I stopped reading this story a long time ago, and isn't it rude to comment in a thread of a story you are not even reading just because you checked the latest commentary out of curiosity? I'm really hoping I'm not making a faux pas >_>

But I just wanted to say, Distasty, while I completely understand your feelings about this story (heck, I myself felt so strongly about it I had to stop reading many months ago), and especially about Sniper and Heavy (bad people do bad things? That's expected. Good people do bad things? Unforgivable!), one thing I strongly disagree about is that this fic has anything to do with rape culture.

Rape culture is the normalization of rape. It's a net of ideas that rape only happens to those who ask for it (by wearing revealing clothes, by walking alone, by leading men on, by making mistakes that only idiots and sluts would make so if you are a good smart lady you'll be safe for sure), or that rape doesn't happen at all (arousal is the same as consent so if you feel physical pleasure it's not rape, your body expresses what you really want so if you don't fight back when you are drunk or drugged it means that deep down you really want it, women cry rape to get back at innocent men when they feel slut regret, men can't be raped because they always want it).

In this story, at least up to the chapter I read, nothing of the sort was ever even hinted at. Angel got in her horrible situation out of sheer misfortune: she was a perfectly normal girl who clearly rejected sexual advances from the very beginning, she only accepted Sniper's help because she was apparently running away from something terrible and she was forced to choose between going with an apparently kind guy or walking alone in a deserted road in the middle of the night, she ran away from the men at the first sign of danger, and she only got caught because her pursuer happened to be an extremely experienced bushman. There is no victim blaming anywhere, Angel did nothing wrong, she was just extremely unlucky.

Also, Mus went out of her way to show that the sexual slavery had horrible psychological repercussions on Angel (it affected her so badly she tried to kill herself by slamming her head against the wall, and she was disappointed when she didn't die in her blood and vomit), so it was most definitely unwanted in every way even if her (drugged and tortured to insanity) body took it without complaint.

Regardless of how I personally feel about the story, the fact that so many people who are used to gangrape darkfics were deeply disturbed and upset by Angel's fate shows that Mus did a fantastic job deconstructing rape culture. The disgust and unclean feelings are the natural result of Mus not sugarcoating the topic.
>> No. 11036
P.S: just in case it wasn't obvious, I was being sarcastic with the "ask for it" list.
>> No. 11047
Women "asking for it" is just one side of the rape culture coin... The other side is the demonization and the general accepted distrust of men. If there is no one to do the raping, you have no rape culture.

Given the choice, EVERY MAN IN THE STORY RAPED ANGEL no matter who they were or thier circumstance. Men that had daughters, men that cared for the victim before the transformation, and men that had genuine pity for her situation. Even worse, it took self inflicted near death injury before they really acknowledged that HAY THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.
I'm not saying that men with the above stated circumstances don't rape women, but it's pretty fucked up that every guy in the story happens to fit the exception.

Just wanted to clarify what I ment and say we should be using this fic to sell rape whistles with angel wings on them...
.......
We could call them...."Guardian Angels"
>> No. 11048
But to be fair, nearly half of the men were tricked into raping her.

Demoman, Scout, Soldier and Pyro had no way of knowing that the supernatural creature who appeared to willingly accept their advances was drugged and brainwashed; as far as they knew, she was an alien or a fairy and she truly appreciated the sex.

Granted, Scout's very first comment when Angel is shown to the Team is pretty damn aggressive, but reacting with a stereotypical "ohhhhh, I'm gonna get some!" comment when presented with an apparently calm naked beautiful woman isn't evil. It's not like she was tied up or screaming for help or anything, as far as he knew she wasn't in distress.

And Demoman in particular, as soon as he got an inkling of the truth, immediately stopped. Frankly, I'd go so far as to say that Demo is a victim too, as he was tricked into hurting a friend he loved.

Five of the men are guilty: they were either perpetrators or accomplices (Sniper in particular even lied to his oblivious teammates when they asked him if he had any idea where Angel came from, helping the deceit along). But the other four are basically innocent bystanders, it's unfair to blame them.

Anyway, I don't know if you are new here, but if you are posting in a thread where the latest chapter is more than a few days old, you have to sage.

Saging means putting the word "sage" in the email field, so that your comment doesn't bump the thread to the top of the Forum page. That way people who are waiting for the new chapter of this fic won't be disappointed when they see it on the top page again, only to find arguing instead of more story.
>> No. 11059
>>136

I agree with Millia. I'd also like to point out that I don't think this fic is normalizing the idea of "men as monsters" because the men aren't in a normal situation. They're isolated from the rest of the world in a series of military bases and are paid to kill the same people over and over again. It's implied in ch.1 and at least one of the team outright admits that some of them go to Angel for "comfort" after a long day of killing and being killed. When surrounded by that much violence, it becomes easier to think "I've already killed X many people. Why not rape them too?" Would a couple of them be sexually violent even if they hadn't signed up with the Announcer? Probably (I can't really see the Medic acting any way else), but their mercenary careers have put them in a mindset where they're more likely to be violent and more likely to get away with it for a long time.

Therefore, I don't think Mus is implying that all men are rapists. I think she is in fact, showing how the violence of their jobs and environment is making them more likely to be violent towards Carol. She's not condoning it. If anything, she's critiquing it like you are.

Also, this isn't the first gang rape fic to be featured on this site, but I've noticed that most of them don't wring nearly as much of a visceral reaction. The general reaction to rape fics seems to be "This is useless but hot" or "This useless and un-hot, but I've been around the Internet for so long that I don't find it scary because I know it's fantasy and I've seen dozens of fics like it." Basically, they're either written to lust or apathy. They generally don't have multi paragraph discussions where people discuss and defend the fic and analyze it beyond a superficial level. I think the fact that Poulette has actually made people think means it's done something right.
>> No. 11073
Scout said he liked to cuddle.

But Demo doesnt seem to have figured it out. He just hadn't wanted to rape a crying girl.

But who gave her the book?
>> No. 11078
Can't help but notice Spy's POV is the only one we haven't seen so far...
>> No. 11718
Poulette - Sennit
+++

As always, the hissing shimmer of decloaking reminded him of the rattling slide of snow off the eaves in the winter; the recollection was so familiar now as to be nearly devoid of emotional resonance. He had lain awake the last few weeks, thinking about the girl, unable to get her warm crooked smile out of his thoughts. He had resorted to long walks down deserted corridors until fatigue rendered sleep accessible. But despite the direction of his musings, his feet had not taken him down this hall until tonight.

Spy looked around the darkened medical laboratory, his eyes acclimatising to the steady glow of the readouts on the incubation tank. He looked for a long moment at La Poulette – no, he corrected himself, Carol; he should use the proper label – and suppressed a shudder. There was little trace of the eager sylph on which he had lavished his attentions previously; what floated in the tank was a travesty of life, thick with rippled, ribboned growths waving in the currents. It was a blessing that her face was obscured by the breathing mask, he thought – any beauty in proximity to such horror could break a man.

The weight of the metal in his gloved hands seemed heavier than normal, the thin calfskin sliding over the familiar buttons and corners. He crept around to the side of the tank, busying himself with removing the cover to the instrument panel, leaning it carefully against the wall next to his crepe-soled shoes. The wiring, once tidily hanked by colour, was a knotted jumble in the dim light, dotted with twisted cable ties and lumps of solder. He wasn’t sure what to do first. He needed to find an unobtrusive spot to attach the sapper. He adjusted its placement twice, three times, then straightened, pinching the bridge of his nose with long fingers.

It should not be this hard. He had done similar things hundreds, if not thousands of times before, under heavy fire and daily! But this was different; nobody was trying to kill him, in the heat of battle, excesses of zeal were all too common. This was calculated and deliberate. An assassination, a resolution of mistakes compounded into abomination, of crimes against God himself. He took a deep breath. No, he corrected himself. This was not murder, but mercy.

With a steady hand, he wedged the sapper into position. Before he could toggle the switch, however, pain bloomed with a meaty, metallic thunk along the side of his head, and the shadows rushed forward to pull him to the tiled floor.

+++

“Amateur.” A murmur under his breath as he folded the unconscious, lanky Frenchman double and wedged him under the bed in his own room. “Lessee y’get outta that quick, ya interferin’ frog.” The sapper was tossed under the bed to join him with an efficient flick of the wrist, sliding to a stop next to one pointed shoe.

“Neatly done, eh, Ted? Didn’t even break the skin. Used the back of the wrench, like you said.” The stocky Texan grinned and left the room, closing the door softly behind him, before making his way to the medlab. The smile on his face did not budge as he moved soundlessly over the tiled floor, rubber-soled boots hardly squeaking, as he contemplated the monkey’s nest that was the spill of wiring still protruding from the side of the tank. A brief glance over the tangle told him much, the smile widening a hair, as he picked out two wires from the mass. A quick twist of the Gunslinger, and the two wires were artistically frayed, insulation rubbed away. “Stupid Frenchie was going to spoil it all. Then Medic would just yell at me to build it all again. Like I have nothing better to do than to jump when he says ‘bullfrog’. This way’s much better,” he whispered to the little bear in his pocket , patting him fondly with his other hand.

“..This way, it’ll fail niiiice an’ slow. And nothin’ he c’n do’ll work,” crooned Engineer, packing the wires back into their recess, and replacing the cover panel. The hairline crack he’d placed in the sterilisation shunt tubes last week had ensured the irreversible contamination of the feed lines, and would render the tank permanently unusable inside of a month. The grey man had a point; if Medic’s latest endeavours failed spectacularly enough, the damned Kraut’s confidence would be shattered, and he would probably mope for a good long bit. Long enough for Engineer himself to actually get done some of his own projects. And, if Lady Luck was smiling, perhaps the pretend-doctor would stop roping him into his hairbrained schemes.

With a hushed chortle, Engineer dusted himself off, and headed back to his room.

+++

It was a lonely night, and the moonlight spilled through the window of the medlab like a milky shawl, limning the sleeping doves on the windowsill outside in silver. They stirred slightly as another set of footsteps came to a quiet stop in front of the incubation tank.

“Ah, lass. ‘S me agin. An’ stone cold sober this time. I dinna think y’ever got tae see me straight-oop like this, in m’ proper tartan, like I promised ye. An’ sad tae say, ye nivver will. An’ ahm sorry fer tha’.” A deep sigh, and Demoman perched on a nearby laboratory stool, the scratchy woolen folds of his kilt bunched around his knees. His gaze took in the whole of her without flinching, his weathered face pinched with regret.

“Ah’m sorry ferra lotta things, lass. Ah’m sorry f’r not believin’ ye. F’r not knowin’ ye. I shoulda known, dammit. An’—an’ I should’ve been better tae ye. ‘F I c’ld, ah’d wisht ye awai, safe’n soond, nivver havin’ met us, nivver havin’ the knowin’ o’ this messed oop place an’ us crazy f—“ He choked off the whispered words thickly, knuckling at his stinging eye as he stood, fumbling at his sporran, pulling a slim metal flask from it. He sidled slowly to the access panel, wrenching it easily from the column. “Huh. Lookit tha’. ‘Twas easy.” Propping the panel against the wall, he rested his forehead against the cool surface of the tank. “An’ I’m sorry, d’y’ken? This sh’ld nivver ha’ happened, lass, “ he whispered, tears smudging the smooth glass. “Y’ w’re nivver safe ‘ere.”

With a deep breath, Demoman bent to pull a pair of wire cutters from his sporran, reached deep inside the recess, and commenced snipping at every wire he could find. Readouts flickered and died, while other indicator lights flashed red, the buzz of alarms beeping softly in the hushed lab echoed off the tiled walls. The steady hum of the pump fell silent, the glowing filtered through the tank fading to black. He stowed the cutters, and unscrewed the top of the flask, inhaling the rising fumes – single malt, from his private stash, that none but he ever saw – and spilling a mouthful across his tongue. Demoman bowed his head for a moment, the whisky burning his lips, then poured the rest of it into the panel recess as a libation, flinching at the resulting shower of sparks. “Time tae goo, lass. Time t’ fly home wi’ ye’. “

The access panel lying forgotten against the wall, the Scotsman turned crisply on his heel and walked out of the medlab, ignoring the wisps of smoke curling from the wrecked tank.

+++++

Sennit – Cordage or rope made by plaiting together strands of fibre or grasses. In knot terminology, refers to a knot composed of a number of lines, woven in a complex pattern.
>> No. 11826
Roaming restlessly on /afanfic/ at 3am and wandered in. I am utterly floored to be namedropped twice in this thread, so many humble thanks for that.

Secondly, the rape bugs me too, just because I hate seeing characters I love doing things I despise, but this is a story about war. And part of war is and always has been the exploitation of the populace for the entertainment of the soldiery. That the team are mercenaries and not "soldiers" is irrelevant. All our grandfathers and great grandfathers helped themselves to the local girls, and while they may have been smiling, there is no question of consent in occupied territories. This is not the same thing, of course. But the realism of a squad of hired killers accepting the presentation of a monstrous sex slave at face value is, in my opinion and my experience, chillingly realistic. And yes, it is rape culture. It is a portrayal of rape culture, not an endorsement, and not a normalization. And I think it is portrayed effectively.

Since you've been asking for crit: the first chapter stood perfectly well on its own and I somewhat regret the expansion. While the readers always want more of the same once they read something good, I believe your initial instincts were correct--this is a one shot. Horror must be vague, must be narrow, in order to be truly effective. You mention SCP in your comments and you're exactly right, SCP accomplishes everything through its generous use of [REDACTED]. I don't think your expansions have told me anything that wasn't already clearly conveyed--through implication or tone--by your first story. That's me, though. A large number of readers board are not into moody setpieces and stories that provide room to move around in--they prefer denser narratives and that's valid too, obviously. But for me, this story will have ended where it was initially intended to.

Secondly, and I've already been contradicted on this so don't take it too seriously, I despise telegraphed accents unless the intent is to make the character less understandable, from the point of view of a separate narrator. Here's why: the Demoman would not write himself saying "nivver"; in his own mind and in his own writing, he says "never". Only people who have a hard time following his speech would hear him say "nivver". Talking to himself, in an empty lab, with no one to hear and misunderstand him, he says "never".

Which is not to say that I never ever write phonetic accents; I do. But I try really hard to use the bare minimum required to do so, and to do it mostly with word choice and sentence structure rather than literally spelling it out. Terry Pratchett is the master of this. He implies accents using very very scattered clues, unless the characters are truly distant, personally, from the observer/narrator (like an Igor or a gargoyle).

This is just something that you see a lot in fanfic, and very rarely in actual books, but I find it slows down my reading and frustrates the heck out of me when I'm trying to absorb a story.

In closing, I was ready to do some real big eye-rolls about a monster girl fic on MY chan, like a huge snob or something, but I got told. Good one.
>> No. 11844
Wow. Comment and crit from Toxo. I am feeling humbled and fangirly, honestly.

Thank you for your kind words; I have worked very hard on this story in its various iterations, and it feels good to hear what I have succeeded in. And I appreciate your constructive criticism on accents. I shall endeavour to rein in my urge toward phonetic colour.

Thank you again.
>> No. 11847
I want to emphasize strongly that my opinion on accents is not the opinion of many, many good readers on this board. And also I noticed you have already received compliments for your accent writing, which is, it's true, very well done. So take my POV on the issue with many grains of salt.

I also would like to emphasize that I think all of this story is very good, regardless of whether I personally thought it was necessary or not. I just thought your writerly instincts about the completeness of your initial chapter were very sound! c:
>> No. 11994
Great.

First kidnapping and mutilation, then rape.

Now murder.

Lovely. Never reading anything by this author ever again.
>> No. 12000
I feel like any time there is rape involving a vagina on this board, everyone gets their underoos in a tizzy. Raping guys is okay, even encouraged, but raping chicks is RAPE CULTURE this and RAPE CULTURE that. Come on bros, consistency.

As for the actual story. The original one shot took my breath away, and I love it. The rest is acceptable and your errors are understandable. I really like the overall idea and plot, but it could be executed more gracefully. You've done a lot of explaining in comments and replies, which is a great start. The next step is incorporating that into the story itself so that there is no need to explain later. It's difficult, but it's just the next step.

Don't get upset over comments like >145, it's not worth your time (or theirs, really, but who am I to make that decision).
>> No. 12049
146> Implying that most people here enjoy rape fics. Which we don't. I personally refuse to read anything further if it has rape, regardless of gender.

But I agree with everything else you said about telling us what happened in the actual story.

145: Glad you stated your opinion here. This ain't a hugbox. If you write a rape fic and someone criticizes it or you as an author get the fuck over it. You should know what the hell you're getting into when you tackle these issues.
If you get your feelings hurt because someone didn't respond positively to you having their favourite mercenaries torture a young woman/man they picked up off the streets then you need to try writing something else for a while.
>> No. 12057
>>147

I'm confused.

If you get your feelings hurt because someone didn't respond positively to you having their favourite mercenaries torture a young woman/man they picked up off the streets then you need to try writing something else for a while.
Are you saying that the author is #146?
>> No. 12059
>>148

No, they're saying that if an author writes a rape fic and then gets upset by a comment like >>145 , they should try writing something else for a while.

I definitely agree with >>146;

As for the actual story. The original one shot took my breath away, and I love it. The rest is acceptable and your errors are understandable.
I look forward to the finishing up of this fic (here I'm assuming that it's close to done, but I could be wrong) and what you write in the future.
>> No. 12085
I honestly don't consider this a "rape fic". To me, rapefic dwells almost fetishistically on the act of rape itself, either as horror or titillation.

In this story, while the rape of Carol is a significant part of the psychological landscape, it is not the point of the thing. It is what came before and what comes after. Lead-up and consequences.

I think that is what makes it different.
>> No. 13686
Is this finished? Or not?
>> No. 13687
Someone needs to learn to sage
>> No. 13688
Not just someone, I think at least 3/4 of Chan's population has to.
>> No. 13702
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCAW21_u5EU
>> No. 13726
>>154
Is that ment to be a funny clip?
>> No. 13998
Epilogue - Denouement
+++
And with this, we are undone. And done.
+++

It hadn't been really worth the trouble, mused Miss Pauling, as she fumbled the lighter off the bedside table and applied herself to her menthol filter. To be fair, she thought, the sex was every bit as good as she had anticipated. She stretched lazily, relishing the masochistic aches and twinges from the weekend's acrobatics - the bites on the back of her neck were going to bloom into bruises, for sure - secure in the knowledge that she had given just as good as she had gotten.

She exhaled, the cloud of smoke glowing faintly in the moonlight streaming through the motel window as she idly admired the long, lean length of the slumbering Australian next to her. He was deeply, bonelessly asleep, and drooling into the pillow with exhaustion. The way the moon picked out the planes and hollows of his delightfully flexible body almost hid the marks she had left; she had carefully placed them to be easily hidden, even the ones he had begged her ever so humbly for. At least this time he hadn't wept in afterglow, not as he had during their first few trysts. She certainly had her work cut out for her to get him back and sniffing on her trail, after the interfering civilian had gotten her hooks into him. Miss Pauling was quite certain that the Sniper had never managed to consummate his infatuation with the girl, not all the way - there was no evidence on the surveillance tapes - but it had taken months of work before she succeeded in his turning to her for comfort.

What a mess. The Agent that Marshall, Carter, and Dark had sent was as good as promised, and every bit worth his princely price, vanishing with the lion's share of her Mann Co. skimmed profits for the financial quarter. But he had also done not one whisker more than contracted, leaving her to tidy up the other fallout from the trollop's inadvertent and unfortunate intrusion. The unwelcome surprise had been in how long it had taken her to tie off the loose ends. Her lip lifted unconsciously in a silent snarl. Her in-tray had been filling uncomfortably fast with transfer requests from the mercenaries; the Medic's copperplate-inscribed forms cited irreconcilable differences with his coworkers, and the Soldier's, painstakingly written in near-typeset capitals, simply suggested that the loss of the base's Winged Victory merited investigation. It wasn't surprising, she reflected, that the deeply flawed warrior children of her little hothouse war had projected their own wishes on the whey-faced bint.

On her last inspection visit to the base months ago, she had had to invent a story about how the scientists who had spirited the girl's distorted remains away for disposal had given her full burial rites. The Demoman and Scout had seemed to believe it, but the Spy had refused to either speak, or to meet her gaze. The huge Russian however, had glowered wordlessly, even more taciturn than usual, conveying his deep suspicion at her involvement in the events; it only served to confirm her suspicions that he was more astute and thus more dangerous, than she had previously believed. The Engineer had simply tipped his helmet like always, but with an unsettlingly knowing look of acknowledgment.

Enough with the self-pity, she decided, stubbing her cigarette out in the tin ashtray. It could have easily gone much, much worse. She was still in a good position, pulling the strings from the shadows behind her figurehead of a boss, playing all three sides against each other, playing God as she wished. More pies than fingers, these days. She picked at a fleck of dried blood under a manicured nail. At least this one doesn't snore, she thought, casting a lazy, proprietary glance at the Sniper's form. She had always preferred to watch the quiet ones.
>> No. 15754
So is Miss Pauling a good guy or a bad guy?
>> No. 16029
Hello. New, curious anon here.I'm not sure whether you'll ever read my comment or not (wish I had a time machine...), but I'll leave it here anyway. This was a great story and I'm a bit disappointed that it wasn't discussed anymore after the last part was posted. Though I've read and liked every part, I'm afraid I have to agree with Toxo; the piece would have been better as a oneshot. I think the rest was a bit forced here and there because you tried to explain and write down everything your readers wanted to know. Please don't get me wrong, I still believe that it's a good thing you care about us this much and you are opened to new ideas and critics :) Again, this fic was amazing, I especially loved the detailed characterization and the clever titles. thanks for writing it!
>> No. 16129
Faaaaaaaaaaarking hell

I don't think I will ever be clean again after reading that.
>> No. 16155
Oh, wow. I'm new here, and it seems like this thread is long dead, but this story was enough to prompt me to make my first reply/post on here. I'll probably never get a response, but does anyone know where I can find more of the OP's work, or their tumblr? I'm sure this fic will haunt my subconscious for quite a long time.
>> No. 16156
>>160
OP's tumblr is Justamus, and they don't seem to have written much in a long while. That said, their Secret Santa fic a couple years back was also quite horrific.
>> No. 16157
>>161

Yep. I'm pretty sure they left the fandom for good over a year ago.
>> No. 16329
OP is also on AO3 apparently.
[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [First 100 posts]