I'll be honest with you. For a start, this isn't a fanfic. It's a list. Secondly, I think this kind of thing needs to be kept off the chan and on DA. It makes the relationship between these two look like some teenage girl's fantasy. Not to mention the purple prose, full of completely unnecessary descriptions; 'Hands' and 'Devotion' are two of the worst examples of this, but the effect is consistent throughout. You obviously have some ideas regarding what to do with certain pairings, but your flowery descriptions, rampant cliches, and lack of any actual content reads like some teenager's wet dream. Get yourself a beta - hell, I'll even beta for you - sit down and write something real. If you want to write some proper fic, this will only hold you back.