In nicely labeled sections for organization! To the author, If she hasn't been banned again: The good part: details and descriptions of were fluent enough around the middle section where Flynn and Ariene got handsy, an aspect which made this short piece a little more bearable. (Also, guys who believe this should have been posted elsewhere, I think this was a little too much for /fic/ even if it didn't get totally explicit, so we can leave off on that. The bad part: everything mentioned above, plus the fact that you've got tons of grammar mistakes. I don't believe you're an English-as-second-language(sorry, can't find the words) speaker, mainly because you have a mastery of idioms and colloquialisms that only a native English speaker could pull off in prose as well as you did. Which means your English teachers need a lecture. A couple million run-ons and sentence fragments(not stylistic) that're being enabled by another couple million commas = headache for the grammatically inclinded reader. To the rest of you guys: Comments on comments: >>7 >>17 Jeez, the only people who act like this are American high school students(no offense to American high schoolers, but I spend an indescribable amount of time around them so I like to think I'm entitled). And while I am loathe to admit, I used to write like this. And so did my friends. Characteristics include the awkward or undeveloped use of internet memes, spamming of curse words stemming from the popular teenage rebel mentality, stylization aspects remniscent of authors from ff.net and rl speech, compulsion to name characters to make characterizations more personal to the author, and total inability to take help or hurt like a Mann(I mean, she obviously doesn't have insecurity problems). And people who've been alive on the net long enough to build enough confidence to delurk get over these characteristics after a few tries. She hasn't yet; therefore, she hasn't been bashed on the head for it enough. Writes like a kid who's just been introduced to the world wide web? Conclusion: underage. She also probably hasn't ever had to read the fine print, seeing as she can't figure out what kind of attitude and approach is expected here, and the youngest age at which kids start work without their parents filling out the forms in the states is something like seventeen; Even without that, she didn't look around for some context clues. Conclusion: underage. Tl;dr Conclusion conclusion: I thought underage was permaban?