The drunken laughter echoed through the RED base's kitchen and lounge room, filled with the team's agents. A scout, soldier and heavy were playing with a deck of cards; half of the cards had been turned to a quick ash due to the pyro's bored hours during a ceasefire. A spy, pyro and medic were drinking up the night with all the bottles they had gotten from Mann Co. and mixed every drink with every drink. The drinking game caused all the laughter and hysterical insanity around the lounge table. Tonight was a night of New Year's Eve. The Administrator had given both teams three weeks off before the last battle of the week, this was interesting to the RED sniper, Flynn Bugsby, he never knew that the Administrator had a soft heart for vacations. He wondered when they would ever get a vacation like this ever again. Flynn hadn't been drinking as much as the rest of the team, but he felt a buzz coming along. His head was light and his eyes swirled, the last Saturday's booze was setting in to his stomach. "I..want to say.. That I LOOOOVE you all! J-Just..Just-hey, stop laughing! Stop that before I..Ah screw you.. I'm thanking you..HIC!..guys for.. being..good friendsh.. HIC!†“And we love ya too, Ariene!â€, yelled the Demoman, slugging a arm around her back and raising a bottle of Whiskey. She laughed drunkenly along with him as the rest of the gang watched. Rebel, the team’s Pyro, hadn’t really had all that to drink. Unlike the rest of the team, who were in vacation clothing, had her Pyro suit on. She had gotten a lot of smack from Medic and Scout that she should lay back and wear something more appropriate for New Year’s Eve. Rex, defending her, “A soldier should ALWAYS be ready for combat! Even when we are drinking and gambling and any hoo-haw!â€, Rebel gave a thumbs up to Soldier, appreciating the defense. “H-Hey.. Bugs-Flynn!â€, everyone exploded into laughter, apparently it sounds like Ariene had just said “Bugs Flying!â€. Flynn replied anyway, receiving the call “Yeah, lady?†“I..keep telling you to..call me Ariene!†“You needed something?â€, he started getting sluggish from the booze. “Well.. I need talk..to-HIC!..you about something..†“Yeah?†“I-In..your room..†“Whooaa, Flynn’s got a BONK going on tonight!†Taylor popped up from behind Flynn and wrapped his arm around the Sniper, Ariene just rubbed her face. Vlad was confused. “Vhat? Vhat Flynn got?†“Nozing, Vlad, nozing..†Vlad went back to sleep on floor. After agreeing to go with Ariene to his bunk and punching Taylor in the face, making him pass out, they made their way down the bedrooms. Flynn shut the door. “All right, what is it?†Ariene took Flynn by the shoulders, staring into him with her drunken eyes and long, adolescent stare. He raised a brow, the noise of laughter and yelling echoed quietly down the hallway, he saw a glint in her eye. Was it the booze? Was it just Ariene being.. Ariene? Flynn was caught off guard, his body tensed as her soft lips locked with his. He could taste the beer she had, the musk smell of cigarette smoke roamed inside her. He whiffed a scent of her perfume, it was so strong that he could wipe the layers of it off her. He took both her sides, just resting his hands lightly on her hips. That one touch sent a chill up Ariene’s spine, kissing the Australian was all ready warming her cheeks. She had been so wrapped up in kissing him, she forgot about her lungs. She released the kiss, pushing back Flynn and inhaling a fistful of air. He too sucked in as much oxygen, leaning against the door. Ariene recovered first, leaning her body against Flynn’s unexplored torso, covered by a vest and his red shirt. Ariene spoke up, whispering to him. “I’ve never kissed an Australian before†Her voice sounded normal, the booze-talk was gone and that Spy’s flash of mischief and sly stare were back. That little glint of something returned, making Flynn a little nervous. He hid his nervousness by taking his hands and wrapping them around her waist, bringing her hips closer to his groin. “There’s always a first for everythin’†“What about more?†“What?†“You think I came in here to have a Kiss And Run did you? I expected you to do much more than that, Flynn Bugsby~†His name being cooed was like a calling, a seductive, dangerously charmed calling. He kept his hands there, just staring at Ariene. What was he doing? Why was he touching her? His fingers curled perfectly around her hips, thumbs stroking in circles. He tried to relax, think about how this could turn out. It had been a long time since he had been with a woman, a few Sheila’s here and there through his younger years but that were it. Rebel and Ariene had been chosen by the Administrator by a landslide, what could she have possibly seen in them? This grew something deep inside the Sniper, he clutched her hips a little more tightly and sneered at the thought. There was a charming, seductive woman and she was brought here? Alone and vulnerable with six men, It just wasn’t right, not fair at all. He needed-no, <i>wanted</i> that touch with a woman. A person of the opposite sex was right in front of him, take it or leave it and be regretting it later as you bash your own head in with your own rifle, wanker. He began to slide his hands up her sides, running them back down her arms, feathering with his fingers. He breathed out slowly, having breaths like a small kitten. She purred like one, small giggles from his gliding fingers reaching up and touching her back. Her hands placed gently on his firm shoulders, he grinned. “Le’s not stand all night, love.. There’s a bed behind us†“You know how to act, Flynn~†With each step forward, she stepped slowly back to the bed. Flynn’s eyes were full of hunger and want, he was getting restless, tired from waiting. Ariene lowered herself on to the bed and sat back a little, giving room for him to crawl on top of her. A knee in between her legs, a leg in between his. Flynn began to give her soft kisses down her neck, loosening her tie and suit. Ariene snatched his hat from his head and tossed it somewhere, slithering her gloved fingers under his vest and slipping it off him. He took a minute to remove his vest and drop it, leaving himself to continue slowly exploring new areas of her skin. She herself unbuttoned his red shirt half way and nip at his neck. He smelled like horrible brewed coffee and the desert’s dust. Flynn could catch her scent too, having perfume and her regular herbal smoke. His sunglasses slid off some on to her neck, she took the advantage and plucked them away, having a playful look upon her face. He chuckled, and reached a hand out for them when they were casted away farther again. “Now, now love.. can’t taking Flynn’s glasses†“Why not? They look better on me~†Attempting to snatch the glasses again from her failed, stretching out more and more for them. Ariene took this opportunity to grab his cheek and kiss him passionately. He kissed back, forgetting the glasses as he heard a soft <i>clack</i> on the floor. This only made him hungrier, kissing her harder and slipping in his moist, salty tongue, tang of coffee. He heard her moan, not too loudly but loud enough to get a signal across. He let up his hands and fumbled his shirt while kissing her, unbuttoning the rest and sliding the shirt off his shoulders. Ariene could feel the warmth of his skin through her gloves, it heated her fingers like an open oven, welcoming and deserving. Her fingers traveled up and down his chest, giving a slight grip on his arms to feel the muscles under the skin. She heard him give a noise in his throat, getting excited from her fingers. This only made him grip her thighs and press his ‘scope’ against her. She moaned again, giving him more signs of wanting it. Her suit was more open, the top of her breasts peeking out and her shoulders out from hiding. Her skin was pure porcelain, not a single freckle or mole anywhere, but that was only her torso. Her cleavage was small, but enough to get him riled. He kissed it, having giggles shake her chest again. He loved to hear her laugh, love to feel her chest and neck. He nipped at her at the collar of the mask, pulling it and letting it snap gently against her. Ariene could feel his hand working down her pants, easily unbuttoning the top and lowering to unzip. She tilted her head back, god she wanted this, she was glad she took the chance to kiss the man on gamble. He was always a lone wolf, mostly avoiding contact from anyone. From time to time, Engineer or Medic would engage in a conversation but that was a rare deal to happen. Ariene and Flynn alone would have small talk, but nothing serious. It was mostly Pyro and Flynn together, anything that came out of Rebel’s mouth he listened to. Mainly it was because she was the most mature and innocent out of everyone, any time she could take out of her time to help heal and bandage up the other team mates was every single second. This was the first time Flynn and Ariene actually touching and moving their differences out of the way. Ariene suddenly felt tired, her eyes drooping from sudden slumber dragging her down. She tried to stay awake long enough to tell Flynn. “Flynn.. I.. I really have to..†“Don’ worry, love.. Nothin’ embarrassin’ about it†He was lucky to look up from what he was doing to her pants, he was about to pry them off and continue his work until he saw her. Asleep. Perfectly, happily asleep. He slumped, sighing. Was he angry or was he upset? Neither, he wasn’t that type of man to get angry at a woman from being sleepy. He scratched his sideburns and lifted himself off her, fixing his belt and pants. He grabbed his shirt and other attire and set them on the dresser. He leaned over Ariene and removed her under coat and vest, leaving a half open white shirt. He picked up her clothes and folded them on the top bunk along with her tie. He then placed her underneath the covers and pulled the covers over her chest, letting it sit over her shoulders. He sighed once more and grabbed a towel from the bottom drawer, looking back at Ariene’s sleeping mass. He leaned down once more toward her face and kissed her cheek. “Good noight, Ariene†He closed his door quietly and walked to the showers.
Dammit. Not only was this with female characters, BUT THEY DIDN'T EVEN FUCK... This story is just a long-ass tease
...seriously? ridiculously-named OCs and randomly-capitalized nouns and some mary sue nonsense? just pretend i'm posting that "you must be new here" willy wonka macro.
I'm sorry. Typing in all caps for emphasis, back and forth dialogue in one giant mess of quotations and lack of paragraph formatting, using stupid euphemisms for penis as if it's a bad word (this isn't even a troll fic), and those fucking tilde marks. ~ =/= Sexy flirting Please don't use it that way.
Named OCs? I’m not a fan of that, especially not when the names are just… weird, and some characters are genderbent without warning, and none of them are anything like the actual TF2 characters as we know them from their Meet The-videos and the comics. Who is ‘Vlad’? I’m guessing the Heavy, who’s apparently Romanian now, but we never find out. Is Taylor the Scout? Not a clue. It doesn’t really matter anyway, since every single one of them is really a Mary-Sue. Also, the story itself is just badly written. Parts of it doesn’t make any sense, other parts are just plain stupid. "I..want to say.. That I LOOOOVE you all! J-Just..Just-hey, stop laughing! Stop that before I..Ah screw you.. I'm thanking you..HIC!..guys for.. being..good friendsh.. HIC!†This is what people who’ve never been drunk think drunk people sound like. ‘HIC!’ Seriously? “H-Hey.. Bugs-Flynn!â€, everyone exploded into laughter, apparently it sounds like Ariene had just said “Bugs Flying!â€. Is this supposed to be funny to us? Because it isn’t. her drunken eyes and long, adolescent stare Adolescent (n): A young person who has undergone puberty but who has not reached full maturity; a teenager. Underage b&? inhaling a fistful of air How does that even work? This only made him grip her thighs and press his ‘scope’ against her. No. Especially with the inverted commas? Just no. she was the most mature and innocent out of everyone How does that even work? any time she could take out of her time to help heal and bandage up the other team mates was every single second. …what? I don’t want to discourage anyone from writing, God knows I make mistakes of my own, but this fic just isn’t okay to inflict on your readers. If you want to write original ka~waii-uuguu fiction, that’s your own business but please post it somewhere else, and if you want to write TF2 fanfiction, go watch the Meet The-videos on YouTube, read the comics over on the official TF2 page, and then try again from scratch. This, whatever it is, just doesn’t work, I’m sorry to say.
I am assuming that Ariene is a Spy. And, lemme get this straight, Rebel is a Pyro, yet you say- "any time she could take out of her time to help heal and bandage up the other team mates was every single second." I'll quote >>5 here. What. Also, why is there females on the team in the first place? From what I can tell, Flynn is essentially a bastardized cannon Sniper, so I am left wondering of how and why several women got on the team, .considering this is the late 1960s. The dialogue needs some serious cleaning up, as the Anons above be have said, ~ is not used for flirting/slurring. There is very little description of how/why/what/where leaving a somewhat bland skeleton of a story that is mainly concentrated on (I assuming) the relationship between Flynn and Ariene. My question is, where is the description and the inner thoughts? Even if they are already together, where is the lead up? It's just "Everyone's drunk and passed out! BAM! Dry humping! BAM! Spy has inexplicably fallen asleep mid sex!" And please, PLEASE, do not EVER use the term "scope" EVER AGAIN, because, even with proper writing, it is a serious turn off. On the whole, it seems rushed with very little explanation. /rant
Oh wha-wha-wha, keep on whining all you like but I'm still writing all I damn please. Got a problem with that? It's a free fucking country and I can do what I wish. I didn't come here to get my face slammed into the dirt by a bunch of haters so HATERS GONNA HATE. The name thing is easier for me to understand and I have made plenty of other fics with just names as Scout, Heavy, Pyro, Etc but it doesn't suit me. Besides, I came here to post this damn story up so Sparkledog Central don't take it the fuck down. I'm still writing, I'll still be here and I will still be making stories. I don't see what the problem is anyway with giving them all new personalities and different names. It's my story and I'll do what I want, MY Characters, MY Story!(Oh I couldn't ban your ass fast enough)
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>>7 Dear, you're acting extremly immature about this. Sure, the critics were blunt, but they have a point. The story needs work, plain and simple. Like it or not, this chan has had standards and it's held everyone up to these standards, be it stories, art or general conduct; keep acting the way you are, and I doubt that you will "still be here" much longer.
I think you might have bitten off more than you can chew with this fic, dearie. You probably should have started with something more simple, before diving into a genderfest such as this, which would only raise questions. You seem to have some problems with descriptions. The only reason I could figure out Ariene was the spy was because the name sounded vaguely french. At first, I had assumed she was the Pyro, who was a Rebel, or something.
>>7 Nobody has tried to 'slam your face into the dirt'. They have critiqued your work. That's what happens here. As Salazar said, the Chan has standards, and stories like this are never received well. If you're going to submit work to the Internet then expect crit because that comes part and parcel with being a writer, especially here in the Chan. Yes, this is your story, but if the readers don't like it then it's probably best to take heed of what they have said.
Forgot to sage. Sorry!
>>7 Clearly you need to say at DeviantFart, kiddo, because that right there, we don't want here. A refresher to Tha Rules for everyone else: If you post art or fanfiction, expect to receive constructive criticism. This happens because we like to see people improve upon their work. It is a good thing! If people offer criticism, take it. That said, any criticism given should be useful to the artist and should only be given if you know what the hell you're talking about. When giving criticism, make sure it is constructive and helpful to the creator of the work. If you feel that something needs improving, explain how and why to the best of your ability. Do not be a douchebag or needlessly offensive about it. If you do not feel that you can handle constructive criticism, do not post your art or fic. If you know your work has a lot of room for improvement, or if you want to improve upon your work, post in /workshop/. The people there will be more than happy to offer help and advice on how to progress your work. Do not be offended if your thread gets moved to /workshop/. If you are offended by your thread getting moved to /workshop/, consider rules 8 (from Global Rules) and 5.c before responding.
I agree with both parties on this actually. It's true that criticism is something to be seen here, but still, it's up to the author to take the advice ! If he/she doesn't want to, that is fine. I do agree that the author was overreacting a little bit, but it was not worthy of a ban or bash in my opinion. If someone recieves criticism, it's never really nice. It's a great help for improving, but seeing EVERYONE fuss over the story you put blood and tears into is painful to say the least. Summary: Criticism is okay. Just don't expect the author to throw overboard the entire story just because of advice from a stranger.
15 The overraction was ban worthy. They failed to read the rules and follow them. The ban was not PERMANENT, just a SLAP ON THE WRIST for acting like a CHILD. If they take the time being unable to post on the site to collect themselves and act like an adult, they can come back. If the author had gone "Sorry you guys don't like my story, but I like it and that's what's important to me when I'm writing" then things would be okay. I could careless if Vickie took the advice or not, but instead Vickie tried to incite drama by calling everyone who pointed out the weak points in their writing crybabies and haters, a mentality they seem to have gotten from D.A. which is something that's never been welcome on the chan. This is against the rules folks and this is something I will not take lightly. I WILL lock the thread if you guys continue this debate further.
I'm sorry I called everyone crybabies, but I just don't know when people are giving me CONSTRUCTIVE or CRUEL Criticism. I came here to write my pieces and I'm going to continue to do so. I won't listen to such hatred, I'll continue to listen to the POSITIVE and CONSTRUCTIVE critique. I hoped I'm not banned from the site by writing poor fanfics. P.S-I find it awkward that guys/girls want to masturbate to my story.(Come back when you're older, kiddo. Evade my ban again and it will be permanent.)
>>17 Constructive criticism is usually aimed at helping a writer or artist improve their work, such as working on grammar, expanding characterization, fixing any technical or artistic problems that may detract from the quality of your work. Cruel criticism would be someone bashing your work without adding anything useful simply for the sake of being negative. So saying "watch your paragraph formatting and expand a little bit on what your characters are thinking/what their motivations are so your readers have a better grasp of what's going on in the story" would be constructive criticism. However, telling someone "ur story sux, you shoudl stop writing 4evr, har har har" would be cruel criticism. Whether you take the critique or not is up to you, but a "Q.Q cry some more" attitude isn't going to win you any readers. Here's hoping you continue to write (and improve), and I hope you guys out there are wishing the same for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have bad poetry to write.
>>17 Nobody here said they wanted to masturbate to your story, at least not as far as I can see. And even if they did, hey, it happens when you write smutty scenes. Sometimes. If they're good. And sometimes even if they're not. But still, it shouldn't surprise you, especially on a site like this, where the front page says "Trembling enthusiasm over exposed flesh". Sounds like a bit of a clue, aye? Anyways, I'm on the 'this needs a lot of work but might be good if you really fixed it up' bandwagon, personally. Keep plugging away. You'll get it eventually.
Vickie, is English your first language? If it isn't your first language, you might want to get assistance from a beta reader who's first language is English. This didn't make a lot of sense. When I first read this I had to back away from it. After several paragraphs, trying to piece things together was giving me a headache and I didn't finish it until later when I was more prepared to slog through it. If you want to italicize something, use [ ]s instead of < >s. Just a simple tip. I forget it at times and it was a pain finding out in the first place. It isn't posted anywhere but that is the way the chan works. As for the story itself... where to begin? First of all, if they have that long a vacation, I'd think many of them might decide to go off-base for some relaxation. If your story's canon suggests that they can't leave the base when deployed, that's fine but they might go stir-crazy after awhile. Second, why is New Years Eve important? They got drunk but no one was watching a televised event of some city dropping an item from a rooftop to celebrate the exact minute it was the new year (which, incidentally in the official canon would be 1969.) Nor did anyone make any resolutions for the new year or discuss past resolutions. This could have been substituted with any holiday, a random base accident, or nothing at all to explain why they were drinking. They didn't even need the vacation, unless this was leading to something relevant to a long-standing cease fire. Third, why name most of these people? We saw nothing of the normal world outside the bases, where real names are expected. We saw nothing to signify even a personality behind most of them. Does it matter if they're called Sniper or Flynn? It could have been nice to see the sharing of names as something special. Then there'd be a point to it. But there aren't multiples of the same class. There are none of the circumstances I listed above. For that matter, none of them had any personality. None of them. The descriptions were so sparse, even with Flynn who's perspective the story began following after awhile. I know almost nothing about him or what he's like. I don't even know why he likes the Spy, other than she's a woman and he wants sex. That's fine, if that's truly all he wants, but we can't exactly cheer on a man we don't know. That's why more people prefer the canon characters to original characters. Most people feel that they already know the canon Sniper, to an extent, and there is plenty of room for fanfic elaboration where canon hasn't gone as in-depth as it could have. We know he argues with his father a lot about his job but how does his mother feel? Does his father simply worry as well or has he always been stubbornly disapproving or is there something else that's really at the bottom of their arguing? Is Sniper truly polite or is that all a facade to make himself feel better? I'm not giving the best examples but a character's history, their life before the story started, is integral to how they'll act during the story. Personality plays a large part too but personality is also tied into their past. All good characters should feel like they have a life that goes on before and beyond what we end up seeing. Not to mention, Rebel isn't a given name unless you're a comic book character. I'll accept Scandal Savage but she's a supervillain mercenary who's superpower is actual immortality. She can get by on a goofy name. Then again, we don't know much about Rebel. I'm sure if she was cool enough I wouldn't care but because I know nothing about her, the name makes me snicker childishly. A person of the opposite sex was right in front of him, take it or leave it and be regretting it later as you bash your own head in with your own rifle, wanker. Don't switch from third person limited narration into second person narration (which uses "you" instead of "he" or "she") in the middle of a sentence. It's awkward because you is always the reader and switching abruptly is distracting. This is also the only instance in which it changed so it should probably be edited back into third person limited. Ariene snatched his hat from his head and tossed it somewhere, slithering her gloved fingers under his vest and slipping it off him. He took a minute to remove his vest and drop it, leaving himself to continue slowly exploring new areas of her skin. There are a lot of typos and confusing sentences that need editing but there's also a lot of conflicting information. This for instance says that the female Spy took the male Sniper's vest off but the next sentence says that the Sniper took it off instead. So who took off the vest? It's always best to look over your work and edit it as much as possible before posting it. There will always be mistakes but because posts on the chan can't be edited, it's best not to post right away. Wait until you have looked your story over at least once and done several edits for clarity, consistency, and coherency. No one ever regrets catching and fixing an embarrassing mistake before someone else can read it. This only made him grip her thighs and press his ‘scope’ against her. Why post this in the adult section if it's going to be censored? Not to mention, the scope is more like an eye if it has to be a body part at all. The barrel of the gun would more readily lend itself to a penis metaphor since that's where the bullets (the sperm metaphor) come out. D: Anyway, I have no problem with the plot in and of itself but there isn't enough meat around it to be a truly delicious story. All we're seeing are the bare bones and we're hungry.
>>17 Wait, what? Wait... What? Let me go over this bit by bit. I'm sorry I called everyone crybabies, but I just don't know when people are giving me CONSTRUCTIVE or CRUEL Criticism. If you're havin' criticism problems I feel bad for you, son I got 99 problems but bitchin' ain't one I came here to write my pieces and I'm going to continue to do so. I won't listen to such hatred, I'll continue to listen to the POSITIVE and CONSTRUCTIVE critique. I hoped I'm not banned from the site by writing poor fanfics. Oh we're not gonna take it No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore We've got the right to choose and There ain't no way we'll lose it This is our life, this is our song We'll fight the powers that be just Don't pick our destiny 'cause You don't know us, you don't belong P.S-I find it awkward that guys/girls want to masturbate to my story. The internet is for porn (Incidentally, I somehow doubt you've ever had sex before.) That's cruel criticism. Complete with peppy lyrics. Compare to my post above, which is constructive criticism. I hope that helps distinguish the two. Have a pleasant day or evening, Ms.
>>21 Dove, I want to have your babies, okay? All of them. I was having a bad day and that post gave me a much needed laugh. How you can already be having a bad day at 3:00 AM is beyond me, but work with me here. >>17 If you feel weird about people pulling one off to your work, adult fanfic ain't the place for you. There are inappropriate boners everywhere over here. I revel in the debauchery. I'm gonna just... hide back under my bed now.
>>22 Dove, I want to have your babies, okay? All of them. I would so do that but mother nature and my husband might disagree, unfortunately. I mean, hubby might be cool with it but he would have so many words for me. I would be like "why are you holding a dictionary; crap, I am in troubles for impregnating peoples again!" That's the definition of dictionary right there. D: There are inappropriate boners everywhere over here. Also, I feel guilty if I try to write porn and I feel that I may have failed. I mean, I'm trying to succeed at creating boners here! Failure is failure. I am glad I was able to amuse though. This might not be the case but I usually attribute having a bad day at 3 AM to being awake when I don't want to be. Because that's usually why. So yeah, I totally feel for ya. At least it has plenty of time to get better, hopefully?
In nicely labeled sections for organization! To the author, If she hasn't been banned again: The good part: details and descriptions of were fluent enough around the middle section where Flynn and Ariene got handsy, an aspect which made this short piece a little more bearable. (Also, guys who believe this should have been posted elsewhere, I think this was a little too much for /fic/ even if it didn't get totally explicit, so we can leave off on that. The bad part: everything mentioned above, plus the fact that you've got tons of grammar mistakes. I don't believe you're an English-as-second-language(sorry, can't find the words) speaker, mainly because you have a mastery of idioms and colloquialisms that only a native English speaker could pull off in prose as well as you did. Which means your English teachers need a lecture. A couple million run-ons and sentence fragments(not stylistic) that're being enabled by another couple million commas = headache for the grammatically inclinded reader. To the rest of you guys: Comments on comments: >>7 >>17 Jeez, the only people who act like this are American high school students(no offense to American high schoolers, but I spend an indescribable amount of time around them so I like to think I'm entitled). And while I am loathe to admit, I used to write like this. And so did my friends. Characteristics include the awkward or undeveloped use of internet memes, spamming of curse words stemming from the popular teenage rebel mentality, stylization aspects remniscent of authors from ff.net and rl speech, compulsion to name characters to make characterizations more personal to the author, and total inability to take help or hurt like a Mann(I mean, she obviously doesn't have insecurity problems). And people who've been alive on the net long enough to build enough confidence to delurk get over these characteristics after a few tries. She hasn't yet; therefore, she hasn't been bashed on the head for it enough. Writes like a kid who's just been introduced to the world wide web? Conclusion: underage. She also probably hasn't ever had to read the fine print, seeing as she can't figure out what kind of attitude and approach is expected here, and the youngest age at which kids start work without their parents filling out the forms in the states is something like seventeen; Even without that, she didn't look around for some context clues. Conclusion: underage. Tl;dr Conclusion conclusion: I thought underage was permaban?
>>24 Her dA (technoshadowblood) says she's underage.
>>24 >>25 Holy crap, you guys are detectives! Bravo! Open and shut case too. Damn it though. I missed the idioms and colloquialisms. But then, that is why I only asked rather than asserting the idea as truth. I wasn't entirely certain but the lack of grammar really made my head spin. (Of course, that said, I have a tendency to fuck up grammar on the first or second go around and then I have to edit the run-ons down to more manageable parcels. But that is what editing is for.) And after looking at her account, I'd say another reason for her angry attitude stems from the fact all of these characters are ones that she and her boyfriend RP together. To personal of a connection to take criticism lightly, as it feels like an attack on her and her beloved. Vickie, when you're officially eighteen I sincerely hope you come back (or if you fudge your birthday that they let it slide.) Please take some of this criticism to heart, even if not all of it was polite. People don't delurk to respond if what they read didn't evoke a strong feeling in them. Wouldn't it have been so much worse if all you had gotten was dead silence and nothing else? Because every one who read it took one look and then shrugged as they went on to some other webpage? Trust me, you reached out and touched us. Just don't dismiss what was said because it might have stung a little. Alcohol sanitizes the wound but it doesn't do so gently. spamming of curse words stemming from the popular teenage rebel mentality I admit, I swear like a sailor IRL. That's the main reason I swear so much in my fiction. Not a good excuse, just sayin'. p: Also, ABSOLUTE TANGENT TIME! I wanted to mention that Scandal Savage is from the Secret Six, a DC comic, since I kind of forgot earlier somehow. I blame sleepiness. If you love TF2, you might enjoy it very much. Secret Six is a bunch of supervillain mercs who have had and often still have horrible personal lives. Plus, Scandal is one of the few openly acknowledged lesbians in the DC universe and her relationship with Bane is both heartwarming and hilarious (yes, motherfuckin' BANE who BROKE BATMAN'S SPINE ONCE. BANE IS ALSO AWESOME. He's kind of like Heavy, actually.)
I appreciate you guys doing the detective work for me. I was more pissed off she evaded her ban. I'm gonna have to lock the thread to discourage Vickie from coming back. You guys are awesome!