Your prose is good. Your handling of the subject matter is not. There are reasons that TF2chan generally frowns upon mPreg, and while we’re fairly willing to give people a chance to prove their story to be an exception, you will, at some point, have to prove that you’re an exception. It’s the end of chapter two, and so far, you haven’t convinced me that two men who spend their days inflicting horrible painful deaths upon others whilst laughing their maniacal heads off have any business at all raising a child. You haven’t explained why Medic, who can’t think of anything more annoying than having to take care of other people, suddenly wants eighteen years of anklebiting responsibility. You haven’t explained why Heavy, who seems perfectly content as the father of a beautiful minigun suddenly wants to trade in for the flesh-and-blood model. And although you haven’t gotten to the subject of mPreg yet, I would have expected that you would have at gotten a head start on handling some of the many, many psychological and social complications of male preganancy in a testosterone-poisoned environment. But you haven’t. In short, none of the issues that make us so reluctant to read Hevic mPreg are being addressed. If I were you, I would fix that shortly. Anyway, moving away from the issue of mPreg, you’ve also got some pacing problems here. Things are going much, much too fast, and you’re not taking the time to develop anything. You’re just barrelling through all these monumental events, like deciding to have a child, or having that dream shattered, never stopping to appreciate a meaningful moment, or emphasise the things that are important. There’s many instances in which you go so fast, and skip so much, that the things going on don’t even make sense anymore. Don’t be in such a hurry. If don’t take the time to savour your story, your readers won’t either. Also, please, research the things you write before you write them. Your portrayal of orphanages and the adoption process is very heavily stereotyped, and your portrayal of homosexuality in a historical context goes beyond ‘uncannily liberal,’ into ‘sort of like holocaust denial.’ This is set a year before the Stonewall Riots, when it wasn’t too unusual for the police to round up homosexuals and beat/rape the living shit out of them for no particular reason. If an ‘Out’ homosexual even <i>looked</i> at a child, that was asking for terrible accusations; having one of their own was completely unthinkable, unless they had few morals and an extremely elaborate plan for keeping it a secret.