I know mpreg is mostly frowned upon here in the chan, but i cam across this picture that really got the creativity juices flowing:http://robbingraves.deviantart.com/art/Tagebuch-197182323 A quick summary: RED Medic Heinrich Strudelesser wants to have children, but can not adopt due to his relationship status with their Heavy, Misha Drakonavic. So with a little science, can he make his dream come true? Concrit welcome! -------------------------------------------------------------- Mitzi’s Diner- Teufort, 1968 "Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi." the toddler repeated as he looked up at the two men: one a straight-laced German with graying temples, the other a large and formidable Russian, who had a softened expression on his face. They were supposed to be enjoying a light lunch this Saturday afternoon while on their weekend off, until the 2 year old from the next table over decided to bother them. "Privyet!" the Russian boomed, making the child jump a bit. He gave a warm smile and held out a large hand. “I am Misha. Who are you?†The child stared at him with big green eyes, suddenly struck with shy silence. A finger suddenly went to his mouth and he sucked on it. Misha brought his hand back and set it on the table. “Are alright, malenʹkiÄ malʹchik? Hope I did not scare you.†“You talk funny,†the boy whispered bashfully as scarlet patches of blush appeared on his cheeks. “Because from different part of world than you. Big country called Russia.†“Is it really that big?†He gasped. “Very,†Misha replied. “It so big, goes from one end of map to other.†Meanwhile, Misha’s partner, Heinrich, was pretending to scan over the menu as he overheard the conversation between the man and child. Normally, he would just ignore it and hope the child’s parents would drag them away, apologizing profusely at the intrusion, but recently, he had been thinking of children. It started innocently at first: he’d get a warm feeling whenever he heard their bright laughter, or see a small body pressed tight to his or her mother’s side while in town, then the feeling turned into daydreams of his life after the war and now it was an unshakeable desire. He gave a deep sigh as he read the line about the Caesar salad for the fourth time when a young woman approached the table and snatched Misha’s new friend up. “Oh Davie, what does Mama say about talking to strangers?†She huffed exasperatedly. “I’m very sorry if he bothered you, sir.†“It is fine. He not cause trouble. Very smart he is.†Misha replied. The woman gave a slight nod and hurried away to the entrance door, where her husband was waiting, Davie waving back at the large man. Misha gave a small wave and turned back to Heinrich. “You know what to order yet?†Heinrich shook his head back into reality and he set the menu down. “Ja ja…†He folded his hands over the plastic cover, smiling nervously at his partner as he looked through his menu. “Doktor, where does it say sandvich?†Misha asked as he frowned at the paper. Even though he had been in America for quite a while, Misha still had trouble with the English language, more reading it than speaking. Heinrich took the menu and found the page listing the sandwiches the restaurant served. “Right here, mein liebe. Do you vant me to tell you vhat kinds zhere are?†He watched Misha nod his head and he began to go down the list. “Where is Sandvich?†Misha asked after Heinrich finished, confused. “Misha, zhat sandvich is only at zhe base. You can’t get it here.†The Russian gave another disappointed frown. “Is sandvich here like it?†Heinrich scanned the list again, the Sandvich was specially made back at RED base and finding a replacement would prove a bit tricky. “Vell, zhere is a ham sandvich. It looks like zhe Sandvich and probably tastes close to it.†“I will try it, Doktor,†Misha said as he reached over to pick up the mug of coffee next to him. He took a sip and set it down, noticing Heinrich was staring off into space. “Got something on mind?†“Hmm? Oh…I vas zhinking about your conversation with zhe little boy earlier,†Heinrich replied as he played with the spoon in his coffee mug. “I did not know such a strong brute of a man like you could be so kind and gentle.†Misha smiled and reached out to hold Heinrich’s hand. “It come natural. I have many younger brother and sister, and thought of little boy like them.†He carefully intertwined his fingers with the Medic’s, the skin feeling soft under his calloused palm. “Misha…†Heinrich trailed, a bit worried someone might see them. “I…I vant to ask you somezhing.†“What is it, Doktor?†Heinrich gave a deep sigh. “Do-do you vant to have a child? Vith me?†The Heavy blinked and he began to speak. “Doktor, I would love to have leetle baby, but is impossible. War is important right now and to bring child into such hard time is not good. But I promise you we start family after fighting is over.†“Alright…†The Medic sadly sighed. “It seems fair, but can ve visit zhe orphanage after lunch and prepare for zhe adoption process?†“We will see, moÄ dorogoÄ.†Misha replied as he stroked a thumb on Heinrich’s knuckles.
Woah... Don't worry about being frowned upon, I can't wait for the rest. Please please please update asap
Leave it to Medic to not have a little thing like biological incompatibility to slow him down.
Tbh, i'm not the biggest fan of mpreg... but.... I'm looking forward to it.
This is fucking adorable.
Mpreg gives me the worst jitters- I do not like it. However, your gorgeous writing style may sway me. Please continue.
[i]thanks for the feedback so far. I'm working around it After lunch as Misha had promised, the two men made their way to the Zepheniah Mann Home for Orphaned Children, an imposing brick building that looked almost like a prison surrounded by a barred iron fence. A few dirty and ragged children were outside playing, happily giggling and laughing despite their circumstances. They approached the gate and rang the rusted bell on the stone post, attracting the attention of a sour-faced woman in a yellow dress who bore a striking resemblance to their employer, Helen. “Marie Strater, director,†She said tersely, looking from Misha to Heinrich. “How may I help you gentlemen?†“Good day, Frau-“ Heinrich began, when Marie interrupted him. “Fraulien. And aren’t you two of my sister’s mercenaries?†The two men looked at each other, a bit surprised that Marie knew of their identities. In fact, they didn’t even know their boss had a sister. “Well don’t just stand there like the slack-jawed idiots you are,†Marie snapped as she opened the gate. “Come in and come to my office.†She then locked the gate when Misha and Heinrich entered and led them on a crumbling brick walkway to the main building. Immediately, the children stopped their play and ran toward them, eager looks on their faces in hopes of finally having a family. One little girl in particular caught Heinrich’s attention, and his heart pained for her. She was standing near the wall, her thin legs supported by heavy metal braces as she held on to a pair of crutches. Her mouse brown hair was done up in braided pigtails with green satin ribbons, a scattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose. Marie noticed Heinrich and adopted a less harsh tone. “That’s Jenny. She’s been under my care since she was 4 months old. Polio victim.†She shooed the other children away, placing them under the care of a young assistant and took the men to her office. “Please have a seat.†She motioned to two high backed chairs. Once the Medic and Heavy got comfortable, Marie sat down in her own chair, hands folded on top of the desk. “So what brings you to my humble orphanage? Does Miss Successful Businesswoman want some of my charges to use as target practice?†Heinrich cleared his throat. “I am Heinrich Strudelesser, Medic for Reliable Excavation and Demolition, and zhis is Misha Drakonavic, my partner. Ve are interested in learning about zhe adoption process as we plan on starting a family after zhe var. And if it is to bold of me to ask, Helen never mentioned having a sister.†Marie merely batted an eyelash. “I see.†She opened up her desk drawer and pulled out some papers and documents. “Helen and I, although we are twins, we are very, very different. I’m actually the lesser evil. Where she is filled with a desire to control and manipulate, I enjoy compassion and helping others less fortunate. I set up this orphanage to help the community of Teufort and the surrounding areas affected by her blatant lack of concern, so you better have good reason for showing up.†She put on a pair of reading glasses and skimmed through the pages. “I also have to mention that it’s a long and harrowing process to go through, Mister Drakonavic and Mister Strudelesser.†“Understood,†Heinrich replied. “Ve have a vonderful home outside of the city, clean, very vell-kept. Lots of room.†“Ah huh,†Marie muttered as she made some notes on a pad next to her. “And how old of a child are you looking for? I have mostly children between the ages of three to fourteen, though I do have the occasional infant.†“I vas thinking an older child to start out.†More notes scratched down on the pad. “Now do your wives know about this?†“I’m sorry?†“Your wife,†Marie repeated. “Has she been informed of this decision? A child is not a pet store puppy you bring home as a surprise after work.†Misha put a large, protective arm around Heinrich’s shoulders. “Doktor is my wife, Miss Marie. He may not be woman, but love him very much like one.†Marie stopped writing and set down her pen, heaving a deep sigh. “I am not one to judge your relationship status, but the laws of the state and of the city have my hands tied for your case.†Heinrich bit his lip and held Misha’s hand, staying silent as he let the words sink into his mind. “What do you mean by having your hands tied?†Misha asked, concerned that the American woman must have said something to hurt his Doktor. “It means,†Marie began, trying not to sound condescending. “That even with…examples…of how fit you are as parents and if your home meets standards, the law won’t allow you to adopt a child. I’m deeply sorry.†“So I am understanding right? There is law saying Doktor and I can’t take home leetle child to be parents to?†Marie looked down, internally hating herself for giving them such devastating news. “That is correct.†Anger burned in the man’s chest as Heinrich continued his silence. How could some people be so cruel to others who wanted to give a loving home to a lonely child? But Misha swallowed that bitter pill and helped Heinrich to his feet. “Thank you for time, Miss Marie. Very helpful to us.†She bowed her head. “You’re welcome, Mister Drakonavic, although it wasn’t what you were expecting. And if you see my sister, tell her that I send my best wishes upon her failure.†It was later at night, the two men snuggled in their bed, that Heinrich let loose the tears he held in for most of the day. “Shh…shh…†Misha soothed as he held the sobbing Medic to his large chest. “Do not cry, Doktor. Do not give up hope yet.†“But mein liebe, you should have seen zhe sad looks on zhe children vhen ve arrived, so hopeful that they would get someone to love zhem one day,†Heinrich cried. “Especially zhat poor little Jenny, she vould have been such a wonderful daughter for us. Ve vill never have a child to call our own.†“Doktor, we do not need child right now. Have more important things to take care of. But someday, someday we will have family.†Misha kissed the top of Heinrich’s head and wiped tears away from his lover’s eyes. “Now sleep. Sleep, my Doktor. Have busy day tomorrow.†Heinrich nodded and pressed himself against the larger man, falling into a dreamless sleep.
I usually don't like mpreg but this has potential. I would strongly advise you to not turn Medic into some passive uke stereotype that's in an awful lot of gay fanfiction.
[i]no worries. I'm going to make sure he has the right amount of feelings, though i can't guarantee when we get to his acutal preg and mood swings]
I think mpreg is interesting, especially with this pairing. I eagerly await more.
I don't have any strong feelings one way or the other on mpreg, and I'll read anything pairing Medic and Heavy, but I do have a slight problem with this fic, mostly in regards to keeping it true to the time period. Considering Medic comes from Germany, and they weren't so nice to gay people during and even after WW2, and Heavy is from Russia, which also wasn't great for gay people, why would they just walk into an orphanage and expect to be given a child? I suppose I wouldn't have a problem with them doing that if this were an AU where gay people are unquestionably accepted, but the fact that they were turned down solely for being gay just knocks that all down and makes it honestly bizarre that they would think they could adopt a child in the first place. I have to wonder what societal attitudes are toward gay couples in this universe, and how accepting the town and their teammates have been toward their relationship. Just what made them think asking to adopt was a good idea? I mean even the United States weren't accepting of gay couples at the time. McCarthyism anyone? It ended in the late 1950s, but still. But bluh fanfic. I shouldn't hope for too much realism.
11 Well then there's your reason for Medic resorting to what I'm going to assume will be mad science since there would be no way on God's green earth that anybody would let gay mercenaries from Russia and Germany in the 1960s snag a child in any legal fashion. I don't like mpreg and I don't like non-canon named classes, so why am I looking forward to more of this? I guess I'll give anything a chance if it's written well enough and this has promise.
Your prose is good. Your handling of the subject matter is not. There are reasons that TF2chan generally frowns upon mPreg, and while we’re fairly willing to give people a chance to prove their story to be an exception, you will, at some point, have to prove that you’re an exception. It’s the end of chapter two, and so far, you haven’t convinced me that two men who spend their days inflicting horrible painful deaths upon others whilst laughing their maniacal heads off have any business at all raising a child. You haven’t explained why Medic, who can’t think of anything more annoying than having to take care of other people, suddenly wants eighteen years of anklebiting responsibility. You haven’t explained why Heavy, who seems perfectly content as the father of a beautiful minigun suddenly wants to trade in for the flesh-and-blood model. And although you haven’t gotten to the subject of mPreg yet, I would have expected that you would have at gotten a head start on handling some of the many, many psychological and social complications of male preganancy in a testosterone-poisoned environment. But you haven’t. In short, none of the issues that make us so reluctant to read Hevic mPreg are being addressed. If I were you, I would fix that shortly. Anyway, moving away from the issue of mPreg, you’ve also got some pacing problems here. Things are going much, much too fast, and you’re not taking the time to develop anything. You’re just barrelling through all these monumental events, like deciding to have a child, or having that dream shattered, never stopping to appreciate a meaningful moment, or emphasise the things that are important. There’s many instances in which you go so fast, and skip so much, that the things going on don’t even make sense anymore. Don’t be in such a hurry. If don’t take the time to savour your story, your readers won’t either. Also, please, research the things you write before you write them. Your portrayal of orphanages and the adoption process is very heavily stereotyped, and your portrayal of homosexuality in a historical context goes beyond ‘uncannily liberal,’ into ‘sort of like holocaust denial.’ This is set a year before the Stonewall Riots, when it wasn’t too unusual for the police to round up homosexuals and beat/rape the living shit out of them for no particular reason. If an ‘Out’ homosexual even <i>looked</i> at a child, that was asking for terrible accusations; having one of their own was completely unthinkable, unless they had few morals and an extremely elaborate plan for keeping it a secret.
>>13 Sometimes I gentleness fail, and I'm okay with that, but when I combine it with italics fail and doublespace fail, I should probably just walk out into the snow and go to sleep.
I can't really offer any better critique than has already been offered, but I will offer advice: read posts 11 and 13 again and again and again. I'll keep comments the subject matter to myself, for politeness sake.
[i] first off I like to thank you for the comments and crits, and reading over >>11 and >>13 i believe I should address some flaws in my writing. -First off, I should have been a bit more clear that this is an AU, but still relative to canon. Both men are in fact homosexual, but have keep it hidden. Also in the Medic's (Heinrich) case, he also believes that he should have been born a woman and sometimes doses himself with hormones, which will be more relevant later to the story. I also like to make a note that because of Medic's condition and age (he is 45 in this story, he feels that he will be too old for children when his and Heavy (Misha)'s contracts are up, thus why he wants a child. -Also on a sidenote: Heinrich does have a feminine look to him, which in a passing glance he could be mistaken for a woman. I could say he could be like Lili Elbe: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lili_Elbe -Misha and Heinrich had met as students prior to the war, becoming nothing more than friends at first, then deepening the relationship through code during World War 2. There were times that the Nazis could have singled out Heinrich and detained him/killed him, but he wasn't exceptional to be noticed. -I plan on adding in part two that Heinrich wants to be a woman, but has no desire at the time to be reassigned. He clings on to his perceived masculinity like a mask. Those are just my explanations at the moment, there could be a redux version after I'm done with this one, but that's all in the future for now. I'll improve in the upcoming chapters but keep the concrit coming!
First, TF2chan’s rules state that genderbend fics should include a disclaimer somewhere near the top. Portraying a presumably cisgendered character as transgendered is genderbending [with the exception, perhaps, of Pyro, because shit who knows about that thing,] particularly if you plan on using that as justification for getting that character pregnant. The rules also say that you should have a disclaimer near the top if you’re going to use OCs—This is a bit more debatable, but I personally think that if you’re going to give a class a name, personality, and appearance different from that portrayed in the canon, it’s an OC. These sorts of things are dealbreakers for a lot of people, so giving fair warning is only polite. Second, a bit of queer etiquette; as a matter of respect, choose your pronouns based on gender identity, rather than sex. If Medic believes that she is female, then she is a “she,†regardless of whatever bits she might have between her legs. It might seem trivial to you, but to many transgenders, pronouns represent the acceptance or rejection of their identity. It matters to most humans. Third, if Medic’s gender identity is such a major aspect of her motivation for wanting a child, then we should have known about in the first chapter, when she was first shown as wanting a child. It does no good to give us this information after you’ve confused us beyond redemption. Not to mention, this kind of surprise gets less and less pleasant the later it comes. Whether they mean to or not, people make a lot of assumptions about a character based on their gender, so when you tell them halfway through the story that by the way, Medic’s a lassie, they’re going to have to go all the way back to beginning and re-evaluate all the assumptions that they made when they still thought Medic was cisgendered, and that’s mental exertion, gross-like. Forth, being on hormones “sometimes†as opposed to consistently does very little to bring about the physical changes most transgenders desire; It just mucks up your mood and gives you acne. Fifth, your logic for Medic wanting a child because she’s getting too old to have children is... rather non-sequitur. I’m getting too old to become a rhythmic gymnast but that doesn’t mean I want to be one. Sixth, I’m really curious as to how Heavy feels about all this. Takes two to tango and that, and there’s a pretty big difference between having a gay boyfriend and a transgendered girlfriend, especially if that transgendered girlfriend wants to give herself a vagina specifically to so that she can bear you dark-eyed children. It’s certainly not what I sign up for when I touch a man’s willy. Seventh, what is this business about Heavy and Medic knowing each other before the war? What was the stereotypical Soviet Russian doing in Nazi Germany, and why, if he spent his impressionable youth in Nazi Germany, is he still a stereotypical Soviet Russian? Is this backstory necessary for some reason, or could we just as well defer to the implied canon, in which each class comes from an entirely different background? If it’s necessary, why isn’t it being exposed early so that the readers have time to adjust to this major change in their basic assumptions about the characters’ history? Eighth, you shouldn’t have to explain your story in a comment. Your story should justify itself.
Fifth, your logic for Medic wanting a child because she’s getting too old to have children is... rather non-sequitur. I’m getting too old to become a rhythmic gymnast but that doesn’t mean I want to be one. To be fair, while the excuse does seem very weak and illogical, it's an excuse I've heard many, many times from women IRL. Regardless of how little sense it may make to you, it's realistic.
Women are illogical. I'm a woman and I still can't figure us out. But still- I'm really enjoying this story. I'm loving all of the critiques, too.
>>17 Another storytelling option is to leave Medic's confession to Heavy about her trans status 'til later (as you've done) - but be sure to drop in some mentions of Medic looking uneasy or being about to tell Heavy something and backing out at the last second. She surely can't be too calm about it with the issue of children hanging overhead. Or if she's already told Heavy, make a flashback reference to it. Don't leave us in the dark, let us know how things stand between them! You mentioned Heavy's gay - he can't be adjusting too well to the idea that his partner is a woman. In any case, please use 'she','her' etc if Medic's trans. If just changing pronouns suddenly feels too abrupt, you could use a short scene mental monologue scene with Medic thinking Deep Serious Thoughts as an opportunity to switch pronouns. >>7 Rather than having Marie describe herself as compassionate, kind, etc, you might have her fondly adjust a desk photograph of one of the kids she cares for, or wave goodbye to one of the children with a smile. This would prevent the sense of forced dialogue when Marie describes herself, instead of letting her actions do that. Alternatively you could also leave Marie's self-description in, but include a backstory reason for it. For example, if people who met her had often heard of Helen first and were inclined to judge her, she might try to defend herself. Marie could mention a past meeting with another TF2 character (the Civilian, maybe?) where said character judged her on her sister's merits. I admire your attitude, keep it up!
This feels like an OC now instead of Medic. I'm a little disappointed, because I expected you to somehow work out an mpreg story and you've turned Medic into a woman. A transwoman, yeah, but with the premise that she wants a child and has feminine feelings I see an OC and not Medic.
again, thanks for all the concrit, it's really helping me to rework/improve my story. If I could just have some advice: Should I at least redo the first 2 parts before part 3 (which I am currently working on) or should I use the suggestions and add them in on part 3 as well as future entries?
You know... I wrote a story a long time back, hoping it would discourage future writers from even considering writing mpreg. It was called Surrogate. And it worked for a while. It's stopped working.
sorry Cat, but it was a great read nonetheless
22>> again, thanks for all the concrit, it's really helping me to rework/improve my story. If I could just have some advice: Should I at least redo the first 2 parts before part 3 (which I am currently working on) or should I use the suggestions and add them in on part 3 as well as future entries? To be honest? I don't see much of Team Fortress 2 in this story at all, aside from the character's names. If your Heavy and Medic are still working as mercenaries, I'm pretty sure that Medic getting himself knocked-up with man-babies will put him off the battlefield for several months, and his employers would not like that. If they aren't mercenaries anymore (ie. retired or something), why is it even necessary for this to be a TF2 story? In short, I think you shouldn't write TF2 m-preg at all.
>>18 The things people say are often not what they really mean, and the things they mean are not always the reality. In this case, "I want children because I'm getting old," is usually a very incomplete way of saying that the woman either already wanted a child for other reasons and is especially desperate now because age is looming; or she feels like because she's gotten old there's nothing left for her to do but settle down and become a mother. In both cases, the fact that she's getting old is a part of her motivation, but it's not the full story. It's fine for Medic herself to have an misplaced or incomplete understanding of own motivation, but as an author it's usually helpful to know what's really going on in their character's heads. >>22 That's entirely up to you. Are you confident enough in your ability to pull things back together after a rough start, or do you think it would work better if you started again? I will point out that if you don't rewrite at least the first chapter, you're probably going to have a lot of readers give up on you before you get to the third chapter. And, OP, I'd like to second the last bit of >>20. I admire your attitude. This is a sizeable heap of criticism, even by TF2chan's standards, and I'm very impressed with how gracious and mature you're being. It's wonderful that you're so ready to work with critiques. Even though I haven't got a lot of nice things to say about this particular story, I have no doubt at all that if you keep going with this mentality you will develop into a fantastic writer. >>23 Is that the one where Heavy joins the pudding club with aliens? That was a gem if I ever read one, and a fantastic workout for the diaphragm. Also, somebody or several somebodies are not saging when they should, so I'll be an old stick and say that if you're not posting a new chapter or some other very important update that all the readers aught to see, type the word "sage," in the email field so that the thread doesn't get bumped.
>>25 Seconded, and we've got a board for original fiction now, if the OP is so inclined.
>>26 If "joining the pudding club" is a euphemism for "gets an alien parasite implanted in his guts and gets preggers with alien babby" then yes, that's it.
>>26 I've decided to go a completely different way, starting from when the Medic first met Heavy and go from there, how he comes to grips with his sexuality and so on an so forth. >>25 Okay, I get it. I've seen similar comments like this, so I should clarify. The main reason why I have Medic/Heinrich get pregnant during the war is at first he knew and was told by colleagues that the experiments were doomed to fail. In fact, he ended up miscarrying the first round of embryos he implanted, not counting the others that failed to fertilise before he got viable materials to work with. When he did find out the embryo took, as much as he wanted to tell Heavy/Misha and his employers about his condition, Medic swore himself to secrecy because he procured some materials (i.e. egg cells, semen) without consent and/or by illegal means. Plus, we have that whole bit on ethics which we will explore at another time. And in before a flurry of comments saying that in-vitro fertilisation, cryogenics, stem cells and genetics (which will be mentioned later)do not fit in the time period: research into IVF was around in the 1950s, cryogenics taking off after World War II, and the earliest mention of stem cells (1908) and the actual experiments with them (1960s) do fit in. Also, regarding the names I gave the Medic and Heavy characters, I have been using them long before I started writing fics, kind of like a personable thing I do when I play a game/read a story where a name isn't mention. On a related note too, I'm only posting this story just to get out some ideas and for people who are interested in the topic. I understand if you don't like it, just don't read it. Posting rude comments only deters the poster (me) and the people who find this story an okay read from continuing. Sorry for sounding like a biznatch at the end, but that's just my reasoning.
"Don't like, don't read" is not a sentiment that has ever gone down well here, OP. I would suggest not indulging in it.
>>30 noted. but for the people who have been interested, I might make a separate post for the revised story, if not adding it here.
How bout you all shut your fucking mouths, there are people who would like to finish this fic and other fic and you being a dick and robbing other people of the joy of their interests makes them quit. No one is forcing you to read this yet you are forcing the author to change or stop. For people who enjoy gay fanfiction you sure are close-minded and not very accepting.
I usually don't go for m-preg, but I find it endearing now and then. I was getting genuinely interested in your story, and was sorely disappointed when a few impatient critics wanted an explanation of how absolutely everything in this world works RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. The story has only just started. The questions you have now will most likely be answered later as it goes on. Just give the writer a chance to get there first instead of asking for spoilers.
Why was I even thinking there'd be an actual update? Silly, isn't it? This place is so damn dead, where is everyone anyway? Still, would you please sage next time before commenting? Just to save other people's nerves?