1 . Name: KGBigelow @ 2011-05-03 16:11

Gather round kids and I'll tell you a story about 'stealth heavy'.

Stealth heavy was not always as his name implies - he would lumber out onto the battle field bellowing deafening foul language and spraying hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of specialized high-caliber rounds towards the general direction of the other team. Like all other heavies, stealth heavy served little purpose aside from causing crippling damage and dieing quickly, or with the help of his good doctor comrade, he could randomly turn shiny and invincible and plow through blockades of enemy armaments so that wimpy baby team could get through with mission.
Then one day, stealth heavy grew bored with his cast of relegation to defending home base and decided to flank the enemy defenses. He mowed them down in rows from behind, each time, tip-toeing his way further and further into their base. His wimpy baby doctor decided to lag behind and take care of the babies with their baby problems.
Finally stealth heavy came to the enemy's war room, but peeking around the corner he saw that little baby man was building little baby gun in a futile attempt to protect THE ENEMY INTELLIGENCE. So stealth heavy shot him and his little baby gun many times so that they no longer were alive. This left THE INTELLIGENCE unguarded.

Stealth Heavy and Sasha made a good team. This was a good day to be a giant man.

Stealth heavy grabbed THE INTELLIGENCE and it suddenly dawned on him that he had no idea what to do with it.

He heard footsteps behind him and he had to make a swift decision - kill baby man and risk being killed, or make a run for it, bring THE INTELLIGENCE back to base so that doctor could help him. Then maybe go for ice cream. He chose the latter and huffed and puffed down a dark hallway looking for the way out.
He ran into little man with flamethrower and managed to kill him, but was set on fire in the process. He fought off a tiny baby man with a blunt instrument fairly easily, but after the second or third time, stealth heavy, with his strength fading, knew that he really needed help from his good doctor comrade sooner than later, but he was nowhere to be seen behind enemy lines.

"DOKTOR!!!" Stealth heavy panicked and ran out into the daylight across the expanse of the battlefield towards his base. He had never run so fast in his life, and he felt as though his gigantic heart would explode. He could barely see with all the sweat dripping down his face, but he never looked where he was firing anyway, so it wasn't too much of a change. Stealth heavy scuttled clumsily along, his stubby legs plodding along, dodging and weaving as fast as they were able - which wasn't all that fast compared to everyone else. The journey back to base was very bad until doctor comrade came to his aid.

"RUN ZIS WAY, DUMKOPF!!" medic ran backwards, healing stealth heavy, and still using his hunking frame as a shield against enemy fire.

"What are you doin', you fat fuck?! That's MY job!!" tiny baby man was always very mean to stealth heavy - especially now that he had to play defense.

"WHAT DO?!" stealth heavy's feet landed loud and shook the walls as he spilled into the base with THE INTELLIGENCE held high over his head.

"Give me that briefcase this instant!!" tiny baby man in helmet snatched THE INTELLIGENCE from stealth heavy's giant sweaty palms. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I trust a commie with MY intelligence!"

Soldier would struggle with the combination key pad on the war- room door for several minutes before the battle ended in a stalemate.


The end.