Names of BLU team: Medic: Elsa Scout: Amy Spy: Avril Pyro: Sarah Sniper: Sue Soldier: Diana Engineer: Rose Heavy: Anya Demo: Shannon Elsa was reading at the table as an Edith Piaf sang from an old record player in the corner. Amy was staring at it almost intently and Elsa glanced up to see her tongue moving along her teeth. Elsa set her book down and leaned in close to hear Amy make odd 'pluh' sounds. "Amy, vhat are you doing?" Elsa asked. Amy looked over at her and frowned. "I can't roll my tongue," she said. She went back to making the weird noises as Elsa'a brows furrowed in confusion. "You cannot vhat?" She asked. Amy rolled her eyes and gestured at the record player. "I can't roll my tongue like she can," she said. Elsa suddenly understood. "Oh," she said. "You mean zat you cannot trill your r's." She pursed her lips and made a purring sound with her tongue. Amy nodded. "Yeah, that. I can't do that," she tried again, but could only make the 'pluh' sound. Sue walked in to hear Elsa purring at the table. "Swallow a cat, Elsa?" She asked. Elsa rolled her eyes. "Amy is trying to trill her r's," she explained. "I am demonstrating." "Like this?" Sue made the same noise as Elsa. Amy groaned. "Ya can do it too? How can ya do it, but not me?" She pouted like a child denied a toy. "I learned it back when I used to sing," Sue explained. She repeated the sound and smiled smugly when Amy's pout grew. "What brought this on, anyway?" "That lady on the record," Amy said. "What's her name?" "Zat would be ze great Edith Piaf," Avril said as she walked in. "I 'eard 'er singing and 'ad to come listen. I do enjoy zis song." "I hate it," Sue said. Avril looked at Sue as if she had just said that she hated the Pope. "Pourqoui?" "I had to sing it so many bloody times back in my day that I got sick of it. I liked all my opera songs better." "It still amazes me that a woman like you was once an opera singer," Avril shook her head. Sue shrugged. "Shouldn't be judging people like that, Avril," she said. Avril opened her mouth to say something, but Amy was trying again and caught Avril's attention. "What are you trying to do, Amy?" "I'm tryin' to roll my tongue, but I can't." Elsa and Sue purred with their tongues, and Avril joined in. Amy looked at Avril in envy and stood up. "That's it!" She said. "Yous guys can just have a tongue rolling party or somethin'. I'm goin' joggin'." "Amy, come back," Elsa said as she got up to follow the Scout. Avril closed her eyes and silently sang along with the record…until Sue snatched it up and ran off, an angry Frenchwoman behind her.
RED team names: Medic: Wolfgang Heavy: Viktor Sniper: Lawrence Engineer: Dell Soldier: Jane Pyro: unknown Spy: Marcel Scout: Danny Demo: Tavish "HAHA! Leetle baby Scout is dead!" Viktor laughed again as Amy shrunk back and pressed herself against the wall. Viktor aimed his gun. Amy closed her eyes and put her hands up in front of her, as if that could possibly shield her from bullets. Viktor pulled the trigger… but nothing happened. "What?" Viktor looked down and pulled the trigger again. Nothing. No sound, no movement, nothing. Amy slowly opened her eyes as Viktor began examining his gun, mumbling to himself in Russian. Keeping her eyes on Viktor, Amy slowly began to inch along the wall. "Baby Scout will stay still!" Viktor roared as he looked up. Amy froze, and Viktor began turning his gun this way and that. "What is wrong with Sasha?" He said to himself. He aimed Sasha down the hall and pulled the trigger, eyes lighting up when the bullets began to fire. He turned the deadly storm upon Amy, but they suddenly stopped, and Sasha once again refused to work. Now Amy was getting confused, but definitely wasn't complaining. She relaxed and leaned against the wall as Viktor once again examined his gun. Three more times, Viktor attempted to shoot Amy, but each time Sasha refused to fire at her. Amy was now growing bored, idly swinging her bat around. Viktor was deep in thought, but paying enough attention to Amy to keep her from running off. "Maybe…" Viktor began, "Sasha likes baby Scout?" He looked up at Amy who shrugged. "Lotsa people like me," she said with a smile. Viktor narrowed his eyes at Amy before sweeping her up into a bear hug. "If Sasha like baby Scout then I will like baby Scout too!" He cried. Amy laughed as she was twirled around. Viktor finally put her down and stepped back. "We keep secret, da?" he said, putting a finger to his lips. Amy nodded and copied the action. BANG! Amy's body fell to the ground and was picked up by respawn. "Thanks for holdin' still, wankah!" Viktor growled and picked Sasha back up. With a determined stride, he went after Lawrence.
The cold never seemed to really bother Elsa anymore. The snow fell upon the streets of New York as Elsa walked home from work. She had been lucky enough to snag a job as a nurse in a children's hospital. She was more than qualified to be more than just a nurse, but of course with no license she could do nothing. True, she had learned her skill within the confines of a Nazi camp, but even so she was more experienced than the morons who dared lay claim to a medical license. Elsa sighed, sending a jet of steam from her mouth. She was just glad to be alive and away from it all. The war had ended, but there was still some unrest when it came to accepting Germans. It was hard sometimes, but she had already sworn to never again set foot in the country that had caused her so much pain. Her mother's bakery had been torn to pieces in the fight, so she had nothing left for her there anyway. A chilly wind blew and Elsa shuddered. She really shouldn't be bothered by the cold so much. She had spent nearly the whole war in a Nazi camp as a prisoner turned medic. A rather jarring transformation, she thought. To go from prima ballerina of the Berlin Ballet to a baker/manager of a bakery to a prisoner in a war camp to an unwilling medic to… well, Elsa was just happy that she had been rescued. Cold had been Elsa's friend in that camp. It had numbed her and soothed her injuries from their tortures and experiments. How odd for a Medic to treat a soldier while sporting wounds that were twice as bad as theirs. Physician, heal thyself indeed. Cold had been Elsa's friend until she discovered Anya's warmth. Anya's warmth had soothed away the pains and chased off the monsters in her nightmares. Anya's warmth had promised her that everything would be ok, and had managed to keep that promise. Anya had also been nice enough to accompany Elsa and Gretta on their trip to America. Anya had nothing left in her homeland either, and had seen this as an opportunity to start over with friends. Elsa made sure to wake every day and thank God for Anya and to thank God for watching over Gretta. A low whine jolted Elsa from her thoughts. She looked around in confusion, but saw nothing. Again, she heard the whine. That sounded like an animal. She walked down an alley and heard the whine again. To her horror, she realized that it was coming from a dumpster. She opened the heavy metal lid and gasped in surprise. It was a chocolate brown Doberman puppy that was staring back at her. It pawed at some scrap and tried to climb up, but the sides were too slick, and it could find no purchase. Elsa's heart broke at the thought of this poor puppy being abandoned in a dumpster on a snowy night. She reached down and picked it up. It was a boy, she saw, and he was too skinny to be healthy. Elsa brought the puppy to her chest, and he began to burrow under her coat. He dug into the layers of warmth until only his nose poked out of Elsa's collar. Elsa held the puppy close and continued her walk with a quickened pace, eager to get home and feed her new friend. She ended up naming the puppy Klaus. Elsa smiled to herself as the memory faded from her mind. She knocked on the wall of the respawn room to alert Rose to her presence. Rose spun around in her chair, facing the screen of a large computer. "Hey Elsa," she said. "What can I do fer you?" Elsa approached Rose, reaching into her pocket to pull out a special computer chip. "I vas hoping zat you could add someone to ze respawn system for me," she said. Rose took eht chip and plugged it in. After a couple of keystrokes, the image of a large Doberman Pinscher appeared on the screen. Rose smiled. "Glad ta see you're thinking of your loved ones. Don't worry, I'll be sure to add him in." "Danke shoen, Rose." Elsa left the room only to run into Anya. "Ha! I have found Doktor!" She cried, sweeping Elsa up into her arms. "Come Doktor, we go eat now." Elsa smiled, feeling Anya's warmth once again.
Its probably not best if you name all the characters. I literally groaned the moment I saw that. Its barely even fanfiction if all of the characters are OCs anyways. And if someone [i]did[i] want to read them like this, they would have to memorize the names and keep looking back at the list. Please revise everything. Jfc.
I enjoyed the drabbles, but as >>4 said, I had to keep looking back at the names to figure out who was who...which shows a couple of inherent problems. Having to check who's who means that even if you're relaying their personalities well enough, we're not paying attention to that, because we're too busy interrupting the story to go back to find out who they were by name. If you just used their classes, it would be a lot easier to follow what was going on, without losing our immersion in the story. I like the idea of having a male team vs. a female team, but somehow I think it would have been better to discuss this fact (especially if you were to drabble about why that is, or at least, some sort of author's notes), rather than just having the lists of names above the first two drabbles. I looked at the names in the first one and assumed they would be about a completely genderbent TF2 world, then was a bit floored to realize that the second one included an all male cast. As for the content of the drabbles themselves...as I said, I enjoyed them. The first one was cute, and felt in character for the most part. Although, the ending seemed rather abrupt. The second one was a bit baffling, though. Why did Sasha take this sudden liking to Scout, when Heavy has obviously mowed her down before? Why didn't he just take out his shotgun, or punch Scout? Also, I don't believe that Scout was scared so stiff that she just stood still. She would have been trying to get out of there, and the second she noticed there was a problem with Heavy's gun, she'd probably be taunting and counterattacking. I like the general feel of the third one, but it also seemed the most inconsistent and confusing. You say that the cold no longer bothered Medic, then turn around to say that she shouldn't be so bothered by the cold. You also randomly mention a Gretta, but never tell us who she is or why we should care about her. And where did she meet Heavy? Apparently Heavy came with her to America, but from where? I feel like something should have separated the memory from the end of the drabble to make it easier to understand, too. And again at the end of this one, things aren't very well-explained...how did Medic get a respawn chip made for her dog? Why was Engineer willing to put a dog into respawn? Where even is this dog? You make it sound like it's on base, but nothing to that point is mentioned. I understand that these are drabbles, making a point in few words and all that. However, the last one especially seems to go on too long and just leave room for questions, rather than wrapping up their points neatly.
I understand and appreciate the points you made. I did have a note at the beginning, but I decided to not use it. My mistake. The basis of plot is that BLU decided to hire an all female team as a sort of experiment to see if changing fighters and tactics would get them more victories. I named the characters because I thought it would be less confusing to keep doing 'BLU' this and 'RED' that. However, if the names are distracting, then I can go back and change it. These particular drabbles are just kind of me testing the waters with my characters. All questions will be answered in the next few, but to clarify for the third one: Gretta is Elsa's younger sister. Anya was part of the team that liberated the camp that Elsa was imprisoned at. And yes, Elsa brought her dog with her on base. Sorry for all the confusion, but thank you for not being mean about it.
Lawrence would never admit it, but what he was doing could be called… spying. He was just watching the enemy for any attacks, he told himself. He wasn't curious about the new all-female team at all. At. All. He was just making sure that they weren't up to any funny business. He looked through his scope at the BLU base, moving this way and that to see the other team. He had seen them enough to know them by class name, and he had overheard a few of their real names as well. He would never dwell on these real names, however, believing that it would just complicate matters. Their Pyro, he saw, was busy meditating off to the side of the base. She looked peaceful through his scope, and the BLU Sniper was sitting nearby and playing a didgeridoo. Lawrence almost smiled at the nostalgic sight of someone playing the didgeridoo. He shook his head and moved onto another part of the base. The BLU Scout was playing a game of tennis against the wall of the base, and she was definitely winning, Lawrence decided. The armed BLU Soldier wandered into the field of his scope, marching in a military fashion, and seeming to do nothing except pace around the base repeatedly. Bored of the sight, Lawrence turned his scope to the windows. The BLU Medic was in her office, no surprises there, and that damned Doberman Pinscher that served to guard the intel, and was one of the best Spy checkers that Lawrence had ever seen, was running around the room and chasing a ball. Strange to see that dog when its teeth weren't covered in blood, and it wasn't snarling at you. The BLU Heavy was in the kitchen with the BLU Engineer and the BLU Demo. They seemed to be arguing over a pot of something on the stove. Lawrence mentally counted in his head and realized that someone was missing in his watch. Where was the BLU Spy? He moved his scope over the windows again. Then he froze. A scope was pointed at him. And the BLU Spy was behind it. She was leaning out of an open window and seemed to be watching him as aptly as he was them. She was also sporting a very large smirk at having caught him. The BLU Spy waved at Lawrence, waggling her fingers as if to a friend. Lawrence snorted and moved away from the window of his sniping post. He had just been watching for attacks, that's all. He hadn't been curious at all.
"He hadn't been curious at all." I do wonder who's trying to convince more ... himself or the readers ?? Just a small comment, who's propably no longer appropriate but here goes ... About the names(nothing against them) but it might have "better" you would have introduce them slowly as part of the text instead of a list in the beginning of the story. While I don't know if it would have easier for you but I do know it would have made it a lot easier for me to remember who's who. These were my two cents, feel free to ignore. By the way, I really did enjoy this new chapter ...
Amy was busy sitting backward in a chair and sucking on a blue lollipop. Elsa was at her desk in front of her and doing paperwork. Klaus was busy sitting at Amy's feet and waiting for any pieces of candy that might fall his way. Elsa glanced up and saw that Amy was staring intently at nothing. She chuckled to herself as she shuffled her papers. "You must be careful Amy," she said. "You might blow a vessel in your brain from all zat zinking." Amy looked over at her and sat up straighter in the chair. "I'm too busy ta even snark at ya for that joke," she said. She pulled the lollipop from her mouth and frowned. "I'm trying ta figure out why everyone here would willingly join this war." Elsa shrugged. "Maybe some of zem had no choice," she said. Amy scooted her chair closer to Elsa's desk. "Why did ya join, Doc?" she said. Elsa settled her papers and then opened a drawer and pulled out a photo. Amy looked and saw that it was a photo of a man and woman. The woman, she noticed, looked an awful lot like Elsa. "Zis is my little sister Gretta," Elsa explained, looking at the photo lovingly. "Ze man is her fiancé. Zey are due to marry in a year." Amy nodded slowly. "Soooo…" She prompted. "Zey do not have much money. Zey get by comfortably, but cannot afford any luxuries. Zey cannot afford ze vedding zat zey deserve." It all started to become clear to Amy. She smiled. "Ah," she said. "So ya joined so ya could use the money to give them a big wedding, right?" "You are smarter zan zey give you credit for," Elsa chuckled, putting the photo back. "Hey, just cuz the RED Scout's a dumbass doesn't mean I am too," Amy said, bring her lollipop back to her lips. She stared in confusion when she saw the bare chewed end of the white stick. A glance down saw a guilty looking Klaus, and so she tossed the stick in the bin. "I'm gonna go ask around," she said, getting up. "Ya know, to use for spy checks and stuff." Elsa waved her off as she returned to her paperwork, but suddenly paused. "Vait, Amy," she said. "Vhy did you join?" Amy paused at the door and looked back. "Why else?" She said. "I needed the money for college." And then she was gone. ~O~ "Hey Sue, why did ya join BLU?" Sue looked up from her Mann Co Monthly magazine with a raised eyebrow. "You get right to tha point, don't ya?"Amy shrugged. Sue sighed and went back to reading about the latest adventures of Saxton Hale in the comic in the back of the magazine. "Why does it even matter?" "I'm curious," said Amy. Sue chuckled at a witty joke spoken by Saxton Hale and then looked up. "Ya really wanna know?" She asked. Amy nodded eagerly. Sue set her magazine down and dug around in her pocket. She extracted something and tossed it onto the table. Amy saw that it was a very ordinary quarter. She gazed at it in confusion before realizing what it meant. "You-you joined because you flipped a coin?" She said incredulously. Sue picked her magazine back up and shrugged. "When they approached me I was already on my own out in the bush. It didn't matter ta me if I was shooting animals or headshotting wankers in a war. Besides, when they said that no one was gonna die, it made the deal all the sweeter, but it still weren't no different than what I was already doing. So I flipped for it. BLU happened to win, and here I am." She flipped a page to reveal an epic battle between Saxton Hale and the villain. She was so absorbed in the battle that she didn't even notice Amy scamper off. ~O~ "Hey Diane, why did ya join BLU?" Diane looked up from cleaning her rocket launcher with a frown. "A woman's reasons for going to war are her own, maggot." She went back to running a cloth over her weapon. "But what are yours?" Amy asked. Diane once again glared up at Amy, but she sighed and set her cloth aside. "If I tell you, will you go away and let me clean this?" She asked. Amy nodded. "Why wouldn't I be here? A soldier always goes where there is a war. A soldier is nothing without a battlefield to fight on." Amy gave a Diane an odd look, and Diane sighed again. "Listen well, maggot, because I will never tell this again. If this is what will make you leave… I tried to get into the military when we were at war with the Nazis. I took all the written tests, and passed the all the skills tests with ease. I outran every maggot, and fired every gun with precision… but they wouldn't let me join. Why? Because of these (she grabbed her bust). They refused me because I'm a woman, and that pissed me right the fuck off. So when BLU approached me about this war, I signed the contract before they had even explained it all to me. Fighting is the blood in my veins and war is the air I breathe." Amy nodded slowly, waiting for her to say more, but Diane instead picked her launcher up. "Now that story time's over…" She swung her launcher up and aimed at Amy. "Five…four…three…" But Amy was already gone. ~O~ "Hey Rose, why did ya join BLU?" Rose looked up from her sketches and chuckled. "I got three girls back home to put through school, sugar. They all got big dreams." She pulled over a framed photo. Amy recognized Rose with three girls that were obviously Rose's daughters. "My oldest Lilly (Rose pointed to the girl on the left) wants to go to an art school up in New York. My middle Dasiy (she pointed to the girl on the right) wants to go to a cooking school in Italy. My youngest Iris (she pointed to the girl in the middle) wants to go to Oxford over in Europe." She chuckled again and set the picture aside. "Farming aint gonna pay for it all, aint even gonna come close. So I joined so that I can be able to tell them that they can keep following their dreams." "Ya named your girls after flowers?" Amy asked. Rose frowned. "Family tradition," she said. "My mama's name was Dahlia. And out of all that, you just heard the names of my girls?" "Nah, I heard all that other crap about you wantin' them ta follow their dreams and all," Amy waved a hand dismissively and knocked a glass of water over onto Rose's sketches. She barely was able to dodge the wrench that a cursing Rose threw at her. AN: Have no fear! The other mercs will be in the next chapter.
"Hey Avril, why did ya join BLU?" Avril looked up from her copy of Le Petit Prince and removed her cigarette from her mouth. "I'm a Spy," she said. "What else would I be doing?" She stuck her cigarette onto a groove in her ashtray and went back to her book. Amy blinked in confusion. "That's it?" She asked. "Oui, zat's it." "But everyone else gave me a real reason," Amy almost whined. "Well, I am not 'everyone else.'" Avril said with a chuckle. She turned a page in her book, and Amy tilted her head to look at the cover. "Le Petit Prince?" She said slowly, mispronouncing every word. Avril cringed at hearing her native tongue butchered, and glared up at Amy. "It's Le Petit Prince," she said, carefully saying each word as if it were a prayer. "It means 'Ze Little Prince.'" "Oh! I have that book. Guy out in the desert meets a little kid and draws him a sheep, right?" Amy said. Avril looked up in surprise. "Oui," she said. "I didn't know you 'ad zis book." "Mama got it for me when I was little. I left it at home cuz I didn't wanna risk messing it up." Amy's eyes held a soft sadness at the memory of her mother. "She would read it ta me until I could read it for myself." Amy heaved a sigh. "I miss her." Avril looked up as Amy slid onto the couch next to her. They hadn't really been fighting that long, a month if she was right, but obviously Amy and her mother were very close. Amy leaned on Avril and gave a pitiful sigh. "Save me from the gloomies, Avril," she said. Avril set her book down and looked at Amy with a bemused expression. After a minute or so, Amy peeked up at Avril. Avril grinned and chuckled to herself. Amy was such a child sometimes. "And what can save you from ze gloomies?" She asked. "You telling me why you joined," Amy said simply. "Come on, I bet you'll feel better if you talk about it. If ya don't I'm just gonna hound ya til ya go crazy." Avril took a moment to think on it. True, no one on the team knew why she was here, and even her own family didn't know. It had been burning at her ever since she joined, and perhaps, perhaps Amy was right in that talking would help her feel better. She heaved another sigh. "I am here because of the RED Spy," she said. Amy perked up in interest. "Why? He your brother? Husband? Lover?" "Rival," Avril bit out. She picked her cigarette back up and took a puff. "Did you know zat zere is a school of sorts for spies?" "Nah, I didn't." "In France before ze war zere was an organization of spies zat took in recruits, taught zem ze art of espionage, and zen eizer employed zem or sent zem to affiliates. Ze RED Spy and I were taught by zem. He and I were ze top two, competing for first. For our final mission, well, I can't give you details, but needless to say he accomplished more zan me. Do you know why, Amy?" Avril looked over at Amy who shrugged. "BECAUSE ZAT FILS DE PUTE SABOTAGED MY CLOAKING DEVICE!" Amy scrambled back as the coffee table suddenly went flying. Avril angrily began to pace. "I was ready for the top position! I 'ad it in ze palm of my hand! But zen 'e sabotaged me. 'E made me look like an idiot. 'E didn't deserve zat position. Wiz 'is mansion and wealthy family. What about ze poor little girl who 'ad to scrub floors in a tattered dress until 'er knuckles split and bled?" She continued her tirade in French and Amy slowly snuck away. ~O~ "Hey Sarah, why did ya join BLU?" Sarah looked up from her gardening and smiled at Amy. Her smile faltered when she saw that Amy looked a little tense. "You alright?" She asked. Amy gave a nervous chuckle. "I kinda made Avril mad," she said. Sarah nodded slowly and went back to spreading fertilizer. "You want to know why I joined BLU?" she said. Amy nodded. "I joined because it was the perfect job for me," Sarah said dreamily. "The job of spreading warmth and light unto my fellow man." "I thought ya job was ta set people on fire," Amy said in confusion. "Exactly," said Sarah. "Warmth and light. They are the two most important things in life." "I thought that was friends and family." "Friends and family are important, but warmth and light are more important. Warmth protects you and light illuminates your path in life." "And that's what happens when ya burn people?" Amy was getting more and more confused. Talking to Sarah didn't make a lick of sense, and only served to make Amy's head hurt. "Wait, so ya burn people, and then that protects them and illuminates their path?" "Fire cleanses them of their wrong doings and then lights the way to their new life," Sarah said simply. Amy slowly nodded. She wasn't going to get anything coherent out of Sarah on this subject. "Yeah," she said, "um…I'm gonna go now. Nice talking to you." Sarah waved as Amy left the garden. ~O~ "Hey Anya, why did ya join BLU?" Anya looked up from stirring a pot of stew and then looked down at Amy. "Why does leetle scout want to know?" She asked, adding in spices. "I'm askin' everyone. You were the next one for me ta bump inta," explained Amy, sniffing the stew. It smelled really good. "I go where doktor goes," said Anya with a shurg. "Is that simple." "So if Elsa went to Russia you would with her?" "Da." "What if she went to Antarctica?" "Da." "The top of an active volcano?" "Da." "The bottom of the sea?" "Da." "But why? Is she your freakin' handler or something?" Amy asked. Anya laughed at that and began adding some onions to the stew. "We are good team," she said. "makes sense for me to follow Doktor. Besides, me and Doktor are good friends. Have known each other for long time." Amy pulled up a stool and sat down, watching Anya gather up the pieces of meat on the counter. "Where did you guys meet, anyway?" She asked. "I mean, ya two don't seem like ya would just bump inta each other on the street or in a shop." "We met during war," said Anya. "Was fighting leetle men when I met her." "Wait, Elsa was a Nazi?" Amy said in surprise. Anya glared down at her, and Amy felt as if she had been hit with a ton of snow. Anya snorted and went back to her stew. "Do not ever call Doktor Nazi," she said. "Doktor was not Nazi." "Then why was she in the war?" Amy asked. "Is for Doktor to tell you. I saved Doktor from death and helped her get better. Doktor help me in return. She teach me things and heal me when hurt. She become good friend of mine. When she left for America, I went with her. Then BLU came for her and offer job. Doktor say that she only accept if I come with her. So they offer me job too." A silence came after that. The only sound was the bubbling of the stew as Amy thought over what Anya had said. "Do you ever wonder where you would be if you weren't with Elsa?" Amy asked. Anya chuckled. "Would be dead without Doktor, and Doktor would be dead without me," she said. "Do not regret going with her." Amy sat for a while longer before she waved a goodbye and left. ~O~ "Hey Shannon, why did ya join BLU?" Shannon looked up from her chemicals and set a test tube on a rack. "So ya finally made your way here. Avril told me what ya were up to when I found her stomping around the rec room like a header. So, ya wanna know why I'm here," she said. Amy nodded. "I'm here because me eejit of a brother made me. See, me brother's in the business of makin' car bombs for the ones who need 'em. There had once been a war goin' on in the great fields of Ireland, and even though it had already been fought, there was still some unrest goin' on so me brother started up his secret business, and he wanted me ta have no part in it. Of course, that wasn't gonna stop me. I read all of his notes on making bombs and started sellin' me own off to the side. BLU got wind of me, and when they came lookin' for me, me whole business was outed and me brother ate me head off. So as punishment, he sent me here ta fight those RED gobdaws. So now I'm stuck in this horse shite of a country and fighting a war wear me skills are wasted and all me customers are out there buying from someone else. Ya know how hard I'm gonna hafta work ta get me reputation back when I go home?" "Really hard?" Amy asked. Shannon nodded. "I may not ever get it back," she said. "All cuz me brother sent me here." "Why did you come here, though?" Amy asked. "How did your brother make you?" "He threatened to rat me out ta the coppers. I told him I would rat him out too, but then he moved his shop, and I didn't know where. So I had no choice but ta come." Shannon sighed. "I guess he just wanted me ta be safe, but I'm not a baby anymore." "Geez, that sucks," said Amy. Shannon nodded and picked her test tube back up. "Aye, now hump off, I need ta get this done." Amy left and walked down the hall to the showers. She grinned and pulled a tape recorder out of her pocket, making sure to hit the stop button. She looked at herself in the mirror and watched as she vanished in a puff of red smoke and reappeared wearing a red mask. Marcel, the RED Spy, chuckled to himself in a satisfied manner as he once again pocketed the recorder. All the hard work had paid off. He hadn't learned anything that could really be of use, but his employer had demanded that he go find out how Blutarch had gotten these women on his team. Marcel reached down and peeled the tight blue nightgown off of his figure and smoothed out his white shirt and pinstriped pants. He had remembered that Klaus could identify him by smell, and had stolen Amy's nightgown from the dirty clothes pile to hide his scent. He made his way to the corner where a pile of towels lay. He dropped the gown and moved the top towel to reveal the still unconscious Amy. Oh, he had done quite a good job in infiltrating the base, having taken all the necessary precautions. He had made sure to shower thoroughly before hand, stolen Amy's gown, left his cigarettes back at the base, and acted the part perfectly. He cloaked and walked out of the showers. No doubt there would be a reward for accomplishing this mission. He hadn't expected it to be so easy. He also hadn't expected Klaus to be watering a tree outside when he exited the base.
AN: Ok, so I had a reviewer say that Klaus is their favorite character so far, and I had some friends say they want to see more of him, so I decided that Klaus needs a "Meet the_" video. Since I can't animate on SFM, I decided to give him his video here. It is written in script form for later when I CAN animate. Enjoy! (A RED Spy slinks through the BLU base and into the intel room. He greedily eyes the blue case and slowly walks forward and reaches out to grab it. Before he can, a growl is heard. The RED Spy spins around and gets tackled Klaus. Painful crunching sounds are heard over RED Spy's yells) RED Spy: Maudits chien! (A brief fade out and back in reveals Klaus trotting through the base with a scrap of bloody, red pinstriped fabric in his mouth. He sets his prize at someone's feet and wags his tail with a bark. A blue gloved hand reaches down and scratches Klaus behind the ears) Elsa: (offscreen) Du bist so ein guter Hund. (The Screen switches over to the "Meet the Guard Dog" title card featuring a bone and pawprint emblem. The screen then switches to a shot of Elsa in the infirmary) Elsa: Guten Tag meine freundes. I'm here to introduce you to a very important member of ze BLU team. (camera backs up to reveal Klaus lying at her feet and chewing on a bone) Zis is Klaus. Klaus is a Doberman Pinscher, ze team mascot, and our very own guard dog. Now most of you vould assume zat Klaus is just a violent killer because of his breed. Not so. Dobermans are known for being loving, (there's a shot of Klaus in the infirmary licking an injured Amy's hand) hardvorking, (there's a shot of Klaus on the battlefield running up to Rose with a mouthful of scrap metal) loyal, (there's a shot of Klaus dragging an injured Shannon to safety behind a big rock) and intelligent. (there's a shot of Klaus lunging at Diane, who turns back into the RED Spy) Klaus is no exception. Klaus: (barks and walks off camera) Elsa: Now some of you may be screaming zat I am a cruel voman for allowing my dog onto ze battlefield. Maybe, but I have not done so vizout reason. I have entered Klaus into ze respawn system so zat he vill not die. And I may have made a few… modifications to him… (there's a shot of Elsa laughing wickedly while an ubercharged Klaus chases a RED Scout) But zat is neither here nor zere. Ze point is zat even zough Klaus is a dog, he still provides a huge service to our team. Whether he be needed for offense, (there's a shot of Klaus barking and running with a charging Anya) defense, (there's a shot of Klaus tearing and dragging a cursing RED Soldier off of a control point) support, (there's a shot of Klaus snatching up a sticky bomb and chasing a RED Demo away from Sue) or even Spy checking. (there's a shot of Klaus sniffing all the members of BLU and then wagging his tail) But do not allow yourself to be fooled. Underneath it all, Klaus is- Amy: (offscreen) Who's a good boy? You are, yes you are… (Camera pans over to Amy scratching Klaus's belly. Klaus is wagging his tail making happy sounds. Amy continues making babytalk at Klaus as Elsa walks into the frame. Elsa: (sighs) Underneath it all… he's just a big silly. (Camera switches over to the group shot of the BLU team, zooming out from Klaus's picture of him sitting at Elsa's feet. The ending theme plays over it) Klaus: (barks offscreen) Elsa: (chuckles) Guter Hund.
Ok, I'm really starting to feel like this story doesn't belong here. Like the other reviewers said, having all these names just dumped on me was really confusing, and I really couldn't be arsed to scroll up each time to figure out who was who, so there were several paragraphs where I didn't know what was going on. And yes, I could have remedied that pretty easily, but the onus shouldn't be on the reader to do that. Beyond that, this story is... kind of boring. There isn't much of a plot here. "one of the team is all women" is an interesting twist, but not a plot in and of itself. It all reads like a bunch of loosely connected events that were all gathered together in the same document. Even drabbles should have a beginning, middle, and end. Plus, it means half the characters are essentially OCs, and not really well developed ones at that. They just feel like feminine copies of the main cast, except more two dimensional because only the most superficial aspects of heir characters have been kept while the rest hasn't been replaced with much else. And the fact the last drabble is a script is just... no. That's inexcusably lazy. I know it's for SFM, but either save the script for when you can SFM it, or write it out into a full drabble. Beyond all that, I notice there are a few grammatical and punctuation errors and some lines that could have used some tweaking to sound better. There is a dearth of description in here, which in my mind leaves the characters floating in a bit of a void. You do seem to do pretty well with dialogue and character interactions, but that by itself isn't enough to make a story, especially when it's a story with as many OCs as this one since you also have to convince your audience to care about them. I don't think it is totally impossible, but I also don't think it would be a bad idea to take time to rework what you have here.