So... this was supposed to follow a prompt from the Adult request thread but it never ended up fulfilling the request. Every time I look at it, and try to consider how to push it forward, I get nowhere. Then I decided that maybe it should just be and this is all there is, even though it ends abruptly. There simply is no more. Here you go, kids. No beta. Short. Filled with holes and crappy grammar. Constructive criticism is completely welcome though. Just don't say I never gave you anything. :1 Tiger Balm The RED Soldier couldn't remember when exactly the enemy Spy began visiting his campsite outside the base. He did remember the confusion on the sneaky bastard's face and the Spy saying something about expecting to find the Sniper or the Engineer. Solly didn't kill him immediately because it was, after all, cease fire but he threatened to send the light weight packing if he got too snooty for Solly's tastes. The Spy remained silent during the rest of the conversation that he'd interrupted between Solly and his old war pals. The next time the Spy joined them, he came equipped with a blanket for himself and a thermos full of much better tea, though the Soldier wouldn't thank him for it. Solly had to check for poisoning and all sorts of cheap tricks before trying any. After that the Spy's arrival became something of a routine, to the point where Solly thought nothing of the Spy falling asleep against his shoulder and didn't bother to shrug him off. He only woke the Spy when he was going to head off to bed himself and the Spy grumbled something in one of those foreign languages that Solly didn't understand. When the Spy stood up and casually patted the top of the Soldier's helmet with a gloved hand, in the midst of saying good night, Solly almost choked with anger at being mocked and managed not to kill him at any rate. In the end, the Soldier's curiosity got the better of him. The Spy never said much, not even anything condescending, in spite of how often he chuckled into a gloved fist while holding a lit cigarette. The Spy was biting his tongue the whole time, which, given Solly's experience with him on the battlefield and with the RED Spy in general, went against the man's very nature. Those Spies lived for quips! “I never thought of you as the quiet type,†the Soldier mentioned as he lit one of his cigars and flicked the spent match aside without a thought. The BLU Spy stared into the fire as it spit up little bits of glowing ember around the edges before flicking the smoldering filter of his fancy cigarette in to add fuel to the flames. Then he took another sip of tea before wedging the cap of his thermos between his knees as he pulled out his fancy cigarette holder to procure another. The Soldier lit the end for him, with his own cigar, when it was offered towards him. The Spy took a long, pleasurable pull and finally shrugged as he let it out in one slow breath. The Soldier tried not to chew on the end of his cigar as he puffed idly, wondering whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. In the end, he decided it didn't matter much. The Spy wasn't being a jerk, which was all the Soldier had asked for. If that meant the Spy had nothing to say, there wasn't much the Soldier could do about it. Solly wasn't one to talk much anyway. Not with people, not unless he had some reason to. That didn't make the situation any less weird to the Soldier, however. “Pretty sure BLU's got a similar code of conduct. Got to keep your enemy an enemy so you don't go soft when you have to face 'em down. I respect that,†the Soldier said, “Just tell me why you keep comin' out here.†The Spy flicked a bit of ash off the end of his cigarette and rubbed his balaclava-clad chin as he continued to contemplate the fire. The Soldier glanced back at it himself and at the three old soldiers he'd stationed across from him. They remained impassive, though one of the Petes and Ironeye smoked their cigarettes as eagerly as their new-found companion. “You will laugh,†the Spy said. “I could use a laugh!†the Soldier snorted, “These guys are runnin' out of jokes to tell me. They don't see much action out here.†He gestured at his army friends as he turned to regard the Spy again and the Spy finally tilted his head to regard Solly, with his chin in his hand and his elbow on his knee. The Soldier puffed as he waited, making the inner edge of his cigar brighter as it ate up the aged tobacco before the built up ash trailed off the end like tiny gray snowflakes. “I wanted to know what you were doing,†the Spy finally answered. The Soldier blinked and tilted his head back to peer out from under his helmet directly at the Spy. “You didn't figure that out after the first time?†the Soldier asked. The Spy shook his head though he was smiling around his cigarette and his eyelids were drooping lazily or sleepily. One of the two. The Soldier couldn't imagine what was funny about that. “You're serious,†the Soldier muttered, “Huh. I meet with my old war buddies here pretty regularly because it's nice to find someone else who understands what it was like! Most of you guys are a little too young. You couldn't go or you don't even remember it.†The Spy gritted his teeth and sneered but he was looking at the fire again when he did. He muttered something that was probably obscene, it sounded like an explicative anyway, and then hissed. “I wish I did not remember. Or that I had the luxury of living somewhere farther from it,†the Spy said, “You, however, I wonder about. You speak of it with a light heart to these... 'men' and I can't believe you truly enjoyed it.†“I didn't enjoy it!†the Soldier snapped, “But I did my duty like any other freedom-loving American! And I'm simply sharing the memories because it's better than avoiding them! These are my friends! We helped each other out and that's what mattered!†The Spy looked at him sharply and then back at the Soldier's war pals. His expression softened and he gestured at them with a flick of the wrist. “Are they dead?†Spy asked. The Soldier stood up and kicked dirt over the camp fire, putting it out and venting his frustration all at the same time. He poured the last of his tea over the smoldering remains, making certain it had no way of reviving itself by accident, and stormed out into the starry night, the light of his cigar a tiny red star trying to guide him as he headed towards the faint glow coming from the RED base. He stopped and smacked the figure that appeared at his elbow, when he noticed it out of the corner of his eye. There was a satisfying huff and then a snarl, as the dark figure's own tiny star landed on the ground. “Stupid... you forgot their cigarettes! You are lucky I put them out for you or they could have caught fire!†the Spy snapped. The RED Soldier paused and watched the Spy, another dark figure blotting out the stars in front of him, as the Frenchman irritably passed him by and made his way towards the BLU base. Solly grumbled to himself. It was the Spy's fault he'd forgotten in the first place!
Yay! Dove! Ok, so its a fluff piece with Spy and Soldier, and Soldier being an ass rather than Spy. ... I think I can see where you're going. You wanted to crush Soldier's fond memories with the harsh realities of war? I kinda... would like to see that. And Soldier / Spy messy make outs aside, that would be interesting to see. Technically, fine, don't think there was anything overtly out of place, whole thing read well, so you were good! Mael
>>2 Excellent. That's exactly what I was going for, so I'm glad that came across. I also wanted to introduce smut but for some reason I couldn't make it happen. It wanted to stay pure fluff and vagueness I guess?
Thank you for writing a Soldier/Spy fic, the world needs more of this pairing :)
Dove, I'm gonna be the one to stick my neck out and say that I'm glad there wasn't smut in this fic. I mean, it's a serious fic about Soldier pretending that his dead war friends are alive. Random banging with Spy won't fit with that. So I'm glad you didn't write smut here...that's right, I'm saying less sex in TF2 fanfic can be good. What I have become as a human being!? A couple critiques: I'm not sure what the nature of Soldier's hallucinations were. Is he talking to empty air the whole time, or is he using something as a stand-in for his friends...like his head collection? I also find it weird that Soldier misses his old war buddies when he was rejected from three branches of the military, bought his own plane ticket to Europe, and fought by himself in the woods for several years. He technically didn't have war buddies because he fought by himself, so I don't see how he could miss or hallucinate them.
A couple critiques: I'm not sure what the nature of Soldier's hallucinations were. Is he talking to empty air the whole time, or is he using something as a stand-in for his friends...like his head collection? It's the three cardboard cut-outs from the Grodbort Soldier comic. I also find it weird that Soldier misses his old war buddies when he was rejected from three branches of the military, bought his own plane ticket to Europe, and fought by himself in the woods for several years. He technically didn't have war buddies because he fought by himself, so I don't see how he could miss or hallucinate them. Either he's simply pretending people who were dear to him were there with him, or they never existed and they are simply fantasies of what he wished he had with him when he was fighting in Europe, or he managed to befriend some men who were actually in the army, either before or after going to Europe, regardless of the fact that he was never accepted by the military. Sorry for the confusion. If he had answered Spy, it probably would have been clearer that those were the possibilities. Whenever I'm in a better mood, I'll try to add more or revise it to make all of that clearer. It's short enough, I might as well.
This isn't the most enveloping fanfic I've read, but it is far from the worst, and much to the chagrin of your title it seems original (Gods of Creation, strike me down for those blasphemous words). At the start, you seem to be telling us what happens as opposed to showing us; for instance, "Solly didn't kill him because, after all, it was cease fire, but he wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he was snooty and got on his nerves" (bad quote, ctrl+c isn't working for some reason). Here are few things that nag at me; the first is that you use Solly, instead of Soldier. This isnt too great because we don't already know the soldier well enough for a nick name, which without the fandom, would have no context. The second thing is that you repeat his name instead of use a word like he/she/it, making it seem more... Third person. "Brian doesn't like apples and Brian would like you to know that, since Brian thinks that is very important!" so said the great and wise barnacle, so named Brian. Finally, as mentioned earlier, you tell, not show, in an instance where showing could really bring us into the mood of the story. If you want smut, you might write something like "Soldier barely noticed at first. A shadow beyond the warm, orange-red of the campfire, shifting in the darkness, only cats-eyes, soft and wet, glimmering in the darkness. Night by night, despite the day's priory death by death, the shade arced forward, over the social barriers of the two opposing forced, red or blue, red and blue to the circle of hardened warriors, slipping in and, unnoticed, melding into one of them
(weird, my post got cut off) Yet subconsciously remaining alienated, like a blue tartan standing amongst the red Spartan." (I hope) that that would cover everything you wanted to cover in the first paragraph, but with more creative license; it allows to play up one character with powerful simillies and softly alienate the other without setting up too many tones of hostility to allow you to get all smut mc smut smut. Or you could write differently, playing up the alienation so that the bonding between them overtakes the smut, or the growing of a rift until they become close enemies, or whatever floats your boat to do what you want with the story. My overdrawn point is that telling doesn't engage the reader, unless it's appropriate such as a fight, and then you would describe the final killing blow to highlight it above the rest of the battle, for instance. I think that's all well and good from me; I'll shuffle away like the poorly organised incontinent bovine creature that I am...
much to the chagrin of your title it seems original I don't really see how it is original but thank you? At the start, you seem to be telling us what happens as opposed to showing us I'll admit, I did very little editing on this and yeah, probably not the best opening there. I'll try rewriting it sometime and start off showing more. I need the practice anyway. the first is that you use Solly, instead of Soldier Sorry, that's a bad habit of mine. I like abbreviating and trying to swap between the nicknames and the actual class names but I suppose it doesn't work very well here. I also have a weird aversion to referring to them as other things (like army man or American) for some reason. I also, after writing a lot of sex scenes, perhaps worry way too much about clarifying which he is he within a sentence. I'll try to liven it up and correct that issue with more general terms for them here and there. If you want smut, I appreciate the suggestion but I have pacing problems and I was trying to start off slower with this story, initially. Also, my hang-up wasn't that I have no concept of how to write sexiness (although all the crappy porn I've written in Adult would deny that notion) but that the story started off addressing a personal issue of Soldier's and I wasn't certain how to go from the idea of Soldier addressing his demons head-on to thinking about having sex with Spy. This may have been an issue of how I started it off, that's always possible, but I'd like to think it's not as easy as throwing in sex immediately and then suddenly steering around the mental trauma. If I simply can't comprehend the obvious marriage of the two, which is absolutely possible, then please tell me how to resolve the issue. Otherwise, I still don't see how exactly it will work. Maybe I need to apply a new angle or something?
as for your clarifying issue, well I would assume that Soldier would be 'he' and 'hi and the Spy would simply remain 'spy', to kind of point out that he is outside the friendship circle of Soldier; "there were his war friends, his camp-fire, his flask of tea, and then there was the Spy." I apologise for over pushing the smut front, I skim read the previous comments and that's what I thought you wanted tom work towards. With the nicknaming, it doesn't have to be anything special, it's just that a nickname implies long term relations between two people (friends, smut, enemies, whatevers) and can give a more relaxed atmosphere, but the title can be used to establish a character, and can also produce a solid, stern atmosphere, like the difference between Freddie and Frederick. Another observation is that using a nickname in a narrative implies somebody close to Solly is telling the story, such as helmet party Engi or fighting spirit Degroot, which on a more theoretical level (at least, with these characters) would imply that they disapprove of the relationship, for various chan fan reasons, but that's a large digression from the beating of the bush. Back on track, looking at previous plot related insight, this is about Solly facing mental trauma; you have a conflict (destruction of memories), and (it seems) like you want the resolution to be that Spy and Soldier get together at the end of it, or at least get all clingy flingy. The marriage of the two isn't the problem then, but instead how the marriage works; how is Spy going to brutalise Soldier's memories? What is his motivation? We know that Spy is interested (one way or another) in Soldier because of observations from afar, but how does that digress to Soldier's 'good old war time memory' destruction? Is a fit of anger; "You're stupid and everything you're doing is stupid"? Or is it much more like cannon Spy, where he plots and fiddles and manoeuvres his way into Soldier's head? And then, after all of the conflict is over, you need to think about the resolution; who goes to who for help? Does anybody go to anybody for help? How is Spy affected by his excavation of Soldier's mind? What kind of relationship is built between the Spy and the Soldier? Maybe a new angle would be a good thing, or a least following your angle through to say, part 3 before writing part 2, if you understand what I'm saying. I'm kind of burnt-out on advice right now, and I apologise if this went off track of what you wanted. If so, maybe it'll be third times the charm next time?
Also, isn't Tiger Balm that warm, spicy foot rub salve?
Also, isn't Tiger Balm that warm, spicy foot rub salve? Yes but Tiger Balm is used as a cure-all for anything and everything; it was sort of a tongue-in-cheek name that stuck. as for your clarifying issue, well I would assume that Soldier would be 'he' and 'hi and the Spy would simply remain 'spy', to kind of point out that he is outside the friendship circle of Soldier; "there were his war friends, his camp-fire, his flask of tea, and then there was the Spy." Sorry, I thought you meant that was a problem through-out the story, not that one paragraph? Hence why I responded the way that I did. But yes, there are instances were it's not hard to do that at all and that sentence does work wonders for expressing the initially unwelcome/unfamiliar sentiment. I apologise for over pushing the smut front, I skim read the previous comments and that's what I thought you wanted tom work towards That's fine. I enjoy writing smut and I enjoy getting feedback. I'm sorry if I came off aggressive or angry. I'm just a self-depreciating person by nature and I've been in a slump of late. With the nicknaming, it doesn't have to be anything special, it's just that a nickname implies long term relations between two people (friends, smut, enemies, whatevers) and can give a more relaxed atmosphere, but the title can be used to establish a character, and can also produce a solid, stern atmosphere, like the difference between Freddie and Frederick. Another observation is that using a nickname in a narrative implies somebody close to Solly is telling the story, such as helmet party Engi or fighting spirit Degroot, which on a more theoretical level (at least, with these characters) would imply that they disapprove of the relationship, for various chan fan reasons, but that's a large digression from the beating of the bush. I already completely understood what you were saying and that it stuck out like a sore thumb. (And I have written those pairings before.) I guess I simply saw no problem with the third person narrator referring to themselves with a nickname, since it is supposed to be from Soldier's POV, but I guess it's weird since other people tend to refer to them as such instead. I suppose Frederick would stick with either Freddie or Frederick when referring to himself, particularly from 3rd person limited. Back on track, looking at previous plot related insight, this is about Solly facing mental trauma; you have a conflict (destruction of memories), and (it seems) like you want the resolution to be that Spy and Soldier get together at the end of it, or at least get all clingy flingy. The marriage of the two isn't the problem then, but instead how the marriage works; how is Spy going to brutalise Soldier's memories? What is his motivation? We know that Spy is interested (one way or another) in Soldier because of observations from afar, but how does that digress to Soldier's 'good old war time memory' destruction? Is a fit of anger; "You're stupid and everything you're doing is stupid"? Or is it much more like cannon Spy, where he plots and fiddles and manoeuvres his way into Soldier's head? And then, after all of the conflict is over, you need to think about the resolution; who goes to who for help? Does anybody go to anybody for help? How is Spy affected by his excavation of Soldier's mind? What kind of relationship is built between the Spy and the Soldier? Umm... Okay. Since I guess I didn't get it across very well in the story itself, here is the breakdown of the situation as it currently stands. Spy is actually a nice person in this story (I know, perish the thought.) He was merely curious because this wasn't what he expected to find when he saw a frequently consistent campfire in the desert. If he were manipulative, he wouldn't have remained silent for so long. He would have been carefully choosing what he said, even if he kept it to a minimum, in order to get the answers a lot faster. Considering how often he loses his head to the RED team, in horrible ways, he may have simply been trying to avoid that. It's also less work and more comfortable when the rambling lunatic doesn't try to chase him off, so Spy decided to choose his battles and decided he didn't want any battles during cease fire. He didn't feel like talking, he really had nothing to say to the Soldier, and he didn't need to say anything. So I suppose he was simply unwinding out there and feeling lazy. He could have gotten the answers a lot faster but there was no need to speed up the process when the Soldier's insanity was at least somewhat entertaining. But Spy experienced WW2 in France rather directly and, though the occupation wasn't the all out war that other countries dealt with, it still seemed bizarre or clearly insane, to him, to hear Soldier speak of it as if it were a picnic with games to the cardboard cut-outs. He guessed that Soldier had to be lying about something and that he may have never been an actual Soldier. So Spy didn't intend to upset the Soldier but it eventually became too much for him, especially when the Soldier insinuated that he didn't have to deal with WW2. When the Soldier finally gave the Spy a more realistic answer, he leaped to a conclusion regarding the cardboard cut-outs, that was accurate enough to bring the Soldier falling back into a bitter reality. Solly, on the other hand, was simply lonely and missing his old friends, which is why he put up with the Spy's presence all that time. Especially since he wasn't exactly revealing company secrets out there. If it kept the Spy out of the RED base, it logically kept the Spy out of RED's business. Solly might be insane but he's not a complete idiot. The only problem in his logic was a failure to realize that the Spy was technically spying on him but, since he wasn't doing anything worth being fired over, he didn't think it would matter. He erroneously assumed all of his secrets were safe enough because the BLU Spy wasn't going to tell his RED team mates anything about him, being BLU and all (he didn't consider the Spies talking to one another but that may or may not be an issue anyway), while completely forgetting that the BLU Spy's opinions and thoughts could matter if he let it matter. So he didn't make Spy go away and eventually came to accept the man as an acquaintance, at the very least. And then, after all of the conflict is over, you need to think about the resolution; who goes to who for help? Does anybody go to anybody for help? How is Spy affected by his excavation of Soldier's mind? What kind of relationship is built between the Spy and the Soldier? I just have to think about it more, I guess. I think the key problem is that I can't see the Soldier giving up his pride enough to seek out the Spy and the Spy may think, at this point, that he has no business coming back. He found out what the Soldier was doing and why. I suppose the Spy might come back if he understands what sort of turmoil he's unintentionally done to the Soldier but he has to figure that out first. As far as the Spy is currently concerned, where it cuts off, Soldier had a tantrum and Spy would need to feel more invested in the situation to go looking for clues, later on, to find out that the Soldier is very unstable. The problem for me, really, is that the situation feels better off being more about friendship, I guess? I guess they would already need to be in a more romantic relationship for it to resolve romantically/smutty; so I would probably have to rewrite it to be able to get it to that point.