Just thought Id post a drabble of mine here, might post more later. Im not really sure if Im a good writer or not, but I'd like to get better at it. ----------------------------------------- He was standing in an egg. The Engineer stared dumbly at the floor, where a single egg lay smashed under his foot. He took a moment to register the uncomfortable feeling of raw egg on his socks before daring another look at his destroyed kitchen. He’d only gotten four hours of sleep, not nearly enough for his line of work. The previous day’s fights at Teufort had gone on longer than expected, both teams ending up in a stalemate while their respective Engineers held off any attempts at a capture. He’d only returned home during the wee hours of the night, and was woken by the clatter of a pan being dropped unceremoniously into his kitchen sink. When he’d gone to inspect the source of the noise, he’d stepped in an egg. All he could think to do at such an early hour was stand in his kitchen doorway in a blue bathrobe and stare at his kitchen. Which was filthy. Flour was practically everywhere, the countertops' usual mahogany color lay hidden beneath the powder as did the red tiled floor. An entire loaf of bread had, somehow, been spilled into a wet sink along with a jar of coffee beans. A single slice of bread managed to escape the sink’s watery graveyard, but had instead found itself burned to a crisp and abandoned on a stove burner. His old, yellowed fridge had been left open, a half-empty carton of eggs sat open beside it - probably spoiling as the minutes ticked by – and various pieces of filthy cutlery lay scattered through the kitchen. The man shuddered when he saw his spice cabinet open, bottles toppled every which way and a small, open jar of cinnamon teetering precariously over the edge. In the center of this mess was the Pyro, hovering over the counter beneath the Engineer’s spices. He was mumbling something to himself - maybe he was humming – while he did whatever it was that had created this mess. Dell could only faintly hear the quiet clinking of silverware on a plate. His rubber-suited comrade bumped ever so slightly into the open cabinet door, sending the cinnamon rolling off of its perch to clatter onto the floor… that was the last straw. He didn’t have to deal with this, not today of all days. “PYRO!†the Engineer’s voice was rough and angry, still hoarse from yelling at the enemy Spy, “WHAT IN TARNATION HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KITCHEN!?†The Pyro sat upright, banging his head on the bottom of the cabinet above him and causing more of the small bottles of spices toppling over. His teammate turned hastily, hiding something behind his back. The Pyro’s entire suit was covered in floury handprints and smears. The two housemates had a quiet standoff, neither saying a word. “I asked you a question, boy!†the Engineer leaned forward, staring angrily into the Pyro’s blank eyepieces, “Now answer it!†Pyro looked at the floor guiltily, hunching his shoulders. Dell knew he meant no harm, but he kept pride in his house just as he did with his nests on the battlefield. Seeing his kitchen in shambles was too much. “Nmmphin…†the Engineer continued to glare at his uncooperative teammate, tapping his foot on the floor. The egg smeared on the polished wood and his wool socks didn’t seem to faze him, “Uh jusht thut Uh’d…†he turned back around, fumbling with a plate for a moment before proudly offering it to the Engineer with outstretched arms, “Uh thut uh’d muk yoo uh nursh burrkfurst.†The Engineer’s anger cooled, turning into confusion as he looked at the plate. It was French Toast, crudely cut into the shape of a wrench and stacked neatly on the side of a plate. The scraps had been piled on the opposite side and drenched in syrup, a pile of fried eggs sat in the middle of the dish. “Oh.†He took the plate and wiped off a bit of the counter before setting it down again, “Well, thank ya kindly…†He rubbed the back of his neck with an arm, “Sorry ‘bout letting my temper get me like that, it’s just early an’ all an’ y’know we had a rough night at Teu-“ The Pyro wouldn’t let him finish his half-assed apology before grabbing him in a bearhug, practically squeezing the breath out of the groggy Engineer. “Uhm srry, Uh’ll clun uht up!†the Pyro’s grip was unrelenting, and the Engineer could only pat his head in acceptance of the apology, “Huhppy burfdurr!â€
That was pretty adorable.
"Huhppy burfdurr" is staying in my vernacular. This is cute. Hope to see more fluffy one-shots from you.
That gave me a happy. Thanks, man.
Engie/Pyro is one of my favorite couples ever. In my mind Pyro's a lady but I wouldn't care if it was slash. This one-shot's really in character. If Pyro likes to cook, and Pyro celebrated Australian Christmas in Engie's house, then it only makes sense that Pyro would celebrate Engie's birthday by cooking for him!
Thank you for the praise, folks! I half-expected these to go unnoticed. That Christmas comic actually got me thinking that Pyro and Engie lived together, though (as much as I love that pairing to bits) I haven’t figured out under what circumstances. For now, it just gives me a reason to write silly fluffy things. I apologize if this seems half-assed at all, I wrote this for lack of anything better to do with my free time. ------------------------------- SQUUUUAAAARRRK!! It was that noise again! He’d been hearing it for nearly two days now but, no matter where the Engineer looked, he could not find the source. Today it had grown in frequency and volume. Any time he asked the Pyro whether it knew anything about the mysterious squeaks and chirps that had been reverberating around the house, it denied even hearing them… and, now that he thought about it, the only place he’d not yet looked was the Pyro’s eternally locked room upstairs. It was right fishy, he thought. Dell abruptly stood up from his comfy chair, tossing the newspaper he’d been trying to read onto its cushions. He would find this noise once and for all, and he knew exactly where he was going to look first. CHYUUUUUUUUUUURP!! Maybe it was pigeons. Those things were always roosting in his attic, though he’d not found any trace of the pests when he last looked up there. Raccoons? One got stuck in the fireplace once, though it didn’t make noises quite like that. He moved up the staircase as quietly as he could, avoiding the squeakier steps and stopping any time he thought he made too loud of a noise. CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! It was definitely coming from the Pyro’s room. He could hear his housemate trying to shush something in there, but it was hard to tell even now that he’d reached the door. “Pyro, what th’Hell are you doin’ in th-“ “MMPH UH MHNNUT!†The Engineer practically had the side of his face pressed to the door by now, doing his best to listen to the double-muffled voice of the Pyro. He heard some more of that accursed squeaking and the banging of his housemate shoving something into his full closet. He just about fell when the Pyro opened its door, if only halfway. “Now Py, what have you got in there?†Dell was leaning from side to side and trying his best to see past the Pyro, who was doing his best to tower over the shorter man and block off any sight of his room. “Nnthun! Jush prrcurshun muh whusslin!†“…but you can’t whistle.†“Shhur uh chhn! Phhh- phhhhhhhhh-“ Dell clapped a hand over his face, pushing open the door while Pyro was busy trying to make some semblance of a whistle get past his mask’s filter. There was a bag of birdseed spilled onto the scorched carpet. “Now, what’s this birdseed doin’ here?†“Nnnthn! U-uh wnntuhd tuh luhs suhm weht! Uhm guhuhn uhn uh diuht!†SKWUUUUUURK!! The Engineer stomped to the closet, grabbing the handle while giving the Pyro the sternest look he could manage while he opened it. What greeted him was the usual pile of fireworks, random articles of clothing, and various old action figures. What wasn’t so usual, however, was the bronze birdcage sitting on it. A small blue parakeet, looking absolutely terrified, sat on a swinging perch inside. He turned and glared at his housemate. “Thuh mhhdhk guhv muh hrr! Huh cuhdnt kuhp hrr wuth huhs hudda, biggha burds!†Dell crossed his arms, keeping up his glare. “Uh nhhmed hrr Sprrnkkles! Shuh jush wuhntuhd uht! Pluhsh duhnt muhk muh guht ruhd huff hrr!†the Pyro’s tone got more desperate as it dropped onto its knees dramatically, clasping it’s gloved hands together. The Engineer couldn’t take it any longer and burst into a fit of laugher, picking up the birdcage and setting it outside of the dark closet. “SPRINKLES?†he made a show of getting to the Pyro’s unmade bed, sitting on it and continuing his laughter, “Ah ain’t gonna make you get rid of it, Py, so long as you feed it and keep it quiet… but… Sprinkles?†It was the Pyro’s turn to cross his arms in a huff. “Uh thunk Sprrnkkles’s uh guhd nuhm.†The Engineer paid him no attention, getting up and walking back out the door while wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.