MAID is a class that I've seen once or twice, once as a position that ultimately didn't work out, and once more as a shamless self insert. This is my heavy handed try at it, warn me if it becomes too Mary-Sue-ish or starts to read as a self insert. It is meant to be neither, but has been eating my brain non-stop. If I could think of a class that is actually usable in battle without stepping on the others' toes, I would have created a male character. I couldn't. Have a female. Edited by me. No beta. ~~~ A common complaint for the RED team, no matter the base, was the want for a general maid. The only exceptions for this were Soldier and Sniper, one having trained himself to be meticulous with all his equipment and the other out of necessity from living in a harsh environment with few, if any, amenities. For Scout, it was the simple and childish act of rebellion. His teenaged years were spent under the strict rule of his mother and the three older brothers still at home, and he no longer wanted to clean up after himself or others more then the absolute minimum. Engineer simply forgot to take care of any of the living spaces, though his shop was clean, to a point. Spy was immaculate everywhere except for the kitchen. On the nights he was slotted to cook, there was usually more than one person Soldier put down for kitchen clean-up, though it was hit-or-miss if even one would show for it. Pyro like to amass piles of flammables. Everywhere. Demo often overlooked the fact that there were things to be cleaned, in between working with highly explosive materials and his beloved scrumpy (ironically, also highly explosive if handled correctly) Heavy kept everything tidy, but as he was the only one to do so, he was not opposed to help. Medic... kept his operating room clean, mostly. There was no helping the birds, they found invisible holes into the lab and returned no matter how many times they were removed. Everywhere else became cluttered and dusty, though clean otherwise. After nearly a year of requests and watching the team live with questionable hygiene, the Announcer finally gave in. She was not completely happy about needing to pay yet another person- a non-combatant none-the-less!- and so her announcement came over the speakers at the crisp time of 03:30. She let the microphone give an almighty feedback screech after cranking up the volume before starting her update. "Wake up, RED Team, I have an important announcement to make!" She watched with satisfaction as the men reached a state of adrenaline doused alertness. "Your requests have been approved. You will be gaining a new member, Class MAID, which will arrive tomorrow with the regular supply train. I have taken it upon myself to unpack the chocolate bars in order to make room for her; You are welcome. Your battle begins in three hours. Do not fail me this time." As she watched the general fussing and the rude gestures at the ceiling, she felt a warm swelling in her breast. It was good to find that she was still able to ruin days and piss people off with the absolute minimum effort on her part. ~~~ When she ended up in front of the Judge after time allowed for the 'extensive and exhaustive' lab results and detective work, she was completely tired and fed up with the cart and pony show and wanted to either be let off the charges or put into prison; the limbo of not know had frayed her nerves beyond what she cared to endure. When the all-male jury sent her to prison, she figured she's last a month. After five months in prison, and after killing three would-be assailants and maiming a hands-y security guard, she figured she'd never get out of solitary, much less be able to have a civilian life. That older woman with the sadistic smile who visited her then and offered freedom for the price of her old cleaning skills? She was both unexpected and a God-send. The young woman didn't think the offer was serious but she agreed anyway because it beat her current predicament in spades. She was out of prison by the end of a week and on a train to her new 'base' three days following. The rules and general guidelines were written down and currently in her lap; a nice thick stack of 10 font writing, no spaces and 1/2 inch borders. She figured she'd read most of it once she settled in. She was told to expect 'gore, bloody messes, dirty field dressings, the occasional dismembered limb, dirt, dust, urine(hopefully only in the bathrooms?), soap scum, vomit, dried-on food stains, dirty toilets, stained sheets, and other cleaning services.' She was beginning to wonder if the base was a hospital for soldiers wounded in combat. She just didn't know of an active war that would be causing carnage. Unless the rumors were true...? She dismissed the thoughts and straightened the highly starched shirt she was issued. Why she had to have a stylized feather duster - or was it a toilet plunger?- on her sleeve was another mystery, but again, it was still better then rotting away in prison. As the train started to slow, she finally began to hope she could have something of a life again. If she never had to fight for her life or see someone die in front of her, she could live happy. ~~~ It was Train Day and the Scout was as excited as... an excited Scout. There was nothing as awesome as himself that he could even think of to compare to himself. The battle the day before was a stalemate but today they were getting a Girl! (It was a 93% chance that the Maid would be a chick, Engie did the math for him) He hadn't seen a woman since the last time he was on leave and it was past due time in his opinion. There would be no way she'd be able to resist him, none of the other fags could even compair! The Soldier said something earlier about a woman's job was to keep up the men's morale; well, Scout could think of /three/ ways for his 'morale' to be improved. He smiled to himself as he thought about it. The Sniper was leaning on the far end of the loading station, keeping a look-out for the train, but the last time he went to get an update, the aussiefucker had nearly broke his nose. Demo was over by Soldier but Scout didn't even want to talk to the scott since he had tried to kill everyone's mood earlier by saying shit about all the women that did maid work being handsome as boar-hounds, soft as cacti and less willing to let a man touch 'em then a feral cat. Well, screw that, Scout was better looking then that one eyed drunk ass, he'd be sure to bag her, no problem. Even if she was ugly, shoot, she was still a /she/! The spy took a spot near him and he was too high on what he would do when the maid got there that he didn't even notice. The Frenchman took a deep drag on his smoke before speaking, "Are you so sure that, if it is a female, she would look twice at you?" Scout bristled, "Fuck yeah, man, I'm awesome and younger then your old ass. There's no way she could say no." Spy snorted, spitting disdainfully, "This is why we do not need a woman in this war. She will only distract the men who have more libido then brains." Scout curled his lip, knowing an insult when he heard one, "Whatever, fag. You may be fine in this sausage fest but I am so ready to get some tits in here." The Sniper called the arrival of the supply train, leaving Spy to wonder off with merely an eye roll. Scout stood at the edge of the platform, sticking his head out to see if he could catch sight of it. He saw nothing. "The hell, you seeing things, Down Under? There ain't anything out there." The older man didn't reply, but after a few minutes, Scout see the shimmer of fast approaching metal in the distance. He accused Sniper of guessing. After another 20 minutes, or in Scouts loudly voiced complaints, forever later, the train finally came to a halt. Scout pushed up to the front, courtesy of bony elbows, to be the first to be seen once the doors opened. His wish was derailed and burned by the Soldier grabbing the back of his t-shirt and tossing him behind the veteran. Even Scout learned after a certain number of respawn trips that the man generally got his way. He settled for being second. The doors opened automatically with a hiss of hydraulic pumps. Scout jumped around a little, peering over the broader shoulders in front of him, boxed in on either side by Demo and Heavy- how did he get this far back in line?!- and saw nothing but boxes. Soldier huffed, "The Announcer must have been lying, Team! There are only boxes in this train. Hop to it, Maggots, and get this train unloaded within the hour! WAR WAITS FOR NOTHING!!" Scout was left disappointed as the others loaded onto the train to get to the boxes. No maid? No chick? Not one set of tits in the whole desert, still?! He could hear the Sniper chuckling and the Heavy asking the Medic if the Maid could have been packed in a box also. But no, no one even held onto that hope as an option and Scout regrettably started to unpack the stacks of supplies with the others. Damn. ~~~ Spy looked at the long line of train cars that the train boasted and picked out the passenger cart at the end. No doubt the Sniper had also seen it, but if the bushman wasn't going to bring it up, it was one more thing for him to hold close to his chest, if only until it made it's way to be unloaded. Ok, this will not be a fic where she magically falls in love with any of the team. In case any of you had that hope. I hate those. There will be plot. Beware. (Should I also warn that I have tried to write these glorious bastards before and have failed lovingly?)
Well, it looks good so far! I'm interested in seeing how this develops - it seems promising.
I am curious to see where you go with this. But please, try to find yourself a beta. When writing dialogue, give each character speaking their own paragragh, don't mash several speakers together. There is some weird wording in this that makes me re-read sentences before it sinks in. Though that may just be me being tired. Please flesh out you maid chracter first. Why was she in prison? what did she do before she was convicted? What experiences did she have while int here The whole set up for her felt very brief and rushed. On another note, wouldn't Ms Pauling be sent as a representative of the announcer? that's what usually happens in the comics.
I'm not a writefag, but I like where this headed. (I'm also glad that She sounds different from my Maid OC, who is a civilian.)
>>3 I have yet to find a beta but I read and re-read the shoot outta this thing and I hope that'll work until I snag one. A beta that is. Thank you for the crit. I'll admit to writing the first while dead tired, which is the only reason it ever got posted in the first place. I don't need liquor for bad decisions, just less sleep, heh. I took your words into account this time and I hope it helps. > 4 My dear Marie, do you have ficcage for this claim? Lol, I would love to see other's take on the Maid OC, like I alluded to earlier, I have yet to see anything good with them. Ok, on to the love. Otherwise titled, Part II!!! ~~~ By the time there were only a few boxes left, mostly the last choice rations that the team would grudgingly eat the month before the next food supply, most of the others had left, leaving only Soldier, Sniper, Spy and Heavy to finish unpacking. Generally, Spy would have left shortly after the perishables had been carted inside but this time he was curious about the newest member they were about to be saddled with. Not to say Spy was necessarily being much help, but he did stack the lighter crates for easy maneuverability every time the Soldier turned in his direction. Heavy had the list of ordered goods on a clip board and was marking off the last of the items as Sniper contemplated ‘accidentally’ dropping the hefty box of dried milk. Soldier was simply moving all crates off the train and leaving it for the others to sort through. As he stepped off with the last box of military grade trail mix, the doors hissed shut and the box cars slowly started to move forward. Soldier and Heavy ignored this, both being used to the automated movement after they were done with unpacking, but Sniper and Spy shared a quick glance before waiting for the passenger car to pull into place. Soldier was the first to notice the men’s sedentary state and immediately let drop his crate of spam. “What do you ladies think you are doing? These boxes will not walk themselves into the base! Get your asses in gear, Maggots!†The Spy, predictably, paid no mind to the shouting so it was up to the Sniper to acknowledge the order before the other blew a gasket. “There’s a passenger section at the end of the train, mate. I figure that’s where they stored the Maid.†Heavy turned at that and put down the three boxes of dries beans he had been about to carry into the base. Soldier frowned at that, pulled between disagreeing that the Australian was right, ordering everyone to finish with the last of supplies, or waiting to give the new man a true American Welcome. He settled for scowling deeply under the shelter of his helmet and standing at parade rest at the edge of the platform. The entire team should have been here! Or at least Engineer. Possibly Scout, though that loud mouthed son of a bitch barely had the grasps of what it took to be a true American soldier! Instead, he was standing with a hippy, a white-flag waving bleeder and a Commie. Well, he would just have to make the best of a bad situation and make sure his newest recruit was given a warm welcome! The train ground to a halt and the door opened once more. There was a moment of staring at an empty doorway before the woman stepped into view. She was dressed like a man, with roomy dark brown pants pulled over black work boots. She had on a red work shirt, a collared button up with short sleeves, that was neatly ironed and tucked into her pants. She wore no make-up and her hair was up in a tight bun. Soldier could feel his blood pressure spike. A woman should be in a dress! She should have her hair down, and it should be long. Also, make-up; a woman should wear just enough make-up to highlight the glorious job God did in making her! She was unable to say anything before the Soldier gave his first impression by stepping forward and barking, “A woman on the battlefield is there for the morale of the men! You will either sleep with all of my men or you will not touch one of them! There will be no dissension among my ranks, do I make myself clear, Sally?!†Maid took half a step back, retreating into the train once more with wide eyes. When she did speak, though, her voice was strong and even, “I had no plans to have any sex, at all.†The spy snorted but it was easily ignored, even if the lady did look his way with a glare. But, Soldier now had the duty to be a perfect gentleman; women had to be handled with Men Gloves. You had to be firm and make sure that they knew their place, but you never hit them. Men only hit BLU’s and Spys! He held out his hand and contemplated taking off his helmet, but in the end decided not -There could be BLU’s at any moment!- “Welcome to the Fastlane Base, Ma’am.†His hand was stared at for a drawn out moment before Maid finally took the two steps forward in order to shake it; her grip was strong and Soldier decided to take that as a good sign. “Where are your bags, miss? As a man, it is my duty to carry them onto base for you!†She silently pointed to the messenger bag hanging from her shoulder. Odd, it wasn’t like a woman to carry so little with her. He offered again to carry it for her but she smiled and declined and the Soldier stopped trying. Obviously, he was going to have to work at getting her to act properly. ~~ The Spy felt nearly nauseous watching the spectacle unfold in front of him. The soldier was acting like a simpering idiot for that girl, asking to carry her bag, treating her nicely; it was obvious that she had already started to ensnare him, with barely any effort at that. If he tried to call her on it, though, not only would she look hurt and upset, but it would be a chain reaction; the Soldier would come to her rescue, Spy himself would be labeled an outcast, and every successive catch she made would turn against him also until he was effectively ostracized from the team. She probably didn’t even know she was doing it, females had the instinctive need to be protected and they would lie and cheat and play anyone who could fall into that category. Spy would not fall for it, he was smarter then that, he knew what to look for. Scout would probably be the next to fall, but if he played his cards right, he could warn more of the team away from her and protect the unity before it degraded to the point that they couldn’t fight. The woman was edging away from the Soldier now and keeping her distance from the rest of them as well; probably trying to play coy, but coming off as nervous and afraid instead. She clutched at her sole bag and hooked her other thumb into her back pocket. “So, you all knew I was coming; that cuts out some of the introductions. But, I’m the Maid. Did any of you have anything that needed to be done immediately, or is there a map… I need some direction.†Spy fought down the sneer at her weak attempt to get an escort to hang off of and decided that he’d do the dishonor instead of letting one of his simple minded companions get sucked into her scheme. He took a slight step forward, “Follow me. I will show you around the base. I trust you can remember everything you see the first time? I would hate for you to get lost and need assistance any further.†Her face tightened slightly but otherwise stayed calmly blank. She nodded and gave him thanks then followed him wordlessly as he led the way. To be honest, the base was rather large. It was mostly underground, securely locked during the daily battles. It was very slightly apart from the battlegrounds themselves, though one could get back up to them during ceasefire if they so desired. He led her through the main entry, where the team would generally emerge for the countdown at the beginning of the day. There was a flight of stairs leading down into a short hall that opened up into the main living space. He told her this and then the questions started, “Will I be required to wash the stairs or would it be best to leave that for the end of the week?†Spy glanced back and noted the mud caked on from rain, sweat and blood. He shrugged, “Leave it for the end of the week. No doubt no one else will even notice.†He moved on, leading her first to the war zone of the kitchen, still with dirty dishes from breakfast and lunch- her face fell so delightfully- and then to the entertainment room. Both the living area and the kitchen were large, as it should be with nine rambunctious men living in close quarters, but the entertainment room was bigger than both. There was a card table, pool table and a nearly destroyed mini bar. The TV was backed against a wall with two couches and a love seat in a half moon around it. To the side there was a movie projector set up with a mildly stained sheet pinned to the wall. The whole place was a picture of disarray and filth. When she asked, he gave her permission to organize things a bit, though if the others became disgruntled it was on her head. He then led her down the hall that housed the bedrooms, four doors on one side and five on the other. There were name cards on each door and from Scouts room came the sound of The Beatles playing. She looked intrigued at the name tags, “Are these the only people on base?†He lit a cigarette as he thought about how to answer her. This was a good time to start figuring out more about the girl, at any rate. “What do you know about your assignment?†He asked, watching her closely. Her hand raised up and went to the nape of her neck before she aborted the movement and brought it back down. “I’m to be a Maid. I’m not supposed to give out personal information, though what counts as personal was never defined. My uniform is the only outfit I’m allowed to wear. I am not allowed to interact with the enemy, unless it is to kill them. Names outside of the designated class labels are forbidden.†She looked at him directly, meeting his eyes and searching him in turn, “Is there anything else I need to know?†He fought down the urge to smile; this he could use. He could keep the fact of Respawn away from her, the details of what really took place outside of these walls. Perhaps the shock of death and mayhem so close to her will force her to demand to return to her no doubt safe and sound life of before. He just had to find the best moment, once she started to feel safe, to spring on her the bloody and gory truth. He, instead, nodded, “Oui, these are true, though the chances you will ever see an enemy are very slim.†He took a drag on his cigarette to draw out the moment; she was unfazed. “The only people you will see are the nine whose doors you have just past. Everyone has their laundry in their room and the sheets have not been changed in a fair amount of time.†“There are more floors, going about three levels further down. There are many empty rooms, several which contain unused supplies that have been written off and forgotten about. I’m sure one of them holds a bed that you could sleep in. Come, I will show you Medic’s lab and where the laborer keeps his workshop. Ah, and the showers.†The rest of the trip through the base was fairly quick, just showing her the doors to Medic’s infirmary and Engineer’s shop. The bathrooms were easy enough also, with all the showers in the back behind the lockers acting as a divider. The toilets and sinks were to the front of the room. Then he pointed her down to the stairs, “There’s not much down there but I’m sure you can find yourself a room, eventually. It would probably be best if you used the rest of tonight to settle in, by yourself. Tomorrow everyone will be outside for a majority of the day. You should work then; the men do not need unwarranted distractions, oui?†She seemed miffed, standing stiff and not taking her eyes off of him. In fact, she had been that way the entire time. As she started to turn to go down the stairs without a reply, Spy changed his mind and grabbed Maid’s shoulder, whereupon she froze completely and rigidly. How intriguing. ~~~ The man grabbed her and stopped her, right after clearly dismissing her from his presence. His hand, even under the gloves, was bony and she knew with a little more pressure would pinch and bruise her easily. “What?†She snapped out, tossing it sideways over her shoulder at the ridiculously masked man- did he know he looked like a robber?- She was tired of both men who had spoken to her today being condescending and rude and sexist beyond all thought. Even most of her former guards had acted better. He squeezed Maid’s shoulder for a moment and she clearly felt the warning in it and decided that being meek in this situation would do her good. She turned and faced him properly. “What is your reason for being here? Why did you agree to be hired?†His french accent was atrocious and she wanted nothing more than to be away from it. She also figured his questions landed into personal information, “I’m not able to answer that. I’ll probably be fired.†Slimy bastard. He ‘tisked’ in derision, “That does not matter, everyone knows why everyone else is here. I would like to know what,†He sneered, who actually still sneers? “Forced you into our company. It is a common curiosity.†She felt her lips twitch into a frown and tilted her head respectfully, “If that is true, then I’ll still decline because I don’t wish to discuss it.†It was his turn to look peeved and she felt lighter for it. “I’m going to take my leave now, unless there is something else you need to show me?†He lit yet another cigarette, a move possibly calculated for maximum rudeness before reclining against the wall. “There is one more thing, ma petite.†She didn’t feel comfortable with the name he added at the end; nicknames implied closeness and she didn’t care for this man to feel like he had that right. She also didn’t know what it meant, which rubbed her the wrong way. “The Soldier, he did not mention this earlier. While he may see you as morale for the team, I know that you could sow seeds to tear us apart.†She was pretty sure she knew where this was headed but the foresight did not make the on-coming fear lessen any. “If I start to see this happen, no matter that you meant it to come about or not, I will have no problem in… removing the issue, oui?†She could feel the blood run ever so slightly away from her face; it apparently was just enough for him to notice, since he smiled then, “Ah, wonderful, we understand each other! As some of our men are very susceptible to womanly ‘charms’ I suggest that you keep yourself away after we finish our jobs. There will be plenty of time to clean while we are away and I trust you can find something to amuse yourself with once we return.†Maid tried her best to not run down the stairs but it was a near thing. The man laughed as she left down the darkened stairwell, shouting down a faint ‘adeiu’ as she fled. She was humiliated once she reached the bottom and flicked on the light switch, shaking off the lingering terror. She had faced worse then him, but the fact the she wanted to come here, that this was supposed to be her second chance… Thinking wasn’t doing her any good; she inspected the new landing instead. The hall was identical to the once above it, though without the markings of steady travel. The first door she opened was empty and the second stacked with cots. It was there that she took a seat and closed the door, finding herself almost calm once the lack of everything began to remind her of solitary. At least there no one could easily get to her. As she began to go through her only bag, equipped with one extra uniform, a notebook, pens, and her pistol, she thought back on her incarceration. The whole investigation was a farce to begin with; once she had walked in on the Mayor beating in his wife’s face with a golfing trophy, she should have known that they were never going to believe her instead of him. She had screamed then, as loud as she knew how, trying to get a guard to come and help her. The mayor had already backed away by then, stumbling to his desk and picking up his phone. She ignored him and rushed to the other lady’s side, but by then she was already on the cusp of death. Her face had been gushing blood, a few peeks of fleshy brain matter showing through her once auburn hair. Maid had felt sick at the time but the memory had lost most of it’s terror by now. Maid had gotten herself completely soaked in blood and as she heard the cops coming into the stateroom, the Mayor had flung her away and took to sobbing over his now dead wife, accusing his maid of doing the deed. The police had not even questioned him and she ended up in a jail cell without bail for the rest of the investigation. Prison didn’t even bare thinking about at the moment. She put out her clothes on the cots stacked on her left and decided that it would be best to learn the area she would be spending her off time- Namely; away from everyone else- It would give her time to compare if prison were actually worse, at least. ~~~ Yes, I realized I didn't have anyone introduce themselves to her at all... I'll get to that, I promise. I've got five plot-lines going through my head all at once, but that's the only way I can get things done. I hope this fleshed her out a little and that Spy and Soldier (And tiny silent Heavy... so silent) were believable. Soldier made my friend laugh at least...
Spy's been working at his job so long it's made him paranoid!
I like this, but I suggest that you try to always, always go to a new paragraph when a new person is talking. It makes everything much smoother.
I like how spy overanalyzes everything this girl does! Can't wait to see how the other team members react to her.
This seems solid enough so far, though I'd like to see a lot more characterization on all fronts, not just between two people in a scene. For example, you had Heavy and Sniper stick around for offloading, and yet didn't utilize them for so much as an aside to the conversations already happening. Regardless, I'd like to read more and see where you're taking the story. I will gladly offer myself as a beta - my email is included, but you can also contact me on AIM under "australianisms".