1 . Name: Anonymous @ 2011-09-18 00:12

Alternate Title: WHY? Just... why?

Why did I write this? Why am I de-lurking? Why am I posting this HERE?

...

Okay, FINE, Brain. You win. You can post this crazy, stupid crossover here instead of a place that won’t shank me for crossing TF2 with an anime. And a MAGICAL GIRL anime of all things. Just don’t blame me when we both DIE HORRIBLY via BANHAMMER and you can’t get your Spy/Scout/Sniper fix.

Some warnings before I start this trainwreck.

One: I don’t usually post here, so WHAT IS FORMATTING.

Two: I reiterate: This is a Team Fortress 2/Puella Magi Madoka Magica crossover. It’s... kind of AU and plays hard, loose and fast with the timelines of all ‘verses involved.

Three: The main characters are all genderbends who eventually branched off and became OCs, but still retain their canon counterpart’s basest personalities and many of their quirks.

Christ, this whole plotbunny is like playing Payload. You work hard to get the bomb to its end, it causes a big bloody mess, and at the end it will evitably explode in another giant bloody mess. That, or it’s like a trainwreck, but I think a Payload analogy is more clever and serves as a better intro. Anyway, LET’S PUSH THE CART!

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“And so, we wound up shuttin’ down the pickle factory for an entire day! It was fuckin’ awesome!” The teenager’s laughter echoed off the tall brick walls before dying down, “…and then we spent the night in jail, and Mom grounded us for like, six months.”

“Riveting,” Her companion said, rather sarcastically.

“She threatened to ground us for longer, too. Like, ‘until we’re dead, and then she will ground our departed souls’ longer.”

Silence. Austin looked over at her friend. “What, you got anything better, Caroline?” She asked, when it was clear her tale hadn’t gotten the response she had wanted.

“Mm, maybe.” Caroline fiddled with a lock of dark hair, “Though it is a bit… spooky.”

Austin snorted, “Try me.”

“Alright.” Caroline took a moment, staring up at the darkening sky. They walked on through the city, Austin’s eyes drifting over their surroundings in the meantime, past cars, onto stoplights and signs, and whatever else happened to catch her attention.

“…do you remember Johnny, from chemistry class?” Caroline said at last.

“The one who hasn’t shown up for school in two days?” Austin asked, recalling the ferrety teen who usually kept to himself, and seemed even more withdrawn when they’d last seen him.

“Yes, the very same. He hasn’t shown up… because he’s gone missing.”

Austin felt her eyes widen before her sense of skepticism kicked in. “Really? Who says?”

Caroline smiled, a bit dangerously, “Oh, a friend of a friend… and he hasn’t just gone missing, he’s vanished, and if my sources are correct, they won’t even find his bones.”

Austin felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.
There was something in the way Caroline said it… “Why?”

Caroline’s eyes were shining mischieviously, “I’ll tell you, and I can show you the spot where he vanished.”

They kept going, Caroline in the lead, moving much quicker now that they had a definite goal in mind instead of aimless wandering, while Caroline told the story of their unfortunate classmate. Austin didn’t really believe it – Johnny could just be sick, or have had an accident, or a family emergency, or any number of things that would keep him out of school - but a good ghost story that took place in her own backyard? That got her attention.

“And he turned the corner,” Caroline said, “onto the corner of North Second Street and Koth Avenue,” Austin looked up instinctively at the street signs; Koth and North Second. They went across the busiest intersection in the area, moving quickly to avoid drawing the ire of stopped motorists. Austin watched the cars that they passed; a blue Prius, a bright yellow Hummer, several cabs, two Chevvies, and one person with an unusual yellow bike helmet and wearing all black, riding on a motorcycle. The biker watched them as they passed; Austin could feel those eyes on them from behind the tinted visor. Then they reached the other sidewalk, the light changed, and Austin heard the idling engines roar to life as Caroline led her to a secluded alley way.

“…and then he stopped right here.” Caroline went on, pointing inside.

“He wanted to leave, but he felt something urging him on. Against his better judgement, he stepped into the back alley.

“By the time he came to his senses, he realized the street lights behind him had vanished. He turned around, sure that he hadn’t gone that far, only to find that the entrance itself had vanished.”

Austin stared into the alley way, sure that Caroline’s story was a campy urban legend… but something about this place rubbed her the wrong way.

“What happened next?” She asked.

There was silence, and Austin was about to turn around and ask Caroline to her face when suddenly something tackled her from behind, shouting, “He got eaten by a monster!”

Austin yelped and spun around, throwing Caroline off. Caroline laughed, straightening and smoothing out her glossy, dark hair.

“That wasn’t funny!” Austin shouted.

“Then why are you smiling?” Caroline chuckled.

Austin sighed, the sigh turning into a sort of snorting laugh, “Okay, points for details, but that’s some seriously cliché ending!”

“Cliché?” Caroline asked, making a big show of her exasperation, “Is it cliché if it actually happened?”

“Pft, really?”

“Step inside,” Caroline planted herself by the entrance and gestured to it with a flourish, “And see for yourself.”

Austin crossed her arms and puffed out her chest. “Alright,” she said, confident, “I’ll go see your ‘monster’.”

She walked inside, shooting a playful smirk at Caroline’s smug look. Once inside, though, she couldn’t deny there was a change in the mood that would lend itself nicely to a scary story: the dying sunlight was blocked, casting the little nook in deep shadow, and moisture from April showers left the alley feeling dank, like a cave. It was a cool spring night, but even with her jacket Austin was shivering, and she wasn’t entirely sure it was from the cold.

“Okay, Caroline,” She said, throwing her voice over her shoulder, “There’s nothing here.”

Silence again.

Austin turned around, “Caroline? This isn’t-”

The last word died in her throat as she saw it. She wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, but behind her the familiar light of streetlamps and stoplights suddenly vanished in a ripple of darkness.

“Caroline!” Panicking, Austin ran back just as the city vanished completely. Austin put her hand out, groping blindly in a black void, hoping to feel some kind of painted wall or a hologram or some shit like that- instead she felt air.

Austin turned back around. She was alone, in a cave-like maze of blacks and reds and… broken segments of train track? That had not been there a second ago.

No other way presented itself. Hugging herself, Austin followed the tracks. Her mind was reeling; this had to be some kind of sick, overly elaborate joke, that’s what it was.

She looked up at an orphaned track segment that was stapled onto the ceiling; the entire tunnel glowed eerie red, and gooey-looking stalagtites, clinging to the track, dripped a glutinous red substance. Yeah, definitely an overblown joke.

“Caroline!” Austin shouted into the blackness, “What the hell are you trying to do?”

Her voice echoed off into the maze. A violent shiver ran up Austin’s spine, but she kept moving.

Her foot falls, soft though they were, reverberated off walls that glowed faintly, almost like lava. The only noises were those footfalls and Austin’s own breathing. The sinister-looking red goo was all over the walls and kept dripping from the ceiling. Something shuffled in the distance.

“Hello?” Austin called, “Hey, who the hell’s there?”

Something growled from the dark tunnel ahead of her.

She didn’t need to be told twice; Austin turned tail and ran as hard and as fast as she could, heart pounding and body fueled by adrenaline, listening to some slithering noise behind her. Bits of traintrack whirled by, but the whatever-it-was kept getting louder, and closer. Out of the corner of her eye, a creature made out of the stuff off the walls was gaining on her on her. Breathing ragged, Austin put on an extra burst of speed; but the thing was impossibly fast, chasing her down. Then, her foot caught on a stay bit of rail and Austin hit the dirt.

Recovering quick, Austin rolled over, determined to at least at the monster, and saw a massive serpent-like creature, made out of what looked horribly like partially congealed blood. It reared, like a snake, and lunged-

Just when Austin thought she was done for, a loud shot rang out. It passed right between Austin and the monster; distracted, both of them looked in the direction it came from. They saw a brief yellow flash before another shot wizzed by, clipping the thing on the side of its “face” and splattering dark red jelly on Austin. Two more shots, and the monster finally seemed to figure out what was going on. It reared, and rushed towards a secluded side tunnel. A figure rushed out of it, landing right next to Austin.

“Tch, civillians.” Said an accented voice that made Austin think of those Foster's commericials. She looked up.

In front of her was a tall young woman with a long brown ponytail and a red and yellow outfit that looked like it came straight out of one of those goddamn shows from Japan, right down to the frills. The only thing that didn’t belong on Ms. Sailor Moon-wannabe was the bush hat, and the large sniper rifle in one hand.

“Stay back, unless you want ta get killed!” The woman shouted, diving into combat with a no-scope shot to the thing’s head. The bullet passed through the monster, splattering “blood” all over a far wall, but appearing to do no other damage. “Ah, piss,” The newcomer swore, pulling the slide with one gloved hand. The spent shell fell out of rifle, replaced by a new one in a burst of vermillion, “Just die, bastard!”

The creature hissed and lunged, suddenly stopped by a web of etheral leaves and a net of glowing yellow vines. The vines twisted and grew sharp metal thorns, tightening and eviscerating whatever membrane held the monster together. It fell to the ground in a thick splatter, which quickly vanished. The cave and tracks disappeared along with it.

Austin was still sprawled on the ground, stunned. It had come and gone, just like that. Even the goop on her face was gone. “Wha - wha-“ She spluttered, “What the hell just happened!?”

The lady’s uniform disappeared in another flash of bright yellow, to be replaced by an entirely black leather outfit.
“It’s better you don’t find out.” She said, and turned away, to vanish as the mysterious cave had done.

“Hey, that’s not an answer!” Austin stumbled to her feet, prepared to chase after her rescuer; she may not have been able to outrun a freakin’ snake made of blood, but she could sure as hell catch a superhero – Ms. Sailor Moon-wannabe had magic plants and a gun with magic bullets, but apparantly no flight, super speed, disguises, walking through walls or invisibility. Easy catch.

The young woman turned to face her again, opened her mouth to say something… and then looked past her for a moment, expression changing to one of unpleasant surprise. Suddenly Austin felt a sharp prod on her back, and she pitched forward for the second time that night, her vision going black before she hit the ground.

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...so there it is. A quick teaser to find out if I'll get shanked for this. Best case scenario, this is ignored save for a few people who maybe kind of like anime a little tiny bit. Worst case scenario, I get permabanned for being weeaboo. With that, I return to my word processor, and leave my fate in TF2chan's hands.

...I'm gonna die, aren't I?