okay so im a total faggot and uh yeah it's helmets there'll be more; this is just my first time doing this so I might be slow and all Give me all the crit you can. Be an asshole. If you haven't noticed, that's totally how I am around here, so I'm not going to be one to cause dramu if you don't like it. --------- “Victory!†After just a few minutes of humiliating the opposing team, the victorious BLU team sauntered back to their base, leaving the battlefield with just the dust and the wind. Engineer had stayed behind, slowly tearing down his creations and savoring the sunset. He looked up from his sentry, and took in the red glow washing over the battlefield. He took this opportunity to reach down into his dispenser, grab a bottle of beer (in a compartment he only knew about, of course), and sit on top of his healing machine to relax. A small kick to the side of the dispenser turned on some of his favorite Johnny Cash, and he simply sat back and watched the sun slowly edge its way off the horizon. Battlefields were actually kinda pretty when-- “WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING HERE, MAGGOT?†Soldier's gruff shout made Engineer choke into his beer, and nearly fall forward with how quickly he jolted. He shook off the surprise and whipped around to respond. “Dammit, son, ah'm jus enjoyin' the scenery! Takin' a load off! Hard day today what with everything explodi--†“IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE NOW, YOU WILL BE /LATE/ FOR DINNER! IT IS AT 1900 HOURS AND YOU MUST BE IN ATTENDANCE!†Soldier kicked the dispenser, making the music slowly come to a halt, and making Engineer's smiling face crumple into a grimace. He set down his beer and turned around on the dispenser, looking down a couple inches at Soldier's helmet. “Now look, ah'm jus as hungry as the rest of y'all, but I'd appreciate some tahme ta git my stuff all packed up. Go on back insahde and ah'll be there in a jiffy. Until then--†“DO NOT BLAME ME IF YOUR FOOD IS COLD WHEN YOU GET BACK, PRIVATE! OVER AND OUT.†Soldier quickly snapped his head back downward to “look†straight ahead, pivoted around, and began walking briskly back towards the base, leaving a sighing Engineer distraught and a bit confused. He jumped down off of his dispenser, and took the last few swigs of his beer before throwing the bottle into some dust-filled corner and beginning to work on taking his machines apart. As much as he loved building his contraptions, he enjoyed taking the time to tear them down as well; this peaceful alone time was difficult to come across around BLU, most of them being the drunkards and loud-mouths they were. The feeling of warm steel and screwdrivers never ceased to calm him down after a hard day's work. But: he couldn't deny that he equally enjoyed small interactions with Soldier. Despite usually only engaging in nothing more than glancing small talk, Engineer felt that he was the closest thing Soldier had to a “friend†around these parts, given that he claimed to not trust all of the “foreign scum†this company had hired. Every pat on the back, every appreciative smirk, every wayward glance he got from Soldier was something to be cherished. His usually logical, scientific mind was boggled by Soldier; he couldn't get a good grasp on if they were friends, mere acquaintances, or... A small spark prompted Engineer back to reality, leaving a tiny red patch on his left index finger. He cursed, at the dispenser and at himself for getting so mentally side-tracked. The sun had now completely set, and it was starting to get dark. He picked up the pace, hoping to get everything taken apart before the light had disappeared... and before Soldier had finished eating his food alone again. After hurriedly shoving all of his machines into his toolbox, Engineer hauled himself back towards the base, and headed into his workshop. He set down the incredibly heavy box by his file cabinet stuffed full of blueprints, and removed his helmet before grabbing a rag to wipe his head. That toolbox never did get any lighter. As he regained his breath, he caught sight of the time on his wall-clock: 7:30. He'd almost assuredly missed dinner altogether. No matter – he worked just as well on a night-long diet of cigarettes and beer anyway. Saves the company's resources, more efficient in the end. He started to head for his refrigerator when he spied a dish on his desk, topped with a healthy heaping of mashed potatoes, a cut of steak, and slightly-congealed gravy sloppily thrown on top. He pushed up his goggles to read the note beside it: I TOLD U IT WULD BE COLD He chuckled gently, and his mouth crept up into a bashful smile, deeply honored by the fact that Soldier would do this for him. For a short while, he just stood there, mind happily flustered, holding his helmet in both hands and fingers fiddling. He really was starting to wonder. Setting his helmet and rag aside, Engineer grabbed a beer and knocked it open on the corner of his desk. Though Soldier had been nice enough to get him food, utensils seemed to have been forgotten. He sipped a swig, repositioned his goggles, and head back out of his workshop towards the mess hall.
This was adorable. Great to see more helmet party around here, I'm looking forward to reading more from you!
Typos are intentional. I know how English works; Soldier doesn't sometimes. Also I recommend listening to any music by Japancakes while reading this stuff. It's perfect fluffy Helmet Party music. When you listen, you'll hear why. --- Engineer could only hear soft chit-chat and quiet mumblings as he approached the cafeteria. Dinner was usually a quick rush to shovel in whatever one could, but after that, things usually seemed to calm down quickly. Scout sat on his back on one of the tables, reading this month's latest comic book; Demo was rustling through every refrigerator he could find looking for more to drink. Medic was perusing through medical journal after journal, only looking aside to scribble notes in the small book to his right. To his left, Heavy patiently looked on, slowly scooting closer and closer and attempting to read the articles, trying his best to look interested. Engineer fumbled through the drawers in the side-room, locating a knife and a fork. After throwing his beer into the ever-expanding pile in the corner, he returned to his workshop. He opened his door, and gently started to close it behi-- “WHY HAVE YOU NOT EATEN YET. MAGGOT?†Engineer dropped the knife and fork, clattering loudly against the wooden floor, and startled loudly at the Soldier standing to the left of the doorframe. After regaining his composure, “Dagnabbit Soldier, stop always creepin' up 'n me like that! 'S gettin' old!†He sighed loudly, “...and to answer yer question, you did not bring /these/†– he stooped to pick up the utensils -- “when you stopped by ma' room earlier. Ah do appreciate this, mister; thanks a bunch.†“Yes. Well. IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO DEFEND OUR COUNTRY GOING HUNGRY, NOW WOULDN'T IT?†Beneath his helmet, Engineer's eyebrows screwed up into a skeptical slant. “Ah do suppose that's true.†He turned around to sit at his desk, utensils in hand. Cutting into his steak, he slowly peered over his shoulder. “... Uh... can ah help ya with something or...?†“NEGATORY. EAT. IGNORE ME FOR THE TIME BEING.†Soldier remained standing at attention, most of his body failing to be rightly illuminated by the single desk lamp by Engineer. Engineer turned back around, and tried to casually eat his food, an action made difficult by the man standing and watching him. The silence was deafening; the awkward sounds of clinking metal, breathing, and chewing filled the room. After a few minutes, Engineer turned around in his chair. “Na' look Soldier, ah'm jus' tryin'a eat an--†“CIVILIAN, I HAVE TAKEN IT UPON MYSELF TO WHIP YOU INTO SHAPE. UNBUTTON YOUR OVERALLS AT ONCE.†“Wh-... hey, ah don' really think that's--†“STAND AND DELIVER, MAGGOT!†Soldier stomped a boot, startling Engineer enough to get him to stand, quickly scurrying to stand in front of his chair, facing Soldier. He grunted, and unbuttoned the straps of his overalls, letting the front bib fall in front of him. Soldier wielded his shovel (which he apparently had brought with him, though Engineer hadn't noticed), and began to walk in a slow circle around Engineer, mouth in a familiar scowl. “YOU ARE WEAK. YOU ARE /NOT/ OF THE OPTIMAL BUILD FOR WAR, ENGINEER! I FEAR FOR OUR SAFETY DUE TO YOUR LACK OF STRENGTH. IT IS A SHAME THAT YOU SHOULD CALL YOURSELF AN AMERICAN LOOKING LIKE THIS. LADY LIBERTY DESERVES BETTER! LOOK AT THIS DISGRACEFUL BLOB YOU CALL A BODY!†Using his shovel, he poked at Engineer's slouching belly, a small bit of pudge that had never bothered Engineer previously. His arms had definition from carrying around the toolbox, and smacking enemies with his wrench, but the rest of him was, admittedly, a tad rotund. A slight blush formed on Engineer's face, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable with this hulk of man circling him. “Hey! Ah don' appreciate you gettin' on ma' case 'bout thi--†“NO EXCUSES.†Soldier stopped directly in front of Engineer, his boots clicking together loudly, and looked down at the shorter man. “TOMORROW WE WILL BEGIN YOUR TRAINING REGINENT.†Their eyes met for just a flash, two sparks of electric blue flickering out from underneath Soldier's helmet, making Engineer gasp inaudibly. He had never seen the intensity of Soldier's eyes previously: their irises a sharp, light blue that seemed to bore into the back of Engineers skull. Past that, he could see something behind them – a look of expectation, of hope. Soldier blinked a few times, cleared his throat, and pivoted around. “TOMORROW, 0500 HOURS SHARP. BE AT THE FRONT ENTRANCE TO THE BASE. OVER AND OUT.†Engineer pulled himself out of the hypnotic haze Soldier's eyes had set him into, “Na' how d'you expect me t' wake up that gosh-darn early in the mornin', Soldier?†“YOU WILL SLEEP IN MY QUARTERS DURING THIS PROGRAM. I CANNOT TRUST YOU TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF!†With that, Soldier quickly walked out the door, powerfully closing the door behind him. Engineer blinked a few times, trying to make some sort of sense of the odd situation he just encountered. First confusion, then excitement, then elation – he realized that he was going to be able to spend good, quality time with Soldier, albeit tiring and exhausting. Finally, the last sentence hit him; ...he was sleeping in Soldier's quarters?
You've got a case of comma abuse. Use them sparingly, avoid the Oxford comma and try consciously wording sentences without them if you can. Trust me, they'll flow better: "With that, Soldier quickly walked out the door, powerfully closing the door behind him." into "With that, Soldier quickly walked out the door and powerfully closed it behind him." Speaking of which, "powerfully closed" is a watered down version of "slammed", "shoved", "smashed", "pounded" or any number of much more powerful words that have the same meaning but are considerably more forceful. Nitpick your writing to all hell and boot every single adverb that you ABSOLUTELY do not need. -Also, I didn't notice it in the first post but you've adopted this habit: Engineer pulled himself out of the hypnotic haze Soldier's eyes had set him into, “Na' how d'you expect me t' wake up that gosh-darn early in the mornin', Soldier?†This is /extremely/ jarring and if this isn't a formatting typo then I strongly suggest just putting those two on the same line like this: Description, "dialogue." -"Dinner was usually a quick rush to shovel in whatever one could, but after that, things usually seemed to calm down quickly." This description shouldn't be there at all bc it's a textbook example of telling instead of showing and can easily be taken right out. You've already SHOWN the relaxed atmosphere with Scout, Demo, Heavy and Medic. Don't feel like you need to spell everything out for the reader - if you make them read the scene and register and interpret the actions themselves, they're already more invested in your story than they would have been otherwise. -I know this is only the beginning so I'll phrase it as a general tip: Practice selection of detail. Try to include only that information which furthers the narrative. This is not to say that there should be absolutely no mention at all of anyone else sans Engineer and Soldier, no. Also, use descriptions and details to set a mood. Practice writing the same exact action or description to reflect different tones. You've already done a great job at that with the team's relaxed mood transitioning to the terse to hopeful scene between Soldier and Engie but I want to see you push yourself and really get the most out of every word. This requires consistent editing and reediting and cutting entire scenes and kick ass passages that don't fit anywhere but hell, it'll sound fantastic in the end. Jesus this is all over the place but consider it an application to be your beta. You've got enormous potential and honestly, all you need is a push here and there that I'm more than happy to give. Email's in the usual place, feel free to send anything, whenever.
dude this is great. I really appreciate this, and I will TOTALLY take you up on the beta offer! thank you!
Hey Drill, I'm diggin' it so far, but in the spirit of crit I thought I'd just mention one slightly offputting thing I have noticed so far. You do dialogue between these two real well, but, to be blunt, some of the narration between that kinda makes Engie sound like a teenage girl. Stuff like this: For a short while, he just stood there, mind happily flustered, holding his helmet in both hands and fingers fiddling. He really was starting to wonder. I dunno, it just rubs me the wrong way. I guess I see Engie as the kind of person to be more self-conscious or indirect about these kinds of things, so to see him openly infatuated and admitting to such with no questioning or analysis whatsoever is just a little strange. It'd be nice to maybe see evidence of him thinking things out a little more; you have a nice, clean, direct style, so I'm sure it'd be easy for you to just kind of expand on this a little more. Like, for instance, in the first little bit of this thing, you say: His usually logical, scientific mind was boggled by Soldier; he couldn't get a good grasp on if they were friends, mere acquaintances, or... This is a good start, but you don't really talk about the evidence for or against any of those options. Apart from mentioning some sidelong glances, and from Soldier being nice enough to bring him dinner this one time, I don't really see how he'd logically have evidence to conclude that there was much more than Soldier being a bro going on here, barring wishful thinking to the contrary. Apart from this, though, you've got the grounds for some nice romance going. Caught a couple typos and some grammatical errors, but nothing a readthrough and/or beta couldn't fix. Keep doin' me proud, son.
I like this a lot-- besides the points mentioned above, I just wanted to caution you on accents. It's nice to make Engie sound twangy and Texan, but spellings like 'tahme' sort of lost its meaning and is awkward to read. Perhaps you could find phrases or sayings to use instead, rather than spelling out words. Also, it was a little strange that right after Engineer got yelled at by Solider and being 'distraught' over it, there's the introspective part where he "enjoys the small interactions". It would be better if you could bring in more of this confusion that Engie has over Soldier, of liking him despite getting interrupted or insulted, as well as wondering if the feeling's mutual. Just some things to think about. Hope to read more soon!
Pretty good story; please continue!
This is so great please continue. Much love. Anonymouse
Update. Sorry that this has taken so long. I appreciate all of the good feedback. This one has actually been beta'd! by exac, no less, and she's very helpful. This update is decidedly more boring than the last few, but hopefully entertaining enough that you all are still interested in what comes next. Thanks for reading and you're all a bunch of faggots. --- After Soldier left, Engineer sat back down at his desk, attempting to get some blueprints done before cashing in for the night. It wasn't much past 8, so he figured,he had plenty of time to work before sleeping, but his thoughts always drifted back to Soldier. What was his plan? Why suddenly did Soldier feel the need to take him aside and – in so many words – invite him into his own goddamn bunk? Engineer huffed over these questions, finding his gloved hand rubbing his temples repeatedly as if he were back in thermodynamics class. Despite his frustration, he continued sketching out designs for new machines, assorted upgrades, and overhauls for his usual gear. Still, he couldn't stop his mind from drifting from his work and back to his current predicament. He couldn't deny that he was looking forward to whatever Soldier had in store for him; it'd be more enjoyable than the usual morning small talk over coffee. At the same time, he simply couldn't understand how Soldier's spastic brain had decided on this idea. Did he want to spend more time with him? Did he need someone to bark orders to to keep his own mind in check? Did he actually think physique was holding BLU back? What most people would chalk up to stupidity and post-traumatic stress disorder, Engineer tried to dissect, hoping to figure out what the hell was exactly going on in there. The fact that this situation was getting him so distraught only bothered him more – none of his recent conversations with Soldier had lasted even thirty seconds and still Engineer's mind had to poke and prod at every sentence, every word, every stressed syllable that came out of Soldier's mouth to try to elute the reasoning behind them, if there even was any. He pulled himself out of the muddy haze his brain had thrown itself into and looked down at the schematics he had been drawing up. Nothing fit, no proportions lined up, the angles were off by several degrees – he would obviously have to redo the whole thing. Engineer grunted, and crumpled up the blueprint in his hands before chucking it into the mess of papers to the right of his desk. He pushed up his goggles and rubbed his face with his hands, trying to massage out some of the frustration racking his brain. Through his fingers, he caught sight of the clock in the corner of his desk – time had already slipped on to 9:45. No doubt that Soldier followed the loosely-enforced lights-out mandate, as Engineer did. He shook his head to find his bearings again and stood up to grab his pillow from his bunk before opening the door to the hallway. Engineer poked his head out, seeing if anyone was roaming the hallways who might start prodding him for questions. The last thing he needed was one of Scout's obnoxious rumors gabbed around the entire base. After making sure he was in the clear, he slowly stepped out into the hallway and walked towards Soldier's quarters. Only the loud clops of his boots were heard in the corridor, as if to remind him of his own hesitance. Here he was – walking to sleep in the same room as someone who, by society's standards, might as well be thrown in an insane asylum for being such a danger to others. Engineer figured he was brighter than this, than to walk blindly into such a person's invitation. What was driving him to take Soldier up on this plan? Why was he even going through with such a thing? His breathing quickened slightly as his nerves caught up with him, his confusion still driving nails into the back of his brain. His steps became hurried, and before he knew it, he was staring right at Soldier's room, all the way at the end of the hallway. He'd seen this door before, but never this close. The scrawled message on the piece of paper tacked to the front – “NO-ONE ALLOWED†– hadn't been visible until this time. Engineer's brow furrowed as he attempted to internally reassure himself that this would lead to something good – a friendship, hopefully; a time-waster, at very least. Hopefully he wasn't actually putting his safety at risk. He brushed off the front of his overalls, straightened his back a bit, and sheepishly reached up to knock on the door. Before he could even brush his gloved hand against it, it slammed open, the rims of Engineer's goggles only revealing a tight-fitting white T-shirt in front of him. He froze and looked up, spying under Soldier's helmet and catching sight of those piercing blue eyes once more. “YOU WERE ALMOST LATE. HUP-TO, PRIVATE.â€
Well I'm enjoying it so far. Good job getting a beta, there's noticeable improvement since the first installment, mostly since you stopped that whole "comma spamming" thing. It's disappointingly short, but I suppose chapter length is up to the author's discretion, so I can't complain. Don't really have any constructive criticism to offer; my writing skills are rubbish. All I can say is, good job and keep up the good work! Lovin' the helmets.
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"at very least" -> "at the very least"? I like how you used Engineer's ruined schematics as a physical representative of his confusion and distraction. Boring? No, it's interesting to know what Engineer makes of the situation, and how he goes about wondering what makes Soldier tick.
Yo, so here's something I haven't updated in literally half a year. Hoo boy. As always, criticize me. As much as you can. Whatever you got. Thanks! --- “YOU WERE ALMOST LATE. HUP-TO, PRIVATE.†Engineer's breath hitched a bit, as his ears began to ring from Soldier's crazed yell. “R-right, Sal. Ah mean, sir.†As Soldier stared him down, he could feel his last bit of doubt and anxiety itching at the back of his brain, telling him not to sleep in the same room as this maniac. Still, when Soldier pivoted to walk back into his room, helmet rattling on his noggin, Engineer was right behind, meekly clutching his pillow and looking around to inspect the quarters. Soldier's room was, to his surprise, more comfortable than his own. Where there would be large, jutting pieces of scrap metal, there were neatly folded towels, socks, and t-shirts, stacked and ready for use; the desk that Engineer was used to being cluttered to the point of near-unusable, Soldier had organized into a tidy workspace, complete with lined paper, pencils, and pens (so tidy, in fact, that it looked like it had never been used – a fact that was all-too predictable). The last thing his eyes fell upon was the bed. Given that Soldier had invited him to his room, he expected there to be a bunk bed, but in fac-- The door slammed shut, causing Engineer to pop out of his curious daze, and begin to fumbly take off his goggles. He threw the pillow under his arm onto the bed, and watched Soldier pull out the chair at his desk before sitting in it and propping his head up on his arms. “Well? You're not planning on sleeping in all of that, are you?†Soldier's voice quieted down, finally, and Engineer admittedly relished the gruff tone. However, he couldn't help but screw up his eyebrows at what he'd just heard. He's just going to... watch me undress? Really? As if able to read his mind, Soldier piped up again: “I trust ya, but I gotta be sure you're not sneaking in any candy bars to cheat on this regiment, professor.†“Ya know, I'm not sure I'm all too keen on this, with the sleepin' together an' all, so I'm just gonna--â€, and with the slightest of Engineer's movements towards the door, Soldier snapped: “ALRIGHT, NANCY. I'll turn around.†In a canine huff, he shifted around in his chair and sat with his back facing Engineer. “'Preciate it... ah guess.†Engineer sat on the bed, taking off his glove and cracking his knuckles. He began to undo the laces on his boots, glancing up to see if Soldier would move. Soldier had kinked his neck just slightly, enough that Engineer could barely see a single blue eye popping out from beneath the gray helmet. Looking away, Engineer continued to undress. Like a hawk watching prey, Soldier's gaze never wandered; as Engineer removed his boots, overalls, socks, and goggles, Soldier sat watching him with an odd curiosity and a worrying determination. After he was down to only his boxers and t-shirt, Engineer sat at the edge of the bed, eyes finally meeting Soldier's, as if to signal that he was finished. The uncomfortable unease that he had felt in the hallway still had yet to dissipate, and Soldier obviously wasn't doing much help at all to alleviate it. Soldier flicked his helmet down to hide his eyes once more, and turned around in his seat, beginning to untie his boots as well. Engineer still sat on the corner of the bunk, unsure of where to look. Every once in a while, Soldier would perk up his head, as if to check that Engineer was still watching him. As Engineer watched – even in his head, this sounded mighty shifty – Soldier undress, his mind silently performed backflips, attempting to figure out just what the hell was going on. Does this guy really just enjoy being watched? He probably doesn't have friends at home, what with the ornery way he acts. I wouldn't necessarily call him a shut-in, but... his social skills are just plain nonexistent. To think of it, this is probably a side of him no one has seen before... maybe he just wants someone to show this to, someone to confide in. This... nah, this really couldn't be it; we're thinking of the same man who whallops other guys in the noodle with a goddamn shovel here – it's highly unlikely that he really needs friends... Lost in his own mind, Engineer didn't realize the mind-numbing silence overtaking the room. He also didn't realize that Soldier had completed his undressing routine, and now stood in as much underwear as he did. Engineer finally faded out of his own thoughts and back to reality, glancing over at the ogre sitting across from him. Soldier sat, elbows on his knees, looking up at Engineer, as if waiting for him to tell him what comes next. The man that was usually so sure of himself now looked... innocent. Confident, but innocent. What's more: those eyes. Engineer finally got a good look at Soldier's blazing blue eyes. They sat there, breathing in stale air, until Engineer broke the silence: “...Well, I, uh, suppose it's time to, uh, which side is yours exac--†Engineer faded out as Soldier cut him off by standing up straight, walking to the other side of the bed, and silently tucking himself in, head nestled against the pillow, facing away from Engineer. “Go to sleep. We have lots to do tomorrow, hardhat.†For a second, Engineer felt his mind trying to pick apart the words he just heard, hoping to find some explanations, but his sleepiness took hold before he could grow too anxious. He looked around the room again, feeling awkward at just how uncomfortable a grown man like him could be made to feel. Slowly, he shifted around in the bed before grabbing his pillow, putting it on “his†side of the bed, and planting his side just inches away from the edge. Engineer closed his eyes, in what he knew to be an entirely vain attempt at sleep; there was no way he would be able to sleep like this, hesitant and uneasy. 'Why am I even here?', he thought, ruminating in the darkness. 'What am I actually hoping to gain here? Friends don't act like this around each other. Heck, I don't know who DOES act like this. I just plain don't get it. I'm not acting logically. It's ridiculous that I could be made to act like an awkward 4-year-old sleeping in bed with mama. It's ridiculous that I don't even understand my own actions. This whole situation is just plain--' Yet again, his thoughts were cut off, as he heard sheets sliding against each other, weight shifting between them, a slight grunt. He felt gentle breath on the back of his neck, warm and humid. Engineer's breathing stopped, as he listened to the sound of Soldier's respirations. He couldn't tell if Soldier was asleep or not, and he couldn't tell which he would rather be true. Despite already precariously teetering on the edge of the bed, he attempted to scoot at little further from Soldier, in case he just needed some room. As soon as he moved, a thick, war-hardened arm slinked its way through the sheets, and around his midsection, lazily weighing him down. A nose brushed against the stubble on the back of his head, and the pillow deflated under the weight of another head being placed upon it. Engineer couldn't believe what was happening. His mind, try as it may to rationalize the situation, seemed to be either overloading or turned off entirely; either way, this had become one of the very few times when Engineer was entirely serene, where all his stress had melted away. The heat from Soldier's body behind his and the feeling of skin on skin had provided an intense, and frightfully unexpected, comfort. Elated and calm, Engineer finally was able to close his eyes and sleep, knowing he was safe in the company of his drill instructor – and new-found friend.
D'aww, Soldier seems to be much more quiet and much more cuddly after lights-out. Everything about this is what I love about helmet party.
I thought this story had been abandoned, so I was thrilled to see it had been updated, as it has been a while, but I'm glad you're back. It's getting there with the fluff. It's cute. I adore this couple, and I hope to see more soon. Keep it up with the writing, you're doing a good job.
You have mentioned the fact that Soldier's eyes are blue five times thus far. Once, you did it twice in just one paragraph. This nitpicky comment has been brought to you by Captcha. "Vessels Atestigo" for a better tomorrow.