DICKS EVERYWHERE
Oh look, my slow clap processor made it into this thing.
I remember a time when these jokes were funny. Now they're just old.
EPIC WIN OP X,D IT GETS FUNNIER EVERYTIME SOMEBODY DOES IT! LOL!!!
(I hope I don't get shot for this) I used to make troll threads like you, then I took a mod to the ip.
>>5 This thread was boring and annoying. Then I saw your post and laughed. Clicking just became worthwhile.
Dangit. sorry guys! I screwed up.
FINE. FINE. You want to play it this way do you?! -- Engineer had a room in the back of his workshop. It wasn't his bedroom, because he had a ratty little cot shoved to the side and out of the way of the main area (that funnily enough was littered with metal and broken parts of sentries and that one dispenser that Scout had put his bat through and managed to electrocute himself with, but that was a story for another day). It was a room reserved only for himself and Soldier, as the contents of which would surely disturb even Spy's warped sexual mind. Even just going through the door was an assault of colour. Dildos of all shapes and sizes lined the shelves on the walls, boxes of the things piled in the corners and other more difficult to discern toys were left on the workbench. Every single one of these toys were Engineer's own creations. He'd learnt glass-blowing just for this one perverse game of collection and the offspring of that had their own special case lest Scout actually get in and break something. There was a box of failed prototypes shoved to the side. It was never the wiring that was faulty- Engineer took pride in making something for that use, that didn't break- but rather the materials that couldn't stand up to the abuse they were put through. As he stood there in fact, Soldier was 'field testing' his latest invention. Engineer held his new remote in one hand and played with the buttons a little. He knew what each one would do on their own, but not exactly what they'd do when used in tandem. This was always the best part of his testing stages. Usually Engineer got to watch the effect that he had on his Soldier, but this time it was entirely unpredictable. Soldier had the ability to turn the toy off himself if it became too much, but usually the man would not do it. He was so prideful. This time, however, the door to his workshop opened and as Engineer looked over his shoulder to see who it was, Soldier strode over with a stain of frustrated red across his face. "Howdy partner." Engineer pushed his hard hat up to get a better look. "Havin' fun?" Soldier didn't say anything. Engineer could see his thighs quivering. The very fact that he hadn't said no meant that he was indeed enjoying it, but couldn't bring himself to accept that fact. "Why don't I help ya out with that then..." Engineer casually knocked a dial with his hand, then turned back to his blueprints. Behind him he heard that helmet crash to the floor, along with the man that wore it so religiously crammed on his head. He heard the way Soldier's breathing sped up into ragged gasps, felt his hand grasp the back of Engineer's overalls- his knuckles probably ice white judging by how hard he was gripping- and waited until he felt that grip go loose to turn the dial back down. Overall quite a pleasant experiment, he concluded.
Hybrid, I love you...
And... Toast Maelgwyn Helmets Really silly. ~~ The Soldier was adamant that he didn't break the toaster. It was faulty un-American junk he had yelled. Had he had been more elegant at disabling the whitegood, I would had believed him. Instead I had a small, two slot toaster disassembled on the workbench, the problem was someone pulled out the power cord. With enough force to break the connectors. I hammed it up, testing each element with a small jury rigged multimeter. He had appeared interested in my work. It wasn't until his chin had rested on my hard hat did I understand what was happening. This was a game he would play on occasion, and he thought that I hadn't worked it out. I watched those gruff hands point at various parts, curt questions asked as the rough fabric of his coat would brush past my ear. I almost could close my eyes and imagine him, that powerful body prone, writhing under me as I had my dastardly way with him. As I fantasised about this, I would answer his questions, drawling on very specific syllables. The gulp was my queue. He would always gulp when he was starting to become more aroused. I grinned, explaining how the variable capacitor controlled the heating element when he did something rather unexpected. His hands slipped from view, the weight on my head shifted. I was concerned, maybe this time I had bored the man off, ruining my entertainment for the day. I yelped a little as those rough hands started to knead at my shoulders, the stubby fingers digging into the tight muscles. He whispered compliments into my ear, about how I deserved a medal, how much I was needed on the battlefield, about how Sun Tsu had written about the need for Engineers. I mumbled incoherently as those hands slipped lower, running up and down my spine, the chafed lips kissing the back of my neck. My hands shook as I tried to bolt the appliance together. I nearly impaled my hand when his hand slipped lower, squeezing the side of my buttock, the other snaking to the front of the overalls that hung loosely on my stocky frame. His head was resting on my shoulder as he tenderly kissed my jaw I stammered that it was fixed, the completed appliance vibrating as he took it with that smile. That smile that he knew he had won this round. My face felt positively beet red as he saluted, turning sharply and marching out. Oh it was on. After a rather cold shower.
You all are horrible teases! HORRIBLE! Now I'm hittin' the showers too.
"He whispered compliments into my ear, about how I deserved a medal, how much I was needed on the battlefield, about how Sun Tsu had written about the need for Engineers." I think you could use a medal of your own, for coming up with that ingenious little piece of text.
@_____@ This is incredibly tantalizing. If moar was written, I would read.
The tie was constricting. The formality of the situation was ridiculous. I ran a finger between my collar and my neck, hoping to loosen the noose, so to speak. He stood in front of me, looking resplendent in his dress blues, the tiny brass buttons polished to a brilliant shine. "Why in sam hell do I need to wear this garb?" I pawed at the soft wool suit, crisp white shirt underneath. The brilliant blue tie offset the almost formality, the tiny wrench embroidered almost indistinguishable. "Because, the occasion is formal!" the Soldier stuck a finger into the air as he paced towards the Engineer. "And because," he growled, "I like to unwrap my presents"