...okay, so I've had this fill basically done for a while, but various things held up its being posted. But I'm tired of waiting! I've wanted to share this kind of forever anyway. Original afanfic request: You know what this chan seems to lack? Full out orgies. Also the use of toys seems to be a half dead idea, again I would like to see some class weapon inspired sex toys (Maybe somebody actually uses the inflatable orca thats been mentioned but always broken away from) Plus, who doesnt love a good 9 or 18 way? Whether its company scheduled or on their free will (maybe a Soldier team building thing?) I would love to see it. So. I'm not sure if this really fits what you wanted when you spoke of orgies, but this is the mental image when I got to the "Soldier team building thing" line...toys were sadly not included in what my mind came up with. Still, I can only hope it works out in some way, because gosh darn it, I tried. ...and that's really saying a lot for someone who hates writing sex scenes of any type. Concrit is encouraged and welcomed. ---------- When Soldier called for a team meeting in the base's communal showers, the team had grumbled and complained, but obeyed. It wasn't the first time Soldier had gotten it in his head to do "team building exercises," and the meeting grounds had included a number of locations all over the base. Despite each member's disgruntled response, they knew better than to resist. The last time Soldier had called a meeting in the showers, anyone who hadn't shown up was stripped and dragged there against their will. It was an embarrassment that none of them wanted to experience or relive, whichever the case may have been. And so the night found them, standing around in the shower room clad in nothing but towels. At least, clad only in towels and a few instances of headwear. Soldier's helmet had not been removed and would likely remain so until right before he entered a shower's stream of water, as he always washed it with himself. Spy still wore his signature balaclava and Pyro wore his gas mask; neither of them were inclined to take off their respective facial coverings unless they were alone. Everyone was looking at Soldier with varying degrees of malice, discontent, or morbid curiosity...the last time Soldier had tried to do his team building exercises in the shower, Sniper had tried to drown Scout by pushing his face into the running shower head, Demoman had drunkenly attempted to slide across the shower floor as if it was a Slip 'n Slide, and in the end, a soap war had erupted. Soldier was determined that this time, everyone would be more focused on the task at hand. Before giving the team their initial instructions, however, he turned a few nearby shower heads on. The water slowly warmed, soon beginning to fill the room with steam. "ALL RIGHT, MAGGOTS!" he called, "MARCH OVER HERE AND ARRANGE YOURSELVES IN A CIRCLE!" The team moved toward where Soldier was standing, near the running shower heads. They continued to grouse, eventually forming a large shape mildly comparable to a circle. Soldier was not impressed. "YOU CALL THAT A CIRCLE? THAT IS NOT A CIRCLE! MY GRANDMOTHER COULD MAKE A BETTER CIRCLE THAN THIS, AND SHE'S OLD! AND ALSO DEAD! SHE DIED BECAUSE MAGGOTS LIKE YOU COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CIRCLES AND GOATS! NOW PULL IN, YOU SORRY SACKS OF SCUM, AND SHOW ME A REAL CIRCLE. I WANT TO SEE YOU SHOULDER TO SHOULDER!" They did as they were told, though a few of them were starting to show signs of slight discomfort at the close proximity. It wasn't that they never had to deal with each other up close, far from it, but no one was certain where Soldier was going with this. That alone was more than enough reason to be anxious. Scout fidgeted, glancing to both sides. On his right, Sniper caught his gaze and narrowed his eyes in warning; Heavy was oblivious on the left. Scout took the opportunity to look around the rest of the circle. Medic stood beyond Heavy's massive frame, looking as if this whole ordeal existed only to irritate him. Next was Soldier, standing at attention and inspecting the quality of their circle. Engineer was beside Soldier, looking altogether uncomfortable. Demoman seemed as if it was taking all of his willpower just to remain awake and standing, Pyro wrung his hands and nervously looked around the entire room, and Spy...Scout really couldn't tell what Spy was thinking. He was standing there, apparently bored out of his mind and, Scout assumed, probably craving a cigarette. Soldier's assessment of the group's positioning ended suddenly and loudly. "YOU'VE DONE ME PROUD, BOYS." Spy sighed heavily. "...so you zhink our performance as a team will improve simply because we were able to stand and make a geometric shape while nearly naked? I suppose I must applaud your creativity, 'owever little sense it makes." "NEGATIVE, PRIVATE! WE'RE NOT DONE HERE YET!" If Soldier noticed the condescending tone in Spy's voice, he didn't show it. "ALL OF YOU, DISMISS YOUR TOWELS." Without a moment's hesitation, Soldier pulled the towel from his waist and tossed it to the ground. That command got a reaction...just not the one Soldier wanted. "Wot th' bloody 'ell is gettin' rid 'a our towels gonna do?" Sniper looked at Soldier in disbelief. Soldier growled in reply. "DO NOT LOOK AT ME! I DID NOT ASK YOU A QUESTION! YOU WERE GIVEN AN ORDER, AND I EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW IT! NOW DISMISS THAT TOWEL, PRIVATE, BEFORE I DO IT FOR YOU!" As if to prove his point, Soldier reached over to Engineer and grabbed his towel, yanking it off in a fluid motion. Engineer yelped a bit at the unexpected action, staring at Soldier with wide eyes. His expression changed to something more akin to embarrassment as he looked down to the floor and muttered, "Ah coulda taken that off mahself, ya know..." "YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED THE TROUBLE." One by one, the towels were all removed and tossed haphazardly about the floor. The team was getting more and more nervous about exactly where this exercise was heading. And while they were all coming up with rather wild theories given Soldier's track record, no one could have possibly expected the next order to come out of Soldier's mouth. "NOW, YOU WILL ALL GRAB THE DICK OF THE MAN TO YOUR RIGHT." There was a long moment of silence as the team stared at Soldier in something far deeper than shock. Soldier did not appreciate the group's reaction. "DID YOU FORGET HOW TO FOLLOW ORDE---OH. OH, I UNDERSTAND." Soldier nodded almost sagely, and then punched Medic in the shoulder, earning a hiss of pain and a nasty glare. "GOOD THINKING, TEAM. SPY-CHECK HIM FIRST, THEN GRAB HIS DICK." Medic, only by virtue of just having been punched, found his voice. "Herr Soldier, you...you cannot seriously expect us to..." He couldn't finish, and instead looked to his stunned teammates in a silent plea for help. "NONSENSE, FRITZ. I EXPECT MY TEAM TO PERFORM LIKE A WELL-OILED MACHINE, AND LATELY, WE HAVE NOT BEEN ONE. OUR MACHINE HAS BEEN BLOWN TO BITS, PISSED ON, AND SENT TO THE GLUE FACTORY. BUT WE'RE GOING TO FIX IT." He scanned the room, sneering at his teammates. "WE ARE GOING TO WORK, AS A TEAM, TO BRING EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM TO ORGASM." The team was still looking at him incredulously. Soldier growled, and with the intent of getting on with it, wet his hand in the stream of water and unceremoniously grabbed Medic, earning a gasp. Scout's voice suddenly returned to him. "Man, you're fuckin' crazy if you think I'm touchin' another guy's junk! Dis is GAY wit' a capital G!" "Dis is...odd training." Heavy didn't sound disgusted at the idea of it, so much as extremely confused. "Ach, yer all bloody princesses, the lot of ye! There's nae anythin' 'gay' aboot it; just a boonch 'a men with nae a lass in sight helpin' their mates out!" To show what pansies he thought they were all being, Demoman spat in his hand and palmed Engineer's cock. Engineer inhaled sharply, then groaned. "LET'S MOVE, MAGGOTS. THIS IS A TEAM ACTIVITY, AND PARTICIPATION IS MANDATORY!" Pyro cautiously followed Demoman's lead, and was rewarded with an encouraging growl from him. "Tha's the way, lad, tha's the way..." "KEEP MOVING, MEN!" Heavy shrugged and reached for Scout, who jumped backwards nearly five feet. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, man! What da fuck do ya think you're doin'? I ain't lettin' none of you fags near me!" Heavy looked at Scout as one would a much younger child. "Is team time. Want team to be better, so will try dis, see if it work." He motioned for Scout to come back to the circle. "Besides, will feel good. Is good way to relieve stress for tiny Scout." Scout didn't look convinced, and made no move to rejoin the rest of the team. "Fuck dat, man! I'm outta here." He started to walk away, but stopped as Spy snickered. Scout turned around and glared at him. "What's your problem?" "Oh, nozhing, nozhing at all." Spy smiled innocently. "I was just zhinking zhat your tactics for dealing wizh your problems off zhe battlefield are remarkably similar to 'ow you deal with zhem on it...by running away. Zhat is what you are doing, is it not?" "I don't run away from nothin', you got dat?" Scout's glare turned into a snarl as he stomped back to his place in the circle. "Oh, pardon me, lapin, my mistake." Spy's smile suddenly seemed much more devilish. Scout took a deep breath. He wasn't a fag, he was just doing this because Soldier was insane and thought that jerking another guy off would improve their teamwork, and because Spy was being an ass and thought he couldn't handle it. Okay, so he really didn't give a fuck about what Soldier thought, Scout just wanted to show Spy that he wasn't afraid of anything, no matter how gay it was. There were no more complaints, at least not voiced ones, and soon every man had a moist hand on his cock, and their own hand on those of their teammates. "OUTSTANDING." Soldier grinned broadly. "NOW, DON'T THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT HIM IN A COCKLOCK, HE'S AT YOUR MERCY. ALL OF YOU WILL BE USING YOUR OTHER HAND TO ASSIST THE MAN ON YOUR LEFT, SO IF ANYONE TRIES ANY FUNNY BUSINESS, YOU WILL BE REPRIMANDED ACCORDINGLY. YOUR HANDS ARE NOT TO TOUCH YOURSELVES AT ANY POINT DURING THIS EXERCISE! YOU WILL BE COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON YOUR TEAMMATES!" Once again, Soldier performed the action first in demonstration, reaching beneath Demoman's hand to massage Engineer's balls, to which the Texan let out a quiet moan, a furious blush coloring his face. The men hesitantly followed suit, each moving their other hand to a secondary position...balls, ass, chest, whatever they thought would be helpful based on their own experiences and preferences. "NOW, THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART, MEN." Soldier looked around the circle, capturing the attention of the team. "WHEN ON THE BATTLEFIELD, YOU DEPEND ON YOUR TEAMMATES, AND THEY WILL DO WHATEVER THEY THINK IS BEST TO ASSIST YOU, EVEN IF THEY DO NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND YOUR CURRENT SITUATION." The team had to admit that this was true. They understood well enough that they were teammates and that even if they didn't always like each other, it was in their best interest to help one another on the battlefield. And they did assist each other, usually. However sometimes, what one person thought was the best course of action to help another didn't always turn out like they'd hoped. Soldier noted the comprehension on the team's faces, and continued. "THEREFORE, YOU MUST BE ABLE TO GIVE COMMANDS AS CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRE. AND SO, PRIVATES, YOU WILL PRACTICE BY GIVING ORDERS TO THE MEN ON EITHER SIDE OF YOU. TELL THEM WHAT TO DO, TELL THEM WHERE TO TOUCH, TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT STRATEGY WORKS BEST FOR YOU. IF YOU CAN DO THIS, THEN THE OUTCOME WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE VICTORY. AND IF FIGHTING IS SURE TO RESULT IN VICTORY, THEN YOU MUST FIGHT!" Things were quiet and awkward at first. Most of the men were tentative in their touches, retreating slightly whenever the teammates they were in contact with made any sort of overly enthusiastic gesture or sound, and too anxious to give those touching them much in the way of commands. A few of the men, however, were not so shy in their advances. Spy was practically molesting Sniper and Pyro, and Sniper was returning as good as he got. Demoman also seemed fairly impassioned, and Pyro was a nearly a writhing mess between the two of them, but seemed to be trying to focus on reciprocating the touches. As time went on, the heat of building pleasure began outweighing their embarrassment and discomfort, and commands were being issued more often. Admittedly, many of these commands amounted to little more than "Faster!" or gasps and moans that were accompanied by desperate movements and pleading glances. Spy and Sniper were barely paying attention to Scout and Pyro anymore, far too busy hungrily kissing one another to even bother with orders or to pay much attention where their hands wandered. However, Spy seemed to be doing a better job of attending to Pyro than Sniper was to Scout. Heavy redoubled his efforts on Scout to make up for Sniper's lack of it, and the younger man seemed to be unconsciously drawing nearer, toward his touch. Despite his focus on Scout, Heavy periodically turned back toward Medic to gauge his reaction to certain touches. He also listened for any commands from the doctor; considering his dependence on those orders while they were engaged in battle, he was more than used to it. Medic fell into the role easily, surprised and yet not at how easily his trust in Heavy on the battlefield translated to trust in such a vulnerable position. Demoman's enthusiasm hadn't waned on either side, although he didn't seem to be aware that Spy was less focused on Pyro than he had been. Pyro hadn't noticed either; Demoman's hand on him, punctuated by Spy's less frequent touches, was more than enough drive his body wild. On the opposite side of Demoman, Engineer was squirming. His face and body were heated and reddened, although it was difficult to tell whether it was merely embarrassment, arousal, or a combination of both. It was a battle for him to concentrate on responding in kind to Demoman and Solider. Both men were rather vocal, and Engineer was doing the best he could to acknowledge every demand. Soldier, especially, had little trouble barking out commands to Engineer and Medic. Naturally, he was more than accustomed to ordering his troops around, and this exercise was no different. At the same time, he listened closely for directions from those beside him, watching the men beyond them as well. After all, strategy depended not only on the orders being followed, but that they were followed by the right person. Too many men in one pot made spoiled soup, or however that saying went. Eventually, much to Soldier's pride, the exercise's objective was reached. There were no instances of simultaneous climaxes, although that was unsurprising...Soldier was well aware that they were lacking in the discipline and teamwork for a display of that sort. However, what mattered was that everyone did get there, dropping to the floor in exhaustion afterwards. Some were drowsily leaning against others; all of them were sated and spent. Soldier still had the energy to yell, though there was rarely a time that he didn't. "EXCELLENT WORK, MEN." They had to admit, they did get along better after the exercise. There was a protectiveness, a possessiveness of their teammates that wasn't there before, and the practical applications of the exercise did improve the team's dynamic on the battlefield. Certain members continued to rub each other the wrong way out of battle and were ready to kill one another a few days later, but...there was always the lingering knowledge that they could rub each other the right way, if given the chance. And so, that particular team building exercise became a weekly routine. ...although Soldier eventually had to edit the guidelines just to make sure the lineup order changed from week to week. Spy and Sniper really needed to stop hogging each others' attention. ---------- Bonus ending/extra scene #1 aka I am far too easily amused: "ALL RIGHT, MEN, I WANT NO LIP FROM YOU ABOUT THIS EXERCISE. IT HAS BEEN PROVEN TO BE A RELIABLE WAY TO IMPROVE MORALE AND TEAM DYNAMICS." Soldier stared from under his helmet at his audience, as if gauging their reactions. Satisfied with the silence, which clearly signified complete agreement and willingness, he grinned. "NOW, CHARGE!" No one moved, and Soldier snarled at them. "WHEN I GIVE YOU AN ORDER, I EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW IT. NOW, I AM GOING TO TURN AROUND AND COUNT TO THREE, AND WHEN I TURN BACK, I EXPECT TO SEE A CHANGE IN POSITION!" He did as he said, and began to count loudly and purposefully. "ONE." There was still no movement. "TWO." The BLU Medic's head fell off the fence. "THREE!" Turning around, Soldier stared at it for a moment. He then watched as the BLU Spy's head tumbled down, landing with a plop next to the Medic's. Soldier grinned. "EXCELLENT INTIATIVE, PRIVATES." ---------- Bonus ending/extra scene #2 aka I can't let this idea go, apparently: "What are dey even doin' ovah dere? I mean, not like I care or nuthin', but it's just fuckin' weird, yanno?" The BLU Scout stared at RED's base. Every Saturday night like clockwork, the RED team was nowhere to be found. It used to be that he and his RED counterpart would egg each other on some way, maybe whack a baseball back and forth trying to hit each other. Hell, at least Scout used to be able to catch glimpses of the REDs moving about the base, but now... He wanted to know what was going on over there. Nothing had changed during their usual weekday battles; the two teams still fought, although RED seemed to have the upper hand as of late. What were they doing in there? Were they plotting something, or maybe doing some sort of training? That might explain why they'd been winning more lately... "Don' worry too much about it, son. Spah said he'd go over an' check it out, so we'll find out if it's anything we need ta worry about soon enough." Engineer didn't seem too concerned. He smiled at Scout reassuringly from his seat, before taking a long drink of his beer. "Yeah, yeah, I know, Hardhat." Scout scoffed, taking one more look at the opposing base. "I'm goin' back in." "Suit yerself." Engineer continued to enjoy the cool evening, basking in nature's nighttime symphony. At least, until Spy came slinking back from the RED compound, uncloaking just outside the BLU base and looking grim. "Spah? What's goin' on? Ya all right?" Engineer stood and walked to meet the other man, concern evident in his voice. "I am fine, Labourer. 'owever, we should call zhe entire team togezher for a meeting." Spy took out his disguise case, withdrawing a cigarette and quickly lighting it. "I discovered exactly what zhe REDs 'ave been spending zheir evenings doing...a special training, of sorts, and I fear it may be giving zhem an advantage. If we want to level zhe field, so to speak, it is imperative zhat we begin training of our own." "That bad, huh? All right, I'll round 'em up. Where d'ya want everyone ta gather?" "Tell zhem we will meet in zhe showers, and make sure everyone is properly attired. Zhat means no clozhing, just zheir towels." Engineer gaped at him. "Ya...what in tarnation were they doin' over there?" "I will be more zhan happy to explain as soon as everyone is present. Now 'urry, we are wasting time." The Texan didn't look convinced, but he hustled into BLU's compound to pass the news on to his teammates. He had to admit, if nothing else, he was mighty curious. Spy took a long drag of his cigarette, and then smirked. This would certainly prove to be an interesting evening...
I'm not really an orgy person, but hot diggety do I love how you write Soldier... and, um, there was some pretty hot stuff going on for that there orgy, too. Also, bonus endings, so much giggling.
The whole orgy fic was done pretty okay. It wasn't outstanding or perfect, but it was a nice change of normal fics. I adore the bonus scene. It's very soldier, and it made me laugh. Great job :)
christ I had to stop halfway through It is possible to write porn without it being amazingly stupid, you know. Not every other line has to be a fucking in-game quote. You don't have to use the same reactions that we see in every other team fic ever written ever. You can come up with at least SOME sort of conviction outside of "and then they all jerked each other off." You start the fic by saying you're doing something different and not 5 lines in it's obvious that you're not. also they would all just walk the fuck out anyway, how is Soldier going to stop 8 other men
HAHAHA! Might I say, first thing's first, that my MOST FAVORITE THING about this is how Soldier's logic actually WORKS? I thought that was a very nice touch, that this "team building exercise" wasn't just an excuse for a circlejerk... it was an actual team building exercise, with REASONING behind it that made SENSE. I cracked up so hard whenever Soldier opened his mouth. That was wonderful. And I love how you gave everyone attention with the porn. You flitted around the circle, showing everyone's reactions and how they were enjoying it, without focusing on any "main pairing" (even if one eventually focused on themselves). I appreciated that, since characters like Demoman get so little fanfic love. Quite enjoyable overall. Thank you for writing it!
>>4 You know, I've read that circle jerks aren't uncommon among teenage boys/young men, straight ones even. I mostly wonder if any of the characters have done that before and if that would have any impact on this situation. Honestly, I think peer pressure isn't a bad way to keep them there. No, Soldier physically wouldn't have been able to keep them all there but the story suggested he'd at least worn down their resistance to his will over time and the reaction of others would affect their own (as evidenced by the embarrassment of being dragged naked into the showers before coupled with their team mates' comments during the current exercise.) Mind you, in all reality most of them probably would have dispersed and made things more awkward for Soldier to deal with but I can ignore that a little for the sake of the idea. Not to mention, we didn't really get to see what was going on in most of their minds. It is possible some of them were gay or bisexual and this was one way to indulge without exposing themselves. That said, I know the Spy and Sniper's reaction broke that notion so the story goes on the fridge logic of "everyone is secretly okay with gay/bi/what have you" that a number of porn stories go with. This isn't original nor is it realistic but unless a story wants to address persecution, glossing over it is common when avoiding it directly isn't possible. Otherwise it would derail the whole thing. YMMV as to whether or not this story can get by with that. I confess I was willing to suspend disbelief mostly because I really wanted to see the circle jerk happen. Others might not be able to get past that. So, no, this isn't terribly fresh (other than the fact I don't think I've read any fanfiction with actual orgies, though I've seen fanart for it) but I enjoyed it myself and I thought it was at least slightly more realistic than everyone suddenly jumping into bed together. I liked Soldier's characterization. I did recognize some of the lines from the game (and of course the Meet the Soldier video), some of the ones too delicious to truly avoid, but I didn't think all of his responses were. I especially chuckled when Soldier suggested they spy-check first. That made my day. The only thing I would say is that, in spite of screaming his head off on the battlefield, I don't think Soldier yells 24 hours a day. He yells a lot and frequently but the comics and the Meet the videos have shown him in his quieter moments. Even two of his voice responses have him not yelling, though they are specific instances (muttering for one and suddenly dropping in pitch, as an aside almost, for the other. Former being a simple "yeah" response and the latter being a Pyro domination, if I remember correctly.) That said, I could see him being loud in this instance, especially to be heard over the showers later, but I mention it as a matter of future reference. The man's lungs need a rest now and then. I also doubt he is constantly exerting his will. A lot of the time, yes, but not always. I thought Engie was especially cute, poor man. Poor most of them but at least they enjoyed it in the end. Like Tare, I was pleased that Yami did try to show everyone's interactions, though I feel that more of their reactions could have been shown overall. I realize with so many characters that can be difficult to do. I also just realized, as cliche as it might be, it would've been hilarious if Soldier managed to light up a cigar and tell them they all deserved medals afterwards! Especially considering everyone would wonder where was he keeping them the whole time and how were they not wet? But that's me being silly and it is perhaps a groan-worthy joke. I hope you write more, Yami. I can't think of much to help you from a technical aspect. Sorry about that. I hope you get more ideas or consider taking up more of the prompts in the request thread. Even if you don't, I wish you well. You'll improve if you keep at it and I hope more people can give you better crit than I have given.
"Soldier did not appreciate the group's reaction. "DID YOU FORGET HOW TO FOLLOW ORDE---OH. OH, I UNDERSTAND." Soldier nodded almost sagely, and then punched Medic in the shoulder, earning a hiss of pain and a nasty glare. "GOOD THINKING, TEAM. SPY-CHECK HIM FIRST, THEN GRAB HIS DICK." " ...that just made the whole fic go from amusing to hilarious.
>>2 Thank you! Honestly, Soldier is probably my favorite of the entire team, and trying to get inside his mind, even from such a silly perspective, is a lot of fun. And as for the bonus endings...well, that was more or less what I was going for. They were both actually written before the "real" ending. >>3 Haha, a change of pace is always nice, right? And that was precisely what I was striving for, so I am glad to hear it. Thank you! >>4 I'm well aware that it is, but this fic was essentially written as a silly PWP (and as I stated, I really dislike writing sex scenes to begin with. The only reason I wrote this is because the idea seemed far too hilarious to pass up). And while yes, I admit that I had some fun adding in-game lines, I honestly didn't think I added that many, but I suppose everyone will have different outlooks as to what constitutes "too many" quotes. Admittedly, the Sun Tzu line was probably unnecessary, and I did debate on whether or not to put it in or not. I also don't recall ever stating that I was doing something different? I said that I was making an attempt at filling a request, and that it might not be exactly what the person who requested it wanted. If you wouldn't mind, though, would you elaborate on the reactions thing? I'm not really certain what the clichés of this fandom are, and I would like to avoid them if possible. As for the walking out, I'll admit, it was essentially just so the rest of the fic could happen. However, Dove has a point about Soldier wearing them down, and although it may not have been a conscious decision on my part, I did allude to that. Regardless, I'm sorry you were so disappointed, but thank you for your criticism. >>5 Thank you! As much as the point was silliness, I did enjoy the idea of giving the entire concept some validity. I like to think that despite how insane Soldier is, he can strategize, and this seemed as good an opportunity as any to highlight that. Even if he is hilarious while doing it. To be honest, some of the connections within the circle were my own pairing preferences shining through. I hadn't actually meant for Sniper and Spy to become a focal point, but, as with many pieces of this fic, it amused me. And yes, some characters really do need more love...Demoman especially. >>6 As I said in response to >>4 I wasn't consciously thinking about exactly how Soldier was keeping them there, but this obviously isn't the first time they've had to deal with it, and I do agree that they were worn down. Plus, I like to think that some of the team would be interested in improving their teamwork, and perhaps Soldier's previous exercises have had various degrees of success, so the team is at least willing to try. I'll admit that it probably falls under that fridge logic. Maybe it was a dream come true for some of them, maybe it's just situational homosexuality, maybe they just figure they need release of some sort (although this would also depend on having access to a nearby town and other people, etc., which doesn't seem to be constant among fics). Regardless, it does require that suspension of disbelief, because otherwise the story couldn't happen as it did. I was...uncertain about the capslock for Soldier. Because he does seem to spend a lot of his time being very loud, and I did like the emphasis that capslock gave his lines. I will agree that he can have his quieter moments, but it seems...situational, in a sense, as well as dependent on the fic itself. I can't imagine him yelling all the way throughout a more serious fic, for example. I realize that things got rather vague, and that's partially because I didn't want things to end up feeling too repetitious, and partially because, as I stated at the beginning, I really dislike writing sex scenes. And as for the cigar thing...I can say with one hundred percent certainty that had I thought of that, I would have done it, because it's exactly the sort of silliness I love writing about. Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate them. I fully intend on writing more, and hopefully I can get more of a grasp on the sorts of things people do and don't want to see in a fic. Everyone's always going to have differing preferences, of course, but as long as I can write something that amuses or pleases someone, I will try to continue to do so. >>7 I will say, that part is probably my absolute favorite of the entire fic, and it makes me laugh every single time I read it. I'm glad it served its intended purpose.
I'm definitely keeping an eye on this fic.
earlier today, my class played paintball, and well, when we were finished it kinda looked like we had all been in a fully clothed orgy, because the paint was white. I had the miss fortune of being shot in the crotch.
>>7 I honestly think that needs to be the chan's new motto: "GOOD THINKING, TEAM. SPY-CHECK HIM FIRST, THEN GRAB HIS DICK." Or the motto for Afanfic. Whichever one wins a game of Gay Chicken can be the victor! ... Or maybe as the consolation prize since the winner is actually the loser of Gay Chicken. Or something. Gay Chicken is confusing. We need some afanfic involving it. >>8 I like the idea that the team is willing to try being more of a team. They kind of have to. Bickering constantly and no one ever working together would keep them from getting anywhere so it's perfectly reasonable if some of them would be willing to follow along with Soldier's ideas to see if they help. After all, most of these guys probably worked solo on their previous jobs so getting them to work together over time was probably no easy feat and would explain why the Administrator is constantly disappointed in them. I mean, I highly doubt they were trained in teamwork and had to figure these things out on their own over time. Not to mention, poor Soldier doesn't get to order people around too often and have them listen. I would love to see more stories where they take Soldier at least seriously enough to listen to him, even if he is crazy, and he is actively building up teamwork amongst them. Maybe there are a hundred stories like that out there somewhere but, if so, I have missed all of them. D: Not to mention, Soldier may be crazy but most of them aren't too sane either. Soldier's just the most obvious headcase so of course they're a little more accepting of him than most people would be. Of course, asking for something sexual if they aren't interested at all is, taken on a more serious level, exceptionally harder for them to deal with. The point of this story was for the sake of humor though (and I love me some humor in my porn) so I'll readily play along with the idea that they were all interested to some degree and that no one had trouble staying hard while being palmed by a guy they might find annoying during their day job. Out of curiosity, what are your personal pairings? I had a guess that might be why you arranged them as you did. Then again, who wouldn't lean towards their preferences while writing an orgy? It's like writing any other pairings in that respect. I definitely understand about being leery of repetition btw and I thought it was pretty tasty as is. Though I so wish you would write another extra scene or something with the cigar now. Also, I will love you forever if you write more Soldier stories in general. I love Soldier, especially when he's presented as a decent strategist (which is why I was so pleased when his logic made perfect sense.) I also love it when he's played up strongly for humor or drama (two sides of the same coin.) Not to mention, it'll be a good way to improve? I wish I could give suggestions for how but alas I don't know. I guess perhaps just try and see what unlikely places the humor may take you? >>10 That is hilarious and awesome. I just want to say, I've loved every little instance of people writing about/drawing the TF2 teams (or just a handful of characters) engaging in paintball and water fights. So that image of white paint and your misfortune made me think of one of the guys being shot in the crotch (most likely by Scout) and now I want more.
You have fulfilled my request... Sir, I love you forever. You may have my first child, hell you can help me make it.
>>11 While I'm sitting here laughing at the idea of that being the motto, it does make a certain sort of sense for afanfic...it never hurts to double-check! Safety first and all that, especially before porn. And yes, Gay Chicken is confusing...the only way to win is not to play. I really enjoy the idea as well, and I agree with many of your points. They need teamwork, and I can definitely see them having a "learn as we go" type method. I also wonder exactly when they discovered the varying levels of sanity or lack thereof among them...was Soldier labeled batshit right from the moment they met him? If, at the very beginning, he began suggesting these team building exercises, would they have followed along? Not necessarily without question, but perhaps realizing that teamwork was an area in which they definitely needed improvement. I do like to imagine that Soldier has brought them success with the exercises, and that the team does have some amount of trust in his ability to continue doing that, despite not always liking where it takes them. And I would like to see more stories like that, as well...but that could be a biased love of Soldier talking. This is all very true, they are kind of a pack of nuts, in varying ways. And yes, it basically goes back to suspending disbelief on certain things, and I'm certainly not the only one who has ever taken that route. It was mostly for the humor, and honestly, taking the more serious (and perhaps realistic, depending on what was going on in each member's head) route would have derailed the main point. There really isn't much more to it than that, and I acknowledge this. (Although in a way, this makes me want to someday explore this fic in a more serious way, what sorts of reactions they could have had...either to the initial reveal of what the exercise was, or, if they were pressured or simply too worn down to walk away, what they would think of themselves and each other after the fact.) The ones I purposely indulged in are Sniper/Spy, Heavy/Medic, and Engineer/Soldier, and to a slightly lesser extent, Demoman/Engineer, Demoman/Pyro and Spy/Pyro (Demoman needs a lot more love, dammit). I'm honestly not a big fan of Scout in pairings (although that certainly doesn't stop me from reading Scout/whoever fics), and the same is true of Medic (with Heavy being the single exception). I skipped out on some other pairings I like, because...well, constraints. And yes, I do think it's perfectly reasonable to do so; most people write what they like, after all. As for the repetition, I felt I was already approaching or had already breached that point...I wanted to make sure what was going on with everyone was mentioned, but there are really only so many ways I can vaguely say "they're jerking each other off and enjoying it." And...ahaha, we'll see. I think I hesitate primarily because there would have to be more to it than simply the cigar bit, so I'd have to decide what else is going on. I guess it depends if an idea comes to me. I would like to write more Soldier stories, not necessarily all for the humor...I do love writing humor, because it delights me to no end when I'm able to make people laugh, but it is by no means the only type of fic I enjoy writing. To be honest, I have a good many fic ideas that I've started to write, focused on various members of the team, but I tend to take a while to finish things, or just get stuck on how the story should proceed. Unfortunately (for me, at least, perhaps fortunately for you guys if I ever finish them), I've found quite of a few of the afanfic requests to be really interesting and have wanted to write them. That whole not wanting to write sex thing gets in the way of this, a lot...although I've been starting to look into tips for writing sex scenes, so eventually perhaps I won't balk at them so much. >>10 >>11 ...this is priceless. Also, Scout totally would be the one shooting people in the crotch with white paintballs and then laughing his ass off at them. >>12 I am sorry to say that may be...kind of biologically impossible. I know it wasn't exactly what you requested, but hopefully it was close enough. And I will certainly take love; it acts as fuel for future writing endeavors.
Loved it, to be truthful. I dont really have any sort of in-depth crits or anything of the sort for you, though. I really just wanted to say that it's both awesome and hilarious seeing my personal favorite pairings (Spy/Pyro, Demo/Pyro) being portrayed at the exact same time. Feels like Pyro doesnt get enough love sometimes, too, aye?