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Reposting Violin Lessons (Not mine) Medic/Pyro (13)

1 .

Violin Lessons:

Medic touched the bow to the strings again, taking joy in the fact that his audience never failed to be awestruck and never failed to hold that breath behind those soft lips as long as possible. Pyro loved music, loved any kind of it in fact. The firestarter would often borrow Engie’s guitar or play on the old piano in the 2fort rec room, despite it being woefully out of tune at first.

The doctor had first seen Pyro's face then. Out of the standard issue suit and mask with a soft smile, tuning the piano lovingly until it was perfect. The soft honey brown hair and green eyes weren’t what he had expected, nor had he expected the Pyro to be a girl. The original Pyro, who retired three months ago, had been male after all.

He finished the song, Tchaikovsky’s Canzonetta, and saw the smile on her face. “That was amazing.” She whispered with a sort of reverence usually reserved for martyrs, miracle workers and fine wine.

“It vas nozing special.” She often praised his music. However few ever took the time to praise her. “You have a gift to play by ze ear. I can not do zat.”

“Doc I've seen your improvisation. You're lying.”

“So nice to be trusted. Vould you like me to play somezing else?”

“Not really, but um- uh- could I see the violin?'

“You play ze violin?” Medic stopped opening the case and tried to picture Pyro playing Violin. Not impossible but it was unlikely.

“Nuh-uh. I can do a lot of stuff but I can't play violin.” Medic saw the hunger in her eyes, the longing as she looked at the polished wood in his hands.

“It takes time to learn ze right vay Fräulein.” He said with a small smile “und a large amount of practice.”

“And a teacher too right?” She said, a sudden grin creeping over her face.

“Ja.” Medic replied warily. When he saw a grin like that it was normally from Scout planning some horrible joke on Soldier. On a pyromaniac it was not likely to be good news.

“Could you teach me?” Not exactly what he had been expecting. His mouth moved faster than his brain however.

“You must not slack off and you vill follow my instructions to ein 't' Fräulein.” She gave him the same sort of look that a puppy might give it's master or Heavy made at his 'sandvich'. “Now go to bed. Ve vill begin tomorrow night, nine o'clock on ze dot.” He hoped that she heard that as: 'Do not be late, I will not stand for that.'

He could tell she could hardly wait for tomorrow as she bounced up and ran out of the room, only to pop back in a second later. “Thanks Medic. I promise you won't regret this!” As he watched her disappear from the doorway again, Medic seriously hoped she was right.




Lento:

The German walked towards the rec room at eight fifty five to hear a certain Bostonian complain about being kicked out.
“What da hell Pyro? It's not just your room! I want to watch T.V.”
“Too bad, I'm claiming this room in the name of Canada.” The American spluttered curse words and some form of insult involving her mother before stalking away muttering about 'crazy broads'. Medic was trying not to chuckle at their antics. Oh you kids.

“Zat vas... interesting.” He said levelly with that damn smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“Medic!” She turned about quickly, looking a little strange- was that fear behind her eyes? Fear did not suit her well.
“Shall ve begin?”
“Um- yea sure.” She was definitely afraid of something.
“Vat is ze matter Pyro?”

“Nothing doc!” she responded a little too quickly. Medic sighed and shook his head, he'd find out later. For now he took out the instrument he had carefully tuned for the lesson.
“If you say so. Now come heah Fräulein. I don't bite.” She gave a little smile and started to relax as he spoke.

“Now zen. Show me how you hold a violin.” he handed her his pride and joy. She carefully tucked it under her chin and took the bow in her other hand.
“Nein. Nein. You do not collapse your vrist. Zat will stress ze joints.” After she awkwardly tried to fix herself he intervened. “Ze vrist must be straight as possible.” he placed a hand on her wrist and straightened it. “Und your sholders are too tense. Zat vill cause pain.”
“L- like this?” she stammered out, sounding hopeful.
“Ja, -vatch your shoulders.” She relaxed them again “Good. Zis is 'E'-” He took her right hand and drew it over the rightmost string. The look in her eyes at the rich sound produced was one of wonder. He took her hand and moved it across the second string “A” she played the note again.

The next three lessons were spent learning the strings, the notes and how to find them without frets (an issue that caused the guitarist within her no small amount of frustration). “Good vork tonight Pyro. It seems you have gotten it down patted.” She smiled a little.
“Down pat.”
“Vhat?” She giggled this time. “Vhat is so funny?”
“The phrase is 'down pat' doc. I keep forgetting you had to learn English.” He swatted the side of her head.
“Und you keep forgetting zat I am der lehrer.” She stuck out her tounge and thanked him nevertheless.
“Do not be zanking me yet. It vill only get harder from heah Fräulein. Are you sure you vish to continue?”
“Yeah I want to!” Then she sauntered out, looking like the cat that ate the canary. The next weeks were spent in a pattern Medic came to enjoy, although he would not admit it to anyone.

As always Heavy made breakfast for the team, a daily ritual ending more often than not with Engie and Pyro fending the laughing Demoman off. Keeping him away from their bacon and eggs with forks and a saltshaker.

They all were fighting during the day, endless respawns and a lot of running ending after a good seven hours at four thirty in the afternoon. Pyro had been sticking closer to him lately and, it would be a lie to say otherwise, he found himself gravitating toward her, providing übers more often than usual and making sure she ate lunch rather than spy check for an hour. The nights had come to be a sort of treat for him. Pyro was a willing pupil and a gifted one at that. She could play simple songs without much trouble. Her finger-work was slightly halting but overall she was improving quite nicely.

“You two are gonna have t' give us a show one of these days.” Engie said to Medic one day during lunch. His bedroom was nearest the rec room so he often fell asleep listening to their lessons.

“I bet Pyro would put on a damn good show too.” Scout joked as he elbowed a drunken Demo.
“Boy count yer lucky stars she's still running around and not in a good place to split you in half like a log.”
“Hey I'm just sayin that she's doable.”
“You've been datin' your right hand for the last year, so I'm bettin' you'd chase after anything that can move boy. Now drink that radioactive sludge of yours and do somethin' productive.”

Dolce:

Two months - he'd lasted two months only teaching her, not touching her, not letting himself cross the line of teacher. He had hoped it would keep getting easier to ignore the little smiles and the face she made when her hands slipped. Instead it became impossible to keep her from his thoughts. He would follow her more often than he followed Heavy, make a point of every time he could afford it coming into contact with her.

Two days ago, he pulled arrows from her back and legs after a race at pipeline. She refused to simply go to respawn for some reason, saying she'd drag whoever shot her out past respawn's dubious reach and cut them apart. Soldier was the one who insisted they respect her wishes; he even let her clench his hand during the procedure. Medic felt his gut drop with every scream, as one by one the projectiles dislodged under his care. She passed out afterward, covered in blood as the medigun healed her. He had taken the time to look over her files and, admittedly, her as he waited for her to wake up.

She was nine years his junior it turned out, in her very late twenties. She had slight OCD and a touch of paranoia but other than that, nothing; the most severe medical care she had undergone as a civilian was for two broken ribs and a concussion from a car crash. As much as he loved medical records, reading about the birthmark on her hip and the scar from a BB gun her brother had carelessly tested on her as a child, nothing compared to what one discerned himself.

Aesthetically speaking, she was average. Pyro had nice cheekbones and full lips. Her green eyes were the most remarkable trait of her face, wide set with long lashes and a ring of dark pine around the outside of her iris. Otherwise, she was an above average physical specimen. Well built, with wide shoulders and hips that suited carrying around heavy equipment and taking hits. Her legs were an unusually eye catching feature, defined and sun-kissed runner's legs. God those legs haunted his mind.

He had seen women naked before, he was a doctor after all, but for some reason the image of her on that tiny examining table, sitting up and stretching, naked as a siren or standing in the door smirking, wearing nothing but his lab coat was enough to make him give her a sedative to ensure she would stay out through the night and retreat to his room. Class is canceled.

When she woke up she apologized profusely, telling him she felt like an idiot and that she promised it would never happen again. Medic assured her it was alright, trying to fend off the image that had done him in last night, Pyro standing in the morning light that flooded his room every day, wearing only a single sock and playing his violin. He spent the next hour running a little awkwardly after Heavy and Pyro, trying to avoid chafing anything.

Today, however, he had been careful relieve himself before he left his room and was working on auto pilot. The fact that Demo wandered into the dining hall so drunk he'd forgotten pants had certainly helped quell any pleasant images that might have made themselves known afterward.

Pyro had torched the enemy Soldier mere moments ago. She had been giggling a little when Medic's timely aid saved her from a rocket-jumping death. “Mmuph nyah!” she called from behind the filter at him, overhealed and almost bouncy as she dashed around the corner of turbine towards the enemy intel room. Wait, intel room? Their sentry was still up! Pyro, you idiot!

“Vait! Pyro!” He heard a few rockets fire, a scream of pain and then the screech of gears. Why did Pyro have to go charging off like that? The half formed attack-and-hopefully-heal-whatever-is-left-of-her plan he had went out the door as he was almost run down by a rubbery suit toting not only a shotgun but the intel to boot. An odd mix of pride and uncontrollable I-Will-Kill-You rage burned within him for a split second. Until a minigun whirred behind her.

“Did you think I would forget you lettle Pyro?” Called a Heavy, followed closely by his own medic.

“Mmupfga Mmummfer!” Pyro spat, promptly grabbing Medic's shoulder and yanked, pulling him with her towards the main room. A bullet grazed his coat and another hit next to his head but they kept running.

“Vat vere you zinking?” He spat a minute later. They had managed to make it to safety, knowing Sniper had a certain vendetta against the other Heavy. “Vat if you died in zere? We respawn but zat is no reason for recklessness!” He could see no expressions past the glass of her mask.

He didn't need to.

You could almost hear her blood boil before she yelled a few choice words not even the filter could obscure. The sort of words that, if her mother had been there, the woman would be tasting soap for a week. Satisfied with medic's open mouthed shock, she turned with the intel to slam it down for a capture. Medic recovered in time to glare as she stalked up the stairs, spewing fire out of the backburner like an angry dragon on a PMS induced rampage.

“What's up wit' her?” Scout asked as he watched. Medic ignored him and trudged away. “What's up wit' him? Who da hell am I talkin' to?” Some questions should never be answered.

“Leetle Pyro respects Doktor-” was Heavy's opinion as they left the showers that afternoon. “And Doktor likes to vork vith leetle Pyro. Is good combination.”

“Ja, she is a good teammate, but she is reckless. Every time I see her, ze girl does somezing foolish! She's not usually hurt as badly as ze enemies, but it is close.”

“She wants doctor to respect her. Does not like being seen as baby.”

“I do not see her as a child zough! She is a vonderful student und teammate.” Heavy laughed loudly, drawing bemused and curious looks from Spy and Sniper respectively.

“Leetle Pyro does not vant be seen as student. She vant to be equal vith Doktor. She vant be seen as girl.” Medic could hardly picture her as anything besides a girl.

“Heavy, you are not making any sense.”

“Pyro- Kak skazat'? Ah! Pyro crush Doktor.” Heavy said quietly “And Doktor crush Pyro, da?” The big man's broken English still conveyed what he was thinking.

“Und you are full of it, Schweinehund.” Medic shot back, leaving the bald man behind to get dressed again. Was he that obvious?

The conversation did spark a certain curiosity in him however. Pyro was sometimes nervous around him, protected him like a guard dog when Heavy was elsewhere and listened to his directions, usually. Then again, it could all be perhaps a paternal relationship to her.

The more he thought about it, the more it bothered him. She was easy to talk to, brave, attentive and polite. All things he came to appreciate more and more about her. Her temper, however, was volatile on occasion and she was stubborn as a bull. None of these were a turn off. He was still pondering exactly how long he could ignore some of his less than polite impulses when there was a knock on his door.

“Sorry I got mad, Medic.” She was looking down, brown hair hanging in front of her face. “I was just- I don't know. It was dumb. I was dumb and well- I just was- I don't know. I'm sorry.” He was able to cut off limbs and hack a spy to pieces, but every ounce of frustration in him melted at the honesty in her voice.

“Zank you for ze apology.” Look up. Please look up. “Zere is nozing to forgive.” She didn't look up. She just hugged him tight around his middle.

“I'm still sorry.” she mumbled into his chest.

Once the lesson was over, he went as quickly as possible to his room. As soon as the door was shut, he was removing his shirt, his pants, everything to separate him from the apparition that his mind conjured up.

Pyro came into being, eyes hooded, smiling at him. She was walking forward so he had to sit back on the bed to make room. Ghost or not, the image should be at home here. It wasn't a smirk or a maniacal grin either, it was a soft smile. The ghost wore one of his shirts, buttoned enough to cover everything, but nothing besides that suit could hide the swell of her breasts and hips. Mein gott, he was going to have hell getting dressed in the morning.

The ghost sauntered over, chest bouncing and shadows painting her face in the darkness. He moved his hand, imagining she had reached down and that it was her hand on him, slowly pumping and on occasion twisting in all the right places. It wasn't enough though.

Her hand moved faster, the soft smile turned into something pleading, imploring. He could imagine her eyes wide and dilated and a crease on that forehead as she concentrated. He leaned back onto his bed and Pyro leaned forward to whisper into his ear as she worked. “I don't think I'm keeping my wrist straight, Doc.” His wrist became her wrist at that point. At that moment she was real, it was her wrist snapping so it was straight, her hand squeezing as she pulled up. It was her sigh as he came on his hands and stomach. Then she was gone.

That night Medic added another trait to list of why Pyro frustrated him, that haunted the apparition's eyes now. Sweetness.

Crescendo:
“I zink you vill enjoy this lesson, Fräulein,” he said one night, unable to hide the cheer in his voice. Pyro, as usual, was waiting for him. She put the book in her hand down and stood to greet him, feeling a little silly.

She looked different tonight, her hair seemed to shine a little brighter and her eyes sparkled a little more endearingly. These, coupled with the fact that she was wearing a dress, made medic's breath catch a bit. The soft green color didn't cling, it fluttered about her knees as she moved. What he would never know is she had commandeered the bathroom for an hour before their lesson. If she was going to do anything it helped to look good.
“Medic? What's wrong?” she asked him, trying to keep that slightly confused look off her face. Thank god Medic couldn't read minds. In his opinion she was quite pretty, covered in blood and dirt with a rubber suit, but she seemed to radiate femininity at that moment. She looked delicate, breakable almost.
“Nozing, I just have never seen you in a dress.” Some sort of recognition flashed across her face, making her smile a little. So he noticed; this was a step in the right direction.
“It's laundry day, after all. Now what's this surprise?” Come on, Doc, I'm not sure how long my courage would hold.

She had to like Medic of all people. Why couldn't it have been Scout or Spy? They teased and would show affection openly. But she didn't want them. She wanted the doctor with rectangle glasses and a penchant for logic, for keeping her from flying off the handle when she was frustrated.

She wanted Medic, dammit!

“I zink you are ready for zis.” he said handing her a few sheets of music.

“Clair De Lune? You really think I'm ready?”

“Vould I give you anyzing I didn't zink you could handle, Dummkopf?” He had started smiling a lot more at least. She liked his smile, something secret and rare. This one was a smile all hers too, making it all the more precious. “Now play. I vill correct you as needed.” Right, the lesson. Focus, Pyro, you can talk about feelings and shit later. She was doing a good job at it, until she missed that G#.

“Nein! Nein! Vat are you doing, Fräulein?”
“I'm trying.” Jeez, Doc, you're making me nervous!
“Vell try again!” Honestly, she should know that note by heart by now. And yet again she missed it. And again and again. Where was a wall? She wanted to hit her head on it for being so distracted.

“Ach, was ist los?” he finally grumbled as he walked up and took her hand in his. Don't blush, don't blush. He was too busy arranging the fingers correctly to notice anyways. Wait a minute... she messes up, he gets close to her. Gears turning, thoughts racing - plan formed. Whoever let me have this idea, thank you.

When he let go, she played the note right. Then about a measure later she 'messed up' on a C. Again he fixed her fingers, ignoring the small smirk she wore now. It happened several times before he glared and placed her fingers firmly in their places.

“Vat are you playing at, Fräulein? You know ze notes und you have heard zis song several times!”

“This-” She deftly set the violin and bow on the table behind them and, before he could say a word, pulled him down into a soft kiss. Here goes nothing.

Medic could hardly decide what to make of this, the soft lips on his made things fly apart and her two hands, calloused but not in a bad way at all, wound around his neck. He placed his hands on her waist. Pyro was a little bit shorter than him and smelled of smoke and cinnamon. She pulled her lips back and opened her eyes.

“That- is what I'm playing at. Should I get back to work now?” Medic nodded, feeling somewhat dazed as she took up the instrument again and played the piece flawlessly. She finished and looked him right in the eye. “THAT was my surprise.”

“Vhy did you do zat?” Not that he was complaining.
“I got sick of thinking about it and never doing anything.” She said, matter of factly. “I like you, Doc. Simple as that.” She hid behind her hair a bit, the blush on her cheeks utterly beautiful to him.
“Vell zen,” he said, trying to process that. Well then, indeed.
“So- you're not mad?”
“Am I- Du machst mich krank! Natürlich nicht!” Pyro gave him a weary look.
“Remember, I can't speak German, Doc.” Rather than spend time repeating his earlier sentiments, he went a more direct route.

He grabbed her by the waist, pulling her in before kissing her soundly. She made a soft sound in the back of her throat, reminding him of a purring cat. Her hands cradled the back of his head, trying to twist into his hair. Someone’s mouth opened to the other and before he knew it she was against the wall, head back as he trailed kisses down her neck, stopping to bite on her shoulder, to move the strap of her dress to the side. His fantasies had been wonderful but he hadn’t dared to give them a scent or a flavor, too afraid he’d get it wrong. She was solid, he could feel her breasts under his hands, taste the sweetness of the apple she had after dinner on her mouth, hear her breathing alternate with his own, see the face she made when his fingertips ghosted down her cheek. She was real.

“Doc.” she said breathlessly, “Doc, slow down. Third date!” He didn’t want to do it but he pulled back, his hands reluctantly sliding from her hips. He wanted to say something in apology. Of course he was moving fast, where was his restraint? He just looked at her leaning against the wall, eyes half shut, mouth half open. He admired the small spots on her collarbone, spots he’d placed little nips on that marked her as his. When he didn’t move, or say anything for about five seconds Pyro groaned and grabbed his shoulders, kissing his neck, right where the pulse was. He gasped quietly as she nipped. Who knew that her little mother of pearl teeth could feel so wonderful against his skin?

“Who said stop?” she hissed against his juglar, sending a strange sense of vibration through the area. Medic hadn’t heard her sound that dark before. Then again he had never seen anyone deny her physical affection. “Just slow down, I’m not going anywhere.” He was tempted to tell Pyro exactly where he wanted her to go, but decided against it in favor of returning the attention she was paying his neck.

“I vould like to see you try.” he whispered.


The next morning Medic woke up to find he and Pyro were laying in an armchair. It was mostly dark outside, with a cool bluish light from the horizon creeping through the windows. His hair was mussed, his tie was missing and she was asleep on his lap, curled into the crook of his arm. The sensation of a warm body next to him, the softness of her hair on his neck, was exilhirating.

“G'mornin', Doc,” she mumbled into his chest. Her eyes were half shut as she curled up closer to him, letting Medic feel the press of her breasts against him and the soothing patterns she traced on his skin. Not that he minded, but why were buttons missing from his shirt?

“Good morning, Pyro.” He responded sedately, pressing a kiss to her lips. They were swollen from their earlier activities but curled upwards at the edges.

“Nice to know I wasn't the only one holding something back.”

“Ja, I am glad zat you decided to take zis matter into your own hands.”

“So... does this mean we’re... y’know, dating?”

“If zere has to be a term for it zen, ja. Ve are dating. However, ze lessons cannot continue zis vay.” Before the words could sink in and rouse unnecessary panic he tacked on the rest of his thought. “Tonight, class vill be held somevere more private, Ja?”

“Good idea.” she said, leaning into his chest. He was warm and she was fond of warm things. She was tempted to ask if he was up for round two but sullenly realized they would be here a while, and get found by one of the guys. So instead she took a last moment to let the feeling of his skin soak in before stretching and standing up. “I'll go grab a shower and get dressed.” She kissed his cheek lightly. “Back in a flash.” Unless you want to come with her, Doc.

“I vill try to find ze buttons from mien shirt in ze meantime.” She’d pulled off buttons? Jesus Christ, Pyro, there’s a little thing called self control! Look into it!

“Sorry about that Doc, guess I was a little... enthusiastic.”

“Do not say zat you are sorry.” Medic had that look in his eye again, the one he got when he planned to make her go weak at the knees. “Your enthusiasm is quite enchanting.” Come on Pyro, shower, you need one. Go now and don’t let yourself jump him.

“Good to know.” Then she slipped out and down the hall, an uncomfortable sensation of unfulfillment in her abdomen. If only cold showers worked for her like they did for guys.


The rest of the team woke about two hours later, a bit surprised and suspicious to see Medic already up, drinking coffee at the table and Pyro sashaying around the kitchen, dancing with an invisible partner.

“Feu, I am under the impression you are missing something.” Spy joked from the doorway.

“I'm just happy, Spook” she said, starting a waltz and catching Sniper unawares. She grabbed his shoulder and a hand to spin about before breaking off on her own once more. “Happy enough to fly.”

The Aussie chuckled and almost waltzed away himself. Spy slipped into his place, spinning her giddily around the kitchen. He had to admit, to him, happiness was contagious.

“Flying pyromaniacs? Zat is a terrifying prospect, petite.”

“Oh hush, before I toss your cigarette stash.”



Intermission:

Pyro ensured that their first date, as she jokingly called their lessons, was far from the last. She even made the occasion she broke a string for the first time one to remember. Medic hadn’t anticipated all the unexpected ins and outs of this relationship. He hadn’t realized he could run after Pyro more than he already did and the very idea of her being at the front and out of medigun range was distracting him more than he liked. These little intricacies of emotional attachment were binding once they had a hold over him. That wasn’t to say everything went smoothly.

At first Pyro had been no different than the usual, acting like an overgrown puppy who can’t tell her own strength but several incidents told him she knew exactly what she was doing. Sometimes in the middle of dinner he’d feel a hand reach over and grab at his ass. When he faced her, trying to hold down a blush, she'd just give him a broad grin and a wink before getting back to harassing Demo. Then he'd wake up after a nap to find his glasses gone and Pyro lounging around in the rec room, with what he could only assume was a smirk on her face.

Normally Medic wouldn't stand for this sort of childish actions but it had become something of an acquired taste. She made him feel younger with her little jokes and good natured ribbing. He came to crack smiles in public when she had outrageous suggestions, such as implementing kinetic energy provided by hamsters to power the heating unit, and after her more spontaneous 'lessons', usually held when they passed in an abandoned hallway. Medic also enjoyed the never-ending energy that went into her curious nature. She'd ask all sorts of questions about Germany, about what he liked to do as a kid and in return would sometimes ramble on about how beautiful her hometown was and how big Montreal seemed when she went to collage there.

“I did not know you vent to collage.”

“Well, I did. I got a B.Ed and when my time here's over I'll be teaching English literature in a highschool.” She told him, as
they sat outside one night at castle. “A little boring I guess compared to what I have now, but I worked hard for that degree and intend to use it.”

“I zink it noble to teach ze next generation vat you know.”

“Thanks. I just hope I won’t try to spycheck any of my students on reflex.” She smiled and leaned onto his shoulder. It made Medic think about some recent events.

Such as the fact the he now knew her name. He rolled the syllables around in his mind, loving the way they sounded. It fit her so perfectly that he hardly could believe he hadn’t guessed it. His name was nowhere near as fitting, he’d hated it actually as a child. However the way the sounds fell from her lips made the name tolerable. He felt like he could come to love that name if she said it. Only her, nobody else.

Heavy’s laugh came from inside and Scout swore in response, something about cards. The team had known about them for three days, officially at least. Spy and Heavy seemed to know exactly what had been going on between the two but the rest of them had seemed shocked. He could hardly blame them with the way they found out.

Medic and Pyro agreed that it was for the best to let the others know now, rather than have to explain themselves later. Neither of them liked the idea of trying to justify their actions with very little dignity and clothing to their names, if someone looked in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Medic thought it would happen with one of them tentatively broaching the subject at a meal, and explaining that it would change nothing about the team's dynamics. He told Pyro it also would not help if she pointed out that it already had. But he found out she had VERY different ideas on the execution.

It had been a crisp fall morning, making the trip from their nice warm beds to the battlefield a grudging one. Things were relaxed, the kitchen smelled of black coffee and the warm biscuits Engie took pride in calling a family recipe.

“All I’m sayin' is that stuff is fuckin paint peeler Demo! I don’t got a clue how you can drink it!”
“It’s an acquired taste laddie, like haggis or-“ Demo’s booming voice cut off without warning, causing Medic to look up from the morning paper.

Pyro must have snuck into his room, because she entered the dining hall wearing socks, a pair of shorts used for sleep and one of his shirts, only partially buttoned. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence, before everything exploded that is.

“Good god private! Put on some pants!” Soldier roared, ignoring the fact that he almost knocked over Sniper's coffee.

“Bloody hell, she has shorts on Solly!” Nothing Pyro did fazed Sniper anymore. He protectively steadied his cup just in time for Scout to almost make him drop it again “Oi, watch it Gremlin!”

“Doc! You sly dog!” Scout cheered, ignoring Sniper's complaint. Nobody was sure if it was the fact that Pyro and Medic were together or that he was just enjoying the view. Engie put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back into his seat.

“Boy, there are some things you don't make a big deal out of. Mornin' Pyro.” He added, looking away with a blush.

“Good morning Engie. Good morning Medic.” She kissed the German's cheek.

“Vat are you doing?” he hissed into her ear as Solly continued to rant about the fact that she was to be decent at all times, where was her propriety and did she know that she was a warrior, not a hooker? She smiled and whispered back to him.

“I'm winging it.”

“I am TALKING TO YOU MAGGOT!” To her credit she didn't jump. To scout's discredit, he did. And there went sniper's coffee. “This is serious, I will not stand for you and lover boy being involved outside of downtime! I see so much as one bit of lollygagging, any lack of constraint and I will send you packing!” Pyro gave a weary yell of “Sir, yes, sir!” and things returned to an awkward sort of silence. Medic thought he was in the clear, until he was taken aside by three men before setup.

“May we ‘ave a moment?” Spy asked politely, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was quickly flanked by the Engineer.

“Is zere a problem?”

“Look Doc, we just want to talk for a sec. Nothin’ bad but we need to set up some ground rules here.”

“So you better listen and listen good, Kraut.” Soldier growled to the left of Engie.

“Zere is little else I zink you vill let me do until I agree.” Medic huffed. Honestly, he and Pyro needed to discuss subtlety next time they had some development to relate to their team.

“Look Doc- she’s a lady, a pretty young thing who can get used. She may not realize it but men will take advantage of that.” Soldier cut in with a menacing glare.

“Do not be one of them. Or so help me I will drag your Nazi ass outside of the respawn limits and ensure you won’t hurt her again. Am. I. CLEAR?” He bellowed the last word, getting spit on Medic’s face. He often forgot how fanatic, and protective, Soldier could be. This was a good reminder. The older man, satisfied he had made his point, straightened up and marched for the resupply area. Spy rolled his eyes.

“We only want ze best for ‘er. I understand zis is awkward but she is far younger zan you and it would ‘elp to know your intentions doctor.” He looked away the entire time he spoke, and puffed away on his cigarette.

“My intentions are nozing beyond ze simple fact zat ve share a mutual attraction. It may develop or die out. Who can say?” Engie smiled and Spy flicked the butt of his cigarette away, looking pensive.

“That’s good enough fer me. C’mon Spah, let’s grab our gear.” The Texan walked away whistling and Spy followed with slow, even steps. Medic stood where he was for a few moments, caught between shock and an inexplicable comfort in the fact that Pyro had devoted friends. He shook his head and trailed after his questioners, wondering if Pyro was being cornered in the same way at that moment.

Presto:

An uncommonly clear night in October found Pyro outside, watching the stars. They held a strange beauty to her, orbs of fire and gas too large to see the end of. Her brothers had given her an old telescope when she was a child. They told her all about the constellations and the stories that went with them. Her favorite had always been Perseus, who’d defeated Medusa and rode Pegasus. She gave a warm little sigh and lay back onto Medic's chest. Two weeks and a day had passed since the ‘great breakfast calamity of ‘68’ as Engie had dubbed it. Things were calmer, Solly had finally shut up and Scout had given up following them around, hoping to spot some action. She dragged herself away from thinking about anyone but him as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned into it, enjoying the warmth and gentle, calloused hands.
“Vat are you, a cat?” she just gave a soft smile
“I’m more of a dog person myself, Doc. What time is it?”
“Too late to be out here.”
“That’s not a time.” He smiled, kissing her forehead. She smirked before reaching up to move his lips to hers. He smelled of antisecptic, aftershave and the barest trace of mint. Rather than coax her indoors he settled. The clouds misting out from between her lips were eddying onto his neck. “You're not cold are you?”
“A bit. I can stand this.”
“I would be inside myself but my room has the worst view of the sky in the entire fort” Pyro said slowly, almost afraid to finish her words. "Is yours any better?" He tensed a bit, only to have her left hand run up his chest. Did she know what she was suggesting?

Of course she did.

He surveyed the woman before him. The lavender pajama set, the hair that smelled like cinnamon, the lips that parted in breathless shock if he nipped them just right, the heartbeat thrumming like an engine in her breast.

“It's a perfect spot to vatch the sun rise as vell.”

Somehow they made it to the infirmary without loosing any clothing. As he shut the door and locked it two arms slipped over his shoulders to draw complex fractals on his sternum.
“I know something you don’t know.” The gust of breath on his ear contrasted the singsong manner so perfectly.

“Do you now?” he said as he took one hand in his, bringing the palm to his lips, relishing the purr she made. “I give up. Vat is it?”

“Come on you haven’t even tried.” he turned, careful not to upset her balance. That is until he pinned her to the wall. He nipped up her neck. Only he made her eyes close like this.

“Vat part of “I give up” didn't you get?”

“You don’t goof off. You don’t tease.” Oh you little imp, this is how you want to play? “I bet you can’t even tease.”

“Can’t tease?” he asked, glaring at her weakly. Gods she was feeling smug right now. “I vill show you vat teasing is.” Warmth pooled somewhere in her belly at his hiss. Medic loomed over her, making her shake with anticipation.

“Bet you can't.”

Medic indulged that competitive streak of hers, barely brushing his lips over hers. She tried to lean up for actual contact but he pulled away smirking, and she pouted.

“Don’t move.” His perogative to follow orders was a slow, steady stroke down her stomach. She leaned back with slight hesitation, okay doc, she’d be a good girl and listen. Without a moment of self-doubt his head lowered to the side of her neck. She whimpered at the warmth of his breath. Oh god oh god oh god. He ghosted fingertips over her skin, focusing on brushing breath over her neck and rustling the silk over her thighs more than anything else. “In ze vords of Scout: I am not touching you Fräulein.” The little groan she gave betrayed her. God if he could make something Scout said sound sexy she was doomed. It’s over, give up the fucking ship. She decided at that moment that if he didn’t touch her in earnest she would make him!

“Is zis teasing yet?” She was about to respond but he continued talking “I zink I have learned a zing or two from you Fräulein. For example: I vould take your glasses as vell but you do not vear any.”

“Alright! Fuck. Doc, come on already. I give! You can tease!” She never saw the smirk he wore at those words but was thankful that he chose to take pity on her.

His lips pressed lightly against hers at first, steadily applying pressure to the kiss. Pyro nipped at his bottom lip, she wanted more. His tounge slipped into her mouth as he trailed a hand up her side. One hand held the small of her back and it’s twin cupped her breast, maveling at the softness. The rest of her was strong, dangerous even, but there was part of her that was vulnerable. Right now she was vulnerable, trusting him.

During all of this Pyro was grinning. She’d never be able to see this room the same way again. The flourescent lights cast a cool glow over everything, sillouetting Medic in a halo of blue light, a machine whirred and clicked nearby and the airconditioning provided a strange solace from the warmth that was in her veins. Even the dust particles swirling around them were beautiful. She turned her full attention back to Medic. Suddenly she was hell bent on getting her shirt off.

“Zere are better locales.” He said as she set to work on the clasps, prefering to keep their mouths unseparated by fabric. Pyro, hands slowed and the woman whined at the idea of waiting any more.

“Like where?”

“Such as ze room a few steps avay?” Oh, well then, that’d be fine. Abandoning the task, she looped her hands around his neck, ignoring the strange feeling of the silk fluttering about her torso, half undone. She pulled him close, the words a needy breath over his lips.

“Sounds like a plan.” Then she kissed him, brusingly hard. ‘can you feel this doc? I’m burning for you.’

In an odd but endearing moment of chivalry, Medic picked her up bridal style to make the short trip. He had to admit, she was not light, but the tiny shriek of surprise was more than enough payment for his efforts. He opened the door and Pyro saw his quarters for the first time. His room was sparsely furnished, save for the large bookshelf on the opposite wall, however a far more interesting article of furniture commanded her attention. Unable to wait she rolled out of his arms and onto the bed, grabbing his shoulder as she went. They landed and almost immediately Pyro tackled him. The Doctor was not used to such manhandling but decided that with the way she attached herself to his hips he could perhaps adjust quite nicely to it.

He had expected a little hesitation, perhaps she would slow down, hoping for tenderness. Pyro was unpredictable when it came to him. He decided to at least finish the job she’d started earlier.

“I did not peg you for ze lace kind of voman.” He said as he got rid of the top. It fluttered to the floor but Pyro hardly noticed where it landed.

“I like having a few surprises up my sleeves.” She breathed as she sat up, unhooking the garment herself, she was glad that she’d brought nice underwear now, infinately glad. She’d hardly flung it away before Medic put his mouth to her skin again. He took a nipple between his teeth it became more than the warmth from before. It was a fire. A goddamn inferno, burning through her. She was qualified to know an inferno when she was presented with one. The woman didn’t realize she had started to mutter the words “Oh God” like a mantra as his mouth nipped all over her chest.

“Leave poor god alone” Medic ordered, feeling her hands as she removed his shirt, reaching between their bodies to work on the buttons. “He iz not after you.”

“Oh? And if he was?” she asked on impulse, her brain hardly functioning at the sight of Medic’s skin appearing as she worked on stripping him down. Running after everyone, carrrying a medigun to boot, kept him physically fit enough to have her whisper a particularly vulgar term of admiration.

“If he vas I assure you zere vould be a battle to remember.” Then he took hold of her hips to press their bodies together once again. Her legs clung to his waist as he carressed up and down her spine. Everyhing was slower, softer as he kissed her lips. She felt like she was barely a teenager again, trying not to seem like it was her first kiss on that date with Jeremy Bolt. This was a sweet innocent thing, somehow breaking past the haze of lust for a moment. Medic broke the kiss, smiling at her and kissing the tip of her nose. “I do not plan on letting anyvone, god, man or beast, take you avay.”

“That might be the sweetest thing I've heard in years.” he loved it when she blushed, but when the pink in her cheeks met that smile, the want he felt changed. It didn't shrink but it shifted to something stronger, more important than mere flesh. He would decide what that was later. “Now, it’s YOUR turn.” She breathed before trailing a hand down his chest. She was mapping out everything, every inch, every tiny hair on him, every reaction. All her attention was focused soley on him now and he had to admit, it was overwhelming. She shifted on top of him, grinning at the bulge she was met with.

“Say Uncle.”
“Zat is not much incentive.” He told her as he rolled them both over to attack her neck. She hissed and shifted so she was the one kissing. He didn't stop her. He was always astounded to see her like this outside of battle. She was unyielding, aggressive, possessive. If she wanted something badly enough her team not only wouldn't but couldn't stop her. And right now she wanted his pants off.
Of course that didn't mean he couldn't be like that too. He was about to challenge her dominance when she touched there. “Well, well, well. Seems that someone is happy.” She leered. The score quickly became that of Pyro: 1 Pants: 0. How could a woman, who was so much smaller than he was, be that much more forceful? Her hand tracing up and down along his length, feather light in places, strong in others. “Come on.” She breathed as her hand went faster. “You need to tell me what you want.” Medic was unsure if she was trying to be cute or not, all it was doing was frustrating him. “What was that?”
“I vant you not to stop.” She got a cocky grin on her face, fair enough. Then she moved downward, her mouth making a trail down his chest until she was there.
She’d only done this once before, in collage as a freshman, so she was a little afraid as she took him into her mouth. She bobbed her head tentively, a little worried when he let out a new sound. But when he curled his fingers in her hair and managed to say something in hurried German she took it as a good sign. He liked it best when she swirled her tounge against the tip it seemed.
Medic was lost to the world, he was only aware of the heat and pleasure. And Pyro. He had never experienced this, a previous partner even considered it vulgar for one to speak of it. But it was, for lack of any better description he knew in any language, sinful.
She looked up at him and had to pull back for a moment. She’d done this to him. Made him breathe like he had tried to race the trains during a match at Well, it was her lips that had brought that thin layer of sweat over his body. It was her smirk that made him glare at her like she’d just deprived him of a glimpse of heaven. “Vhat makes you zink you can stop?”
“The fact that I’m the one wearing the pants in this relationship.” She purred, motioning to her lower half “literally.”
“Not for long Fräulein.” She didn’t resist, at all, when he pushed her back onto the bed. She didn’t even squirm when his hands removed the last of her clothing, dragging off the thin lacey excuse for underwear with his teeth. She was positively shameless when it came to him. As long as he kept touching that one spot in between her legs she’d do anything he wanted. she groaned out his name as he pushed two fingers into her body “God damn, where’d you learn this?” a thank you card was in order.
“You vanted me to tease.” The world temporarily vanished around her in a starburst when his thumb rubbed her clit. Fuck the card- whoever it was would end up with a fruit basket. Still as wonderful as this was, it wasn’t quite enough. She was aching in all the right ways but unless she had that last little push it’d just die down rather than reach wherever it was she wanted to go.
“W-well stop teasing.” She ground out trying to ignore the finger that still moved inside her. Hell, hell, hell, hell. Doc you’re driving her crazy here!
“You vanted zis.” He reminded her. Even as she squirmed away from his hand and pulled him down, to hover over her.
“Yea, yea. My fault. I also want a million bucks and cute shoes. But not right now.” She wrapped her legs around him and kissed him hard. Nobody said she was subtle. “Right now I want you. I need you.”
He lost it then.
As long as he had known her she’d never said she needed anything from anyone. She’d told people things she wanted and what she hoped for but never, had he heard her admit to need. In one moment his lips were on hers again and the next he was in her. God it had been too long.
It hurt her a little at first, but it wasn’t even work a blink. “Doc, move!” she hissed. He obliged, the sting when he pulled out was nothing compared to the feeling of fullness when he reentered. She was making sounds that, if she were to recreate them in the company of others, could make a whore blush. Medic didn’t mind though. God he looked amazing with his eyes hooded like that. Then he hit something and she gave a cry. Some little detatched part of her brain snickered. She always knew she was a screamer.
“Louder.” He ordered her between thrusts. She could do little else besides obey as her head rolled back. Another scream ripped out of her when he hit that spot once more. Her legs gripped his back and her nails dug into his shoulders. Hit it again Doc. She’ll scream as loud as you want if you just hit that spot again. She couldn’t remember if she said any of that out loud but she got her wish. Medic had no mercy, he would make her reach her peak before him, even if it was the last thing he did.
Sooner than she expected something sprang the coil that had been winding up inside her. Her vision went white for a moment and her mind crashed in on herself. That last cry hit the highest note her voice ever had.
Her hearing returned first, listening to Medic's skin meet hers. Then she felt Medic join her over the edge his voice whispering her name, something in German. They lay there, intertwined in an undignified heap of limbs, sweat, skin and fondness, while she was still trying to remember how to form a coherent sentence. Medic rolled off her with a quiet groan, letting Pyro nuzzle into his chest. After a few minutes she gave up on a proper sentence. ”Wow.” Medic smiled to himself and tucked his chin over her head.
“Ich liebe dich.” He whispered into her hair, knowing full well she couldn’t understand him.

“Right back at you.” she muttered back before falling asleep, knowing that they’d have some explaining come laundry day.



Carol:
Scout had to jog in place from the cold, his teeth were chattered through every “Fuck you” he said when Sniper told him to go get a sweater. It was the end of their first month stationed at Viaduct. The morning was crisp and white and about forty degrees colder than Dustbowl. Medic rolled his eyes at the boy. He at least had the sense to wear another layer under his labcoat.
“You aren’t cold?” Sniper asked Heavy. The big man shrugged at the question.
“In homeland is normal! Leetle Pyro doesn’t mind cold like all other babies!” Pyro swatted the big hand that tried to pat her head away with a muffled complaint. Heavy persisted and ended up setting her mask at an odd angle. She righted it silently and kept her head turned down.
Medic was worried about her. She had been sleeping poorly the last week, crying out in mixed English and French. He had only been able to hold her as she curled in on herself, wrapping around her stomach like a child. This morning she had stayed in the bathroom for an hour before exiting. She had a healthy appetite at least.
“You maggots are weak! I faced this weather a thousand times over when I was in Poland! I made a fort from the bodies of my fallen foes for shelter! And I intend to do the same today!” Thus entered Soldier.
“Bullshit.” Demoman muttered irritably. “If ye made a fort of anythin it was snow.” The american yelled a curse at the scot before lunging. Heavy had to restrain Soldier, Pyro had to keep the drunk standing. It wasbussiness as normal.
“Mission begins in sixty seconds!” That was Medic’s cue to start the medigun. Pyro came to his side breifly, brushing a glove against his cheek, before getting as close to the gate as humanly possible.
“Mission begins in thirty seconds!” Engineer had a set look under the hardhat and scarf. Medic guessed it was a bit too far from Texas for comfort.
“Ten seconds” Spy’s extra layers made his suit bulky in odd places, but he seemed to be at ease.
“Five” More of scout’s constant motion went on.
“Four” Medic got into position behind Heavy.
“Three”
“C’mon already!”
“Two” Soldier gave a loud ‘harrumph’ behind him.
“One!”
Scout was the first out of spawn, Heavy followed closely, spinning Sasha as he went. Already the German man could see spots of red on the horizon, moving at a good clip towards them. Pyro’s backburner emitted a burst of flame, taunting the dots. Her counterpart answered back in kind before it was blocked by the RED Scout leaping into close quarters. A volley of shots went off and he fell to the gleeful yell of “First blood!”
Pyro hung back that morning, almost as if she was able to permenantly die. She guarded Sniper and only made one kill when she roasted the RED Spy. Even without her at the front they had the point locked up and secured at about noon. The REDs made a few passes as a formality but beyond that it was still and calm. At one point Medic even saw the two Demomen sitting off singing ‘the Rocky Road to Dublin’ or some such nonsense.
Pyro was maskless, staring up at the sky as snow slowly fell to earth, when Medic nearly tripped over her.
“Hey Doc.” She said softly, sitting up. He could tell something was wrong already from the look in her eyes. Medic silently held out a hand and she took it, not speaking a word as he led her towards spawn. He almost wished he hadn’t led her inside when he saw how the lights cast odd shadows on her face. She looked scared, tired, utterly forlorn. He took her face in his hand, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Vat happened?” the woman he loved was stock still for a moment as her eyes began to water, then she slumped against his chest and sobbed his name over and over. This was no place to let her break down, so he made use of the intercom system to alert the administrator that the BLU Pyro was not feeling well and would not be fit for duty the rest of the day. The administrator snapped a response back at him before he led Pyro down the halls of the new base to the infirmary.
“Mein Leibling. Tell me, vat is wrong?” Pyro’s green eyes looked up at him and she struggled for breath.
“I- I- Doc I d-don’t know how but I think th-that I might be-” She bowed her head, despondance wraking her figure “I ch-checked th-this morning and it said p-positive and I-I’m not sure what to do!”
Medic’s brain shut down at that. Pyro’s shots were supposed to prevent such feminine issues were they not? He couldn’t remember if they did, Pyro had been part of a different detachment until she came to their team, perhaps they were given different innoculations. He was snapped back to the moment at hand by another ragged breath.
“Zen ve might be- You’re saying that you’re,” Dammit man, say the word! You are a doctor! “Pregnant?” Pyro nodded and he drew her close. The very idea was mad, they were mercenaries, they killed. They didn’t create. Yet somehow, somehow they had created life. A child. The idea solidified. He was going to be a father.
“Mein gott. A child.” She seemed to draw strength from the word and looked up, nodding.
“What a way to start the christmas season, huh?”
“You do realize zat ve are not letting Soldier be ze godfather?” She smiled weakly.
“Honestly, my maternal instincts are domant, not nonexistant.” He laughed, warm and rich, before placing a gentle hand on her stomach, still shrouded in rubber and padding.
“I fully intend to make an honest voman out of you.” She chuckled and placed one of her hands on his.
“Are we allowed to live in sin a bit longer at least?”
“Isn’t zis how you got into zis situation in ze first place?”
“Tis’ the season?”
Pyro never told anyone about the grin that broke across his facebefore he kissed her, nor did she explain why they didn’t appear until dinnertime that day. Let them draw their own conclusions.


Encore:
The woman sighed and put down the letter, all was well with her ex-teammates. They couldn’t give specifics but they were somewhere called Ohho. From the way it had been described she doubted that they knew where they were themselves. She smiled a bit, almost able to hear Scout yelling as he narrowly dodged an upsidedown train. The new Pyro had it’s hands full it seemed. Oddly enough, her replacement never seemed to remove the suit.
She stretched and felt the baby kick. She smiled and put a hand on her swollen belly, she hadn’t even seen him and she was enchanted by the little life inside her. A baby boy, her little boy. She got up and walked to the kitchen window. The sunlight was warm and gentle. She soaked up the heat, remembering the feeling of her backburner roaring to life with the same warmth.
She missed her old life sometimes, the excitement, the action. However she prefered her current world. It was much safer for her and for her baby. As she got a glass from a cabinet and poured some water the front door opened. She listened absently as footsteps echoed in the hallway, two sets. The first person rounded the corner, all dark hair and blue eyes in her round face. She looked just like her father, especially when she was smiling up at her mother.
“Momma!” The girl threw herself at the former Pyro’s legs as her husband rounded the corner. He looked the same as ever. He still wore the same labcoat even though the hospital was unaffiliated with RED or BLU, his glasses were perched on his nose like always. His hair was hardly any lighter than the day she met him. He smiled at her and placed his workbag on the table for the moment. “Momma! Papa said that my little brother will be here soon! When?” The woman laughed and knelt on the tiled floor to properly embrace her daughter.
“I’m not sure. He’ll get here before you know it.”
“When he shows up Uncle Dell is gonna to be here too, right?”
“A little bit later, but he said he might stop by. Now go get washed up before dinner.”
“Aww. Momma-“ The girl looked to her father, hoping he’d save her from the horrors of soap. He just laughed.
“Go on, the sooner you do, the sooner you eat.” She groaned and shuffled to the bathroom sink down the hall. The doctor laughed and walked over to the woman, kissing her lightly. “She is more and more like you every day.”
“You gave her the stubborn streak.” The woman retorted with a smile. “We got a letter today.” The man’s eyes lit up as she walked to the table and handed it to him. “Hard to believe it’s been four years.”
“It seems like it vas only last month.” She nodded and let him read. The last four years hadn’t been easy, but they had made it. Two kids, new jobs, civillian life, it was hard to relearn everything. They managed to keep their heads about them though.
On top of it all, somehow, she’d started teaching him how to properly play piano.

2 .

I hate you.
PYRO IS A MAN

3 .

Sayz you.

And anyway, that's not exactly constructive criticism.

4 .

Mister 2, like I said, I don't know who the original author/authoress is, I just rescued it from being lost forever. It's the writer's perogative to do as he or she pleases with the character. I mearly reposted it for others' enjoyment (which, btw, if anyone knows the original writer, please tell or come forward!).

5 .

>>2

"I HATE you! Your opinion of the identity of a fictional character that's canonically COMPLETELY UNKNOWN is different from mine!"

Leave it at Devian-tart.

6 .

I had often had this fic as a day dream - which is fantastic as i have dark blonde/light brown hair and green eyes! On top of that, i am in bed reading this which is making me late for Church! (LOL)

7 .

@Anon #2
Why not think of it as a pre-current TF2 story? That would work, would it not? Anyway, it was a pretty good story. I shall save it for rereading.

8 .

>>7
Please, if you're going to reply in an old thread, can you type in "sage" (without the quotes) in the Email box.

9 .

Sorry 'bout that, Anon Mouse.

10 .

I wander back on the site after forever and find that somebody liked my stuff enough to repost it.

I am so fucking smug right now.

also shameless lack of sage.

11 .

:0 Looks like the mystery is solved.

Humble presence of sage.

12 .

Bubbly awesome

13 .

>>12

Dear Pickle,

I must feel like I should tell you something seeing as you for bumped several fics at once. Please place sage in the Email field and you won't bump the fics to the top of the board and give people false hope.

14 .

Speaking as the author I'm going top throw this out there. This story is over. And for emphisis I will take the Monty Python route and elaborate on how over it is.

"It's passed on! This fic is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet It's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't bumped this to the front it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's metabolic processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-FIC!"
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