Explosions erupt out of nowhere as bluscout ducks for cover. He backs into a corner in the main blu base at granary in realisation that he is down to 3 health. Before he is able to call for the teams trusty medic redspy uncloaks himself and covers the young scouts mouth with his left hand while pressing his butterfly knife to Bluscouts throat. "Oh mon ami what are you doing alone hm? War not fun enough for you?" Redspy mocked in full knowing of bluscouts health. "This could be fun...well for me anyways." Bluscout kicks Redspy in a rush of sheer panik and darts out of the corner only to trip and fall into Redengineer. Bluscout looks up at the large man with menacing bloodstained wrench in hand. Redengineer grabs Bluscout by his hair and throws him into a wall. Coughing blood Bluscout now realises that Redspy has gotten up and walked over to him. "We will have to be gentle. 1 health will not last long mon ami." Redspy states while eyeing over his newfound pet lustfully. "There is much fun to be had but bluscout should not have fought us." "Ya dern right spy." Redengineer retorts as he shapes schakles out of some spare metal on hand. "He’s gonna wish we killed him." "Stay away from me you candyass faggets. Just kill me already!" Bluscout shouts angrily. Redspy pins Bluscout to the floor as Redengineer chains Bluscouts hands to the wall. Bluscout tries to resist the redteam members that are trying to take off his clothes but fails in all attempts. Redspy proceeds to shred Bluscouts clothes off with his well sharpened butterfly knife. Bluscouts face turns red at the fact that his virgin body is now exposed for his captors enjoyment. "I will loosen him for you mon ami." Redspy states as he unzips his dark red suit pants to eveal him throbbing erection. "Make use of his mouth engineer. He talks too much." Redspy pulls down his own underwear to fully expose himself in one fluid motion. He positions himself at the enterence of Bluscouts virgin hole but stops suddenly remembering that he needs to lubricate himself. Redspy pulls out his cloaking kit and slips the small bottle of lotion he keeps for just such an occasion out and coats his member in the white fluid leaving none for Bluscout. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Bluscout yells as he tries desperately to flee from his captors. "I AINT LOSING MY VIRGINITY TO YOU FAGGETS!' Redengineer unbuttons his overalls and pulls out his own erected member and violently shoves it into Bluscouts mouth. Bluscout begins crying out of fear of being raped on the battlefield. He struggles for air as Redengineer thrusts in and out of Bluscouts mouth abusing him throughly. Redspy take the oppertune moment to reposition himself at the base of Bluscouts virgin enterance. Redspy presses his throbbing erection to the bare enterance of Bluscout. Suddenly a single shot is heard over all other explosions and chainfire. Bluscout lays dead on the floor in pool of his own blood. From across the field hidden behind some crates Redsniper reloads his highpower sniper rifle. He glares at his team mates with unrelenting hate. ---MISSION ENDS IN 10 SECONDS--- Bluscout respawns in the blu teams mainbase. Shaken and crying he runs off to his own quarters completely disregarding his own team or anyone else for that matter. He crawls underneith his bed and breaksdown completely. ---YOU FAILED--- is heard over red teams PA system as redsniper returns to base. "You want to explain yourself mon ami? Why you ruin our fun?" Redspy spats angrily. RedSniper punches Redspy in the face out of pure anger. He picks up redspy and throws him against a wall and glares at him furiously. "Don't touch my mate you filthy buggar. Fuck you! I kill more than all of you combined and you don't even talk to me. I am fed up with it!" Redsniper shouts as he storms off to his room. Redsniper makes quick work of packing his personal belongings. How could they do that to scout better yet HIS scout. “Loyalty is earned not given you bastards†he thinks to himself as he packs his last rifle scope and makes for his van. Quickly he runs through the base trying to avoid being seen as he makes his way to the bases main parking lot. Fumbling with his keys he unlocks his van and throws his pack on the passenger seat. He speeds out of the parking lot and heads towards a dangerous location …..Blu main base. “I sure as hell ain’t gonna let this hurt the fella. Don’t care if I get caught.†He says to himself as he turns out of red territory and into Blu.
Please use the Workshop imageboard. this story needs it, badly.
“Anyone seen scout? It almost dinner time. He don’t ever miss dinner.†Bluengineer stated “Vell I don’t know. He came out of respawn und ran to barracks. I have mein procedure so vhy he break it? Mission vas over…Mein Heavy have you seen scout?†Medic asked curiously while looking sweetly to his gargantuan lover. “No Doktor I not seen zi leetle man. Hmm†Heavy responds as he sits next to his lover ,dwarfing him in the center of the mess hall. Alarms are heard all across the base as Redsniper jumps out of his van and runs into the base is a full out rush. All Blu team members scatter to the source of the alarm only to find nothing as Redsniper had already fled the scene. Weaving in and out of halls listening for any sign of Bluscout he runs straight into Blusoldier knocking him to the ground. Hearing a small whimper Redsniper quickly gets off of the floor and runs in the direction of the source. Blusoldier yells to the others making them aware of the enemy presence and allowing them to assemble. Redsniper runs straight into the living barracks of the Blu team in search of the crying noises he had heard moments ago. “Criecky mate what a run.†He states as he stops for a moment. Realising that the noise is coming from two doors down he rushes to open the door but finds it locked tightly. He places his ear to the door and hears Bluscout crying heavily. This sound is soon replaced by the sounds of footsteps running towards his location. “Good thing I can pick a lock.†Redsniper thnks to himself as he pulls out his pocket knife and a screw driver. Making quick work of the lock, he rushes into Bluscouts room and slams the door behind him locking it once more. Redsniper takes a moment to catch his breath as he looks around the room for the young scout. Finding no one in sight he looks in the small closet and finds nothing. He then searches under the bed. He freezes suddenly as he hears the sounds of boots hitting the floor and guns clacking against uniforms. The noises move past Bluscouts room still in search of the sniper they have lost track of. Breathing a sigh of relief, Redsniper lifts up the comforter of Bluscouts bed to better view the contents underneath the wooden bedframe. He finds the scout he was looking for curled up in a ball under the bed weeping out of shear fear and sorrow. “Hey mate…Scout look at me mate.†Redsniper states as he reaches for scout. “Come on mate. Come ‘ere.†“N-n-n-no you will h-h-hurt me!†Scout sobs loudly. “No mate. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing through my scope. I shot you so they couldn’t do that to you.†Redsniper states in an effort to comfort scout. “I ain’t going back to that base. I’d shoot ‘em for what they tried to do.†Redsniper grabs ahold of Bluscouts foot and drags him out from under the bed and pulls him into a hug. Bluscout tries to flee out of fear of being raped but Redsniper stops his efforts easily. Redsniper holds Bluscout into his chest and gently begins stroking the young scouts hair. Bluscout falls apart completely and falls limp in the pain of his own experiences. Footsteps return to the area of the door as they begin searching rooms for the intruder. Redsniper looks at bluscout with a gently gaze as he hears heavy knocking on the door. Knocking becomes more frequent. Becoming annoyed Heavy prepares to break the door down. “Open zis door or I break down!†he yells. “Sniper…why?†“Scout sobs. “Cause I’m sick of the way those rotten gits operate and what they tried broke everythin’ holding me there mate.†Redsniper responds with a caring tone. “Why…did you come here?†Scout asks while trying to dry his face. Redsniper says nothing as he pulls a cloth out of his pocket and begins drying scouts tears. Heavy breaks the door down with a huge clash of metal on metal. Scout cowers into Redsnipers chest fighten at the sudden noise. Heavy is left dumbfounded as he steps into the room where Redsniper is cuddling a devastated scout. “Vhat is this?†Heavy asks with a deep voice. “You’d do the same thing if you saw through my scope mate. I can’t help this scouts gone and wrangled my heart good and tight.†Redsniper responds as he looks to scout. “I don’t get it. You are Redsniper. Why you come here?†Heavy inquires sternly while keeping his finger on natasha’s trigger. “And another thing. Why is scout crying?†“First off I am sick of Redteam and they way they treat me. I do the most and get the least. Second off I ain’t answering that last part unless scout wants me too.†He replies as he strokes scouts hair gently in an attempt to calm him down. Heavy runs his eyes all over the sniper holding scout looking for weapons of anykind. He is surprised to find the man unarmed. Still with untrust he steps closer to the two of them for a better look with his trusty medic hiding behind him. Other members of the BLU team look through the door ready to pounce at heavy’s command. Redsniper looks to the Heavy awkwardly as he has never been in this situation before. “You vill come with me, da?†Heavy commands firmly. “Lemme put scout in bed. Little fella fell asleep on me. He’s kinda cute when he sleeps.†Redsniper states with a gentle tone as to not wake his sleeping scout. Redsniper picks up scout bridal style and carries him to the queen sized bed on the left side of the room. He sets scout on the bed gently and begins to remove scouts shoes and socks as well as his side satchel. Heavy looks at the sniper with curiousity. “How did he know scout hates sleeping in his shoes?†Bluengineer sets his toolbox on the ground and it lands with a loud cluncking noise. Scout stirs a little but quickly stops as sniper rubs his shoulders comfortingly. Weird looks are exchanged as Redsnipers shirt fades to a grey spectators color. Heavy lowers his beloved Natasha and looks to the sniper with a sense of hope. “Maybe he is different from the other reds….†Heavy thinks to himself as he steps right behind the newly greysniper. “Engineer bring me chains. Is required.†Heavy states as the engineer nods and produces chains. “You are spectator now we cannot harm you. Is against de rules. We ask you questions though.†Heavy chains the snipers hands behind him and leads sniper out of the barracks and into an interrogation room fitted with all sorts of painful looking equipment. Heavy looks to Bluspy and leaves Greysniper in his hands. Bluspy says nothing and chains sniper to a table in the center of the room. Bluspy smirks at his new prisoner as he leaves for the night.
>>2 the wat?
http://tf2chan.net/workshop/ Useful for editing and getting help with betaing. No offense meant, but the story's format is a tad stale and repetitive in wording. A run through the workshop should help with that.
A large metal on metal noise rudly awakes greysnipers sleeping as bluspy throws a bag of interrogation equipment on the table. He looks to his restrained as a lion would look to his victim in the heat of a kill. “Vell zis vill be fun. Trying not to hurt you but still get what I want. An interesting puzzle mon ami.†Bluspy flaunts as he looks over sniper. “NOOOOOO†is heard as scout busts in the door with tears all over his face. “I can’t let you hurt him.†Bluspy stares at scout with a confused expression. Seeing that bluspy is distracted ,greysniper picks the lock to his chains with his belt and walks over to scout earning a glare from Bluspy. He hugs scout closely as he looks to Bluspy with a relaxed expression. “Ask me questions I will answer but not ones about scout. Mate? Scout take it easy.†Greysniper comforts. “Did you come here alone?†Bluspy asks. “Unless redspy hid in my van yes I was alone. And one thing I’ll have to show you. If you like seeing a bloke jump three feet in the air like a little wussy that is.†Greysniper states boldly while holding scout. “You just can’t keep off me can you mate?†“Do you not like me? I am so flustered.†Scout cries while snuggling into Greysniper. “No that ain’t it. I like you fine. A little more then just fine maybe.â€Greysniper states as he rubs scouts back and hold him close. “Hey spy can we do this later? My mate here needs time to be emotional.†“Fine but if anyone asks I have a headache and I don’t want to be disturbed. Where did you learn to pick locks mon ami?†Bluspy asks curiously. “I was a quite the delinquent is school. Learned it on my own so I could pull pranks.†Greysniper responds as he picks up scout and carries him back to the barracks. Greysniper opens the new door to scouts room and sets scout on the bed. He looks to scout lovingly as he places his hand on scouts left shoulder and leans in close to him. Scout blushes furiously not knowing what to expect from the man sitting on his lap in such a manner. Greysniper places his right hand on scouts neck and pulls him closer. Greysniper takes the opportunity to lavish the scout in kisses and words on affection as he never has before. Lips lock in a flurry of passion and pure animal lust as sniper pushes scout onto his back and begins removing the scouts clothes. Scout shakes and shifts uncomfortably on the bed. Realising this sniper slows down and repositions scout so that his head is on one of the pillows. “Easy mate. I’m not gonna hurt you and if you don’t wanna do this it ain’t gonna happen.†Sniper comforts as he gently runs his hands over scouts frame earning a small moan-like whimper from scout. “You can stop this at anytime all you gotta say is no mate.†“Really y-you promise?†Scout shakes in fear as he looks to sniper. “Don’t hurt me. What are y-you going to do?†“I’m gonna love you mate. You will like it I will be gentle. This you first time?†Sniper asks as he pulls out a small bottle of scented lotion. “Y-y-yes it is. I’m sorry†scout cries shivers beheith sniper “Nothen to be sorry for that just means we are gonna take it slow so I don’t shred you up on the inside.†Sniper states as he rubs scouts stomach. Sniper takes off his shirt revealing a body that could only be described as photoshop perfect. Scout eyes him in amazement. Sniper takes off his pants and underwear to reveal his large masculine errection. Scouts fear is newly restored at the sight of snipers erect member. Shaking scout tries to blend in with the sheets. “Easy mate. Its not going to hurt you. I’m going to use plenty of lotion and take my time stretching you.†Sniper states lovingly. Snipe spreads scout long muscular legs to reveal his virgin hole. Sniper then takes the cap off of the lotion and coats two of his right hand finders heavily in lotion. He leans down close to scout eyeing his partners member of which is now fully erect. Gently the assassin strokes scouts member lovingly with his left hand as he works into scouts virgin hole with his fingers. “AH hah ugh W-what are you doing? S-slow down!†Scout moans in pleasure. “I’m stretching you and making sure your well lubricated mate. “ Sniper replies as he kisses scouts chest lovingly. Scout moans in pleasure as sniper works over his chest with his mouth and tougue leaving no spot behind. Carefully sniper adds a third finger into scout. He works his fingers in circular patterns on the inside of the virgin carefully feeling for pleasure spots inside scout. Scout gasps loudly as sniper runs one of his fingers over a pleasure spot. “Ww-why?†Scout asks inside a moan of pure virgin pleasure. “I like to know where I’m going mate.†Sniper states as he slides his fingers out of scout and positions himself at the base of scouts enterance. “Easy scout. This might hurt a little ok?†Scout looks up at sniper and grips the sheets hard. Sniper gently slides himself inside of scout earning a moan of half pleasure half pain. Scout shivers as sniper begins moving slowly inside of scout. Scout moans loudly as sniper gradually moves faster in and out of scout. Sniper begins working scouts erection with his hands being careful not to sqeeze him to hard. “You h-have no idea how wonderful you are on the inside mate.†Sniper moans and he presses deeper inside of scout earning a delightful moan. “Uh! Oh god sniper ugh! Too much!†Scout moans as sniper quickens his pace and deepens his strides into his partner. “hah ahh†“Scout I’ll kill anyone who touches you. Oh god hold still mate!†sniper states as he moves his grip from scouts hips to his legs. Scout and sniper moan in unison as they both climax at the same time. Panting heavily sniper slides himself out of scout and pulls scout into a comforting hug. Scout cuddles into snipers chest as they lay togather “That wasn’t so bad was it mate?†Constuctive criticism welcomed. Forgive my grammar. English is my second language and this was a free handed write.
http://tf2chan.net/workshop/ 1) Don't portmanteau team and class together like that, at least not on this board. In general if the scene is set on one side of the base, you can just use the class names, and then use the opposite team designation where necessary to keep things clear. 2) There are punctuation and spelling errors everywhere. 3) Why is the RED team pausing mid-battle to rape an enemy Scout? There's a war on. They could get themselves killed. Yes, a lot of porn is of the Excuse Plot variety, but at least try to acknowledge that they're also playing death tag in between having sex. 4) Characterization is very weak. Please do more research before continuing this story. I'm not buying anybody's actions or motivations at all.
>>7 this was a freehand write. I have plans to go into more details. I used team specific names to keep redspy and bluspy seperate. When i wrote it originally that part confused me. As for the characers I am still working on that. Sugestions?
I will post the redone version later it will be far longer. I invite suggestions and things. This was a early writing.
Um, I have to point out that the last thing that Scout would want to do after being nearly raped is to have sex with another man, GreySniper or not. Some people who have been raped, or nearly so, don't even want to be touched. I'd have to see a lot more leadup to the sex if you want to set this so soon after Bluscout got... attacked like that. I read Scout would be doing everything in his (mental) power to deny being gay or wanting any of that shit. And would Sniper even want to push sex on Scout after witnessing that attack? I have a hard time seeing that motivation as well. "I've just seen a young guy on another team be attacked sexually. What should I do? I know! Desert and have sex with him myself!" I just don't see it.
I really don't like how submissive Scout suddenly is, being like a damsel to RED Sniper. And since when did RED Sniper and BLU Scout become friends before RED Sniper defected? And you have BLU Scout going to a traumatic thing like rape, and like an hour later he's having sex with RED Sniper who up until then had been an enemy and who is old enough to be his father. Also, RED Engineer isn't large at all, in fact he's the shortest member of the team. And why is he so eager to join RED Spy in raping BLU Scout? Why does RED Spy want to rape BLU Scout at all, let alone right in the middle of the day's battle? And what's with BLU Heavy stating that they can't hurt Sniper because he is a spectator/gray now and it's against the rules, but then BLU Spy brings out interrogation equipment? The present tense makes the story sound very distant and your sentences need better structure. You tend to have a lot of unnecessary words in your sentences, or have sentences that are too quick to properly describe the events taking place. Like when RED Sniper arrived at BLU base, he got out of his van, infiltrated the base, the rest of BLU Team received the alarm and went out, only to discover the van, and RED Sniper had disappeared all within a couple sentences. You could do to flesh out and describe scenes properly. You also repeat the same words too often. Virgin, pleasure, "enterance", etc.
"Hey mate…Scout look at me mate.†Redsniper states as he reaches for scout. “Come on mate." Mate. Mate.Mate.Mate Yes. Sniper is Australian-- doesn't mean he needs to say MATE after every sentence. And picking a lock with a belt? How does that even work? All I can picture, is sniper continuously slamming the lock with the leather, till the lock falls off. "Duurrr... mate. Mate." *drools* You had a really cool idea--but just aren't delivering.
I will be adding this advice into the new version thanks guys!
ahahahhaha best troll
This story COULD be decent, but only with a LOT of work. More than it's likely to receive. But I do like the idea of mercy killings, as well as a "grey" team. I spectate all the time in TF2, yet the thought that characters in the game could be on team spectator never crossed my mind. I agree with everything that's been said so far. If you're willing to revise your own story, then I'd be more than willing to read the new version. Good luck!
Lets find a place to start... I hate to write a review like this, so full of con crits for you. I'll start with the problem that never let up all through out this story, it was grammar. Reading this story I feel like you might not understand the concept of such a word so let me explain: commas, periods, spelling, GRAMMAR. Sniper is Australian, that means he says mate a lot, right? "MATE MATE MATE MATE." WE GET IT. If you're going to have Sniper say "mate" so excessively, maybe you should have just considered saying, Sniper repeatedly said mate over and over again until Scout felt better, or at least was distracted by the annoyingly repeated word "mate" to remember what he had been sulking about a few minutes ago. Colors+Classes:"REDScout". Please, please, pretty please. Don't do it. The only time you need to say the team color of your character with their class too, is when it'd be confusing otherwise, in this case it wouldn't have ever been. If you're going to revise this, delete the "RED" before their class title. It'd make it sound better. So, you're writing a TF2 fan fiction because you like the characters, there's no other reason to be in the fan base otherwise. So... did you even pay attention to how Valve made these characters? I mean like, specifically, their personalities? It was terribly out of character. Scout was just raped. So, I know what the first thing he wants to do is, he must want to go have sex a few hours later, with his enemy. Scout gets raped all the time, he's used to it, I guess. Also, thinking back to Scouts enemy, how'd they meet eachother? They act like they have known eachother, yet you never meantion it. Sniper says his Scout, but, again, you never put in that they knew eachother before this whole ordeal. In the beginning of this story, Scout is his normal cocky bastard self, and he never submitted to Spy or Engineer(not even going to ask what those two were doing trying to rape a Scout in the middle of a battle). So... why'd he just kind of say, "oh yeah fuck me Sniper, and, like, be gentle with me." And, Spy- along with the rest of his team- can't hurt spectators, okay, that's reasonable. But he has 'interrogation equipment'. What's in there, when I think of interrogation I think of knifes, etc. What's in there that wont hurt 'the spectator', and be against the rules that BLU is apparently so fond of following. Now, spectator? Maybe, though, last I checked spectators can fly around and don't have bodies, and aren't known as 'the grey team'. But, uhh, yeah, didn't you know: shirts can change colors randomly. Duh. Scout had 1 health left. You did a good job being canon, maybe /too/ much of a good job. (I actually forgot how that meme goes but you get it) So, there is still hope yet, because, hey, you're writing, and you've taken con crit well so far, and, maybe with a few courses on the English language, I can happily read something you write without wincing or laughing at some point within each paragraph. You seem to have potential. I hope to see more from you, and better too. I am sorry if this was offending in any way at all. Good luck, keep writing. I'll be looking forward to a better written update.