Chapter 1: Escape and Death 5 weeks they'd been there, locked in a room together. RED Medic's experiment on RED Spy failed, it made him go crazy. He had taken both Scouts and taken them to a cabin in the woods far away from the fort. He'd tortured them by waterboarding, after that they'd check each other for brain damage or lung damage, sleep deprivation, that made RED Scout very cranky and BLU Scout act like he was drunk, pharmacological torture, they'd always make sure the other wasn't injected with an addictive drug, beatings and physical abuse, they'd help each other close wounds and put bones back in place, Spy had let them have a medical kit and gave them a new one when the other got used up, bone breaking, they hated that and helped each other with wrapping up broken bones, strangling, he'd let go before they'd passed out, cutting, he mostly did to RED Scout, RED Scout guessed it was because he'd get angry and scream, force-feeding, he loved to do it to BLU Scout, because BLU Scout would always cry, after that he'd do starvation on them, pressure points, mostly on RED Scout to knock him out or cause him pain, riding the rail, he did this a lot to BLU Scout, he was always nude for this, sexual assault, only to RED Scout because BLU Scout would always pass out, and tickle torture, only to BLU Scout because RED Scout wasn't ticklish and because BLU Scout would always pee himself. One day they escaped into the basement. When they were about to come out of hiding behind a some boxes, Spy came down the stairs. There was a space in between the boxes so they could watch Spy. Spy saw they weren't in the room, he walked back into the space. "I know your here, you won't be getting away anytime, so just come out and make zhis easy!" Spy called walking around trying to spot them. "RED Scout don't make me hurt your boyfriend, yes I know." Spy said. This made RED Scout angry, he hated when Spy threatened BLU Scout. BLU Scout let lose a whimper. "I heard you whimper." Spy said getting close to where they were hiding. RED Scout jumped out of hiding and tackled Spy. "BLU run! I'll hold him off! Don't worry I'll be right behind ya, I won't leave ya." RED Scout shouted. BLU Scout ran up the stairs and out the door. "You'll die." Spy growled. "I won't rest till yer dead!" RED Scout yelled. They started to fight. Spy had taken out a butcher knife out. RED Scout got slashed with the knife all over his torso and legs. Spy didnt cut his face or arms. RED Scout punched and kicked Spy in return. Spy saw a chance and stabbed RED Scout in the heart. RED Scout didn't die right away and he snapped Spy's neck. RED Scout fell down dead. Spy stood choking, then died. At the moment Spy had died, respawn had turned on. Spy came back from respawn, the trip through respawn had returned Spy to normal. Both teams had spent the last 5 weeks together trying to find RED Spy and the Scouts. They were about to quitewhen a blue blur crashed into BLU Spy. "Scout?!" Both teams said when they saw what had crashed into BLU Spy. BLU Scout gave them a terrified look. "What happened to you?" Miss Pauling asked after seeing his ripped and bloody clothes. "Spy...RED...quick!" He gasped out. "What?" RED Sniper asked. "Follow!" BLU Scout said. BLU Scout quickly got up and ran back the way he came with everyone in close pursuit. BLU Scout lead them to the cabin. "Basement!" He said and lead them there. They were greeted with the sight of RED Scout slashed in places, a knife stuck in his heart, lying in a pool of his own blood, staring at them. BLU Scout was the first by RED Scout's side, BLU Scout started crying. Both Heavies started to comfort him. RED Medic saw another pool of blood. "Miss Pauling?" Miss Pauling looked at him. "Is respawn on?" He asked. "Yes, it turns on when a battle is scheduled." She said. "Zhen I know vhere Spy is. RED Scout vould be zhere if he just vaited to die." RED Medic said. They took RED Scout's body back to the fort and buried him, well some of them went to go find Spy. The other joined them after they had finished. They found a confused Spy sitting in respawn. "Where am I?" Spy asked. "Vhat do you remember?" RED Medic asked. "Nothing after zhat experiment." Spy answered. BLU returned to their base and RED later got a new Scout. BLU Scout never forgot about RED Scout and what he did. BLU Scout and RED Scout had traded dog tags well they where locked up so they would always remember each other. This is a little story to explain what will happen in the next chapter.
WALL OF TEXT DOTTED WITH MENTIONS OF RED AND BLU I CANNOT READ THIS
Sorry I'll delete and retype this
Also there are some typos here and there. I would suggest you to read it through carefully or give it to a beta reader. Plus, the text is unbelievably short comparing to how many things are actually happening. Take your time telling and showing the reader what happen and describe things better. Everything happened so quickly it was rather boring (and difficult) to read.
I know. I rered this when my pills wore off and went into a laughing fit at all the mistakes. Stupid ADHD.
Wow there is a war in my head right now. ADHD wants to do something else OCD want to make this perfect. And if it is not it is going to annoy me to death. So if someone could please fix this for me I'd love that. I now have to stop the war of the disorders. It is giving me a major headache.
I have no idea what is going on in this fic. Apart from the wall-of-text issue which has already been addressed, there also seems to be a significant lack of plot and meaning. 5 weeks they'd been there, locked in a room together. Who? While deliberately concealing the identity of the main character(s) can sometimes be a way to hook the reader’s interest, it doesn’t work in your story because the characters first introduced after this aren’t the main characters. It’s just confusing. RED Medic's experiment on RED Spy failed, it made him go crazy. What? What experiment? How did it fail? Why did it make him go crazy? What kind of crazy? Is he having a psychotic episode? Is he depressed? Does he suffer from anxiety? The reader needs more information than this for Spy’s behaviour to make any sense. He had taken both Scouts and taken them to a cabin in the woods far away from the fort. How? These are the Scouts we’re talking about; they’d put up a fight. Why? This isn’t in character for Spy. Where? This is New Mexico; where would you find a forest in the desert? He'd tortured them by waterboarding, after that they'd check each other for brain damage or lung damage, sleep deprivation, that made RED Scout very cranky and BLU Scout act like he was drunk, pharmacological torture, they'd always make sure the other wasn't injected with an addictive drug, beatings and physical abuse, they'd help each other close wounds and put bones back in place, Spy had let them have a medical kit and gave them a new one when the other got used up, bone breaking, they hated that and helped each other with wrapping up broken bones, strangling, he'd let go before they'd passed out, cutting, he mostly did to RED Scout, RED Scout guessed it was because he'd get angry and scream, force-feeding, he loved to do it to BLU Scout, because BLU Scout would always cry, after that he'd do starvation on them, pressure points, mostly on RED Scout to knock him out or cause him pain, riding the rail, he did this a lot to BLU Scout, he was always nude for this, sexual assault, only to RED Scout because BLU Scout would always pass out, and tickle torture, only to BLU Scout because RED Scout wasn't ticklish and because BLU Scout would always pee himself. This is one sentence. It lists 8 forms of torture, 4 forms of physical abuse, at least one count of sexual abuse, and 5 forms of medical intervention (for the record, you don’t just ‘close wounds and put bones back in place’, that’s not how emergency medicine works). This sentence is how you would recap a multi-chapter torture-kink fic: it just doesn’t work inside of a story. So if someone could please fix this for me I'd love that. Seriously? You can’t expect other people to fix your stories for you. This is your mess and frankly it needs too much fixing for anyone to bother with it. Either fix this yourself or do better next time.