Isn't wasn't until after battle that I started noticing weird shit going on between Spy and me. The slinkin', shape-shiftin', dime-a-dozen, French, cologne-covered asshole was resting up in the locker room, having a cigarette between his teeth as he had his hands resting behind his head and was lying back on the bench. "So what's up?" I asked, grabbing one of the many baseballs I kept in my locker. I kept each one as a memory to me, one of them was for good luck, THAT was the one I caught at a Red Sox game in Boston. When Spy didn't answer, I pretended to carefully inspect my ball. I held it up, looked at it carefully to make sure there wasn't a bump or scratch on it. Maybe I was looking at the ball too carefully, I didn't even notice Spy had gotten up from the bench and was standing in front of me. "I'm taking you out to dinner.." he said out of no where. I jolted my head at him with my wide eyes like he had just stabbed a little kid or something. "What!? Whoa, hold on..!" I said, putting my hands up as if trying to have a say so in the matter. What was wrong with this guy? What did I do to deserve this punishment!? "What's wrong?" Spy asked, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and smothering it against a locker, then throwing it away in the trash next to him. "You just don't up to a guy and tell them you're taking them out to dinner! That's what faggots do! I ain't no faggot, ya here!?" I protested, nodding and shaking my head at the same time. Agreeing with myself, denying his date, my head getting pissed at itself for ACTUALLY being curious of how the damn date would actually go. The damn Spy, coming closer, touching my face, feeling.. my.. "Mmm..!" I could hardly breathe, I didn't know why. My heart skipped a beat when he kissed me, it was so weird. He took his gloved hands and pressed me up against the lockers, needing my hips, massaging them, making them buck in to his own. His lips were so soft, god damnit, they felt like silk. His tongue was a whole different story, it was rough and lustful and so god damn hot.. and.. damnit.. I felt his hands begin to go where nobody's touched me except my own hand. I struggled, scared of..something, I didn't know why I was so scared but I was so fucking scared. Not of him, not what he was doing but just.. "Relax.." he cooed in my ear, his warm breath tickling the lobe as my nerves raged with their lust. I wanted more, so much more.. I was too scared to admit it. I closed my eyes as he continued to mess with my pants and its buckle. I heard a small chuckle then, I popped my eyes back open and hadn't even noticed my pants were crumpled around my ankles. Then I saw his eyes, his eyes were filled with.. what's the word.. he looked like he was.. D-Damnit! "A-Ahh! D-Don't..!" I gasped, jerking my head back as it hit the locker behind me. I could feel his mouth surround my dick, one hand at the base of my prick and another massaging my balls with strength and precision. Damnit, he was so skilled at this.. Did he even date the BLU Scout's mom!? "D-Damnit.. Ffuu.." I couldn't stop moaning, those silky lips would rage my hormones every damn time they slowly went up and quickly back down. Slow..slow.. fast..slow..slow..fast again! I decided to look back down at him, he was looking back up at me with his eyes that were drilling in to me with.. with.. "S-Spy!" Hunger. He wanted me, he wanted me so fucking badly. He loved doing this, he wanted to make me feel good. My cock began to stir and twitch from the more saliva that coated it perfectly. Little spats of pre-cum were all ready mixing in with his saliva and his tongue. That damn tongue though.. It was so rough and filthy with me, it tortured me with its ruts and flicks. Just when I thought I was going to die from the typhoons of pleasure he was putting on me. I came, I came so fucking hard. "N-Nngh! Ah..! G-God damnit, Spy.." I was out of breath. Just as my legs gave out, Spy caught me and sat me down on the bench. He was gentle with me afterwards. He handed me my water bottle and cleaned us both off, he left me to my own pants back on. I felt like I couldn't stare at him. Like this was just going to be a one-time thing for us and he would go on his merry way and keep on fucking the brains out of the BLU Scout's mom. "Is Saturday good for you? Bring a nice dress shirt and a tie.. I'll be waiting in front of the theater around 7 P.M.. Do not be late, mon cher.." With that, the Spy disappeared from sight in front of me. I was left sitting on the bench with my thoughts and just kept asking myself how I got in this situation.
Oh! Sp-Sp-Spy you'er s-s-so gah-!-good with your mah-mouth!!!
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I always enjoy reading afanfic Spy/Scout so thumbs up for your choice of a rare pairing. However, I noticed a number of grammatical and syntactical errors that distracted from my enjoyment of your story: Isn't wasn't until after battle This doesn’t make sense. I suppose it should have been ‘it wasn’t until after the battle’? Mistakes like these in your first sentence will make a significant percentage of your readers give up on your story right then and there. For your own sake, spell-check! Get a beta-reader! This is a rookie mistake. ya here!? ‘Ya hear’. Unless Scout is questioning Spy’s physical location. nodding and shaking my head at the same time How do you actually do this? Wouldn’t it become a circular headroll? my head getting pissed at itself Unintentional anthropomorphisation. I presume it isn’t Scout’s head but in fact Scout himself getting pissed. Sometimes anthropomorphisation of the head/brain/mind works – in this case it doesn’t. ACTUALLY being curious of how the damn date would actually go Actually, too much ‘actually’. He took his gloved hands and pressed me up against the lockers Where did he take his gloved hands? To the movies? This sentence would read better as ‘His gloved hands pressed me up against the lockers’. Hands are usually objects performing actions, not objects on which actions are performed. needing my hips Why do you need someone’s hips, though? It’s not really something you hear people say – “I’m so horny, baby, I need your hips so bad!†You can need the friction of someone grinding their hips up against you or, I dunno, need to feel their arousal or something, but not really the hips themselves. Unless you have a really specific kink. "A-Ahh! D-Don't..!" "D-Damnit.. Ffuu.." "S-Spy!" "N-Nngh! Ah..! G-God damnit, Spy.." As soon as Scout’s pants come off, he’s incapable of forming a full sentence – that’s one serious speech impediment! I have to agree with #2, this just doesn’t work in TF2 fanfiction. Scout is not a shy blushing uke, he’s a homicidal bastard. If Scout doesn’t want someone touching him he’ll headbutt them hard enough to break their nose and then kick them while they’re down until they stop moving. Also, how do you stutter a D? Dedededon’t? those silky lips would rage my hormones What? Do the lips or the hormones rage? How do you rage hormones? This wasn’t covered in my endocrinology class! This might sound like I’m making fun of you and okay, I am, just a little, but I mean it in a friendly way. You wrote an adult story and that’s awesome! That’s the worst of it over with! You just need to edit your story after writing it; leave it lying in the desk drawer (or on your computer, more like) for a couple of hours/days/weeks, then look at it again. Read it like an editor would, find all the places you catch on something that doesn’t sound right and make it sound right. And don’t stop writing. We all improve with practise.
>>4 I do believe they meant 'knead' not need. Unless you were joking just now. Anyways, heed 4's advise Op and keep writing. I want to know where this is going.
I'd like to thank you for the criticism you guys. Sorry for the long wait. Though I have a question that needs to be answered. Should I continue this or just do One Shots?
Do continue.
Continue please? I'm curious where you are going to take this