1 . Name: ZiGraves @ 2013-02-15 11:37

I must apologise in advance for my lazy inter-team naming conventions, and for deciding it would be easier for everyone to be speaking German rather than trying to effect a meaningful switch been languages. Originally written for khatmedic over on tumblr.

---

“You’re sure no one will miss him?”

“Miss him? They’d kiss my feet in gratitude if I told them I was getting him out of our hair for a week.”

“Well. I must thank you, it’s not often I have such a useful specimen hand-delivered.”

“You will return him in a week or so? Intact?”

“Oh, yes. Mostly. You won’t tell anyone I have him?”

“Certainly not! I want him gone, not rescued early.”

The two shadowy figures parted ways, glancing furtively around for anyone who might have witnessed the exchange or understood the language it was made in. The figure that departed for the RED base dragged with him a large, heavy sack about the size of a man.

---

A few days later, as the weekend approached, the BLU Medic found a note hidden near the outside entrance to his store-rooms.

Progress! You must see it. Saturday evening, once everyone is gone.

It was unsigned, but the handwriting was elaborately gothic and the ink was dark red. He presumed it to be ink, at least, and it didn’t flake when lightly scratched.

He tucked the note away safely and continued with the day’s activities. Keeping suicidal teammates alive required his full attention, but their Demolitions expert had risen admirably to the challenge when tasked with keeping the enemy Engineer’s Sentry nests out of action. The RED Scout did seem a little more exuberant than usual, but remained thick-witted enough to run directly into the line of fire over and over.

It was only when everything was done for the day, when BLU’s decisive victory had been called, that he dared hang up his apparatus and examine the note again.

Just three sentences, etched in deep red ink.

There was no one else it could be from, but... could the technology have been developed so quickly? If not, what progress could it possibly refer to?

He spent the evening tending to little wounds and minor injuries, repair to his teammates and to his own equipment, distracted by the nebulous promise of progress that must be seen. By the time Saturday evening rolled around, he’d forced himself to quash all possible speculation lest the reality be less satisfying than the many promising ideas.

---

It seemed to take an eternity for the last of the men to pile haphazardly into the Engineer’s truck and set off into the town for their traditional night of drinking, to be inevitably followed by their traditional morning of being bailed out by the Medic for this week’s latest creative infractions against the law.

The BLU Medic gave it at least half an hour after the sound of the truck had vanished into the distance, allowing for any last minute need to turn back and fetch some other thing. A ‘forgotten’ wallet, usually, a trick the Sniper tried almost every time to get out of paying his full share of the bar tab and that the Scout had recently begun to obnoxiously emulate. No one had tried it this week.

Only when the facility was in silence and darkness, and the RED building across the way was the same, did he venture into the no-man’s land between the two.

He was met at the halfway point by a hooded figure carrying a covered birdcage from which strange, muffled noises emerged. He glanced at it, but didn’t ask. Not yet, not while they were still outdoors and the light was so poor. He followed wordlessly instead, until the doors of the RED facility shut behind him.

“So! How are you enjoying your holiday?” The RED Medic asked brightly, dropping his sinister demeanour along with the cloak and covered cage. It confirmed something, at least - whatever was in the cage was not a bird, as the doctor would never treat a bird with such casual clumsiness.

“Quite well, the reprieve is most welcome! But I must ask, what progress? It’s been eating me since I received your note! Is it anything to do with the - ?” BLU gestured eagerly toward the cage, which continued to make offended, muffled noises.

“Oh! Yes, indeed! Fantastic, truly fantastic. You must come in and have a cup of tea while I take you through it, the place is quite abandoned otherwise.” RED picked up the cage by its little looped handle and ushered the BLU into his workshop. It was a familiar sight, laid out much as the BLU’s own was, and differentiated only in colour scheme and little, personal touches. BLU preferred Bach to Wagner, RED preferred cherry brandy to plum. The rosettes on the forged medical licenses were in team colours.

RED pottered around while BLU settled into a spare seat, resting a teakettle over a bunsen burner and fetching milk from his fridge, blissfully unmindful of the spare bloodbags and bodyparts on the shelves above and below his personal food supplies.

The cage, and its mysterious noises, remained on a workbench near the fridge.

BLU got the sense that RED was taking his time pouring the boiling water over the leaves in the teapot and arranging biscuits on the tray. A deliberate tactic to enhance the sense of anticipation. While the tea brewed, RED fetched out several small notebooks that were all dogeared and soft with use.

“Start with the blue one. My little team joke, if you don’t mind.” He chuckled to himself and turned away to locate the missing sugarbowl while BLU began to read.

The handwriting was impeccable, of course. But the illustrations and diagrams! Such fine penmanship, unblurred by messy hands or swiping paper. So lovingly detailed, examining anatomy with such finesse that BLU nearly became distracted from the core of the notebooks’ thesis.

Was it possible, the books asked, to maintain human body parts in a fully living and functional state outside of the body for extended periods of time?

He looked up, into the proudly beaming face of the RED Medic.

“You... what have you done?” he asked. RED’s grin widened, maniacal, and he lifted the cover from the cage in a single dramatic sweep.

There sat the BLU Spy’s head, mouth taped over, eyes furious, box of cigarettes left tauntingly within sight.

“My god...” BLU breathed, leaning in toward the animated, disembodied head.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” RED couldn’t quite suppress a giggle. “And I had to get it right first time with the head! I didn’t quite get the organs right, but they were a useful testbed to perfect the process!”

“This is astounding!” BLU tapped the cage and the Spy within flinched slightly at the rattling of his enclosure. The tea was poured and biscuits served as BLU flicked between the notebooks and the head, RED chiming in with elaboration and explanation whenever some detail came up that hadn’t quite fit into the available reams of paper.

The Spy’s eloquence had not been diminished by his captivity, judging by the stream of expletives and epithets that spewed forth when the tape was removed. And accusations.

“I will have you both hung for this! I will see you both dead! I will find your mothers’ bones and fuck them, you insane Teutonic bastards!” His glares were reserved more for the BLU than the RED. “You are a traitor, and I shall see to it you lose everything for this! This will not stand!”

“No one will believe you. What would you say? “I was trapped in a birdcage - only my head, the rest of me was gone - while both Medics sipped tea”? I’d pay to watch you tell someone that!” BLU considered the Spy a little more, shrugging off the continued invective, and spoke to RED. “He really is fascinating, just fascinating. How did you say you maintained vocal function without the accompanying lungs or lower throat?” BLU reached into the cage with a pencil to examine the back of the Spy’s throat while RED answered, only to find the pencil bitten in two.

“No! Bad!” RED shook the Spy until he spat out the sharp, splintery remains. He smiled apologetically at BLU. “He will keep trying to kill himself, sorry. Please don’t put anything in his mouth or near his eyes and temples.”

“Of course, how silly of me. Perhaps we had better replace the tape?” BLU had to raise his voice slightly to be heard above the steady river of Gallic invective.

“That might be best.” The silence that returned when the Spy’s mouth was sealed over once more was marred only by a few muffled insults, but nothing of the previous severity.

Under the Spy’s baleful gaze, the Medics discussed notes and procedural improvements. One of BLU’s theories about life extension appeared to be borne out in the Spy’s continued survival, which RED eagerly took down further details of for future testing.

Almost shyly, RED brought out a small device based on some crude blueprints early-on in the notebooks.

“Do you... think it would work with your theories?”

BLU examined the thing from all angles, the prongs that plugged into muscle and the meter to keep track of energy levels.

“I- I do not see why it wouldn’t. It’s a wonderful creation. I should love to test something similar on my own team, some time.”

“Well, I kept spare copies of my notes.” RED pushed the notebooks over the table to BLU. “You could take these back with you, if you liked.”

BLU nearly dropped the device, setting it carefully down before any harm could befall it.

“Are you sure?” His fingertips passed hungrily over the blue-covered books. “This is priceless research. You could afford your team quite the advantage.”

“Your help was invaluable. I couldn’t in good conscience.” RED gathered the books together and pressed them into BLU’s hands. “Please, I would like you to have them.”

“I must give you something in return, it’s far too much!”

“Perhaps the results when you test on your own team?” RED asked.

“I - yes, yes. If there is anything else at all, please tell me.” BLU clutched the books with their precious cargo of eye-watering diagrams and tongue-bending Latin phraseology. He was reluctant to tuck them into his coat’s pockets instead of poring over them further, but it was getting late. He would have to head back to the base soon, if he was to get enough sleep to be rested by the time the Sheriff’s office called in the morning.

“There is one other thing, if it’s not too bold?” RED asked, more hesitantly this time.

“Go on?”

“Could I keep your Spy for another few days? Only a few, and he’ll be fine when he Respawns!”

“Well... No one has missed him yet.” BLU nodded, and was rewarded with the bright smile of a mad scientist with detailed plans.

It wouldn’t hurt to stay another hour.

---

“So, anyway, when he woke up I’d replaced it with a cockatiel!”

“A cockatiel? That’s more valuable than his liver was!”

“That’s not what he thought!”

The pair collapsed into peals of laughter, an errant elbow nudging the Spy’s cage toward the edge of the table.

“Oh...” BLU wiped a tear from his eye as he recovered his breath. “That reminds me of the time with the lammergeier, did I ever tell you about that?”

“No? Go on, I must hear about that!”

“First we had to find one, and there aren’t many vultures in Stuttgart - except the ethics board!” More peals of laughter, and an irritated grunt from the Spy.

“Ahhh... I’ve not had a chance to tell that one years.” BLU noticed RED’s arm across his shoulders only when it stopped him falling off his stool in a shared giggling fit. “Oh, what must you think of me! Falling over like I’ve been at the chloroform!”

“Ah, no, no! It’s my own balance, it’s awful!”

The rickety stools gave way under their wobbling attempts to overcompensate and restore balance.

“Haha... ow.” RED rubbed his elbow where he’d skinned it on the floor in a clumsy landing. BLU was uninjured, having landed safely on RED.

“Let me see that, you can’t examine your own elbow.” BLU batted RED’s hand away from the injured limb with its mild abrasion. “Barely bleeding. Not so bad!” Unthinking, he gave it a little kiss better then froze, abruptly realising the situation he was in. RED grabbed his wrist before he could pull away and apologise, pressing a kiss in return to BLU’s captured knuckles.

“You do like - “

“You mean, you are- “

Their voices overrode each other in a tangle before silence took over again, and RED collapsed back on the floor, shaking with relieved laughter.

“All this time! I thought you were friendly, not flirting! Ohh, this is a weight off my mind, you have no idea.”

“I didn’t intend to! I just didn’t know if you were... amenable.”

“It’s a dangerous sort of thing to find out.” RED’s shoulders continued to quiver with mirth. “And what a way to find it out! Are you quite comfortable there on top of me?”

“Why, yes I am!” BLU prodded RED’s scraped elbow. “I suppose we should give it a splash of bactine anyway. I’ve seen the things my teammates tramp over my infirmary floor, and yours seem worse.”

“Don’t be so cruel, they’re a little boisterous, is all.” RED shifted and tipped BLU off.

RED insisted on trying to look at his own elbow while BLU dabbed it with antiseptic, twisting around and making the perfectly valid claim that doctors are the absolute worst patients. When he went to poke it with his good hand, BLU snatched both of his wrists and held them firmly.

“No. Bad patient. Don’t touch that.”

“You are going to stop me? You know a doctor is the worst kind of patient.” RED dared him. BLU replied by twisting the injured arm up into the small of RED’s back and pressing his other wrist against the table. There was little leeway to struggle and even less freedom to continue prodding the sore elbow. RED didn’t even bother to when BLU leant in to risk another kiss.

“Fraternisation with the enemy, what must your poor Spy think?”

BLU’s eyes flickered over to the Spy, still glaring out from his little cage.

“Whatever he likes.” BLU shrugged. “He’s hardly in a position to complain until we’re done with him.”

“I do like it when you get ruthless about progress.”

BLU leaned closer in, brave enough now to speak softly into RED’s ear.

“Then you won’t mind if I annotate your notes, so long as I share the results.”

“Promise?”

“Oh, yes.”

“With appendices and footnotes?” RED’s voice grew scratchier with each request

“Mm.”

“And... further experiments?”

“Anything. I’ll even invite you over to assist with anything labour intensive.”

RED made a funny little noise somewhere high in his throat. The noise repeated when BLU kissed his ear and worked his way down the exposed neck, tugging his tie aside and collar open for better access.

The Spy made a sound of infuriated disgust, a resigned scowl on his masked face. He was just loud enough to attract the Medics’ attention, and their irritation at the interruption.

“Rude, isn’t he?” BLU muttered. RED smiled.

“Perhaps he just can’t see very well. Shall we make sure he’s got a better view?”

BLU muffled a wicked little cackle in RED’s shoulder, nodding. He’d never specified what the BLU Spy had done to earn his ire, but any chance to inflict misfortune upon his teammate was welcomed. They moved the cage to a shelf nearby, where it wouldn’t be in danger of getting knocked over or rolling underneath a sheltering table. The view was very neatly framed by the gilt bars of the birdcage, providing a focus to the unfortunate Spy’s attention.

The Medics stood back for a moment, regarding their beheaded audience. The thought occurred that having an audience naturally required some sort of a show. BLU pulled RED’s tie the rest of the way off and worked the top buttons of the starched shirt open.

RED let BLU lead, and was rewarded for his patience when BLU began to slowly and thoughtfully lick and kiss his skin as it was exposed, following routes only a dedicated student of anatomy would know well. Here, where the blood came close to the surface. There, where there was a bundle of delicate, sensitive nerves. Ghosting over bone and meatier flash alike, BLU traced patterns that woke lust and hunger in RED, sensitised him and lit him up with almost surgical accuracy.

The shirt fell open further, slipped off RED’s shoulders entirely to pool around his elbows and hang from where it was still tucked into his trousers. It tangled his arms, so that he couldn’t reach up to hold BLU without having to let it ride up and cover his skin again or pause to take it off entirely, and neither were feasible options with BLU’s mouth and hands still mercilessly working him into a twitching, needy frenzy. He recovered his voice just long enough to speak.

“You’re - ah! - you’re too good at this.”

BLU paused in his ministrations and looked up into RED’s eyes, leaving his hands still stroking lightly enough to be a torment.

“Do you think so? I could be better.” He licked his lips in a slow, deliberate sweep. “I will be.”

Any reply RED might have intended was lost in a groan as BLU bit and sucked, raising deep red welts. Somehow, BLU managed to peel RED’s shirt the rest of the way off, RED noticing only when a cuff got stuck over one hand and needed a bit of encouragement to fall loose. His hands freed, RED held onto BLU, pulling him closer and tangling a hand through his hair.

Both men tended to wear their hair short, but there was just enough for RED to tug on when BLU bit him again. BLU flinched slightly at the unexpected tug, but took it as incentive to bite harder instead, breaking the skin and drawing blood along with a sharp hiss.

“Is that what we’re doing?” RED panted, lips curling into a snarling grin. His hand twined tighter, yanking BLU’s head back and pulling harder, other hand digging into BLU’s back. BLU returned the feral smile, cleaning blood from his teeth with his tongue.

“It’s what I’m doing.” He lunged forward despite the restraining hand in his hair, his nails scratching viciously down RED’s ribs and his teeth fastening into BLU’s shoulder. The struggle between them ended in BLU’s neat clothing being skewed and pulled open, buttons littering the floor and tie forgotten. RED twisted around and managed to pin BLU down, fumbling at his belt one-handed and grabbing for his throat to force BLU’s teeth away from his shoulder.

They paused, panting for breath, eyes locked. Neither wanted to move first, waiting for an opening. RED caved after a few seconds, darting in to try for BLU’s exposed collarbones, and BLU twisted and shoved just enough to hold him back, dragging him down for a kiss instead. The taste of blood passed between their lips, tongues teasing and teeth nipping. RED took advantage of his position and ground against BLU, thigh pressing up against BLU’s erection, wrenching a groan from the doctor.

RED resumed his fumble for BLU’s belt buckle, keeping BLU pinned under him and sliding a hand down into his trousers. The heat and weight of it filled his palm as he curled his fingers tight around BLU’s cock. Beneath him, BLU arched up, pressing closer against him. BLU’s shoulderblades dug into the cold floor, but the chill was ignored in favour of the heat of RED’s body. BLU’s arms came up about RED’s waist, holding tight to him, fingernails digging in and leaving red crescent scores across his back. RED’s hand stroked up and down, fingers wandering down to gently squeeze BLU’s balls, eliciting another rich moan.

BLU fought back, shoving one hand down the back of RED’s trousers, forcing his way past the still-secure belt and into the thin fabric of underwear washed to the point that the seams would surely have to give some day soon. RED felt BLU’s grin, but didn’t realise what it was for until his belt has been pulled loose and his trousers shoved roughly down.

The thin, frayed fabric of the boxers was easy torn away with only a little force, and BLU’s wicked chuckles were barely silenced by RED pressing down harder on his throat, causing his breath to rasp harshly. BLU couldn’t quite get words out, but mouthed a single taunt instead.

“Harder.”

RED’s teeth tore into BLU’s bottom lip in response, bringing fresh, bright beads of blood up. A thin ribbon of it trickled down the side of BLU’s face, limning the edge of his jaw in vivid, primal crimson. BLU smiled, smug, breath still struggling in his trapped throat, and slapped RED hard on the ass. The sting of it was electric, leaving tingling warmth behind, the noise echoing off the tiled walls of the infirmary, and BLU hit again and again before it died away.

“Next time, I’ll have something to tie you down,” RED promised, releasing BLU’s neck long enough to grab his wrists and pin them harmlessly above his head, out of temptation’s way.

“Next time? Confident.” BLU bucked up, shoving his crotch against RED’s other hand again, bringing his own leg up to nudge between RED’s thighs.

RED growled softly and pushed BLU’s trousers down, giving himself more room to work. BLU’s cock sprang free, flushed dark with colour and stark against the pale skin of his belly and RED’s hand. It was a good contrast, to RED’s eyes, a delicious visual. He walked his fingertips up along it, cruelly and deliberately gentle after BLU’s demand for harsh treatment. His hand palmed lightly over the head, fingers circled around the shaft and ran along the frenulum. BLU hissed up at him in frustration, trying to buck up against it and finding the hand snatched away whenever he tried.

“Hold still, and I’ll let you have it,” RED whispered, still toying. “Perfectly still.”

BLU quivered with anger at being so denied, but managed to still his hips for the moment. RED’s hand wrapped painstakingly slowly around BLU’s erection, sliding up and down only just enough to tease. He stopped the second BLU twitched, and waited until the man beneath him was utterly immobile to resume. Every slight movement of BLU’s caused another delay, and the doctor’s face was contorted in a frustrated mask before RED finally gave in and sped up, tightening his grip as he did so. The noises he got from BLU from this act of mercy were enough to strain his own neglected hard-on. He stopped just long enough to peel away the last remnants of his ruined underwear and pressed his cock against BLU’s, squeezing them both together one-handed. He groaned, over-sensitive, and started to move slowly again, hips thrusting forward with every lazy stroke.

Beneath him BLU took advantage of his distraction to move as well, legs tangling through RED’s and twisting them both together, tight and close. When he started to match the pace of RED’s slow, rolling hip movements, the friction was enough make them both gasp and to loosen RED’s hand on his wrists. He tugged one arm free and ran it down RED’s back, over his side, on down to sit snug against a slightly prominent hipbone. BLU’s hand guided RED’s movements, just enough to speed his pace up a little, enough for RED to take over again, feral with lust.

RED’s weight was balanced mostly on his knees and the one hand still pinning BLU’s other wrist, nearly crushing it as his grip instinctively tightened. He licked the blood from BLU’s jaw where it hadn’t quite dried yet, followed the trail of it up to kiss him full on the mouth. The kiss muffled their moans as his hand moved faster and harder between them, drawing up closer and closer to orgasm.

BLU came first in a mess across his own belly and chest, the stickiness providing just enough lubrication to tip RED over the edge moments later in a series of jerking fits and starts, thrusting erratically, almost violently as it wracked through him. He dropped to his elbow, panting, collapsed on top of BLU who was in little better state.

After a few long minutes’ recovery, BLU swallowed to wet his throat and tested his power of speech.

“So. Next time?”

“Yes. Next time,” RED agreed, still draped limply over BLU. They were both reluctant to peel apart and retrieve their damaged and discarded clothing, but the night-time chill of the infirmary eventually broke through their reverie.

BLU’s shirt was ruined and RED’s trousers stretched out of shape, but between them there was enough clothing for BLU to risk making the run back to his base.

“I’ll let you know when I have any experiments planned. And you can come by to look at the notes any time,” he promised. RED nodded.

“I’ll send your Spy back through Respawn no later than Wednesday, if that suits?”

“That should be fine.” BLU brushed a little dried blood away from his mouth, gingerly testing the sore lip. He checked his pockets again for the precious notebooks, then drew his hood up well over his head for the journey back to his base. He had to be up in just a few hours to go and get his teammates out of jail, after all.

On the shelf in the infirmary, the forgotten Spy was no longer entirely sure that reporting the Medics for breach of contract was his best route forward. After that show, there had to be something more entertaining he could do than just get them fired...