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Shenanigans (Sniper/Scout) (6)

1 .

Okay, so long time lurker here, I wrote a bit of Scout/Sniper about a week ago, and during a game with D.F. 38 and other assorted wonderful people, I was told to post it.
You know, for the good of the chan and all that. It's probably a bit choppy because I wrote it a paragraph at a time.
Critiques are very welcome!

*///*

It was the end of the work day, and the team had packed up their various weapons and hats, and headed off to their usual after battle business. Scout jogged down a corridor past the rec room where Demoman was already into his third bottle of Scumpy and a heated argument with Soldier. Further down, there was an echoing of a German opera coming from Medic's lab, along with a deep baritone voice weaving in and around a tenor as they sang along. The Scout paused only when he got to the kitchen.

Inside the Engineer sat hunched over his blueprint while the Pyro fiddled around with the stove, trying to get it to light. "Yo, hardhat!" The Engineer glanced up from his work to see the Scout swaggering towards him. "What do you want boy? I'm busy right now." "Hey hey hey easy there," the Scout threw his hands up in defense. "Look I just wanted to know if you'd seen Legs anywhere around. He disappeared and I can't find him." Engineer tipped back his hat and frowned thoughtfully.

"And you haven't checked his nest? That's where he usually is. Aside from that, I'd try his van. You never know, he might've just gone straight there for a nap." Engineer chuckled "Good luck finding him boy." "Yeah, well thanks hardhat. Ya been a real help." Scout said as he rolled his eyes and waved a hand over his shoulder, already heading out the door. He continued over and up, till he was outside the trapdoor to Sniper's nest. "YO SNIPES OPEN UP" he yelled as he banged on the hatch.

"HEY SNIPES. I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" His hammering was interrupted as a disgruntled Sniper wrenched the door open. "Bloody hell mate! Can't a man rest with you coming around trying to break my door down?! Christ it ain't like you don't bother me enough already, now you have to come over here after hours to do it too?" "Look man I just have something I need to talk to you about!" The scout bristled at the sniper's yelling. "Ya gonna let me or what?!" Sniper folded his arms over his chest.

"If you want to talk so bad then do it." he growled. "Ain't nothing stopping ya!" "Yeah, well err..." the scout fidgeted nervously shifting from foot to foot. “Look, can we do this, I don't know, inside?" he pleaded motioning towards the room. The sniper looked at him suspiciously. The scout WAS acting strange, and not in the 'Just stole Spy's suit and put it in Jell-O' way. He seemed desperately nervous, glancing around suspiciously and trying his best to look harmless. "Look, I uh,"

"I just wanna talk." he said, avoiding the sniper's gaze. "If you wanna kick me out after that- that's fine. But just hear me out first okay?" The sniper still had his suspicions, but his curiosity was taking over. "Alright, fine. Just don't touch anything!" he growled as scout shouldered his way past him, the earlier discomfort apparently forgotten. "Aw man, I thought you were never going to let me in!" Scout immediately made himself comfortable, flopping down on the bed.

"Man, this place is crap! Don't you have any real furniture? All ya got is this crappy bed and a box!" It was true, the sniper had never been one for excess; living outdoors and fighting for your life in the wilds would do that to a man. To others his living would seem Spartan or bare, but to the sniper it was just enough. "None of your damn business." he muttered and took a seat on the crate. "Didn't you have something you wanted to talk to me about? I ain't waiting all day."

"Oh, uh, yeah I did" Scout's earlier fidgetiness returned as sniper mentioned the topic. "I uh, well it's nothing really man. Now that I think about it it's stupid, don't worry about it, I'll just-" The sniper held up his hands to stem the rush of words coming from the scout. "Whoa, whoa easy there mate! First you come practically begging me to listen to ya, and now you don't want to talk at all? I'm no fool boy, what's this all about?" he asked with genuine concern in his eyes.

The scout glanced up at him, biting his lower lip nervously. "I just, well, aw dammit. I like you ya big moron!" The sniper rocked back at the scout's explosion, eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What'dya mean? I thought we were friends-" "Not like that!" Scout growled "You know what I mean. I, I like you." he muttered, his eyes dropping from the snipers to stare at the ground. "And, I think I have for a while..."

Sniper laughed nervously as he stared at the scout. "Mate, if that's your idea of a joke, it isn't fun-" he was cut off as the scout shoved himself off the bed. All earlier nervousness was gone from his eyes, instead replaced with a look of determination. "I'm not joking man." Scout edged closer to the older mercenary. "I've been thinking about this for a long time. I want you Sniper." Sniper had been edging back as the scout got closer.

"Look, ah," he continued to scoot back till he was about to fall off the crate, "I'm no pooftah, so, ah, why don't you ju-mmph!" He was silenced by Scout darting forward and pulling them both into a teeth-clacking kiss, one hand grabbing at the sniper's collar to pull him in and the other grasping the back of his head, keeping him from moving. Unfortunately it didn't work, as sniper jerked backwards, the grip scout had on him caused them to fall backwards together, with sniper pinned under scout.

The sniper lay gasping under the weight of the scout, the air in his lungs having been knocked out of them when they fell. He glared up at the scout, his scowl met by the boy’s look of embarrassment. “I, uh, I totally meant to do that.” He said, shrinking a bit under the bushman’s glare. The sniper snarled in return. “Git off ya bloody loony twerp!” he growled as he tried to throw the scout off.

“Hey, whoa!” scout was jostled by the unexpected movement. He pressed his hands down on the sniper’s chest, trying to control his squirming. When that didn’t work, the scout moved so that his knees were gripping either side of the sniper’s hips, keeping him from thrashing too much. Scout moved his hands up from the Sniper’s chest to push the Sniper’s shoulders into the ground. “Jeez, take it easy man!” The sniper responded by bucking his hips up in an attempt to dislodge the scout. Scout lost his grip on the man’s shoulders and their faces smacked together painfully as the scout came plunging down.

“The fucking hell you do that for?” Scout whined as he rubbed his smarting face. Scout now lay chest to chest with the sniper; who was now trapped more firmly beneath him; the scout’s legs keeping the sniper’s lower body from moving. ”Just get off!” Sniper growled again, his voice more desperate than it had been before. He tried bucking his hips for a second time, but the scout was ready for him. He was able to keep the sniper pinned down, but there was definitely something there now that wasn’t present before.

He grinned wickedly and reached a hand down to cup the growing bulge in the sniper’s pants. “Aw man, if you like it rough you shoulda just said so to begin with.” He muttered into the sniper’s ear; the bushman responding to the attention he was getting in small. choked back moans. “Yeah you like that don’t ya?” The scout moved down the sniper, so that he was sitting on the sniper’s shins. Sniper growled his disapproval at the loss of touch, but stopped caring as the scout reached down and oh-so-slowly undid the button to sniper’s pants with his tongue. “Ya like the view?” He asked as he grinned up at the sniper, noting the flush that rose to his cheeks; the way his eyes devoured the scout’s body; the way he had his lips parted just enough for his tongue to flick out and hungrily lick his lips.

The sniper’s breathing speed up at the scout unzipped his pants and pulled them down to his knees. Scout paused a moment to marvel at the large bulge covered by the sniper’s boxers, before running his hands up the sniper’s thighs, receiving an answering twitch from sniper’s cock. “Just- c’mon mate.” The sniper urged, “If yer gonna do it, don’t tease me about it.” Scout grinned at him before yanking his boxers down to join the tangle of clothing at his knees. He lowed himself down and gently kissed the tip of Sniper’s cock before flicking out his tongue to lick the underside, his eyes fixed on sniper’s face, wanting to drink in every detail of him.

The sniper inhaled sharply and let out a small whine of need. “Bloody hell Scout, I told ya not to tease me!” His sharp words didn’t match his actions though as he raised himself up, using his elbows to support himself as he got a better view of scout’s handiwork. Scout grinned at him in return and returned to the blowjob. He took sniper into his mouth; pleased at the gasps and grunts he was getting out of the older man. But that wasn’t enough; he wanted to hear Sniper screaming his name in pleasure, he wanted to feel the man shuddering in release.

Sniper let out a shaky groan as scout’s mouth descended upon him, tongue swirling around his member. He moaned as the scout’s mouth moved up and down his cock, unable to stop himself from thrusting his hips forward into the Scout’s mouth. The scout took it easily, but after a few more thrusts placed his hands on the sniper’s hips and set his own pace; wrapping one hand around the portion he couldn’t take into his mouth and jerking it.

He glanced up when the sniper wound his fingers in his hair, grinning as he took in the sight. The sniper’s head was thrown back in ecstasy; his eyes closed, and brow furrowed in pleasure. He had managed to discard his vest and unbutton his shirt when the scout wasn’t watching, and had pushed his under shirt up as far as it would go. His chest was heaving as he rubbed his left hand up, stopping to tweak and roll a nipple between his calloused fingers.

“Gonna…” the sniper panted, “Gonna come.” The scout pulled his mouth off of him with a slick pop. “Say it.” He growled loud enough to break the sniper out of his revere. “Eh wot?” he gasped, looking at the scout in confusion. “Say my name.” the scout repeated. “I wanna hear you screaming it.” The sniper glared at him through sun-colored lenses for a second before giving in. “…fine. “He muttered, head flopping back down to rest on the floor.

Scout grinned and began again, going faster and harder than he had before. “Scout… Fuck…” The sniper re-tangled his fingers in the scout’s hair and tugged, jerking his hips into Scout’s mouth. His panting became faster and yelling the scout’s name, Sniper released. The scout swallowed all he had to give before giving the sniper’s cock one last affectionate lick. "See now that wasn't so bad." he purred to the gasping sniper on the floor. All he received was a breathless "Fuck you." in return.

2 .

Okay, still reading this but this one thing is kind of bothering me... When you have dialogue, usually you ought to have a line break when a new person is talking. Like,

"Hey John, c'mere," said Timmy. John walked over to him, smiling.

"Yeah, what's up, Tim?"

"Blah blah blah I think the author already knows what I'm talking about but I just woke up so I'm cranky." Timmy punched John in the stomach

3 .

Interesting reversal of this pairing. It felt out of character for Scout, though, and Snipes didn't put up much of a fight. Could use a beta. Good porn, though.

4 .

>>2 I get what you're saying and I originally did have line breaks when I typed this out, but when I copy and pasted the story in they disappeared. Sorry about that. Next time I'll take more time making sure everything's correct before I post it.

>>3 Glad you liked the smut. I'm not really sure what you mean by Scout being out of character though. Was he too eager about the whole thing? In my mind, he wouldn't go off and do something like this unless he was at least 75% certain it was something he wanted to do. And Sniper... Yeah Sniper just kind of let it happen. No excuse for him.

5 .

I really like your porn.
I'm fond of how you expressed scout's personality.

Do go on

6 .

Going to second >>3 regarding Sniper not putting up enough of a fight here. It feels like you kind of skipped a bit, going from B to D without stopping at C, if that makes sense. Scout was grand, though, imo, and I get your logic regarding his characterisation.
Am wondering if you're planning a continuation at all? Of Sniper getting his own back somehow or something like that.

7 .

Hello there.

Well, i might say that there's some points that bothers me... you said it was written during a conversation, paragraph by paragraph, right? I guess you could at least put some connection between them, or make one in two, because they look too raw and poorly made. If you had taken your time to separate the dialogues and put more words, it would be way more pleasant to read.

Which would help with the story itself, i mean... i like some poor-excuse-for-porn type of fanfic, but it have to be well-written and somewhat involving, at least. Your piece of work is too blunt, too Scout-was-looking-for-Sniper-found-him-had-sex-with-him, to the point to make the whole story lame and without conviction, and too unnatural. More descriptions would have helped.

Please, have in mind that i don't want to make you stop writing or something. In fact, i think you have the grasps and stuff. Probably, if you had taken your time to write, this would have look better. And i love SniperxScout (just saying, hehe).

Well, i hope i helped ya.
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