A fun little demented fic that I wrote in Des's stream. It's "mpreg" but it's also crackfic so I'm not sure where the mods stand on this, but I hope you guys are amused rather than offended. There's nothing serious in this bit. Anyways, BEHOLD. WARNING: This fic may contain DICKS, MUSTACHES, PREGNANCY, BABIES, SEXING, MUSTACHES ON BABIES, and AUSTRALIA. - Saxton tore Spy’s coat open. Spy squawked like an offended chicken and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Saxton leaned down and with two hands tore open Spy’s vest and pressed white shirt. He paused at Spy’s expression. “You look like you were just jarated.†Spy stared at him, then bared his teeth. “Fuck you, dirty Australians. Drowing piss around like it’s lemonade! It’s uncivilized. Let me go!†Saxton bent down again and silenced Spy with a long, thorough kiss. His mustache made Spy’s nose itch and he pulled away, red with embarrassment and fury. “Fuck,†he said. Saxton laughed. Spy undulated under the scratch of Saxton’s mustache and the soft warmth of his lips. “I’m still pissed at you.†Saxton glanced up at him. “Wouldn’t be any fun of you weren’t.†He took Spy’s nipple in his mouth and sucked rhythmically. Spy looked up at the sky to keep his composure while Saxton released his nipple and dragged his mouth across Spy’s chest to the other. The prickling warmth of his mouth made Spy clamp his jaw shut to avoid making any embarrassing sounds. He was so focused on the clamp of Saxton’s lips around his other nipple that he missed when one of the Australian’s hands slid down and cupped his crotch. His palm was hot but soft, not calloused as Spy had expected. It was a claim—of sex now, of sex in the future. Spy gritted his teeth and tried to focus on the pain in his back. No one would touch him. No one would dare go after Saxton Hale’s lovers. Even former lovers. He struggled when Saxton’s mouth released his nipple and slowly dragged down his belly. “Dat Sniper drew piss on me because of you.†Spy tried to angle his hips away. “You’re an asshole.†Saxton laughed into Spy’s belly and began tonguing out his name across the other man’s hips. His hands pulled on Spy’s pants, dragging the lip of his trousers and underwear down to reveal the first curls of pubic hair. He finished with a flourish, teeth scraping downwards to finish his brand. Spy released Saxton’s shoulders and tried, in vain, to pull his pants up. “You actually want to suck my dick?†He demanded churlishly, although breaking contact with Saxton’s mouth made his muscles tense. Saxton looked up at him, genuinely surprised. “Saxton Hale does not suck dick,†he said and pulled Spy’s pants so hard they slid down to his thighs to reveal a turgid erection. Spy opened his mouth to protest, but found his mouth dry. Mute. Saxton smirked and brought his mouth very close to Spy’s erection before sitting back and yanking Spy’s blue, pinstriped pants down to his calves. “Fuck.†Spy tried to sit up and grab his trousers, but Saxton gave another tug and he fell back, unbalanced. With an ease that boasted familiarity, Saxton pulled Spy’s pants until they bunched up at his shoes and then simply threw his legs to the side. He unbuttoned his own shorts and gently coaxed his own erection out. It was—average. Spy eyed it, then realized he was eyeing it and tried to roll away. “Ha! Go on then!†Saxton pounced on him like a goddamn lion and pulled Spy flush against him. “Non! Non!†Spy fought to pull away, keenly aware of how Saxton’s erection pressed insistently against the cleft of his ass. It was hot and slid easily against his flesh. Heavy and tempting. Fuck. “I ‘ave sand in my ass. It’ll be like rubbing one off in a dirty sock. Dat would ‘urt even de great Saxton Hale, oui?†Saxton raised an exquisitely thick eyebrow. “Can’t have that, can we?†He used his right hand to push Spy forward onto his hands and knees, then onto his elbows. “Don’t worry, bluefish, I’ve done this in all sorts of places.†He started making gentle circles around Spy’s buttocks. It felt ridiculously tender while they were naked in the middle of the desert. Spy turned his head to avoid having it pressed into the dirt and tried to push himself forward. Saxton countered easily by pressing his knees between his and pinning him there with the pants stretched between his ankles. He reached down and grabbed the bottle of SAXTON HALE’S ALL-PURPOSE LUBERICANT but didn’t stop palming Spy’s ass “There,†Saxton said. “All clean, bluefish.†His voice plummeted to a husky whisper. “Now let’s get really dirty, yea?†Spy shut his eyes and buried his face in his forearms. He was hyperaware of the hot air against his exposed skin. Of Saxton’s body heat. Of the sound of him swiping lubricant on his erection. The press of thumbs against his sphincter was startling. He jumped but didn’t ask for it to stop. Saxton wouldn’t and Spy did not beg. He felt the lube on Saxton’s fingers as he slowly began to loosen his muscles. “Just do it and get it over with,†he hissed. “Nonsense.†Saxton pressed his thumbs outward in a crescent. The stretch was unpleasant, but not painful. He continued doing that with his right hand and reached around with his left to cup Spy’s erection. Another claim. He groaned and tried to stifle it. It was Saxton Hale and it made all the damn difference, didn’t it? He jerked forward when he felt the blunt tip of Saxton’s erection press against him. Into him. “Oh Jesus,†he gasped as involuntary tears pricked his eyes. It wasn’t full-blown pain, but it stung. He tensed and Saxton pulled out to apply more lube. “Almost there,†he said, distracted. Spy only shut his eyes and waited. The sun’s light had almost gone and the air started to cool. His limbs burned with weariness but Saxton held him place. Wouldn’ let him move. The wet plip of Saxton’s hand on his own cock broke the silence. Then the head of his erection pressed into Spy again. It stung, but it was easier. Spy sucked in a breath as Saxton pulled his hips back and eased himself in until he felt the wiry hair of Saxton’s pubic hair and the hot weight of his scrotum. Saxton groaned deep in his throat and cupped Spy’s cock in his hands. Then he began to move. Spy arched, startled by the hot velvet slide inside him. The stinging pain was distracting, but his erection began to weep. Saxton drew him into every thrust. The only sounds between them was the wet slap of flesh against flesh, Spy’s quiet gasping, and Saxton’s sighs. The Australian found his prostate within six thrusts and Spy’s fingers curled into the dirt as his world began to narrow. “There we go,†Saxton muttered, satisfied. He increased his pace. He pulled Spy’s hips back and alternated between rapid, shallow thrusts and agonizingly slow thrusts that pressed against Spy’s prostate for two heartbeats, then aburptly pulled back. It was enough to drive him mad. Saxton Hale might not have a cock the size of New Zealand as the papers claimed, but he knew how to please his lovers. Spy braced himself on his elbows and felt a spike of jealousy. He doubted he had pleased the women his bed quite like this. “Dis is it? Dis is ‘ow you Australians celebrate?†He said irritably. Saxon paused, astonished that anything but praise would hit him in the middle of sex, and glared at Spy’s tanned back. “Alright. Point taken.†He started merciless pace and thrusted deeply. It was overstimulating. Spy grunted and tried to bring himself forward to lessen his discomfort, but Saxton pulled back and wouldn’t let him go. Each thrust hit his prostate until it was excruciatingly sensitive. He was glad for pain. Pain made it easier to bear. Something to distract himself with. Spy shifted his weight so most of Saxton’s weight would fall on his left shoulder and began masturbating. His hand was gritty and it felt unpleasant on his erection, but the pain made for a tolerable balance. Saxon put every once of his strength behind his thrusts. Spy grunted as his forehead was ground against the hard ground. Every thrust went through his body like the kickback of his revolver. He felt dizzy. He arched backwards and felt Saxton’s cock throb within him. So so close. His mouth fell open. Bright thread in his gut begin to tighten like a piano chord. Spy fell forward and caught himself with both hands and surrendered to the feeling. Saxton gave four final thrusts before he came. He growled deep in his throat and burrowed as deep as he could. Spy felt gouts of warmth fill him before the bright thread in his belly snapped and his spine curled into a perfect arch. A mind-blanking haze washed over him and for a moment, he forgot where he was. Then the world started to return in increments. He felt pain in his hands and knees. His hips ached where Saxton’s fingernails had dug in. Semen dribbled along the inside of his thighs, wet and increasingly unpleasant. Saxton’s erection was softening inside him and every place their flesh touched was sticky and too hot. Spy looked over his shoulder, but was surprised to see Saxton’s face relaxed and flushed. He shook his head and gentle pulled away. Saxton didn’t resist. He pulled up his pants despite the stickiness down his legs and buckled his belt with some semblance of dignity. He was dirty, flushed, and his suit was definitely ruined. Unbeknownst to him at the time, he was also pregnant. - lololol (BOOM you are also now pregnant.) TBC?
Joual!Spy is the best Spy. Well, and baldy!Spy. And Reverse Tan!Spy.
Ha! Now Spy is going to have Saxton Hale Buttbaby clones...
I can't breathe. I'm dying. Send help. And another installment.
"SAXTON HALE’S ALL-PURPOSE LUBERICANT" I fucking lost it. Seriously, this needs to continue. I'll give you my first born child to see the mustached spy baby. No, better yet, I'll give you all my college grant money. No! I'LL GIVE YOU BOTH THOSE THINGS, AND MYSELF. Do what you want with me.
I crave more if this. I need the lols! Please?
"Turgid" is now my favourite descriptor for a penis.
Warning: This contains babies, farts, and jokes that are old as balls. - Medic raised one eyebrow. “Again? I’ve given you enough passes from battle for a lifetime, Herr Spy.†“Look at me,†Spy hissed, “I’m dying.†“Vell don’t be so melodramatic about it.†Medic rolled his eyes, but gestured to nearby bed. “If ze medigun does not vork, zen you are simply not injured. Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?†Spy grimaced, hand over his stomach. “Oui, ostie de trou de cul.†He hobbled over to the bed and carefully sat down. It didn’t help. “Sainte-bénite,†he groaned, “your fucking medigun ‘asn’t fixed anything.†Medic frowned as Spy turned white and a sheen of sweat glazed his skin. “Alright, zen. Don’t be such a baby. Lie back.†Spy bared his teeth at him, but obeyed. Pain arced from the base of his spine to his stomach and every fibre of flesh in between. Knowing his luck, it was probably an Australian STD. He groaned and covered his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m dying, doctor.†“I can only hope,†Medic replied dryly. He skipped the traditional vital signs and pushed Spy’s shirt up. “‘ey, what de fuck are you doing?†Medic looked heavenward for patience. “Herr Spy, I am trying to palpate your abdomen. Vether I do zat as part of your physical examination or your autopsy is up to you.†“Fine.†“Good.†Medic gently tapped the lower quadrants of Spy’s abdomen, which looked particularly distended and tender. Spy groaned like a pregnant sow. To his eternal embarrassment, a long, throaty fart completed the effect. Medic turned away, eyes watering. “Vell it certainly smells like something is wrong.†“Fuck you.†Spy turned away and cross his arms. “I am not going out dere like dis. What use is a cloak if all I do is cut walnuts five feet from de RED team?†Medic waved his hand around to clear the smell. “Ja, I can see ze logistical problems.†He jerked his chin to the side. “Turn back over and next time you feel ze need to cut a valnut, turn your backside away from me.†Spy scowled at him, but obeyed. “Nazi.†“My infirmary, my rules,†Medic replied, uncontrite. He still wore a pinched a expression and when it was clear Spy would take his time repositioning himself, he went to his desk and turned on the fan. “It’s not dat bad.†“Herr Spy, I vill need a tetanus shot.†“From what I ‘ear,†Spy said slyly, “‘eavy can give you plenty of dose.†Medic cuffed him. “Ow! Does de ‘ippocratic oath mean nothing to you?†“It vas more of a suggestion zan an oath.†Medic adjusted his glasses. “Now hold still.†Spy scoffed but didn’t put up a fight when Medic began to gently press against his abdomen. It hurt, but not intolerably. He shifted when Medic pulled on his belt, which dug into his stomach. “I’m getting fat,†he grumbled. “Dese pants are perfectly tailored.†“How long has zis been going on?†Spy flushed. “A while.†“So zis whole time you’ve had zese problems and you never zought I should know about zem?†“Non.†Medic pinched the bridge of his nose. “Mein Gott.†Spy crossed his arms, which only made him abdomen look more pronounced. “I didn’t know getting fat was a medical emergency.†“Herr Spy....†Medic shook his head and turned towards the new sonogram nearby. “I didn’t zink I’d ever have to use zis contraption so soon, but it vill give us a clear look vithout cutting you open.†He reached for disposable gloves and pulled them on with a deliberate snap. Spy started to sweat. “Doctor, what exactly are you doing?†Medic held up a bottle of SAXTON HALE’S ALL-PURPOSE LUBRICANT and smiled. “Fuck dat.†Spy lurched half-way off the bed like a walrus. “Herr Sp-Spy!†Medic grasped his torso. “I vasn’t serious. Scheisse. I’m suggesting an ultrasound.†“Dat looked very serious to me,†Spy said, clutching his abdomen. A fart squealed out regardless. “I’ve heard de stories. No colonoscopy for me, doctor. No dank you.†Medic scowled. “Scout’s vords, I presume?†“Perhaps.†“Zat boy zinks everything is a colonoscopy.†Medic uncapped a bottle of ultrasound gel and spread it across Spy’s abdomen. He arched one eyebrow when Spy blushed. “Zis is just part of ze procedure, I’m afraid. If you vant an actual colonoscopy, I vant to be vined and dined beforehand.†Spy glared at him. “When ‘ell freezes over.†He winced when the gel touched his skin. “Dat’s fucking cold.†“You’ll survive.†Medic wheeled the ultrasound towards the side of the bed, then pulled down the articulated-arm that held a small but ominous looking transducer probe. “Now,†he said helpfully, “zis vill be cold.†Spy grunted when the probe touched his belly. “Did you leave dis in de fridge or what?†Medic looked shifty. “No, zat is for other zings.†He adjusted his glasses and squinted at the display screen. “Now let’s see vat ve have here.†He moved the probe back and forth, then frowned. “Hmm, zat’s odd.†“What?†Spy propped himself up on his elbows. “What is it?†“A mass. Right...here.†Medic glanced at the probe. “Strange.†“Mass? Like a tumor?†“If it vas a tumor, my medigun vould have caused it to shrink, not expand.†At Spy’s blank look, he added, “Ze medigun uses ze template scanned in vhen we first came here. It vould have repaired your DNA and ze cancer cells vould have stopped growing. You vould have gone into immediate remission.†Spy’s voice rose an octave. “But what if I ‘ad it when I arrived ‘ere?†“It vould still cause it to shrink. Besides, I don’t zink it’s....†Medic leaned closer to the screen. “It’s moving.†“But it still could be a tumor.†Medic shook his head. “Zis has grown too fast.†“But you said--†“It’s not a tumor.†“Den what de fuck is it?†“Sit still so I can find out.†Medic cast him a withering glance. “Honestly, you’re behaving like a child.†Spy returned the look. “Fine, let’s just get dis done.†Medic muttered under his breath, but moved the probe across Spy’s belly and lower abdomen to map the mass. He frowned, leaned forward and then back again, and continued to watch it shift at odds with its surroundings. “Mind if I smoke?†“Very much,†Medic said. Spy flopped back down on the table. “You’re making a rut around my belly button. What is it?†He studied Medic’s face. “You know what it is, don’t you?†“Vell....†Medic pushed the probe away. “Under normal circumstances, I vould have no trouble vith zis diagnosis. But....†He cleared his throat. “But...?†Spy sat up again. “Doctor, you’re making me nervous.†Medic turned the sonogram towards Spy and brought the probe back down his belly. “Zere’s a baby in zere.†Spy burst out laughing. “You asshole. You ‘ad me going dere for a minute.†He pushed the probe away and sat up. “Ugh! And dis gel shit is going everywhere. Fucking gross.†“Herr Spy,†Medic said slowly, “zere is a baby in zere.†“Oui.†Spy rolled his eyes and glanced around the room. “Do you ‘ave a towel or something?†Medic pulled the sonogram close and pushed the transducer against Spy’s abdomen hard enough to make him flinch. “Look at zat, Herr Spy. Vhat do you see?†“Ow ow ow, stop it.†Spy pulled away until pain stopped zinging through his body. He shot Medic a dirty look, but examined the small screen. “De ‘ell is dat? Looks like a cashew.†“Commonly known as a baby.†Medic pushed the arm away and looked at Spy. He opened his mouth, but had no words. After a moment, he simply shrugged. Spy looked down at his stomach. “Fuck.†- TBC?
Spy looked down at his stomach. “Fuck.†Yes, pregnancy usually follows that, Spy... I am laughing uncontrollably right about now. Can you imagine the attempts to serve Saxton Hale with a child support notice? Okay, I just lost it again...
Please do. I just about sharted myself laughing, when spy let out that fart. Please. I need more of this in my busy and boringly dull life.
PFFT LIKE A CASHEW This is the happiest Ive ever been with mpreg.
hypothetically, would abortions work? Or would it just come back through respawn?
I was re-reading this when I had a thought- it's in his butt... can you imagine the birth process (assuming this gets that far!)? And you thought constipation was BAD... Imagine trying to push a Saxton Hale Baby out of that hole! (because you know Saxton Hale Babies are going to be larger and brawnier than regular babies!)
WHAT NO YOU'D JUST CUT IT OUT WHY WOULD ANYONE OPT FOR THAT
>>13 The Spy'll just be lucky if that's all he has to worry about. God forbid that Saxton baby is anything like a Xenomorph.
>>12 Respawn or not is moot. Saxton Hale's foetal offspring can't be killed by mere abortion. The way I see it is that if getting aborted is about as brutal as getting hit at point blank with an anti-tank rocket--about 110 hit points--and a Saxton Hale Baby follows the same health equation as his father [because, of course, all of Saxton Hale's genes will beat the shit out of all of Spy's genes] will have just over nine-thousand hit points [assuming that the author has chosen a highlander setup, meaning nine members of the opposite team] he would have to get aborted approximately eighty two times before he died. An abortion takes fifteen to twenty minutes, therefore it would take about twenty-seven and a half hours to abort Saxton Hale Baby to death. However Saxton Hale Babies are so manfully independent that they require a gestation period of just one day [and really they're only waiting that long to be considerate of their mothers' scheduling and final-testament-composing needs, as real men always respect their mamas.] Even if Spy was wise enough to seek medical attention immediately after having sex with Saxton Hale, there's no way that he could have enough abortions to kill Saxton Hale Baby before he's born.
PFFFF! You guys are the best.
And when a Saxton Hale baby comes out, the doctor doesn't slap his ass, he punches the Doctor out! Because a Saxton Hale baby will be slapped by no one! And he counterattacks before you can attack him! And then he Jarates the Doctor... just because. He's Australian, dammit!
So, I'm serious writer. I write serious things. - "Dis is bullshit!" Spy yanked on his tie until it hung around his neck like a noose. "Dis can't ‘appen. It's unnatural." Medic walked to his desk and sat down. "It is certainly unusual in a man of your age." Spy shot him an evil look. "Dis should be a conversation you 'ave with Scout." "Ja, vell." Medic started unwrapping a sandwich. A note sat underneath it read, ‘For Doctor <3.’ "You certainly didn't get vith child from a colonoscopy." "Dat isn't de point!" Medic started eating. "So," he began between bites, "who is ze father?" Spy flopped back down on the bed. "Saxton Hale." Medic choked on a piece of tomato. "Mein Gott!" He spun in the chair to face his teammate. "You had sexual relations vith zat Australian mutant?" "Oui," Spy said miserably. "But...vhy?" Spy shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted revenge for dat whole jarate fiasco. So de next time 'e came to practice with de RED Sniper, I waited until dey parted ways, den struck." He actually blushed. "Den next ding I knew, we were 'aving sex." Medic regarded him with one arched brow. "So--vhat? It fell in?" "Non!" Spy propped himself up on his elbows. "It’s complicated, okay? 'e was good with ‘is mustache." "Oh for Heaven's sake, Herr Spy." Medic turned back to his sandwich, then made a moue of distaste. "I expected such irresponsible behavior from others on zis team, but not you. Vhat vere you zinking, having unprotected intercourse vith someone like zat? Zink of all ze Australiam he has been exposed to. You're lucky you didn't go into anaphylactic shock right zen and zere." Spy groaned as a fart squealed out his backside. “I’d prefer dat.†“As vould I.†Medic put his hand over his nose. “Vhat do you intend to do?†“I want all de cashews out of my system,†he said and laid back down. “Den I’m going to ‘ave sex with as many women as ‘umanly possible.†Medic waved his hand in front of his face. “Vell, I hope zat vorks out for...vait, vhat?†Spy exhaled slowly, hand over his stomach. “Dis is very...unmanly. I feel unmanly.†“Nein nein nein.†Medic turned around. “Zere vill be no getting rid of cashews.†“What?†Spy let his arm fall slack and strained his neck upwards. “I can’t do zat.†Medic looked scandalized. “It’s illegal. Zere’s an international treaty and everything. He’s ze national treasure of Australia.†Spy scoffed. “You stole a man’s skeleton.†“A skeleton zat did not belong to Saxton Hale.†Medic waggled a finger at his teammate. “You should have vorn protection.†“You won’t ‘elp me?†Spy looked horrified. “Enfant de chienne! Look at dis. Look at dis!†He pointed at his stomach, face flushed. “Does dis look like a beer belly to you? Non! It’s a cashew. It doesn’t belong in dere. Get it out!†“Or,†Medic tossed him a cloth, “you could respawn.†Spy grasped for the cloth too late and it hit his face. “Ow. Well...oui. Dere’s dat.†He gingerly rubbed the gel off of his stomach. “I was ‘oping to solve dis problem with less,†he gestured to himself, “bodily injury.†Medic rolled his eyes. “Ve are in ze middle of a var.†“I know dat.†Spy shifted uncomfortably and another fart wheedled its way out of his rear. “I’ll be a laughing stock if anyone sees me like dis.†“Ja,†Medic replied mildly. “Better get to it, zen.†Spy scowled at him. “You’re not ‘elping at all, doctor.†“Ja.†Something rumbled outside. Quiet at first, then rising in pitch and volume. Spy finished buttoning up his shirt when the far wall exploded. Medic screamed and threw himself under his desk. Spy rolled onto the floor with a quick succession of farts. The ceiling flopped like a kicked rug. Rumbling filled the room as dust and debris started to settle. Saxton Hale sat in a badly beaten jeep. The engine managed another few rotations before puttering out. He stepped out with a wide grin on his face. “Having your first peek, are you?†Both Medic and Spy gaped up at him, covered in grey dust. Saxton turned around and gathered an armful of books and a formidably large bag. “Knew you’d be needing this sooner or later, bluefish. You’re lucky I was in the neighborhood.†Medic glanced at Spy and mouthed, ‘Bluefish?’ “Wait.†Spy stood up. “You knew dis could ‘appen?†“It always happens.†He set the books down on Medic’s desk. “Didn’t your mum ever tell you about the birds and bees?†“She never prepared me for dis.†Spy put a hand on his stomach, face going slack. “You gave me a cashew, you dick.†Saxton scooped Spy into his arms and laughed. “Don’t worry, bluefish. As an official member of Hale’s Harem, you’ll be well taken care of.†Spy gave him a deadpan stare. “Great. Dat’s just great.†“Ah, if I may?†Medic stood up and brushed dust off of his uniform. “What can ve expect during the pregnancy?†Saxton allowed Spy to wriggle out of his grip. “It’s all there in the books.†He gave them both a blinding, bleach-whitened smile. “Junior here is Australian. He’ll be born in half the time with twice the biceps.†He flexed for effect. “No nine-month hippie pregnancy here.†Medic’s mouth quivered. “Oh,†he said. “And...vhat about respawn?†“That?†Saxton made a dismissive gesture. “Junior’s already in the system. Standard procedure these days.†“Standard procedure--?†Spy’s mouth hung open. “I ‘ave to fight like dis?†Saxton’s mustache tilted over his smile. “Don’t worry, bluefish. A bit of Australian never hurt anyone.†He leaned in close enough for a kiss. “We could always try for twins.†Spy blushed to the roots of his hair. “One cashew is enough.†“Suit yourself!†Saxton laughed and kissed him anyway. “Now, if you gents will excuse me, I’m due for a rematch with Sasquatch.†Spy rubbed his cheek while Saxton Hale leapt through the hole in the wall. A Mann Co. helicopter already waited for him outside. A high-pitched fart broke the silence. Medic burst out laughing. “Oh, fuck you.†Spy left the room with both middle fingers raised. “Fuck you both.â€
PFF my God cashews are suddenly hilarious to me now. Oh poor Spy having to fight with a big bloated belly and farts, I hope he doesn't get any crazy food cravings too. This is just too funny, cheers for the laughs.
please for the love of god can spy lactate, i am BEGGING. i am ABSOLUTELY BEGGING. it wouldn't have to be sexual, he just starts lactating uncontrollably and has to wear nipple pads maybe? anyway, it's just a suggestion, you do what you want! this is the best fic on the chan no matter what!
I'm not even sure what to say... This is the most unsexy fic about mpreg I have ever read and I'm loving every single line you have written. Thank you for updating, found another glorious piece I'm definitely going to follow in the future