Soldier was acting strange. Not that the team noticed. Ordinary for the Soldier would make even the wisest psychiatrist give pause. He still ran about, proudly screaming about America and eagles while banging his entrenching tool against his head. He still demanded everyone wake up at "oh-four-hundred" for an absurdly early breakfast so they could beat that no-good-sissy sun to the battlefield. It was in the subtle differences that the Engineer noticed something was off. The Soldier would look at him sideways, tipping his head back so his helmet clacked out of the way of his maddened eyes, before and after the fighting for the day. The same look, too, without fail. The Engineer would find himself upgrading his dispenser while the shadow of their resident lunatic hung over him. The Disciplinary Action was used almost exclusively on his be-hind, leading him yelping out to where his nest would be setup long before the team even made it past their last point. Then things became a little less subtle. One of the Engineer's hats was missing. Nothin' fancy, that's for damn sure. It was just his old Stetson, the one his buddy had given him from back home before he signed up with RED. The Engineer had assumed that a Spy had taken it. Either one; the RED Spy was just as likely to steal from their team if he got bored enough. So the Engineer wiped the grease from his hands and set out to find the French bastard, only to come to a dead halt in the kitchen. The Soldier was wearing his Stetson, hunched over a steak and mashed potatoes dinner plate. Now, the Engineer didn't want to think about how his hat looked like it belonged on the Soldier's head. Heck no, he had a much bigger problem than that. Before he'd gone to breakfast, the hat had been on its hook in his workshop. He'd come back, and it was still there. He'd taken a nap while tweaking the design on his teleporter, and when he'd come to, the hat was gone. The Soldier had been in his workshop. "Fella's gotta take some offense to bein' robbed from." The Soldier lifted his head slightly, taking a bite of mashed potatoes. The Engineer remained calm, lifting his goggles off of his eyes with a sigh. "What the hell's gotten into ya? Actin' all kinds of squirrely lately. And don't go sayin' it was aliens, I heard that one before." Although he would never admit that the strange weapons the Soldier had shown him were made of alloys he'd never even seen before, much less that he'd never seen such a slick design. The Soldier rose to his feet at such an alarming speed that the Engineer flinched back, his body jumping slightly when the chair clattered noisily on the floor. "You're not as smart as I thought, Engie!" With that, he stormed off, leaving a baffled Texan in his wake. The Engineer quietly cleaned up the Soldier's food and righted the chair, then went back to his workshop. Now the Soldier's behavior was getting worrying. Midfight he would kick ammo boxes and supply crates over to the Engineer instead of trashing them for his own ammo. Small flowers were winding up stuffed under the Engineer's door. He would go to do his laundry, then come back and find that someone had already dried and folded it. The Soldier would hold doors open for him, spy-check with such efficiency that the Pyro started complaining, and even surreptitiously restocked the Engineer's supply of beer. "If'n I didn't know better, I'd think y'all were tryin' to flirt with me." The Soldier missed his rocket jump, looking back at the Engineer with wide eyes. They were successfully holding BLU's advance back, giving them a brief breather while Respawn kicked the enemy team back into gear. Still, the Engineer found himself pining for the BLU team to come charging in to kill the horrible silence that now met him. The Soldier wasn't moving, staring at him with unfocused madness, his rocket launcher rested neatly on his shoulder. Finally, the Soldier simply rocketed away, leaving behind a horrified Engineer. The Soldier's next move sealed the deal. He'd been missing in action ever since the battle had ended in a stalemate. At first, the Engineer had assumed that he was sulking somewhere. He could remember his first awkward time trying to flirt with someone, although they had been a she, and certainly not a stubby little bald man that killed the same nine doppelgangers every day for a living. Only when he hung up his hard hat on the stand in his room and flipped on his light did he realize where the Soldier was. On his bed, wearing the Engineer's Prairie Heel Biters, his Stetson, and holding the Disciplinary Action. And that was it. The Engineer stammered utter nonsense before shutting his gaping mouth, thankful that his goggles were hiding the shock in his eyes. The Soldier grinned wickedly, his eyes obscured by the hat, nudging the tip of his erect cock with the riding crop until a bead of precome was coaxed out. "This clear enough, maggot?" Good lord if his voice couldn't be damn sexy if he kept it quiet enough. The Engineer swallowed thickly, trying to figure out what the hell was going on in the Soldier's head. His mouth felt dry as he looked at the grizzled American, slowly pulling his goggles off of his head. He nudged the door shut behind him with his boot.
Bah, just when I was getting sucked in... Is there more on the way?
Don't worry, I have no intention of leaving it at that.
I like where this was going. I love it how you made it to where the Soilder was trying to be romantic with the flowers, annoying by stealing his hat, and just trying to get Engies's attention in general. Please write more!!!
Oh hey another fic with Soldier acting like a little 12-year old girl, all passive-aggressive and shy, until the sex scene, and then he becomes a dominant weirdo. If you're making PWP, sure, go ahead. But if this is all you're gonna give us, at least make the storyline interesting, and a lot less anime-cliche'd.
>>5 Jeez Drillbot, I see you around this board and every single time you sound like a 5 year old spoilt brat (I was going to insert a few more choice words here but decided to moderate myself). Way to make the writers feel welcome! >>1 If I may offer some concrit, I like your characterisation of Soldier, especially the Disciplinary Action bit made me lol. However, you jumped to the sexytimes soldier a bit too fast if you ask me. Try to take things a bit slower for immersion's sake
>>5 Yes, because trying to be subtle = being a shy twelve-year-old girl. Not wanting to immediately come out and say 'I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU' makes someone passive-aggressive. News to me. Seriously, Drillbot, what is your problem, lately? When's the last time you actually gave positively-worded critique without having to be snarky about it? There's no need for it. I know this place isn't a hugbox, but that doesn't mean we all HAVE to act like buttheads. That said, I'm sort of with >>6. The progression is a little bit fast, but I like where it begins, goes, and ends. It just needs maybe a little more time on certain things, to stretch it out. I mean, there's only like, 1 1/2 extended interactions with them. A few more might help establish 'Okay, these are these two characters, and this is how they interact with each other, and here is narrative describing why this interaction is/isn't different than it normally would be.' Still very eager to see where it's going. Part of me is dreading the spanking that will probably come (never been my kink. But I think I'd be disappointed if you didn't have it in there), but I can't wait to see more of this.
I worry when we start asking folks to be nicer in giving their criticisms, it doesn't make us much better than FF.net or DA, to be completely honest here. If Drillbot was personally attacking the writer, I would see fit to punish him, but from what I can read, he did not. He's still criticizing the work, and just because he didn't sprinkle it with sugar doesn't mean it's any less valid (Could stand to have a bit more explanation, but not everyone has the time to do so) Ultimately it's up to the writer whether they take it to heart or not, and considering that up until that point the reviews have been positive, if ONE person saying something negative about their story drives them away, then I question whether they should be here. I've had complaints from chan members who have said that they no longer feel that they can participate in the chan because of the amount tone policing here, and I'm starting to see what they mean. A good rule of thumb is that if it's a personal attack ie calling the writer stupid or "this is bad and you should feel bad" sort of thing, then that's crossing the line and should be reported to the mods. Leave the mods to deal with users, please do not take it upon yourselves to do any policing. Anyway, the writing and characterization on this one is good, but I've seen similar scenarios between these two show up on this board before, so I doubt I will be surprised to see where it's going. Hopefully the writing on the next part will be solid with the right balance of description to make the scene just the right amounts of hot to keep me reading. No pressure or anything, ha.
Goodness, I knew I should have tried to get the next part up before rushing out for the day. Luckily for Drillbot, this next part is a Soldier POV of the events leading up to him being on the bed to help flesh out his behavior. Unluckily for everyone else, that means the porny bits continue later. As for the worry that the concrit was too harsh...it wasn't, really. Soldier's difficult to write, and since the entire idea behind this was 'how would Soldier court someone', I'm constantly worrying that I'm not fleshing him out properly. If anything, my only request from Drillbot is for some elaboration or suggestions on improving the characterization. All that being said, here's the next part: ___________________________________________________________ The first rule of war is to know your enemy. Size them up. He'd once hunted a Nazi for three weeks while disguised as a surly milk maid. Not every battle could be won with brute force. Not at first, anyway. Thus, Soldier found himself tackling this new enemy immediately. Engie was a good listener, patient, but a hippie through and through. A hippie with a soft voice and a guitar and who knows what else. Hippies couldn't fight. Engie just sat back and let his machines do the manly work. That just wouldn't do. He watched as the Texan setup, staring unblinkingly at the menace. Maybe whipping him into shape would fix it. Soldier had never used the Disciplinary Action so violently on his own team before. Yet, Engie took it with maybe the barest yelp. That had him thinking, as he stared down at the Engineer from behind his dispenser. Engie could just be a sissy. He'd heard about it before, about men that only slept with men. Soldier couldn't see it working, not unless one of the men acted like a woman. Engie sure did act girly enough. His books didn't help, most of them talking about war. None of them mentioned homosexuals. Still, he needed to know if Engie was a hippie or a homosexual. A hippie needed to be broken of their terrible cowardice. But a homosexual? Well, Soldier hadn't thought about it. It seemed manly enough, though. Having sex with MEN must be MANLIER. He couldn't just accuse Engie of being a hippie, though. Last time that he'd done so the stout man had gone on and on about there being nothing wrong with hippies. He would undoubtedly react the same to being accused of being homosexual. By dodging it. Like a draft dodger. This would take something subtle, and with that he hatched a scheme. He needed to somehow court the Engineer; if he was just a hippie, he would quietly turn him down and talk about love. If he was a homosexual, he would return the affections. But Soldier's skills in this field were woefully inadequate. He'd approached a woman three times in his life. Once, by demanding sex. She slapped him and called the police. The next time, he tried to flirt by telling her that it was her duty to populate the world with more Americans. She rejected him, then called the police. The final time, he'd called her as beautiful as lady liberty. That had gone reasonably well, until she'd revealed that she was Canadian. "Frenchie! You strike me as a flirting nancy boy! How do you flirt with someone?" The Spy nearly spat out his morning tea, looking at the Soldier as if he'd sprouted a second head. "It depends. If I know zhem, I take somezhing 'armless of zheirs and wear it. It is nozhing if not a good conversation starter." Soldier glared at him for a moment, then marched away. The Spy had never been more baffled, and he'd seen the Medic sever his counterpart's head and keep it alive. But the Engineer didn't understand. Soldier had taken the hat and marched around with it, eventually eating dinner. Engie had focused on the theft and something being wrong. He wasn't even noticing the flirting! The Soldier had assumed Engie was smarter than that. At least it meant he might not be a hippie, though; hippies love sharing. "Dude, I give them shit they use. Like makeup. Chicks dig that." Soldier didn't know what to make of Scout's advice, considering that he doubted that the brat had ever even seen a woman shirtless before, but it seemed like a good idea. Engie used ammo crates constantly, ripping apart precious rockets and adjusting them to work with his sentry. So he put himself at a slight disadvantage, which Engie barely seemed to notice. "I give leetle vomen flowers. Dey like dis, I am finding." That advice was sound. Hippies loved flowers, too, so if Engie rejected them it would confirm that he wasn't a hippie. Unfortunately, Engie didn't burn them or get rid of them. Still no confirmation on him not being a hippie. "Y'got tae be a gentleman. Hold tha door open, fold tha bloody clothes once in a while." Soldier didn't normally listen the Demoman, but these were easy tasks. Easy tasks that were again ignored by the Engineer. "Smy Chhk." Spy-checking was tedious, but he could have sworn he'd seen the Pyro with a purse before, thus the Pyro likely knew what a woman would like. Engie appreciated it, but hardly seemed to notice. "Why not just ask'er, mate?" The Soldier ignored the Sniper's suggestion. That backwater Aussie probably never even physically saw a woman that wasn't his own mother. That left the Kraut. Fritz. The Nazi. He shuddered before stepping into the Medic's office, the German's face stern and frigid when he saw who had barged in. But at the Soldier's question, the Medic looked baffled. "Vell...Herr Soldier..." He cleared his throat awkwardly, tapping his pen on the desk. "I find zat it is best to approach quickly, und use vat you know to your advantage. Somesink unpredictable. Like ze vip you use. Some vomen like ze zought of beink vipped." The Soldier left in a hurry, making his way back to his room. He only had two methods left. If he chose the Sniper's, it would just be a waste of time. But was the Nazi right? It'd be a big risk, but it would undoubtedly confirm one way or the other. Hippies hated pain, while a sissy might like getting whipped. Unpredictable might be difficult to pull off though; everything that the Soldier did had a purpose. The Soldier found himself sitting on the edge of Engie's bed, turning his Disciplinary Action in his hands. If he just smacked the Engineer, he wouldn't get anything besides a yelp. The last piece clicked into place neatly in his head. If he was naked with the whip, then a hippie would be frightened of the pain. A sissy might like what they see. Grinning, he started stripping down, carefully folding his fatigues before setting his boots on top of them and nudging them out of sight. He lay down on the bed facing the door, waiting patiently. And waiting. And waiting some more. Boredom took over, the Soldier fiddling with the cowboy hat on his head before wandering about the room. He tried on Engie's spare pair of boots, grinning when he saw that they actually fit. He'd always assumed that the Engineer's feet were daintier than his. No sooner than he'd flopped back down on the bed did the door open. The Soldier immediately fondled himself, his eyes locked on Engie from beneath his helmet. If Engie revealed the hippie within, Soldier was ready to pounce and beat him to death with the whip if need be. "This clear enough, maggot?" Engie's reaction to his words was subtle, but the nudge to shut the door wasn't. Soldier's breath hitched for a moment. But judging from the look in the Engineer's eyes, it wasn't the pants-pissing fear of a hippie hiding in the Texan's brain. That was the look of a man that was standing at full attention. Soldier just didn't know what to do now that he knew the Engineer was a sissy.
These brain-damaged efforts at subtlety are very Soldier.
I'm reminded of a discussion on Deviantart I had where we speculated that Soldier probably flirted by following the person he was interested in around and screaming "SSSSEEEEXXXX" at them.
Holy fuck, this is hilarious. How very Soldier-like, to court someone not because he has feelings for them, but because he wants to determine whether or not they deserve a solid beating. I really am loving Soldier's POV here. I think a lot of people shy away from writing him in detail, because honestly insanity is hard. Too often, craziness is depicted simply as indiscriminate violence against others, and little else, and even this much is never from the protagonist, only from shallow antagonists or side characters. Well anyway. I love your crazy Soldier who was so focused on the means that he didn't plan for the end, and I love this story. Hopefully we get the rest soon!
I'm having a ton of trouble placing this chronologically. "Soldier had never used the Disciplinary Action so violently on his own team before. Yet, Engie took it with maybe the barest yelp. That had him thinking, as he stared down at the Engineer from behind his dispenser." then a ton of inner dialogue from Soldier and no action until 4 paragraphs later and suddenly we're talking to Spy. Did he just appear behind the dispenser too or something? This problem doesn't stop throughout the story, either. Also, you constantly switch between third person omniscient and first person, so half the time I barely even can tell whether this is something that is actually happening or just something Soldier is thinking about. There isn't even much insight into Soldier's POV; half of the asides are explaining something that happened previously ("Last time that he'd done so...", "He'd approached a woman three times in his life...", "Soldier had taken the hat..."). Focus more on ACTUAL action, instead of implied action through inner dialogue and past experiences. If this was a film, every other second would be a misty-filtered flashback or dream sequence with no real plot. and Soldier LITERALLY going around asking his friends for advice is only helping the giggly-12-year-old stereotype. It's just... too highschool. These are grown-ass men we are talking about here. Mercenaries, no less. There is a huge difference between being fluffy/cutesy and being immature. The ending is neato. Take the flow you achieved with the last third of the story and apply it to the rest. If you want REALLY in-depth stuff, you can contact me over tumbles and I can beta for you if you like.
I really love this one. I don't think I've laughed out loud while reading something like this in a long while. The second part from the Soldier's POV was especially well done and personally, I think you have the characterization down just fine. I will politely disagree with the critique given previously: It's meant to be humorous and a long way from terms like anime, high school or childish. The idea of a clueless man asking the other men he works with for advice certainly does not cause any suspension of disbelief and I found several of the scenarios hit especially close to home with some of my mates and their romantic foibles. I did not find the timeline muddled or difficult to follow, especially for a short story format. Written word is not cinema studies and your approach is working for you. In fact, my only big qualm is that you keep using the game terms for their weaponry, which would be fine and quite fun if they're perhaps nicknames the characters have given the items from repeated use or hilarious previous experiences, but it's distracting otherwise to call it The Disciplinary Action rather than a simple crop. I do hope you'll continue writing this one as I would love to see where it goes next.
Second chapter was waaaaaaay better than the first. You should have just scrapped the first chapter. Soldier having no sense of tact was funny. And I felt it wasn't a school girl thing because he's not doing it because he's too shy to know how to romance Engie, he want to figure out if Engie's a hippie. But Soldier trying to be subtle is still extremely ham-fisted.