Crit is wonderful because I suck at writing. Helmet party ahoy. Soldier was fetterd to the wall of Engineer's workshop, his erection standing at attention and leaking pre-cum. Faint whip marks lined his stomach and chest, and he struggled in his chains. Engineer paced in front of him, holding the aforementioned whip, pausing once in a while to give Soldier a once-over. "what do you want?" he asked, running his middle finger down Soldier's torso, "what do you want me to do to you?" Soldier frantically looked around and choked out "whip me." "what do we say?" "please, sir." He made sure he said "sir". He didn't want to make Engie angry or he was fucked, and not in the good way. Engie put the whip between his legs and ran his gloved hands over Soldier's chest. "good boy." he murmured as he tweaked a nipple, making Soldier squirm. "I'm gonna need more than a 'please' if you want this." he nodded to the whip. Solly didn't respond, closing his eyes instead. Engie smirked. "You sure about that?" Engineer stepped back and raised the whip in one hand, and brought it to Soldier's chest with a loud THWAP. He howled, and Engie's dick throbbed at the noise. He brought the whip down again, this time harder, on Solly's stomach. Solly tried to arch into the blow, but the chains kept him stuck to the wall. "Oh fuck. Engie..." "I must say, you look mighty fine like this, boy. I bet I could do whatever I wanted to you right now. But I'm feelin' kind... So I'll let you choose. What'll it be?" "Please." Soldier murmured, his eyes glazed over. "Please, what? I don't wanna hafta leave you like this." "Please, sir." "'please sir' isn't something I can do, boy. What do you want, hmm?" Soldier's face took on a worried look. He closed his eyes to gather his thoughts, but he found he couldn't think coherently. Everything was just a swirling mess of lust and need. "I don't kn-know." he admitted. Engineer grinned. "You don't know?! Well then how can I continue?" He put the back of his hand on his forehead to mimmic fainting. "I know." He snapped back to reality, "Tell me what you are. Tell me you're a whore, you whore." Soldier didn't respond. "I said," Engineer's voice got serious, "Tell me what you are. Or God help me I will leave you here all night!" Solly remained quiet. "Why aren't you sayin' anything, boy? I'm beginning to think that you don't want to get off. Am I right, boy?" "no..." "What was that, son?" "No." "Then tell me what you are, Goddamnit!" Soldier swallowed hard and said through clenched teeth; "I'm a whore," a wicked smile grew across Engineer's face. "Say it again." he said. Then came the response; "I'm a whore." "More." The Texan growled. "You're just itchin' for my dick, huh?" "Oh God..." Solly murmured. "Yes sir." He recently he discovered his lust for power. He always liked it when he got the chance to yell or order someone around. It excited him, to have someone at your beck and call, for them to do whatever you told them too, for them to call you "sir" and like it. How lucky for him that his lover wanted to be ordered around, talked down to and even whipped. He never pegged Soldier to be the type who enjoys pain, but it worked out quite nicely, in his opinion. He couldn't quite recall when he figured it out, but he started to notice that when he asked for something, Soldier ran off and got it for him, secretly hoping for more orders. He remembered being really pissed one day and lashing out at everyone that talked to him. He went to work on some engineer stuff, when he noticed something strange about Soldier. He was very fidgety, Engie noticed. It almost looked like he was really horny... Later that night he confronted him, and the sex got better. Engie liked having such a tough man at his disposal. The same man who would go to Medic for minor cuts, just to feel the sting of the alcohol. The same man who picked fights with a drunken Demoman just to end up in the infirmary with a gash across his face. The same man that was at his mercy right now. "I'll be right back, hon." Engie said, leaving the man that was tied to the wall. He walked over to a tool-chest, that was slightly smaller than his usual one. He rummaged through it, making small grunts of frustration when he couldn't find what he was looking for. He eventually found it, and Soldier's eyes widened as he thought about what was coming next.
Captcha - Kittens? I will say this is definitely sexy. I'm struggling currently with my own smut section and this gave me a good eye as to what I'm missing. A few things bother me, however: Your formatting makes things difficult. Throughout much of the (very sexy) dialogue, I got confused as to who was speaking. I typically do the rule of thumb of "Break for a paragraph when someone new is speaking, or about to speak." This will fix that problem. For the paragraph after the general sexiness, you start with a a floating "he". Obviously by the content of the rest of the paragraph, it refers to the Engineer, however the person who proceeds that 'he' is soldier. That makes the initial 'he' of the paragraph seem to be referring to Soldier as opposed to the intended Engineer. When you continued to talk about Engineer in the paragraph, I felt like I got mental whiplash. The last paragraph is also very monotonous. Make sure not to start too many sentences the same. Otherwise, I like where this is going. I hope I don't sound to critical. I too appreciate criticism, so I try to be as analytical with others as I want them to be with me.
As someone who's been reading and writing helmet fics for two years now, I gotta say, that I find this particular scenario waay over done. I say that as a fan of bondage and dom stuff. This is a popular concept with Soldier and Engineer, so I feel that in order to stand out, you gotta get deeper into the dynamics and power play. There's more than just Engineer controlling Soldier. It's Soldier trusting and allowing Engineer to have that control, and Engineer being sure to not break that trust. That's the real heart of the BDSM kink. Trust. The way you've written it, it makes it seem like Engineer is just using Soldier for his own means and Soldier just happens to get off on that, and honestly that comes across as very bland and shallow for this particular kink since it's been done by other author's with better presentation. Wikipedia has a decent enough article on BDSM here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM . The vocabulary stuff isn't important, but understanding the dynamics is to really make this concept sizzle. Internet is sure to be full to the brim with more articles if you know where to look.