>>2 I'm happy to hear my fic got such an emotional response from you. >>3 Thank you again for your detailed reply. I'm very glad to hear such positive comments about the last conversation. I worked hard on making the dialogue seem believable, especially since it is such a tense scene. (Would you believe, I've been on-off working on this for a few months, short as it is! I hope with more practice I can get faster at trying to write somewhat subtle interactions.) Sniper's thought patterns, too. I had some feedback at the editing stages that it wavered between 'my' narrative style and 'his'. So I went over that. And the characterisation. I always suspect that I'm writing Sniper wrong one way or another. I'll have to go over the versions on tumblr and Ao3 and clean up those bits and pieces you've mentioned. And I'm making note of this, too, for the future: I would suggest when you have a line of dialogue snapping a character out of their thoughts, you leave it on its own, then continue the conversation from there. >It also reads better when you don't follow dialogue with another character's actions. I'll be making sure to watch out for that, and if I do, use the character's name instead of a pronoun, because that is confusing. Looking over I can see parts of the non-dialogue text that would have been better for use the name instead of pronoun, because of the line they're coming directly after, too. (As well as typos! Damn. You'd really wonder how many times you need to re-read a text to catch them all.) That line of the Engineer's, you're right about that, I think. I was reading the tone I wanted into it. So I'll have to go and fix that, too. As for the following sentence being jarring: 'Sides, nothing wrong with showing a bit of concern for a friend. I'll put this under a spoiler tag, since really it's getting a bit into authorial intent - I'm not about to say that anyone has to read things a certain way, by any means - and only becomes properly relevant if I do decide to continue. (And I'll note you're free to still say that I should try and make it smoother, if this is unconvincing. Or if you picked up on this earlier but that it still should have been changed! I don't think I'm good at subtle/ambiguous elements, so what I intended may not have been effective or noticeable anyway.) I actually don't mind it being jarring, because the intention is that it make a reader say "hang on, what's going on here? Why is that mentioned right after BLU Sniper?" Sniper's thought is related directly to the paragraph with the BLU Sniper, but in a roundabout manner. I wanted it to be possible to perhaps pick-up on a certain anxiety on the part of the RED Sniper about how his friendship with the Engineer could be viewed. That the BLU Sniper smirking is unnerving not only because they're clones, but also RED thinks that BLU might think there's something up. This also comes back in with the paragraph about how the Engineer must have spent extra time making the robot look more like RED Sniper... I left it ambiguous because it wasn't incredibly relevant - the RED Engineer and Sniper do have a platonic friendship here. But I liked the idea of Sniper worrying about how it could be perceived - especially by BLU Sniper, there's the idea that, well, if they're clones then what does BLU Sniper know (about himself) that RED Sniper is skirting around in his narration? But essentially it's up to the reader if they pick up on it and whether they want to get into that, because it's one lesser aspect in comparison with the main theme/flow of the fic. Like I said, it would only become important if I were to continue the fic and make certain choices about characterisation. I've had my beta readers express an interest in seeing this continued, as well. I may do so, slowly and on the side. (And if I can ever decide which direction I want to go in!) Not directly, though - I really do want to flit from topic to topic, since there's just so many things I could write. (I'm sounding a bit of a dilettante, there, maybe.) Actually, finishing things so that they feel finished is something I believe I have problems with, as a writer, in general. So I'm going to have to work on that, somehow. (Though I'm not sure how.) And oof - sorry for rambling so much! Bad habits. If I can ask just one question of yourself - and of other readers - what did you think of the Engineer, here? Did you believe him? Did you think that Sniper should, or did too much, or too little? I'm very curious to know.