The Engineer had seen the pictures, and he really didn’t think that the Scout’s mother was being held hostage at all. I laughed out loud. You are doing a good job at adding a little bit of pepper to the story. The peculiar discovery in the Scout's room and the battle did add some motion to the story. Of course, I love seeing the Administrator and Miss Pauling keeping tabs on the situation. Keep twisting the knife, and you will hold the audience's attention. Just keep an eye on your typos and watch out for homophones. Also, it felt like the Sniper dropped out of combat somewhere in that last battle. Or, was that intentional? If you are looking for sheer traffic, then perhaps it wouldn't hurt for you to cross post on FF.Net or Tumblr. However, I doubt you will get the same level of scrutiny there as you would here.