Not bad for straight out porn, but I think there are a few things that negatively affected it. I think that since you are used to gradual build up (going by your other stories) this one suffered as a result, since you occasionally meandered around the point, to exposit character...dynamic? information? anyway, exposit characterly things, which occasionally took me quite out of it. I also think you might have relied a bit too much on adverbs, instead of the actions, but that might just be personal taste. Finally, you have the fact that the final is a bit of a melodramatic after thought. I noticed this before in one of your other stories -- I believe when Doc said "who could ever want a man like you?" to himself in the mirror-- so this is a reoccurring thing, where you create an angst point, but it doesn't get the proper unfolding it needs, and thus seems tacked on. In this case, it was fear for being sick because of doing it. The main reason it suffers from being tacked on is because we don't really see those things affecting the characters during the actual plot. We are told of it, (we were told he shied away from stuff other than kissing, told that he thought he was sick for wanting these things) but we never really see him act like he thinks that. Same with the other story. Don't get me wrong, nobody likes a character that does nothing but wangst, but you need to have the mindsets be more present just below the surface. Have their actions be more linked with what they think and do. Now, with all of this criticism being said, it is not. a bad. story. You wrote fairly good porn. A bit outside my area of arousal (women's clothes, kinda meh to me), but even then, I enjoyed myself. So while I did fill up a few paragraphs on this, keep in mind that the only reason I am saying this, is because everything else is quite good. Keep up the good work, as usual.