>>80 Oh, wow! Thanks for the crit, mang! No, seriously. I love crit to bits and pieces because it shows that, not only did the person like my work, but they liked it enough to tell me what they liked about it and how to get better and, call me a nerd, but that is SO EXCITING TO ME, OMGGG. Anyways, I'll try to respond to what you said in the order you said it... if that makes sense. ~~~ I know that, technically you aren't supposed to start with "And" or "But", but it's one of those rules I basically ignored just because. WELL, NO MORE. I'll stop doing that, outside of maybe dialogue or sum shit. ~~~ Dude, you're right. Dialogue is tough, but I love writing it, because I feel that's where stories come alive the most. I appreciate the tips for sniper, though - I'm a girl from the hardcore American South, so outside of Engie's (and Medic's, too... I took German for four years) accent, I can't really seem to get them right. Tips are always appreciated! ~~~ No capitalization for emphasis, got it. I'll admit - that's mostly laziness on my part. I end up capitalizing things a lot because I don't want to format friggin' italics, but if it's an eyesore, I guess I have no real choice. And that thing about the Heavy paragraph was just one of those moments where it seems awkward no matter how you place it, and I eventually just gave up and went, "BUMP IT." and moved on. Hopefully that won't happen again in the future, but who knows, LUL. ~~~ I don't know why I did that. Maybe I was trying to mix up terms - I have this thing where I don't like using certain phrases to describe someone twice. Like, if I say "The Scout said <hurp>" at the beginning of a paragraph, I'll refer to him as "the boy" or "the young man" the next time to avoid repetition. I'm not sure if that's a good habit or just something born of my own OCD, but I'll look into it late, FO SHO HOLMES. You are mad good at proofing, and I'd be psyched if you could beta-read it for me! Thanks for liking my story despite all the minor flaws, and I'm hoping we can work something out eventually! Oh, and also, I'm not going to continue this story on this thread because I am pretty certain that it's going to get reeeeally long. So I'll just make another totally different thread for it, so that this place doesn't get cluttered with my nonsense. I mean, three updates in a row from one person? Kinda redonkalous. Hoo, I'm tired - I'll see you guys late.