Author's Note: Okay, okay, so. I know the prompt asked for "Miss Pauling around the office", but I honestly couldn't think of a scenario strictly along those lines that didn't get boring really quick. Maybe I'm missing something here. Um. This also turned into a bit more of a general team fic, though I kind of glossed over a few of the characters due to time constraints. I dunno how well that worked, sorry. Actually, I dunno how well deciding to write for the prompt at all worked. This probably would have been better in comic form. Oops. Concrit's fine; if it's painfully apparent that I needed to properly research something, then by all means, point me where I need to go and I will amend things. Also, as fun as reading things in different accents can be, I've tried to keep the actual writing of them to a minimum. I'd probably overdo it if I tried putting them in. So I hope that doesn't make things confusing. How do I wrote fick lol -- She couldn't say it was going to be an unusual day at work, but it was definitely going to be a long one. Inspections were fairly regular, something they did every few months at every base just to make sure everything was running smoothly (and had not been blown apart in a fit of idiocy). Still, the size of the bases and the requirements for inspection were such that she could expect to be there all day. That, combined with the kinds of people who were stationed at them, could make the whole business quite exhausting. But, Miss Pauling thought to herself as she prepared for the day, it was at least a change of pace from mostly shuffling paperwork around. And with these people, things were hardly ever dull. She looked through her clipboard as she sat in the car. Today's inspection was at RED base in Yukon. It would be a while before she'd arrive; best to head out already. She put her vehicle into gear and got moving. -- Demoman always took care to keep sober while he was working in the chemistry lab. He knew the consequences of doing otherwise - careless mixtures, toxic gases and corroded floors, chemical fires and huge explosions. He'd dealt with them all, and he was wise enough from experience to not tempt fate in repeating such mistakes again. Unfortunately, sobriety couldn't prevent a surprise missle from sailing right through the window and crashing into a rack of volatile ingredients. At that point, the best thing Demoman could do was bolt straight for the door. He didn't quite make it. Thankfully, the explosions weren't so massive that they leveled the lab, and they weren't quite deadly enough to send him through Respawn, but it took a minute for him to recover. He opened the door to let the smoke clear out, coughing and hacking to get it out of his lungs. Once most of it had dissipated, he was able to assess the damage. It could have been a lot worse - there were a couple of small fires that he put out immediately, but there was otherwise nothing immediately life-threatening to himself or the team. The really dangerous stuff had been previously tucked away and was thus still intact. However, the whole place was a huge mess. Glass was everywhere, liquid and powder covered the floor, there were smoke stains on the walls, and the fumes were getting quite noxious. This was going to take ages to clean up, and until it was done, he couldn't safely make explosives in here... and like hell was he going to be allowed to do his work elsewhere in the base. This left Demoman in quite the sour mood. He got even angrier when he approached the initial crash and found that the missle was an old baseball. Scout could not have picked a worse time to pop his head in. "Yo, Demo, you seen my lucky ball aro-urk..." "And what," Demoman growled, his fingers tight around the skinny neck, "were you doing playing baseball outside MY lab?" "I-- did-didn't mean nothing by it," Scout managed to wheeze. "C'mon, man, I was just fucking around, I wasn't doing nothing wrong-" "You just wrecked my lab, you little runt!" Demoman roared as he shoved the kid against a wall. "You know how long this is going to take to clean? Where am I going to make my bombs now?!" Scout flailed, but he was spared further wrath by a call down by the main building. "INSPECTION, GENTLEMEN! GET YOUR ASSES IN GEAR! ADMINISTRATION WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE NOW!" Demoman's eye went wide and his grip slack as he processed the information he'd just heard. "Bloody... with my whole lab to clean?" He scowled and turned back to Scout. "Alright, lad, you made this mess, you're helping me clean it up, you ke-" He blinked. He'd just been talking to the wall. Scout was already gone. "Fucking- SCOUT! YOU WEE BASTARD, GET BACK HERE!" -- Miss Pauling stepped out of the car and took a moment to stretch, admiring the view. It was kind of nice that there were bases like this outside the Badlands. Desert got very boring to look at after a while, she was sure. She took about ten steps before she was greeted by the Soldier. "Good morning, Miss Pauling! I assume you'll be the one conducting our inspection today?" Miss Pauling was taken aback. "These visits aren't ever announced, Mister Doe. How did you hear about this?" He wagged a knowing finger at her. "Miss Pauling, do you forget that we have the finest espionage agent ever produced on American soil? Our Spy, of course!" In retrospect, she should have guessed. She glanced around for any sign of him. "And... where is the Spy now?" "Why-" Soldier looked confused for a moment, but then he beamed. "He said he would be leaving on a top-secret mission today, one of utmost importance! Uncovering Space-Commie plots, no doubt!" He took his helmet off of his head, holding it against his chest as he looked heavenward in a show of respect. "Godspeed, private." Miss Pauling fought the urge to groan. She could think of several places to where the Spy could have disappeared, but Space-Commie hideouts were not among them. This would be going on the man's record. "I see." She adjusted her belongings and pushed her glasses back up her nose. "In that case, I suppose we should continue without him, then. I'll start by checking the communal facilities." She headed toward the front door of the base and noted the Soldier marching beside her. "Excuse me, Mister Doe?" "Yes, Miss Pauling!" "May I ask what you're doing?" Without missing a beat, Soldier replied, "I have assigned myself as your personal bodyguard for today. We can't have one of our privates whisking you away from your duty!" By that, Miss Pauling took him to mean Scout. She supposed this wasn't a bad thing. -- The public areas checked out with no real incident, though Miss Pauling could definitely smell something less-than-pleasant in those areas of the base close the Demoman's lab. She could see the man himself inside his building as well, rushing back and forth as if possessed. There must have been an incident in there recently that he was trying to cover up. She decided she'd see what it was when she got to it. She stepped into the Engineer's workshop and found it in good shape, but saw no sign of the man. She found the Pyro instead, working on some kind of improvement to its flamethrower. She took a brief look around while the Soldier kept a wary eye on the rubber suit; then, satisfied, she asked where the Engineer had gone. "Hhs hhn rrh rhhsphhn rhhm." "Pardon?" "He's in the Respawn room," Soldier translated. He stole a glance into the hall. "Looks like it's clear; you're free to go." He turned back to the Pyro. "I'll keep an eye on Smokey here." "Hh dhhnt nhhd yrrh thh whhch mhh!" "Oh, yes, you do! You are in here without clearance, son!" "Thhs hhs mhh whhkshhp thh!" "Hardly! I don't trust you with these machines anymore than I trust you with your damn fire!" "Hh mhh ghh..." Miss Pauling left them to their argument. She headed down the hallway towards the door to Respawn ("NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL", read the sign on its face) and punched in the combination on the door lock. She heard rapid shuffling as she opened the door to step inside. The Engineer appeared busy at the console, monitoring the system readouts. A few feet away, a panel on the machine sat open, a nest of wires poking out. As she approached, he turned and smiled at her in greeting. "Howdy, ma'am," he tipped his hat in her direction. "How's your morning so far?" "Going alright," she replied. She looked over at the machine. "Making sure everything's in order for the inspection, then?" Engineer looked a little sheepish, as though he'd been caught. "Ah, yeah... last major checkup was just last week, but figured it wouldn't hurt to make sure it was still running proper this morning." "Never a bad idea," Miss Pauling granted. The Engineer grinned and turned back to the screen. "So it still checks out?" "Yes, ma'am. Everything's in good order from what I can see." He hit a few buttons on the panel to bring up new data as he spoke. "Well, alright, then. I'll mark that off." She made her notes and turned to leave, catching sight of a familiar leather hat as she did so. Now she knew what the shuffling was about. "It's a good thing there aren't any cameras in here, isn't it? But you know, there are other forms of surveillance installed, gentlemen." There was faint cursing and more rustling towards the back of the room as the Sniper realized he'd been found out. The Engineer, for his part, kept his gaze fixed on the screen, but his ears had gone slighty pink. Miss Pauling just smiled and closed the door behind her. It was probably time to retrieve the Soldier now, judging from the escalating voices back in the direction of the workshop. -- The first thing the Medic wanted to do when Miss Pauling came to check the medical wing was to show her the latest experiments he'd been working on, including a hands-on demonstration of his current pet project. This might have been more agreeable if he hadn't insisted she be the one to get on the operating table. Miss Pauling completed the inspection with all due haste, relying on the assistance of Soldier and even the Heavy to keep the excited doctor busy. She heard Medic shout something along the lines of "Schweinehunde" as she finally scurried back into the hallway. She glanced at the notes she'd scribbled down once the door had closed and could only pinch the bridge of her nose. The Administrator would surely want her to look in on these new projects later. The Soldier emerged shortly thereafter, leaving just Heavy behind to placate the Medic. He flashed her a grin like nothing that they'd just seen was out of the ordinary. Well, perhaps for him, it wasn't. They continued on. -- A short while later, Scout peeked into the workshop looking for a place to hide. He found the Pyro, still standing at the bench, still working. He stared at it for a moment - obviously, this was not the person he had hoped to see - but eventually decided that the gas mask was a friendlier option to deal with right now than a furious Demoman running in and out of the building. "Heyyy, Mumbles," he said as casually as he could, slipping inside. "Hhh." "So, uh... whatcha working on, there? New toy? Some kinda robot thing for Engie? What's it supposed to do?" he leaned in a little, trying to get a better look. "Hhm jhhst rhhphhrhng mhh flhhmthrrur," was the grumpy reply back. The Pyro turned its shoulder toward the kid. It really wasn't in the mood for another annoying person right now. "Right, right. Okay." Scout got the hint and straightened up, like he hadn't actually cared. He looked around the room, his foot tapping restlessly. "So, there's some kinda inspection today? Who've we got this time?" "Mhhs Phhlhnng." Scout's gaze snapped back to the suit. "What? Are you kidding me? Miss Pauling's been here since this morning and no one's said anything about it? Why didn't you guys tell me?!" A loud rattling escaped from Pyro's mask, presumably a sigh. The Scout huffed at it indignantly. "Well, fuck you too, Mumbles. Have fun with... whatever you're doing, then. I've got a date to catch!" He dashed out the room and disappeared. Pyro really didn't care. At least he hadn't been in there long. It whistled to itself as it went back to work. -- "Alright, then. Respawn maintenance is up to par, machine workshop's well-kept, the medbay's... in about as much order as the medbay can be... " Miss Pauling flipped through the papers on her clipboard, checking to see what was left. There really wasn't much. She remembered what was next just as she saw someone pass by in her peripheral vision. "Ah, yes. Mister DeGroot, I'll need to inspect the chemistry lab now." Demoman locked up from right behind her. He was afraid of this. The last several hours had given him little chance to do anything except organize the chaos that was currently his working space, and the woman had unfortunately caught him during a run to get more cleaning supplies. He needed more time. He turned on his heel, trying to think of a way to stall her. "Eh... have you checked the other facilities yet? Mess hall, communications room, resupply, showers... " "Those were all given a look-through this morning, Mister DeGroot," she responded simply. "They're all in good condition. The chemistry lab's the last major facility we need to look at. You have been keeping it in order, right?" Demoman tried very hard to keep from stammering. Soldier scowled at him curiously. Miss Pauling continued walking, ignoring Demoman's pleas to double-check for anything she might have missed. A few things aside, this visit was going rather well so far, she mused. Everything was actually looking good, there'd been nothing particularly abnormal to report (all things considered), and she had yet to be bothered by the- "Yo, Miss Pauling!" Nevermind. The Scout's timing was always impeccable, it seemed. He sidled right up next to her and instantly attempted to lay on the charm. "It's been a while, Babycakes; how're you doing? Have you been watching my performance on the field lately? It has been awesome. I've been awesome. You know how many times I've saved the day just in the past week? I'll tell you how many times; it's been every time. It's real impressive, I know." "Oh, no, you don't," Soldier sneered. "The only thing that's been impressive this week is how high you've managed to scream." He yanked the kid back in-line with Demoman, who gave him a savage look. Scout shrunk away from him, but he wasn't quite ready to leave yet. "What're you trying to say, man? You saying I don't got balls or something? 'Cause I'm telling you, man, I got pl-" "Gentlemen, I'm sure this is a fine topic to discuss later, but for now there's still business to tend to." Demoman's face blanched slightly as they drew closer to the door leading outside. He could already see the telltale smoke stains crawling from the cracks in the lab door, every time they passed a window. It must have been obvious to her, too. This was not good; oh, oh, this was not good. Scout would have snickered at him if he weren't afraid of getting strangled again. "Lass, are you sure you have to look at it today... ?" There was a ring at the hallway phone before they could pass it by. Soldier strode up and swept it sharply off its hook. "THIS IS THE RED BASE; SOLDIER SPEAKING. IF YOU HIPPIES ARE CALLING ABOUT RABIES VERMINATIONS AGAIN, I WILL PERSONALLY COME OVER AND SHOVE THOSE GODDAMN NEEDLES UP YOUR--" He suddenly went quiet as the person on the other end hissed at him. He turned to Miss Pauling, his expression more meek than it was a minute ago. He held the receiver out to her. "It's for you," he mumbled, scooting back a few feet as she took the phone. "Hello." "Miss Pauling," a gravelly voice on the other end greeted her. "Yes, Ma'am?" "I need you to get back here," the Administrator said. "There's a mob outside our public headquarters. Another protest against our operations, as it were. Their leader is demanding an audience." "What would you like me to do about it?" Pauling asked, though she suspected she already knew the answer. "I want you to 'meet' with him. We can shoo these hooligans away while he's being taken care of." Miss Pauling held in a sigh. She was going to have to spend her evening cleaning her fingernails of dirt and quicklime again. But, that was just how things went with this job. "And the base inspection?" "Finish it tomorrow." She nodded, a gesture unseen by the aggravated woman on the other end of the line. "I'll be right on it." "Good," was the curt reply, and then there was a click as the line went dead. She put the phone on its hook and turned back to the men. "Well, gentlemen, it looks like I'll have to leave early today." Scout sagged visibly. "Since I'm not done going through the base, though, I'll be back tomorrow." Scout perked up. "Aw, that's great, Miss Pauling! Hey, maybe we can work out some plans for us tomorrow night. I know all the great spots in town; they all love me th-" Demoman smacked him over the head. "OW! What?!" Miss Pauling shook her head as she re-arranged the papers on her clipboard. "Until tomorrow, then, gentlemen," she said, turning briskly and heading for the door. "Until tomorrow, lass," Demoman responded, sighing in relief as she left. Thank goodness. He shot a look to Scout, who glared at him, still rubbing the back of his skull. "Y'know, if you want to impress the lady, I know of one thing you can do..." "Fuck off, Cyclops. I know what you're talking about." "Oh, you do, don't you? Well, I'll be sure to let her know how much of a help you were when she comes back tomorrow." "... Really?" "No." He grabbed Scout by the back of his shirt and started dragging him to the lab, ignoring the kid's angry whines. "You owe me, boyo. Now let's get to it." "C'mon, man, no! Oh, God, Soldier, get him offa me! LET GO, damnit!" Soldier didn't understand what was going on, but whatever it was, he figured Scout must have deserved it. He just snickered before heading out to hold his drills. ----- Prompt: It would be interesting to follow Miss Pauling around the office for a day. Just like to see some levity. No romance needed/required/wanted/whatever, but ball's in the author's court on that.