>>5 Thank you for your concrit, I really appreciate it :) That was a pretty bad run on. "Shouldn't be" is a tense shift error, and the last two thoughts are redundant. To tell you the truth, I wrote that line that way on purpose. I wanted Spy's thoughts to reflect his circumstances. At the beginning of the story, he has just woken up after being blown up and left badly wounded for hours, and it looks like he has been captured by the enemy and is probably going to be tortured. He is still semi-stunned, and sightly panicked, so I figured his thoughts would be kind of rambling. Thus, commas instead of dots, and redundancy. My beta-reader did point out that the line sounded weird. But I insisted to keep it that way, arguing that a guy who just woke up from a near death experience, as a prisoner at that, wouldn't be thinking clearly. That at first his thoughts would be more like a stream of consciousness. As the story goes on and he calms down, his thoughts become more precise as well. As for waterboarding, all the information I could find about it stated that it causes its victim to be overwhelmed by incontrollable terror. There was an interview with a federal agent who volunteered to be waterboarded to test its effects, and he claimed that it was the single most horrifying experience of his life. Admittedly, I haven't exactly dug deep... it really freaked me out to research RL torture. But I thought that I could get away with using a vague description of incontrollable terror if I wrote it as a flashback. Flashbacks aren't necessarily accurate depictions of the events, especially if the man who experienced those events wasn't thinking clearly because he was being tortured. Personally, I think it's IC for Spy to make fun of his enemies by being ridiculous and overdramatic. He did give us the "rainbows make me cry" taunt in falsetto. Finally, about the repetitive dialogue. I was attempting to show that Spy needed a lot of convincing to get over his irritation with Engineer and finally agree to his proposal. I thought that just writing "they kept arguing until Spy finally consented" would be telling instead of showing. Still, you are right that lack of variety can get tedious, I should have made Engie give different arguments instead of repeating essentially the same argument again and again. I'll be more careful for the next chapter. Thanks for the advice! >>4 Thank you! I'm very happy to hear that :)