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1 .

Ahh I should be doing a work term report, woman, and here I am, giggling like a loon to myself in the silent section of the library.

I pretty much loved the whole thing - drunken Soldier, matchmaking Heavy and Medic, Engineer being an engineer and needing to mess with things... ahhh.

"Fine. I shall remove your pesky virginity for you, and in exchange, you will not bother me again for a solid week-- I do not mean just for sex, I mean you will not be annoying, in my presence, for seven entire days. Do you think you can do this?"
This is pretty much where I started losing it entirely. Oh, Spy. You ask a lot of little Scout.

Just a few minor nitpicks:

I spotted a rogue sentence fragment:

The Engineer and the Pyro both inscrutable behind dark lenses.
Not sure if that was intentional or a typo, just thought I'd point it out.

Sometimes when you have a bit of speech followed by a dialogue tag, I've noticed you tend to use periods as opposed to commas - like so:

"You didn't come to me when I first said I was amenable." Spy challenges.
I believe that should be a comma in place of a full stop at the end of the dialogue. I'm no grammar expert or anything; it's just something I've noticed and thought I should comment.

Again... this was totally awesome.