I love this. But two things threw me off. #1- Snog. I don't know quite what this is. #2 The French. "Mon dieu ne vous arrêtez pas!" I think some of the articles of speech are out of place, here, but some could just be cut entirely, given the situation. Plus, considering how close these two are at the moment, would Domi really refer to Lance with the formal 'vous'? I think he'd use the personal 'tu' instead. If it were me, I'd just shorten it entirely. "Mon dieu, n'arretes pas!" with the accent over the first E, as you had it (I cannot type accents on this keyboard). It sounds more realistically French. But aside from that, I'm with everybody on the 'I'll be in my bunk' bandwagon.