Very nice! I like seeing an uncommon pairing, and I definitely want to see where this is going. However let's look at a couple things... First of all, I agree with >>5. It kind of takes you out of the story. Secondly, you don't necessarily need caps to signify yelling. An exclamation point usually will suffice. Use caps only for particularly loud yelling. Like for what Soldier yelled. It would also help toward setting that line apart so to help the reader understand better that it was someone else yelling it. Now, you may say that there were all yelling particularly loud, so that's why it's all caps. But too much caps makes the writing look immature, so I would avoid it. "Now, Demoman's not into that or anything..." This line seemed rather unprofessional. I would reword that sentence. What you did do quite well was the respective slang and characterization of the two. The only time I really disagreed with the word choice by one of them was: "I think every guy does when they're pinin' after a broad..." "Broad" comes across to me as more of a derogatory term. Not a pretty girl a guy would be pining after. Some people warn against spelling out accent, but it's never really bothered me unless it's really over the top. Yours seems just fine to me, but keep that in mine. I'm excited to see what these two get up to in the next installment.