Hi. Here’s another chapter for you. I’m just teasing with this one, trying to create at least a little bit of buildup. The good stuff starts in the next chapter, I promise. I just want to know which pairing you’d like to see first and maybe even a certain situation or kink you want me to write? It’s up to you. ....... Part 2 “MEN!†Soldier yelled, slamming Scout’s stolen baseball cap onto the table, the few pieces of paper placed inside it flying astray. “THIS IS THE SEX HAT!†All the men in the rec room turned around slowly, some faces confused, some angry for being interrupted in the middle of a conversation and others just shaking their heads disapprovingly, in no mood to be dealing with Soldier’s craziness on their time off. “What the hell are you on about, mate?†“Is that my hat!?†Scout stood up, looking like he was ready to start a fight. “Shut your mouth boy! We have more important problems here than who’s hat this is!†“Is little boys hat.†Heavy chimed in. “I know, now shut the hell up!†He shouted and then backed away from the hat with his hands set tightly behind his back, staring at it like it was going to start talking. Everyone else in the room was either staring at Soldier, the hat he was staring at or the Spy standing behind him in the background, who was busy slapping his palm against his face several times. Clearly, things weren’t going as planned for him at the moment. “Um... Solly? What does this... sex hat do, exactly?†Engineer asked calmly, speaking for every single person in the room. “What!? Nothing! It’s a hat.†An eerie grin spread across his face. “It’s what WE DO with the hat!†Seven and a half pairs of eyes blinked at the man, still unsure of what the hell he was talking about. It wasn’t the first time he pulled a stunt like this. Last time, he had walked in trying to convince the team that his shovel should be the tenth class. That debate didn’t last very long. “Can we NOT do shit with my hat?†“No! Shut up! Spy, please explain to these idiots how the sex hat works!†Sighing loudly enough for the whole room to hear, Spy stepped beside Soldier. This had not been part of the plan; he was not supposed to be the one to have to break it to seven other men that they were going to have to sleep together to keep their jobs. “We are all going to have to sleep together to keep our jobs.†Well, that was surprisingly easy to say. A entire chorus of ‘WHAT?’ followed the statement, but Spy would be in a idiot to expect otherwise. “Our performances have not unsatisfactory for the past few weeks. After studying us, our higher ups have found the root of the problem. My friends, we are sexually frustrated and the Administrator has us backed up in a corner. We must do this, for the sake of our work in this company.†He was trying to sound formal. He really was. Spy did his best to make this whole situation sound perfectly normal, but he had to face it: it wasn’t. He, being his open minded self, had no problem with this. He could even admit that there are a few teammates he’s rather enjoy sleeping with, some very... Australian teammates, not that he was naming any names or anything... “Listen, I ain’t a fag, alright? I’m not doing this shit just because some woman in some office watching us says so.†Scout said, crossing his arms over his chest as a few other teammates standing behind him nodded along. “Then you are fired.†Spy shrugged. “It iz that simple.†Scout’s smug expression fell and suddenly, the boy looked absolutely terrified. “Look mate, they can’t really be making us –“ “They are, so I say we get this over with, shall we?†Spy gestured toward the hat. “Nein, no, I vill not. This is ridiculous. I don’t even fight, I’m just a Medic!†The Medic said, almost pleading to the Spy. “Damn it, private! We are doing this as a team and seeing as you are part of it, you will be picking a name out of that sex hat whether you like it or not!†Soldier shouted, cutting off the Spy before the words even had the chance to leave his mouth. “Um, okay, we could’ve used any other hat... just sayin’.†“Must we really do this?†The Heavy asked, surprisingly calm. “Yes, all of us!†“Like, Engie’s hat or Sniper’s even. Those’d make really good sex hats if you ask me.†“Ya’ think maybe we could tell them we did it and just... not?†Demoman suggested, grimacing at the thought of having to really go through with this. “Were being watched.†Spy spoke before Soldier started ranting about honor and how un-American lying is. “They know and understand everything that happens in this base, maybe even better than we do.†“I mean, why a hat? Why not a sex bowl? We have a bunch of those in the kitchen.†At this point, Scout was starting to notice that, as usual, no one was really listening to him. “Um...†Sniper raised his hand awkwardly. “I’m still a bit confused about how this is going to work... were picking names?†“Oui. Each person will pick a name. This way, each person will get laid twice, maybe even with the same person if your partner happens to draw your name too. I will go first, as an example.†Spy stepped closer to the sex hat and stared down into it. He had been the one who wrote down the names and put them into the hat. He knew Soldier would not pay attention to detail and conveniently not notice the fact that all the papers were folded into squares except for one, which, obviously, was the one Spy went for. No, it was no coincidence that he volunteered to go first either. The whole room watched apprehensively, each member on the edge of his seat, as Spy reached down into the hat, picked out a name and brought it slowly up to his face. The speed he was going at was excruciatingly slow, but that was just Spy being his dramatic self. As he read the paper, he quirked his brow upward in amusement, a sly smirk playing on his lips as his eyes scanned the room. He took his time to go over each team member, maintaining the suspense and keeping every person holding their breath. “Ah Bushman,†He sighed, narrowing his eyes toward the Australian. “Lucky you.†His lips twitched into a playful yet terribly crooked grin as the Sniper blushed up to his ears. Spy almost wanted to laugh out loud at how scared the Aussie looked, but he had every right to be. Poor man had no idea what was in store for him. “Okay! Who’s next?†Soldier asked the room full of mercenaries who were currently busy sending their Sniper apologetic stares. “I picked ze bushman, so it iz his turn to pick now.†“Um... a –alright.†Sniper took a step forward, staring down into the hat like it was some kind of black hole ready to suck him in. Ha! This was too good, the Spy thought. The bushman was stuttering, stammering, shaking! He had just picked his name and all that planning was already paying off! He couldn’t wait to see how rewarding it will be when they are finally in bed. Yes... he would have that man wrapped around his finger, squirming underneath him, wanting more and begging for him to - “Um, Scout.†Sniper read out loud, turning to the boy in question. The young man stared daggers at him as if it was his fault he picked his name and grumbled complaints as he got up. Unlike the Sniper, he stared at his own hat as if it was challenging him to a fistfight. “This is fucking stupid.†He said as he picked out a piece of paper and yanked it open, almost ripping it. “I don’t even know why we –“ Everyone knew the name on the paper since it was the only name that could actually be able to stop a Scout from speaking. “I’m guessing that iz my name on ze paper, lapin?†Spy cooed at the unmoving Scout. This had been also preplanned by the masked man, but he hadn’t actually expected it to work. He had written his name on the largest piece of paper, thinking that maybe the Scout, being his loud obnoxious self, would end up picking it out. At the time, he was sure he was over-thinking it, but the boy just proved to be even more predictable than the Spy believed. “Yeah, it’s you.†Scout sneered at him, the shock slowly wearing off. This time, only half the room wore sorry looks for the new victim. The other half was trying to contain their laughter. They knew the Scout was just as screwed as the Sniper, but for some reason, they felt that the boy deserved it. If he was the hotshot he bragged about being, then now he could go ahead and prove it. “I look forward to it.†Spy purred and smirked at how the kid’s eyes just shot open instantly. This was definitely going to be fun for him. “Is this serious? Are ve seriously doing this?†The Medic stood and looked around at his teammates. “Does no one else find this incredibly odd? Ve are picking each other’s names out of a HAT! So ve can have sex!†The German man sounded distressed and very desperate to get through to his teammates. “Aren’t ve better than this?†The entire room went silent and just for a second, the doctor thought he had really made a point. But that was just for a second. “NO, WE ARE NOT PRIVATE!†The Soldier bellowed straight into the German’s face. “Orders are orders and we follow them whether we like it or not! And trust me private, I do NOT like this.†Defeated, the doctor sat back down next to his Russian companion who gently patted his back. Well, not actually gently, but gently enough for a Heavy. “Since I have already picked, I choose who goes next.†Spy said before someone could attempt to ruin his fun again. “This ain’t a game, mate.†Sniper said from behind him, but that did not stop Spy from playing either. “Soldier, you pick.†“Very well.†He marched up to the hat and picked a partner. Actually, ‘partner’ was a very suitable term for the person who got picked. “Engineer!†Soldier read. The Texan curled his lips into an embarrassed half smile and reached out to pick out a name. His gaze remained unmoved and still glued on the Soldier, who was beginning to get mixed signals from the look Engineer was giving him. The smile lingered, but was no longer innocent and shy. Quite the contrary really; you could almost call it a smolder. “Pyro.†Engineer read smugly, knowing that every single man in the room was hoping to pick that name. What lay behind that mask and suit intrigued everybody and now one of them had just gained entry. It truly was something to be jealous of. His massive shoulders shook as he a few low chuckles left his lips. “Is that okay with you, pardner?†He asked the Pyro, but still kept his eyes fixed on Soldier. Only the Laborer would be able to still be polite in a situation like this, asking Pyro if he was ‘okay with it’, Spy thought, almost disgusted at how nice the man was. He was clearly very, very happy about the name he just drew and maybe even happier about the person who drew HIS name. Spy could tell by the hungry look he was shamelessly giving Soldier, not even trying to be sneaky about it. Interesting... The Pyro clapped his rubber-glove-clad hands together excitedly and skipped to the sex hat, gracefully plucking a paper out and holding it in his palms like it was a delicate baby bird. Nobody had any idea what he had just said, but he pointed at Demoman, so no translation necessary there. The Scot bolted up to his feet and high fived his pyromaniac teammate with a howl of victory. “You know you’re going to have sex with him, right private?†Soldier asked, just to make sure that the man had understood the plan. His reaction was... well, different than expected. “Yup, but this is how I see it, lad. You lot are already butt ugly, including me. So, either he’s just as ugly, OR a beautiful lady! The odds are in my favor!†He said, grinning at the Pyro. “’ts ‘ur tun!†Pyro hopped in place, pushing the Demoman toward the hat. “Soldier.†Demoman read and nodded to the Soldier who nodded right back. “Alright! I’ve already picked so I get to decide who goes –“ “No need for that, mon ami. There are only two left in the hat and they happen to be the only people who have yet to draw. They have no choice but to... um...do each other.†Spy turned to Heavy and Medic who sat in the farthest corner of the room. The Heavy seemed quite indifferent about the matter while as the Medic was looking at the Spy with all the hate in the world. “Twice.†The Spy added, just because he was a bastard. “Nein.†“Doctor, don’t be such child.†Heavy patted his back again, knocking out all the air out of his lungs. “THAT’S SETTLED THEN! EVERYONE IS DISMISSED FOR THE NIGHT! I WILL BE TAKING THE SEX HAT JUST IN CASE WE NEED IT AGAIN FOR....um, whatever this was.†“Hey! That’s my hat! You can’t just take it!†Scout cried, jumping up and down, trying to reach his hat that Soldier was holding up in the airs, out of the shorter boy’s reach. “Son, sometimes a man has to sacrifice some things for his country!†“But...but, I’m already fucking Spy for my country! Isn’t that enough?!†“Ha! My poor, poor child.†The Spy strode over to the Soldier and snatched the hat right out of his outstretched hand, hiding it behind his back. A predatory smile plastered on his face, the Spy leaned in closer to the Scout, their noses only inches apart. “You are very, very, very mistaken...†With every ‘very’ that came out of his mouth, the Spy’s lips moved closer to the boy’s ear. Scout couldn’t help but shiver violently as the Frenchman’s warm breath brushed against his skin like the faintest touch of a feather. “... if you think that YOU will be fucking ME.†He purred and turned away, walking out of the room. Scout blanched at the words and then almost fainted when he noticed that his hat had somehow returned on his head.