Lets pull this apart just a bit and see what I get to. I love the idea of power play. This, in essence, is a bit of Power PWP. And as such, I like it. This power however, is not quite right. In a true (between trusting adults with boundaries) power play, you will have one usually relinquishing their power to another willingly. Think of a fairly stereotypical light to heavy bondage scene. You sort of do this. In a non-con sense, you have the aggressor rip that power from the person. Its shameless and incredibly feral. This doesn't have that feel. I almost expect the spy to come back and cuddle and crap, which would have ruined it. The Spy could humiliate the Sniper for degrading the Spy by such a disgusting act. He would be calling him things to erode his sense of right and wrong - such as telling him how disgusting he is, how much he loves it, yada yada yada. You also have a wound, I would expect a character like the spy or the medic to capitalise on it. They're currently feeding off of the emotions of the hostage, you need to make that more apparent or at least defined. The Spy is not just doing this 'to teach him a lesson'. (Note - Ive done all of these premises before and failed horribly - so don't think I am throwing the stones in a glass house, cause in the end, you write exquisitely and it has that glimmer in the back there) The RED spy laughed harshly. “I want you to remember, because if you ever do zis thing to me again, I will inflict punishments twice as 'orrible as ze one you are recieving now. ...and I would hate to do zat.†That line there is a good example of the almost got it but not quite. The Spy would be mocking, that is true, but I read that almost apologetically as well. Theres a certain disconnection of the power flow here. You need the Sniper to always feel as if he has been beaten, and thats hard to do - unless you're like me and can sort of occupy the head space of the aggressor. It would be easier to write this more as the victim. Also, a rape without some kind of lubricant would be incredibly painful for both people. Mind ruining, surgery necessary painful. Most of the people who do that kind of thing have got a strange pain tolerance. If its intentional - exploit that. Have Spy bite, scratch, slap, cut, tease his open wound. Make him force the Sniper to do what he wants. Because *he* has the power. That would be more in line with what you wanted to achieve for me (had an ex that loved being bitten when in play mode - and I mean bitten till he bled. It was certainly different). Otherwise, the Spy would be more likely to make the other person want it, to perverse their viewpoint to his way. The golden shower was pretty tame. I would expect the Spy to be marking his territory more than convenient toilet. The former is to break a person, the latter is to a broken person. And the Sniper would not break quite that easily, methinks. The Demoman part feels very under appreciated, and kind of tacked on. He is giving the Sniper something he wants (heat) but is also taking advantage of someone who has been rather brutally raped. Those kinds of injuries would be rather overwhelming. Unless our Sniper is a very kinky man with a very high tolerance to pain, and has been in this sort of situation before. Plus, he would be craving dignity and the feeling of safety. He's not dignified, and would not be feeling safe. Therefore, he would still be on edge, which I would use good ole fashioned voices in the head to further degrade the Sniper's psyche. His eventual release, so to speak, would be terrifying for him, as well as feel dirty that his body would ever like that kind of thing. Overall, I'm going to say that I like it. It has potential to be so much more devious, so much more primal and vicious. And that little part in my head absolutely loves it for that. It just falls short, for me, to that level of humiliation that I would expect from that kind of circumstance. But in saying that, some good ole fashioned smut in a vein I quite honestly adore. So kudos for the guts to do it, don't let me be the one to stop you, but some of that is from a personal viewpoint that not many people would be exposed to. Meanwhile, maybe I should write more S/M... yeah why not...