...and it occurred to me how the Spy/Sniper fight in the middle of Meet the Spy seems like it has some perhaps sexual undertones. - This is why we can't have nice things. I didn't really see anything wrong with your writing. Maybe add some accents? Some random French words here and there for Spy. You describing the fight scene was really good, like I was watching the video. You build up the tension nicely here and I can't wait to see what you do for the second chapter ;D