>>2 The line with Scout was pretty obvious to me. It's easy to deal with obnoxious teammates when he hasn't got any redeeming qualities--just punt them out the door--but when he's a massive asset to the team, it can be quite complicated, in between the grudging respect for his talent, and the all-too-painful fact that you can't win without him. There's plenty of room for deeply-buried resentment. It's good that you mentioned it, though. It's very likely that I only made the connection because it's the story of my life. Another wee, nitpicky thing--it might just be a pet peeve of mine, I don't know--but I would avoid passages where you're essentially just listing your way through each classes and summarising their relationship to the main character. I see that sort of thing a lot, and so far it has <I>always</i> ended up reading like the essay question on an exam; "Identify eight key figures in the protagonist's Team Fortress experience and briefly describe their significance." Talk about boring! If a character matters to the story, then put the character in the story. Show us, through their actions and their words, how they relate to the protagonist, then describe how their contributions shaped the events in the story. That's what makes a story a story. In your case, though, most of the characters mentioned don't matter to the story, and you'd be far better off just leaving them out. Too much information at once, if it's irrelevant or out-of-place, can make it really difficult for the reader's to see the big picture. Poor Millia up there thinks Spy "pulled a 180Ëš halfway through" because instead of writing "A chapter where Spy, stung by the loss of his ideal mate, reviews his romantic options and falls on Sniper," you've written, "A chapter where Spy, stung by the loss of his ideal mate, twenty point essay summarising Spy's conceptions regarding his coworkers and falls on Sniper." Can you see why that would be difficult to follow, and why somebody might end up getting the wrong idea about Sniper's role in the story? Unless, of course, Sniper is the main love interest, in which case I have no idea what's going on.