~~~10: Spy (RED)~~~ I am... uneasy, with the BLU Spy. I wish that I could think of him as another man, some incompetent sent to replace an old rival. If I could only believe that, it would be a joy to deal with him on the battlefield, to show some idiot how a real spy does his work. I know that is not the case, though. It should be, mon dieu, it should be! Even some idiot boy replacement would have been better, than keeping this broken man in the field! For a time, I thought our Engineer was the one to damage him, and yet... That is not wholly accurate, by my observations it can't be. Perhaps he had some hand in it, it would explain things. It is funny, we die a thousand deaths, so why now is this one man so destroyed? Not from simply being killed? He cannot even sap an unguarded sentry-- ever since I noticed the change in him, I have been observing, sometimes to the exclusion of all else. I can go back to my job when the pieces are in place. Until then... He does not even know, if I watch. I know he cannot do his job, because I watch. I would not even have stopped him, that first occasion, committed as I was to observing. He approached the empty nest-- empty save for myself-- he did so with the stealth and cunning I would have expected from him. I heard his tread once, and thought I caught wind of cigarette smoke not my own, but he was very nearly a perfect spectre, and with the labourer not around to defend his work, nor the Pyro, he should have taken the clear shot when he had it. Instead, the sentry beeped as it targeted one of his teammates and there was a clang and a thud, his sapper appearing on the ground. He appeared as well, when the cloak ran out, frozen in place with such a look of wild apprehension... It is that look which haunts me. Seeing him ripped to shreds by the sentry's bullets, that is an everyday occurrence, someone always dies that way. I have seen too much to be haunted by that. But the fear that hearing the machine caused in him, to make him unable to act... It is not that he never fights. I have also seen him fight, yes. Seen him fly into a fury in close quarters with the Scout or the Pyro. It lacks his old elegance, but still, he sometimes gets the job done. The job of killing men, if nothing else. He is unreliable at it, but not entirely incapable. It is only sometimes that he is wholly useless. That is not what concerns me-- I suppose none of it ought to concern me. Should I not count my blessings? But I respected him before. We were evenly matched, on the whole. I had strengths to beat his, in some arenas, but in others, I freely admit he was more than just my equal. It is disturbing to see him laid this low now. It is... it is disturbing to be able to guess at bits and pieces of the why and wherefore. I still imagine our Engineer may have had some hand in it, but I no longer believe our Medic was involved. The BLU Spy and I have some common history, though before the war we never knew each other. Still, we are countrymen. We are roughly the same age. And the good doctor only sends him into a blind frozen panic when he speaks German. I still imagine our Engineer may have had some hand in it, but after careful observation, I cannot say that it was this war which did the worst of the damage. It could be long past as well as recent past that haunts him. My memories of the war are not so dark... not carefree, by any means, not pleasant, but... but there is nothing in my past that any injury could trigger, nothing... nothing that could change me from what I am, to what he is. I hope that this is true, at least. All of us must, all those with enough introspection to consider the possibility. Seeing the BLU Spy in this state... it makes me truly realize, just what I would not wish on even my worst enemy.