Questions: 1. Where is this taking place? If it's Spy's apartment, how'd Sniper get in? This is an important detail, since that also tells us how far into the relationship this particular moment is. 2. What is Spy and Sniper getting out of being together, besides the sex? In this short story, Sniper comes off as clingy, whiny, and passive aggressive; Spy a manipulative narcissistic nymphomaniac. In other words, two horrible people in a dysfunctional relationship. 3. Valerie should be more than just the MacGuffin that gets the conflict between Sniper and Spy going. Either expand her role so she is more central to the story, or have her leave in the opening paragraph, with the torrid sex already over. Hell, it doesn't even need to be a person (male or female) at all! All you need for the argument to go off is for Sniper to notice some sign that he's not the only person in Spy's life.