As funny as it is? I think the original portion of the story should have been a second-person narrative, actually. It adds to the dream-like quality, the sense of here and now, and decreases the distance between reader and narrator (even if only in an artificial way.) That said, I think having full amnesia was a mistake. Not only is it unrealistic (real amnesia is typically partial) but it's especially frustrating when she's the one narrating. It's fine as long as one of the men is the narrator but with her in the driver's seat, it simply leaves her empty. I think ignoring her name was fine. She might have wanted to forget or else crafted a new name for herself that she isn't willing to share or even simply but slyly glossing over it would work out. Giving her some vague memories of her past is more important. It doesn't have to be anything poignant. Simply something to make her feel like a person, in spite of everything that the Medic has done to her. Perhaps something to tie into her impressions of these nine very different people. Honestly, I feel perhaps it would've been better if it was more fleshed out. More showing, as someone else mentioned. I think the idea is fine, in and of itself. It might have even been extremely interesting if it had a twist at the end, where the main character actually woke up to find it was a dream. Either an IRL player or Ms. Pauling or even the Administrator. It being Admin would be weird as fuck and her reaction to it would be very interesting... It's definitely not how she'd act in that situation but dreams often contradict reality, so it's not impossible for her to have a dream that was obscenely weird and somewhat degrading. It might be even more interesting trying to explain why she'd ever have such a dream, though that would only work well if a) it was simply amateur guesses that 'd make sense to anyone or b) you felt like digging through some psychology for a 'better' answer. Off the top of my head, perhaps she was starting to feel trapped by her job as the Admin to their battles and she feared she was losing control of the mercenaries? Sorry I took forever to respond to this story, Mus. I had to think about this for a long time and look at other people's replies before I could even form a concise opinion. I love dreams in stories. Unfortunately, once they're in a story they need to abide by more literary qualities than an actual dream has or they need to be tied into such things, in order to make them truly amazing. >>27 A serious question then. Do you have any tips for writing first person? I rarely use it but sometimes it feels right and I am always looking for ways to improve. I think everyone here would be grateful for anything you could recommend, actually.