Very nice start for a first fic! You’ve definitely caught my interest. I hope you won’t mind a bit of critique, though. Your writing is good, but there are a few things you could do to make it even stronger and better at catching the reader’s attention. As >>2 mentioned, you have to watch your tense; you’re writing in past tense, but sometimes present tense verbs slip in (the last paragraph of the first part, for instance) and it breaks up the easy flow of the reading. It’s a shame, because your story reads pleasantly otherwise, so maybe just do an extra read-through with focus on that for your next instalment. You also have to watch your point of view; sometimes it slips from Scout and becomes... Sniper’s? Omniscient? For example: It startled the shit out of Scout, who had likely never been directly beside to a sniper rifle being shot before. The first part of the sentence is written very clearly in Scout’s voice, using a swearword to show the reader it’s his point of view, but the second part after the comma switches away from him—Scout obviously knows whether he’s been next to a firing sniper rifle before. If you remove ‘likely’, it’s better. If you describe Scout’s experience of the firing rifle, it’d be the best; how surprisingly loud it is to him, if he flinches, if he’s surprised Sniper doesn’t flinch at the sound, seeing Sniper’s body jerk from the recoil. It all helps to cement the point of view. Also, you do a fair bit of telling, not showing. For example: BOOM! a shot rang out, going through an engineer's skull How do we know the shot hit an Engineer? Our point-of-view character is Scout, so we can only know what he knows. You could describe him leaning out of the window to see Sniper’s target and spotting the now-headless Engineer; again, this would give you an opportunity to use Scout’s reactions to transfer his feelings to the reader. Is he impressed with the shot, does he recall close calls with Engineers and sentries himself, etc.? Is he leaning against Sniper to get a better view, does Sniper allow Scout to crowd his personal space, put a hand on his shoulder? This could all be used to show the dynamics of their developing friendship/relationship. These are just minor corrections, though. I hope you’ll consider them and not be discouraged, because I’m really liking your fic and looking forward to the next part. Please keep up the good work!