I liked the use of ingenuity in fighting the Spy at the beginning. However, kicking back with both feet while balancing on his hands would be hard and not have the same strength or precision as kicking with only one leg or very rapidly alternating kicks with one leg at a time. Btw, I still insist that punctuation before the last quotation would be better and it doesn't take that much time to add in. Unfortunately, I don't care for the use of parentheses here. Obvious Pseudonym switches POV style when using them but doesn't switch characters. Here, using them to translate Spy's French at points when the Engineer claims he can't understand it abruptly changes from Engineer to Spy and then back again. I feel it would have been better if you had made footnotes for the translations instead. Actually, Engie commenting on things when he knew the meaning was really all that was needed and some weren't necessary. Even if we don't know what ma jolie fleur is (apparently mon is correct when referring to men, btw, unless he was trying to insult him, or it's the whole male/female diction of specific words, or it was from being rusty) we can guess it's meant to be flattery or an insult. Not to mention, the second time the Spy repeated himself could have been indicated with a simple "I said" at the beginning of it. Also, I must have learned something from watching all those episodes of Wakfu. I recognized which words went with what for some of the translations. Heh! I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. C: I’ve just been a little, tense?†If this was to indicate a brief pause, it would be better to use ... in place of the , IMHO. Another option, which I like for interruptions or extremely sharp pauses is the — but YMMV. “Puttin the lab into lockdown†Repetition could have been avoided by simply saying he hit a button and then the strobe light came out. I need to also have a heart beat and say the magic word for it to work. And you can’t quite throw your voice like a good Texan, can you boy?†Not sure how it can detect a pulse without needing some sort of medical equipment but I'm sure the Engineer could manage it. However, throwing his voice isn't really the case since the machine won't care where it thinks the sound is coming from. It's more reaching the correct pitch and getting the accent right. Really, trying to goad the password out of Engineer should be something Spy would be good at but it would take time and considerable effort. Honestly, simply locking everything down and having his effects under a separate set of locks would just buy time but that's all that's necessary. No lock is perfect. All Spy needs is to subdue the Engineer enough but keep him alive to gain his freedom. “Parlez vous français?†(Do you speak French?) I think it would've made more sense if it was an exclamation of surprise or else had a description of the Spy visibly expressing doubt. I could feel the rough wool was damp, and this time I knew it wasn’t blood. Tears are one of those things that YMMV but I can't see Spy crying at this point. It's even a bit early for sweating with fear or uncertainty. He's been informed that he won't be tortured and the man is making an effort to speak to him in his native language, even if he is mocking him. I'd expect the Spy to tease Engie for not getting something right or else question why the Engineer is trying to be friendly because, for all the Engineer's scorn, he's actually making a connection between them just by talking with Spy at all. People who become friendly with hostages have a much harder time killing them or being unnecessarily harmful and the Spy should know that. It's more of a waiting game and hoping that the Engineer's demands aren't too disconcerting. And also, I forgot to mention†I pointed to the sentry that I was working on before, “those guys are still live. If I end up in a respawn room, you will end up in yours. Sans your purdy little expensive gadgets†Not really necessary; also I'd think a live sentry would have already killed the Spy if he was close enough. If Spy kills the Engineer without a sentry there, then he's simply trapped without his customary weapons and he knows the Engineer will probably bring the rest of the team to deal with him. Then he'll still die without getting his weapons back or end up recaptured with the entire team knowing he's there and possibly irritable that they had to get involved. He almost seemed to be liking it. If this was meant to be consensual, it would've been better to emphasize the way the Engineer was trying to relate to the Spy rather than how much he was threatening him. The Spy has plenty of reason to trust the Engineer, centering around my previous comments, and there are lots of ways to add to it. If Engie had healed him as well and been more up front about his desires, doing more to appeal to the Spy than to shake him up, then if the Spy is amicable to the idea he has more reason to feel as if he's playing along rather than being forced. But that's just my opinion. Admittedly, the Engineer may simply be misinterpreting the Spy's reactions but we have no reason to believe he's an unreliable narrator. I know it was meant to make him more dastardly but there's playful dastardly and then there's downright dastardly. Anything can be said with a difference in tone and have different meanings. I don't know, I just wasn't entirely sold on the "suddenly enjoying it" thing when the Engineer was initially acting like he wanted to be more fierce and Spy bought it, even though there was some groundwork behind the potential for a change towards consensual. I think it should have been Engineer's goal to reassure the Spy if he was hoping that the Spy would enjoy it, I guess. I peeled the sticky duct tape back Not at all necessary but I think it would've been funny if Spy had complained about the possibility of damaging his suit. It reminded me of the farm at home, and of chores of my childhood. I didn't understand what exactly that was referring to, considering he was in the middle of having sex. Maybe more elaboration was needed? inseminated Perfectly valid word but I laughed when I read that. All in all, it was hot but I again implore the consideration of trying to tie emotions in with the descriptions of what actions are being taken during the sex. Express why the Engineer has suddenly found the Spy desirable. “We do aim to please†I chuckled, the sweat beading on my forehead from the exertion. This was great but the rest of the paragraph read a little more like Ikea sex. Describing his body and what he's feeling with it and his mind is what really brings the whole thing together. There was some of that there, I know, but it can always use more. Next time I recommend writing the sex scene and finishing it, then going back over the sex and seeing how you can expand it. I'm not saying going overboard with purple prose or flowery euphemisms but simply see what you can add in to further describe the two characters during the act and how much they're enjoying it or simply what physiological actions are taking place, such a sweat or shared heat or breathing or anything. Then again, no one likes my porn scenes so what do I know? All I can explain is what I've done before when I wrote a sex scene that I felt was missing something and that's what I did to make it more awesome IMHO. D: