This was something I typed up before this next chapter of Poulette, but couldn't put up because I was traveling for a while. -- I can't explain why, but I don't really like this fic. It's not that it leaves me feeling really "unclean" or anything - on the contrary, it feels really emotionally distant like a lot of the Ikea fics I grew up seeing on FF.net. It brings up a lot of interesting concepts, but just leaves me feel really meh about everything. Maybe it's because you're trying so hard to keep things "Vague". Maybe it's because your character is shellshocked or something. But I'm sure the real reason is because you tend to "tell" us everything that happened and the character's feelings instead of "showing" it. Some things work better as a oneshot, and this is just not that kind of story. If I were you, I would do this all over again and dedicate at least a chapter to each of her (first?) experiences with the guys. With that being said, it's a real disappointment that no one has given the crit this story needs. Mimi came the closest, but I'm just in awe that people continued to lavish this fic with praise and say it's really spectacular, when it, in fact, needs a LOT of work, and I think is subpar to Chan standards. Mus, don't take this the wrong way. I'm happy you're here, and happier that we can help you improve. I just feel like the chan has gotten a little complacent and gives out compliments more freely now, as opposed to REALLY making you work for it. Troll fics and obviously bad neko kawaii bullshit aside. -- EDIT: Okay, I see you've added a chapter of narrative from someone else. It's pretty good, considering we can tell who it is without them expressly having their name mentioned, but it's still a little too much. Scout doesn't feel like a real person here - he sounds like a character, which is not what you want. Remember - all good things in moderation. Tone down his "voice" - once we get the first few hints, you don't have to keep bashing us over the head with THIS IS SCOUT. The last little sentence... paragraph thing could have been left out completely in my opinion, in fact. But I'll cut you some slack since it seems you just weren't too sure where to end it. This doesn't quite resolve all of my issues with this fic, though. One thing I'd also like to mention is that I'm not a fan of first person narratives. They are anus-burningly hard to do, and, honestly, I don't think you're there yet. Not even close. Try Third person. ALWAYS start with third person, then branch out. Like I said, still not sold, but I'll keep my eye on this, sense I think you have potential.