One piece of constructive critique coming up! First off, let’s start with the paratext, the part of your post that isn’t the actual story. The paratext is very, very important; if the paratext is bad, people won’t bother reading far enough to find the fic. Um yeah, this is the first TF2 fic I'm writing, I'm hoping to get some constructive crit and not people who want to murder me for even typing this sentence. Generally, it’s a bad idea to open a post with this. You’re trying to sell your readers this fic, you want them to invest their time in reading what you have to say. Making assumptions about their reaction is a red flag that either discourages people from reading your fic or makes them read it with an attitude of ‘this will probably suck’. For your own sake, save such comments for after the fic—or better yet, don’t make them at all. It’s okay to admit to being a new writer, but doing it like this won’t make you friends. I am completely relying on google translate for french. Don’t. There’s nothing more jarring to the reading experience than coming across badly translated foreign language, especially if it’s not foreign to your readers. Look up phrases on Google; there are whole pages devoted to grammatically correct lists of things you might want to say in a foreign language. Or better yet, leave out the foreign dialogue entirely. Readers find it annoying when they can’t understand the characters’ lines. For that matter, don’t fall into the trap of showing your characters’ accents by peppering their dialogue with translated words. If you listen to Spy’s in-game responses, he doesn’t do this; his French is limited to swearing, ‘merde’ and ‘mon Dieu’. He says ‘you disgust me’, not ‘you disgust moi’. Similarly, don’t type out Sniper’s accent phonetically. Don’t write ‘Oi’ for ‘I’. Sniper wouldn’t write his own lines like this! For specific words unique to a regional accent, a phonetic spelling is acceptable; Sniper might say ‘chooks’ for chickens, Engineer ‘ain’t for ‘aren’t’, Demo ‘didnae’ for ‘didn’t’, but writing ‘Oi’ or ‘Spah’ jars the reader and makes them abandon your fic. Please forgive me if the title doesn't match, I couldn't think of anything else. Don’t ask your readers to forgive you for not doing your best. If you really can’t think of a title, just don’t mention it. Don’t draw attention to it. Also, the keywords in story titles are capitalised, ‘I Won’t Hurt You’, and they don't take full stops after. Well, enough about the paratext. Here are a couple of pointers for the actual fic: Capitalise RED and BLU. The company names are abbreviations, not colour descriptions. All three letters should be capitalised, not just the first. 2. Show, don’t tell. You have a lot of exposition in your text, telling the reader what is going on. Dialogue and action are the two carrying elements of fiction, the ‘showing part’ of ‘show, don’t tell’, yet you have 3,500+ characters of exposition before the first line of dialogue—that’s one and a half standard pages in MS Word! Nobody is going to want to read all of that. I didn’t. I skimmed straight through until I found the first set of quotation marks—and I didn’t miss anything either. Your exposition doesn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know. Soldier is loud, Heavy hates when people touch his sandviches or Sasha—it’s useless information because we already know the characters. If you want to catch your readers’ attention, open with action and/or dialogue. Cut away the first six paragraphs and get us right into the thick of it! Make us want to know what happens next. This line, "Hah, perhaps you aren't as ignorant as I thought you were, bushman." would be the perfect opening. It’d hook the readers right from the start. What made Spy change his opinion of Sniper’s intelligence? What is going on since he’s saying this? The readers want to know more. That’s how you open a story! "[...] Oi'm not gonna torture you spook, just wanna enjoy myself while Oi got ya tied up." The sniper didn't bother to unwind the tie from around the Spy's neck and nearly choked him to death as he wound it around his captive's gloved hands. You can’t tell a man not to worry, you won’t hurt him, and then almost choke him to death. Watch out for inconsistencies between your characters’ words and actions; unless they’re deliberate because the characters themselves are deeply conflicted, they shouldn’t be there. "P-please, n-non, don't do this!" He pleaded, his voice cracking up as he resorted to shameless begging in hopes of getting out of the situation he was in. I don’t think Spy would be begging, certainly not since you’ve established that respawn exists in your fictional universe. Honour means more to him than pain, especially when a quick trip through respawn would remove all injuries. It’d take a lot more than being captured by Sniper to make Spy stutter and beg. the Spy whimpered like a wounded puppy Again, Spy doesn’t whimper. Have you ever heard him whimper in the game? He’d resort to insulting Sniper’s national heritage and parents and lifestyle, asking him outright if Sniper is going to rape him and then mock his inability to find a willing partner, not whimper like a puppy. Be careful not to let your characters slip out of character. Well, that’s all for now, constructive critique courtesy of me and nobody murdered either. Welcome to TF2chan.