>>141 >>140 I don't know if "rushed" or "sudden," are quite the words that come to mind. I suppose they could apply, if I they were the only words I had available to explain what's going on. Fortunately, I have access to many words, so I can say that "distracted," is probably more accurate. I get the sense that you've got so much going on in the story that you're just not at the liberty to really put yourself in the moment and create "the experience." I can almost feel you writing your way through your mental checklist, just making sure that the basics are there and in order. By the way, for what I'm assuming is just a first or second draft on a story this complex, that's perfectly fine. In fact it's great that you're aware of your limitations, and can divide the job of writing into manageable pieces. But you've stopped after you got the plot onto paper. Obviously, getting the plot onto the paper is a good thing, but afterwards, you're going to have to go back, switch gears, and start to feel the nuances of what you're writing. Basically, flesh it out in revision. Anyway, I like this instalment. It's not too much or too little. It's enjoyable to read. It doesn't feel rushed, or distracted. Maybe a little sudden, but it's just been, what, a month since I've read about the dead REDs? I'd forgotten about them. I will say that because you are having the aforementioned trouble wrangling all your many plot threads, I wonder about the wisdom of adding Heavy and Medic's relationship to the fray. As a reader, I'm having a hard time keeping track of all these subplots. HeavyxMedic is so self-explanatory, and so generally-accepted in the slash community that I really don't think you need to develop their relationship in order to use them as a plot device. If you're not planning to use them as a plot device, and you just want to develop them for their own sake, then I would suggest transplanting it from Our Lost Kingdoms, and letting it grow on its own. Take a day off to write a short story where Heavy wishes that he could better serve his beloved Medic, and Pyro gives him unintelligible relationship advice, or whatever it is that you want to write, but let it be separate from Our Lost Kingdoms. You've just got too many plot bunnies for one story.