119 Pyro did go to Medic that night, but it was for a reason that I more or less forgot to explain. Yeah, it was lazy and bad writing, I agree. The main thing is he didn't want to get in trouble when Medic found him, with the doors unlocked, in the morning. Obviously he couldn't have locked the doors back up from the inside. I guess he did kind of snuggle-cuddle. I will fix this. I named Spy and Heavy because they aren't quite as mindless... but yeah, they still are, aren't they. Well fuck. "I also want to note that the very fact you’re treating rape scenes as ‘filler’ speaks volumes. I’m not certain about what, but it really struck me as bizarre in a very bad way." Yes, we have established that I am fucked in the head. P.s. It's not because he's black. I'm surprised it took this long for someone to say it though. 118 "Shit flinging": I intentionally asked these questions because I want to know how to make this better. I can't make it better unless I know exactly what's wrong. The things you said are not shit-flinging (in my opinion); they are exactly what I asked for and I thank you for fulfilling my request. "The problem is that you’ve given us no reason to believe that you’re going anywhere good with it. We’ve seen a very consistent pattern of shallow characters with shallow motivations, actions and event sequences that don’t make any sense—for what sane reason should we expect that it’s all miraculously going to get better if we just keep reading?" You have an excellent point and I understand completely. That whole paragraph answers a LOT of my questions. "Grabbing your readers and keeping them interested is part of your job." Again, I agree. I'm not mad that Cat Bountry said those things, I just wish it had been... not so mean, I guess. (I'm an insecure little shit.) "Write about it like it’s a hideous deformation, because to Pyro, that’s more or less what it is. " Agreed. A lot of what you wrote makes complete sense and answers my questions entirely. "They have to rationalise it somehow, if they're going to live with themselves." ... I didn't think about it that way. I never really thought about the POV of the rapist because... well, rape is terrible and ugly and I can't comprehend how one COULD rationalize it, even to themselves. "“Who is exhibiting signs of Stockholm and how?†Well damn. That would be pretty much classic Stockholm, wouldn't it. I was trying to portray that the situation didn't suck as much as it could have, and Pyro was relieved about it. "Because lawlspy is a nice person, and was willing to sacrifice *his time to read your story and give you feedback in order to help you improve, even though the story wasn’t for him. That’s normal behaviour in healthy writing communities." That answers my question completely. "is breaking a shoulder and killing a few people really the best fight he can muster?" No, I guess it really isn't. "A good story only works if each character has the specific traits necessary to fulfil their role in that story." I didn't mean the actual characters, I meant the names. Technically, couldn't one change the names in any story and make it apply to any other fandom? 121 "You've basically reduced each and every one of the characters to being mouthpieces of rape culture. There's the hapless victim and the bland, rationalizing frenzy of the rapists." I see that now and understand. "Yes, there's group mentality, but to simply disregard the structure of rape and how and why it happens is bad writing." You are right, you are so right I want to punch myself in the face for being such a shit. "What disturbs me is that you appear to have no intention of dealing with these problems. People are expected to stop by, leave love and affirmation and sometimes a wee bit of critique, and be on their way. Any concrit is rejected and the story marches forward without improvement. Even this post attempts to rationalize away the problems that are pointed out." No man, I have asked all of these questions because I WANT to know how to take care of these problems. Like I said above, I'm kind of an idiot and need to know exactly why people feel the way they do about something so that I can properly and completely address it. Final Notes: You guys are right. Now that things have been explained more fully, I completely understand why this is considered so terrible. It, well, it is. It is terrible and makes no goddamn sense. I want to thank those who have responded, and I want to thank those who may respond in the future in advance. This is really helping me and damnit, this story will be fixed. THIS I VOW.