>>118 And here I was thinking I would abstain from shit-flinging. Alas, the pipes are calling. “ lot of criticism regards plot threads that have begun but not finished yet. Many have taken this to mean that I am lazy, but I assure you that is not the case. They are merely threads that have not been answered yet.†The problem isn’t that we haven’t seen where you’re going with an idea. The problem is that you’ve given us no reason to believe that you’re going anywhere good with it. We’ve seen a very consistent pattern of shallow characters with shallow motivations, actions and event sequences that don’t make any sense—for what sane reason should we expect that it’s all miraculously going to get better if we just keep reading? If you want to employ subplots that won’t make sense until later on, that’s fine. But in the meantime you’ve got to keep us convinced that you’re going somewhere with this. You need credibility. The things that don’t make sense yet should be utterly overwhelmed by the things that make sense immediately. If the vast majority of the things you’ve written thus far appear to have reason and purpose, then we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on the couple of things we’re not sure about. Instead of saying, “Your Sniper is a one-sided rape machine,†we’ll say, “Please keep writing because I’m dying to find out why your Sniper is acting like a one-sided rape machine.†“I would like to understand how you feel comfortable criticizing something that you admit that you haven't read even a tenth of.†Grabbing your readers and keeping them interested is part of your job. You failed to keep Cat Bountry interested, and Cat Bountry was kind enough to tell you why. *He doesn’t need to read your entire story to know why the first chapter made him decide to quit. It hardly matters how the story ends, anyway, if you can’t get readers to keep reading. “Pyro's genitals are frequently referred to, I admit, but what else can I do? Would simply not mentioning them at all be confusing or weird?†You would refer to them in a way that a transman would prefer: As infrequently as possible whilst still making sense, and in a very unflattering tone. You’ve got plenty of options for talking about Pyro’s genitalia, from the very sterile approach [“My vagina,â€] to the abrasive [“My goddamned motherfucking cunt, damnit,â€] to complete rejection [“That thing between my legs,â€] and everything in between. In fact really the only thing that isn’t acceptable is talking about it like it’s beautiful or… quivering and velvety or whatever it was you were calling it. Write about it like it’s a hideous deformation, because to Pyro, that’s more or less what it is. †Could you please explain exactly how this story okays rape? This is completely unintentional and I want to change it.†You portray rape in a gratuitous way, describing it in pornographic language and stretching it out long beyond the point of necessity or believability. You’ve chosen to portray rapists with the identities of characters originally designed to be lighthearted and endearing. Apparently six out of nine lighthearted and endearing people are rapists. Or was it seven out of nine? I lost count. You’ve chosen to portray rape victims as complacent fools, overlooking countless opportunities to escape, without so much as a handwave as to why those opportunities for escape aren’t taken. “ Is there ever an excuse? People rape for no reason and without provocation all the time. If anything, the lack of an "excuse" makes it more legitimate, does it not?†Rapists most certainly donot “rape for no reason.†There are always reasons. Terrible reasons, yes. Sometimes the reasons are so bad that even the rapist doesn’t want to admit to having them. But there are still reasons. Especially for rapists who otherwise function quite normally. They have to rationalise it somehow, if they're going to live with themselves. “Who is exhibiting signs of Stockholm and how?†Quothe the Author: “Pyro sighed, strangely content despite his intrinsic hatred for the man. Nothing hurt. Instead he was cuddled in warm, soft sheets that smelled like Medic’s aftershave. ‘I knew you were a good boy,’ Medic murmured to him and kissed the top of his head, kissed his cheek, kissed his lips chastely. Pyro let his body relax into the soft mattress. So, so much better than the hard metal tables in respawn.†“…if it's not worth your time then why exactly have you taken the time to read it and respond?†Because lawlspy is a nice person, and was willing to sacrifice *his time to read your story and give you feedback in order to help you improve, even though the story wasn’t for him. That’s normal behaviour in healthy writing communities. “ Pyro has fought back, he has shot Spy, killed Sniper and Engineer, and broken Sniper's shoulder. A far cry from being utterly helpless, I'd say.†It’s rather helpless for a guy who has a flamethrower, a contract, legal rights, nine enemy mercenaries who would love to help him kill his rapists, and no particular fear of dying. It’s one thing to be raped, and another thing entirely to hang around in a place where you’ve been raped before and know you’ll be raped again, working alongside people who have raped you before and who will rape you again. Even if he can’t escape, he’s still a professional killer, who presumably sends dozens of people to respawn on a given working day—is breaking a shoulder and killing a few people really the best fight he can muster? “Couldn't one do that with pretty much any story though?†No. Good God No. And if you think you can replace the Spy in “Our Lost Kingdoms†with Mr. Bean, or the Scout in “Diaries are For Wimps†with John Rambo with no negative effects, there’s your problem. A good story only works if each character has the specific traits necessary to fulfil their role in that story. *All pronouns are fuck I don’t care it’s Team Fortress everything is masculine.