>>103 >>104 If that was a mistake, I'm sorry. No, no. I think, after having read everything that you've said in your replies, the key problem is that you have a very complex and complicated idea that is having some trouble showing through in the narrative because of the format. It's fine to leave some things in the dark or purely based on contextual reading or to leave it up to the reader to decide. But you have thought this through and you have some very clear concepts backing up your story, which do make a lot of sense and explain the parts that lead to confusion and possible frustration. I think it's simply harder to show in first person, especially if the POV character simply can't or won't explain these things as directly as possible to whoever is interviewing them. I think the vignette format, which breaks it up into pieces, is also ruining the pacing somewhat because there's very little sense of time. Up 'till this point, the classes haven't really talked to each other about Angel except in the most superficial way (I chose this as a reflection of manly closed-mouth-ness in 1968), but things will change now that Heavy and Sniper are starting to talk. Hrmmm. I can see that. It's also kind of a weird topic to broach. I guess my real question is... are they angry and do they have anyone they view as an actual friend amongst the team? This is the real issue that holds me back from suspending disbelief, as I have vented before when I've simply had all I can take. Things one doesn't necessarily discuss with acquaintances may be spoken with even semi-remote friends, so long as they're viewed as friends. I pretty much have and do live the plight Sniper has (though I couldn't say how deep a depression I get into.) Even if he feels the rifts between himself and everyone else, he may have formulated what is ostensibly friendship with at least one person (he may even be fine at making friends but horrible at keeping them or something like that. It depends on why the rifts are actually there.) Especially if he views the team in a familial way. Then again, none of my personal experience has really dealt with rape. I recognize that silence specifically regarding that does happen even when it shouldn't. But if they liked her before, I simply feel the breaking point would have been reached sooner with someone they're comfortable talking to. Not necessarily to the right person but someone at least. I suppose it depends on how close they were to her to begin with. Again, I feel this is an issue brought on more from the narration technique and prior planning. It's a matter of trying to add the answers in after the fact and being forced to work with what came before so that it feels less organic even when it is entirely the result of an organic attempt to extrapolate. If, as a random example, most of it had been from in-depth alternating POVs by Sniper and Heavy it might have helped. It would show they were simply trying to bide their time, to get a feel for what exactly was going on and who would back them, before taking decisive action. Some of the interviewing, to give the other classes's POV, would have been lost but not all of it. Then the character interaction, as they tentatively spoke with the rest of the team about her, would help to bring a lot of things to light. It would make the pacing and flow of time more apparent and also make it clearer why Sniper and Heavy didn't act immediately. They're trying to combat the wall of silence surrounding them and they are smart enough to make plans before potentially throwing themselves to the wolves. If they can get Demo and Scout to back them, they have a force to be reckoned with but they still might be facing five of their own team mates. There is also plausible suspicion regarding any interaction with Spy or anyone else if they think Spy might be onto them. That said, regarding the theme of forced sexual slavery for various real world armed forces, I think it's best to keep in mind that these men aren't an actual army. In some ways they are but in many other important ways they aren't. Of course, I might be talking out of my ass regarding everything. These are my thoughts and every single one of them might be incorrect. >>105 I hope she gets a happy ending. Happy ending... That sentence made me laugh. I'm sorry. I have a horrible mind.